


Not Only The Mind

by ForgetmeNot_Fireweed



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Accidents, Amnesia, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Brain Damage, But not by major characters, Canon Compliant, Deception, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Falling In Love, First Time, Flashbacks, Force Bond, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Visions, Grey Jedi, Married Life, Married Reylo, Pre TROS Cannon Compliant, Redeemed Ben Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Baby, Secret Wedding, Time Hops, True Love, clone war era tech, falling back in love, force academy, jedi academy, you'll see what that means
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2020-03-01 10:03:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 145,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18798133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForgetmeNot_Fireweed/pseuds/ForgetmeNot_Fireweed
Summary: It's been almost three years since the fall of the First Order. Three years since Ben Solo met Rey in the middle- in the grey. Three years since they secretly married on Naboo. Three beautiful, peaceful years, spent rebuilding the galaxy and creating a new order, together. But a past mistake returns to haunt them with extreme repercussions.Rey wakes from a sabotaged test flight without a single memory of the last three years, and her first question is why the hell Kylo Ren is In her room, completely unaware that he is her husband, the man she'd been trying to start a family with for over a year, the one who's idea it was to build a new academy. Will her memories return, or can she learn to trust this man again- and what's more, to love him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello beautiful humans and Reylo lovers! This is my first fic on AO3, and I'm super excited about it! I'm very bad at summaries, so if you clicked on the story anyways, I thank you! I hope you enjoy it, and I'll be updating in the next week! Love and Starwars forever, Forgetmenot-Fireweed

She senses that she’s waking up slowly. Someone’s holding her hand again. It feels nice. It’s warm and strong and solid...and the voice she’s connected with it is comforting and deep and rich. She’s not quite sure how she’s ended up here. She’d been on the Falcon on her way to find Luke Skywalker- and after that she remembers nothing. Maybe they’d crashed? No. that didn’t seem quite right. Pushing the force through her body like Leia had taught her she can feel no injuries there. The pain all seems concentrated in her head. 

“You’re safe Rey. Just rest and come back to me.” The voice urges gently. It’s so familiar, and yet she cannot place it. But she feels the truth in it’s words and she lets her mind rest again. She’s safe. She’s warm. He’s watching over her. He loves her.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
She's having the nightmare again- the one where her parents leave. Only this time she can't wake up, can't escape. She's trapped. She's drowning in it- 

And out of nowhere the dream shifts. She's wearing a dress- something she's never done- a very simple gray dress that falls to her knees and covers her arms and her collar bones. Her hair is down, and she doesn't recognize this version of herself...so soft and smiling and happy. Almost as if she's seeing herself through someone else's eyes. She's in a meadow, barefoot in the grass and running through the rain, and she's laughing. 

She knows this is someone else's point of view when she hears the rich laughter that sounds so much like the gentle voice in her head, and strong arms catch her around the waist, lifting her off of her feet and spinning her even as she jokingly tells him to stop. 

“You're ridiculous, you know.” she says, her own voice sounding strange to her ears. 

“And yet you love me anyways.” 

“Maker help me, I really do.” her eyes are glittering with so much affection. 

She doesn't dream after that. She just drifts back into her current state of blankness.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The hand is stroking her hair this time, so very gently. She can’t remember the last time someone had touched her like this. Leia had embraced her before she’d left, but this touch feels so familiar and warm, like it’s coming from someone who’s stroked her hair like this a million times before. 

Had her mother ever done this? Stroked her hair away from her forehead and whispered words of comfort in her ear? She honestly can’t remember. She remembers so little from before Jakku, and the endless piles of sand and days of blazing, burning sun. 

The voice sounds worried and sad, so endlessly sad. Her heart aches for him, and she wants to be able to say something- to say anything- to look at the face of the man who had been there every minute she had. 

But she’s tired, oh so tired, and the motion of his hand in her hair puts her to sleep.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Her eyes fly open, revealing a brightly lit room. She’s in a bed, connected to tubes and needles. There’s a ton of bacta surrounding her body and she blinks against the light. She doesn’t recognize this room at all- except for the fact that she’d visited Finn in a room like this before she’d left. 

So its a medical suite. Well, clearly she’d been injured. She opens her eyes again and scans the room slowly. It’s sparsely decorated, and it smells chemically clean. She flexes her fingers and stretches every stiff muscle she can. From the lack of use, it’s clear to her that she must have been in bed for at least a few days if not longer. She stretches her arms above her head and arches her back- and that’s when she sees him. 

Fear and rage coil inside of her. 

Because there, slumped over a too small chair is Kylo Ren, fast asleep. 

Was this the First Order? Had she been captured by them? Had they found the Falcon? That was the only explanation. Where was Chewie? Had he lived? She swallows the bile that rises in her throat and forces herself to remain as calm as possible. There would be no way out if she couldn’t keep her head. He was sleeping- he’d underestimated her on Starkiller and he was clearly underestimating her now. Even in a medical gown, covered in bacta patches, and without any real weapon, she could certainly hold her own against him. she was a Jakku girl- scavenger, he’d called her as if it had been her name- and a Jakku Scavenger was nothing if not resourceful. 

Once she was out of the bed she’d probably have five minutes at the most before troopers rushed in, medics having noticed her monitor changing or going dead. And that was a high estimate. She had the tubing- it would have to do. She sits up as slowly as possible and swings her legs over the edge of the bed, careful not to make a sound. The excess tubing attached to her arm would be more than enough to wrap around his throat- she only had to keep it there long enough for him to lose air flow and then consciousness. After that she could certainly find another way to dispatch him-

Her stomach churns violently at the thought as she stares at him. Somehow he looks...different than she recalled. His skin is still pale, but his mask is nowhere to be seen. And his clothing...a dark blue tunic under a black vest and black trousers, so unlike his battle gear. His hair is as full and shiny as she remembered it being- though why such a detail was fixed in her mind she could not explain, but the fact remained that she didn’t want him to die. Not by her own hand, perhaps not by anyone's. So she’d have to sneak away. She’d done it the last time, she could do it again now. 

The moment her feet make contact with the floor she knows she’s made an error. Her head is spinning and she loses balance- and then his hands are around her waist and she’s frozen. For a moment they stare into each other's eyes- she’d forgotten just how dark and captivating his were.

“Rey…” He breathes, his lips quirking into a slight smile. 

“Monster!” the next sound to fill the room is the crack of her fist against his nose as she punches him with all of her strength. The alarms on her monitors are going haywire- and Kylo Ren doesn’t even have the decency to let her go or fight back- he doesn’t even look angry- just confused? She pulls out of his arms and lets out a cry of distress as needles and tubes rip from her arms. 

“Hey- Rey, calm down!” He lays a hand on her shoulder again, and she jumps back. 

“Don’t touch me!” she grabs onto the nearest thing she can reach- some sort of stand that’s now leaking fluids everywhere- and brandishes it as a weapon. 

“Rey?” he asks, his voice tentative. They stare at eachother, chests heaving, but neither moves. “Rey what's going on? Talk to me, please?”

“What's going on?!” she scoffs. “Seems like you know more than me Kylo Ren.” 

“Kylo Re- Rey, I havent-” his question is cut off by the door flying open. 

“What the hell is going on here?!” 

“Leia!” Rey runs into her arms and the smaller woman embraces her tightly, and somehow, even though the General is tiny, she feels safe in her arms. “We have to get out of here, before he calls for help- he- why hasn’t he already?” 

“Rey, slow down.” Leia says, clasping her face in her hands and brushing away a few tears with her thumb. Her dark eyes fly past her face to the face of her son. “What’s going on kid? You okay? Your nose is bleeding.” 

“She punched me.” Kylo huffs, and Rey looks over her shoulder at him. 

“Good to see the accident didn’t mess with her right hook.” Leia offers. “Come on. Let’s get you back into bed.” 

“No- I don’t- what? WHat the hell is going on?” Rey gapes, her eyes flying between mother and son as she pulls away from Leia and reaches for her makeshift weapon again. 

“Mom, I think something’s wrong.” 

“No, whyever would you think that?” 

“Mom? What right do you have to call her that? After what you did to her- to your own father!” Rey growls, and this time the monster looks more like she’d hit him than when she actually had. “Murderer!” 

“Rey, honey, come on, sit down.” Leia insists firmly. 

“No! Not with him in the room- how can you- why is he here? Or why are you here? Where am I?” 

“You’re on Chandrillia, Rey. The seat of the new Republic, remember?” Leia asks. Rey’s brow knits together as she shakes her head. “Then what do you remember?” 

“I...I was on the Falcon with Chewie.” She begins slowly. 

“Yes, and?” Leia prompts. 

“We were going to find Luke Skywalker.” Leia’s face grows pale. “What is it? Is it Chewie? Did he- did he not make it?” 

“No, no, Chewbacca is fine, Rey. Everything is fine. Everyone is fine.” Leia assures her. “Is that really the last thing you remember?” Rey nods. 

“Well that’s just fan-kriffing-tastic!” Kylo groans, and Rey shoves him with the force. He seems to sense it coming and barely waivers on his feet, but he lets out a quiet growl. “Stop that!” 

“Snake!” Rey growls back equally as fierce. 

“Ben, I think you’d better go.” Leia insists. 

“What? No, I’m-”

“What’s going on in here? BB-8 said- Rey? Holy Kriff!” Finn rushes into the room to embrace her and Rey’s eyes grow wide. 

“Finn! You’re awake!” She gasps, and Finn laughs. 

“I think I’m the one who should be saying that to you peanut!” 

“Oh Rey! Good to see you back among the living.” A man with dark hair says from the doorframe. He looks familiar- she’d seen him once or twice visiting Finn in the med unit. 

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Rey asks, and his eyes narrow. 

“Who am I?” The man chuckles. “Come on kid, I’m not that forgettable am I?” 

“Rey, this is Poe Dameron...don’t you remember?” Leia asks and Rey shakes her head. She feels as if her head is too full and yet it’s too empty, like something is missing and yet there’s no more room! “Finn go get some medics.” 

“What- I still don’t understand what’s going on!” Rey clutches at Finn’s arm as he tries to leave. “What happened? Why do we need medics? Is this the new base? Why the hell isn’t anyone else at all concerned about the fact that Kylo Ren is here?!” 

“Holy shit- she really doesn’t remember?” Poe asks, his brows rising in shock. 

“Remember what?!” Rey cries. 

“The last three years apparently.” Poe mutters but she hears. Her head starts to swim. 

“Three years? What is he talking about?” Rey asks, turning back to the General. And she does look older. Her hair has a bit more gray, there are a few more lines wrinkling around her eyes. Rey reaches up to touch her hair, finding it in a long braid down her back. Too long- much longer than it had been, falling just below her ribcage. “No. No no no...no!” The world starts to grow hazy, and the last thing she hears is that soothing, gentle voice crying out her name.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Squad receives Rey's diagnosis, and the Doctor has some very controversial ideas as to what will be the best way to proceed. In the past, we get a glimpse at the morning of the accident, and some married Reylo. Back in the present, Ben gets a clue about who was behind the accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my fabulous readers! I wasn't going to post another chapter so soon, but honestly, I'm the sort of person who'd get way too excited over reviews, and I was so flattered that a couple of you spent the time to review (And more of you to leave kudos!) I decided it was time to post another chapter anyways! There are a lot of flashbacks in the story, starting with one in this chapter. The flashbacks are the text between the lines that look like "*********" and each time break will have a rough estimate for how long ago the event took place. Thanks so much for reading and commenting- you feed my soul!

“We’ve put her under sedation so she doesn’t pull out her needles again.” Doctor Kolonia explains as she checks the tubes connected to Rey’s arms. “And to let her mind rest.” 

“Doctor, what’s going on?” Ben demands, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “You said- when we brought her in, you said the damage was minor, that she’d wake in a few days “right as rain”.”

“We couldn’t give her a full scan when she wasn’t awake. Sometimes it’s difficult to see the full extent of an injury to the human mind until it’s active.” 

“So what’s wrong with her?” Finn asks. 

“Amnesia from the looks of it.” The doctor says with a frown. 

“So she doesn’t remember anything?” Ben asks as his nails dig into his palms. 

“Not from the last three years. If what Leia told me is correct, the last thing she remembers is being on the falcon with Chewbacca.” 

“So she wouldn’t know about the end of the war or anything else.” Poe sighs and runs a hand over his face. 

“I’m afraid not.” 

“Kriff!” Ben shouts, and his fist collides with the wall. 

“Calm down Solo!” Poe says, coming to his side to put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s going to be fine- when she wakes up we just tell her what’s going on, and everything will be fine!”

“Actually, it’s not quite so simple.” THe doctor says, and all eyes turn to her. “Of course we’ll have to explain that some time has passed, but throwing too many details of her life at her at once could be catastrophic to her mind’s healing process. We need to tell her as little as possible while helping her ease back into her daily routine. That’s the best thing for her memory.” 

“So we get her out of the med unit and back to the temple to help with the younglings?” Leia asks, cocking her brow. 

“Yes. After we’ve explained that the war is over, and that Kylo Ren is no more.” The Doctor nods. 

“But do we tell her that he’s-”

“No. no, I wouldn’t yet.” The doctor shakes his head and Ben’s heart feels like it actually skips a beat. 

“What?” 

“Mr. Solo, you saw the state that seeing you put her into. She needs time to learn that you can be trusted. That you aren’t the man she remembers you being. If we told her now, there’s a chance she wouldn’t believe us. There’s a chance she wouldn’t trust any of us at all, that she’d try to run away, physically or mentally. You don’t want that, do you?” 

“No! Of course not!” Ben grumbles, and clenches his fists again. “How long?” 

“How long?” 

“How long will she be like this?” 

“There’s no exact amount of time-”

“How. Long.” He says through gritted teeth. 

“Sometimes a patient recalls their former life within hours of waking. Sometimes the memories don’t return at all. There’s just no way of knowing.” 

“She- she might lose everything?” Finn asks, but Ben doesn’t hear the answer. His eyes fall on Rey- she looks so untroubled in her sleep, but her force signature is mottled. The connection between them feels like it’s been wrapped in gauze, and he hates it. He feels the absence of her profoundly, like an ache in his bones. When she’d woken and looked at him with her wide, expressive hazel eyes, he’d thought...oh he’d thought...

“This is my fault.” Ben says, interrupting whatever conversation they’d been having before. “I should never have let her go- something was off, in the force that morning, and I should have caught it, stopped it!” 

“Son, this isn’t your fault. None of us knew! There was no way that we could know.” Leia insists as she lays her hand on his shoulder. “And she would never have let you keep her back. You know that.” He does. He does know that. But it’s so much easier to blame himself than to blame her at all. 

Because she is perfect. She’s his light. His soul. His salvation. His wife. 

And she doesn’t remember any of it. 

She doesn’t remember the hesitant first conversations over the force bond-  
The soft touch of their finger tips-

Him killing Snoke for her-

The betrayal-

The growing back together-

The first hesitant kiss they’d shared over the bond-

The first kiss in person-

Everything he’d given up and done for her. She’d forgotten it all. 

“Ben, I swear I won’t leave you. Not again. Not now, not ever. I...I love you. And I always will.” The words she’d spoken had once filled him with such hope, and now they felt like they were mocking him. No, she hadn’t left him- but she had forgotten him. Forgotten everything they’d shared except for one horrible day that happened three and a half years ago. Before she’d changed the galaxy. Before she’d changed him. And if she never remembered…

He’s running from the room before anyone can stop him. He’s running out of the building altogether, his hand clutching his saber as he finds the large rock garden, and he ignites it, the hazy purple beam lighting up the dusky air. He slashes through a large statue, and then another, not caring a bit that he’ll have to pay for this all later. Credits aren’t worth anything to him- what does he need with credits if he doesn’t have Rey? He lets out an anguished cry that echos off of the stones around him and falls to his knees, the saber clattering against the ground and stuttering off. The hand that lands on his back is warm and familiar, almost paternal. 

“Come back inside little Ben.” Chewie says, and Ben shakes his head. 

“She doesn't remember, Uncle Chewie. She doesn't remember any of it.” the wookie pulls him to his feet and looks him in the eye. 

“Sunshine is strong in body and in mind. She will remember again. She's too stubborn to forget everything she's worked for.” 

“Her eyes...she hasn't looked at me like that in so long.” he rasps, and the wookie wraps him in his arms. He smells like sunshine and leaves and his childhood before everything fell apart. “What if she doesn't remember?” 

“She forgave you and loved you once while you were lost. You're much easier to love now. Don't be afraid little Ben. Sunshine loves you, and love is not so easily forgotten.”

“seemed pretty forgotten to me.” 

“Love is not only in the mind, but in the heart, the spirit, and the blood. She might not remember right now, but she loves you. She loves you with everything that she is. And she won't forget.” and for the first time in a long, long time, Ben breaks down weeping in his uncle's warm embrace.   
***************************************************One Week Prior*******************************************************************************************  
She gasps as she wakes up to her husband’s lips at the juncture of her thighs and instantly her fingers tangle in his dark hair. His lips curl into a smile and he looks up at her with his dark eyes, pupils blown wide with lust. 

“Good morning.” He says, his voice husky with sleep and something else. 

“I’ll say.” Rey smirks and he laughs as he goes back to his task. Her back arches up of it’s own accord and she muffles a whimper into her pillow. 

“You know, one of the perks of living away from the school is that you don’t have to be quiet. It’s basically the whole reason I bought a kriffing house.” He communicates over the bond, and she rolls her eyes. 

“I’m not...that loud!” She gasps and he stops and looks up at her incredulously. For a moment they just stare and she huffs in defeat. “Fine, yes, I’m loud, now finish what you kriffing started Benjamin Chewbacca Solo!” 

“You know that isn’t my middle name, Right?” He asks, cocking a brow at her. 

“It’s much funnier than “Benjamin Bail Organa Solo”.” She reasons, and he just shrugs and dives back between her legs with lazy enthusiasm. When she finally comes, it’s long and draw out, a feeling that rocks her entire body for what feels like an endless amount of time. He kisses her navel, and rests his cheek on her breast as it rises and falls rapidly. 

“Good morning.” he says again, and she pulls him up to access his lips. 

“It's about to be.” she giggles as she wraps her legs around his hips and presses up against his obvious desire. 

“I uh, I dont know if we have time…” he mumbles half heartedly. 

“What? Are they going to start the test flight without me? I'm the kriffing pilot, Ben. So just hurry up and screw me already!” she orders with a good natured air. He doesn't have to be told twice- after all, he was always very good at taking orders. Or he had been until she came into the picture. 

“I love you so force damned much Rey Solo.” he pants between kisses pressed all across her collar bones and throat and she moans in response, but he knows what she wants to hear- what she needs to hear. “Rey Solo, my beautiful, perfect wife. Rey Solo.” 

“Oh Ben!” she gasps and pulls him in for another kiss. Every time since the first time with her husband, she'd never felt more complete than she did when they were like this. He'd given up so much for her- given her so much, even a last name, and she loved him for it. Their bond is absolutely singing when they're together like this, when his skin is pressed to her own and their hearts are beating in sync. “Oh I love you too!” 

She beats him to climax by a fraction of a minute, and he collapses against her, every line of his long, muscular body pressed against hers. She keeps her arms and legs twined around him, holding him close to her chest despite his protests that he’s going to crush her. She just shakes her head and kisses him again. 

“You’re the most beautiful creature in the galaxy, do you know that?” He asks as he brushes some sweat damp hair out of her eyes and watches her cheeks turn a deeper shade of red. 

“I’m really not.” 

“You really are.” He kisses her eyelids and moves to disentangle himself from her, but she holds him fast. “You’re going to be late, Rey.” 

“I don’t care. Just one more minute.” She insists. “Just let me hold you like this- I love holding you like this.” She admits almost shyly, and he drops his face down to the crook of her neck to hide the heat creeping over his cheeks and the few tears that have sprung into his eyes. 

“Just another minute.” He consents and she absolutely beams as she traces small circles on the skin of his back. “But then we really have to go.” 

“Just another minute.” She agrees.   
*******************************************************************************************************************************************  
As he watches her sleeping in her hospital bed, all he can think of is how he would give anything to have been able to just keep her in bed that morning. He should have just given her another minute, or five, or ten. Maybe if they’d been late enough, they’d have had another pilot fly the test run. And then she would be fine. She’d be angry that she’d missed the flight, but she would be fine. She’d remember. But she would have felt so much guilt if another pilot had taken the blast that was meant for her. 

His hands curl into fists on the arms of his chair.

“Ben?” Leia asks quietly. “Come on son, you’ve got to eat. Maybe shave and take a shower. You haven’t left her side in almost a week.” 

“Have they been found?” He asks. 

“Who?” 

“You know who!” He snaps, his eyes flickering to her before they turn back to his wife. “Whoever did this to her.”

“We did. Dead. the apparent cause was suicide. A poison capsule.” Leia says slowly and he nods tensely. 

“Shame. I’d have liked to get in their head.” He grumbles and Leia squeezes his shoulder. “Were they acting alone, or was it something more?” 

“Something more, we’re afraid.” Leia sighs and reaches into her pocket for her holo tablet. “He was wearing this armband….” The image flickers to life, and Ben grimaces. 

“So the First Order lives on.” He says almostly blankly as he runs a hand over his face. “Kriff. Kriff!” he slams his hands down on the wooden armrests so hard one of them splinters. 

“Ben, calm down-” 

“Calm down? Mother, I can’t calm down! Everything, everything is going wrong right now! Rey...she doesn’t remember anything. Not a minute of it because someone tried to kill her. And that someone was a member of the organization I thought I’d managed to destroy for her- nothing is right!” He fists his hand in his hair and growls in frustration. She embraces him tightly, wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders and kissing his hair like she had countless times when he was small. 

“I know. I know son. But you need to stay calm for her. You know how you feel each other’s emotions through the bond. If you’re upset, she’ll be upset too, and she wont understand why. She’ll be confused and scared, Ben.” 

“I never deserved her, but I Thought that once we overcame everything...I thought…” He clenches his fists again, because he’ll be damned if he’s going to let his mother see him cry. 

“I know things seem bad right now, but she will come back to you. You have to believe that.” She insists. 

“I love her so much.” He admits, his voice raspy with emotion and unshed tears. 

“I know son.” She frowns as she caresses his hair. “I wish there was something I could do for you. I really wish there was.” 

“I need her.” He says, his voice finally breaking. “And she hates me.” 

“She doesn’t- not really.” 

“You saw how she looked at me, mom. It was like...It was like I was him all over again.” 

“Look at me right now Benjamin Bail Organa Solo!” She takes his face in her hands and meets his eyes, the one trait he had truly inherited from her. “You are not Kylo Ren. You never were Kylo Ren, not in your heart. You were led astray, but you were never gone. You’re my son, and I love you. You’re her husband, and she loves you. She’ll remember. I truly believe that.” 

“But-”

“No. I’m right.” She smiles at him. “I always am.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“You look awful.” is the first thing she says. He does. His usually immaculate hair is in disarray, his face looks thin and drawn, and there are dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. 
> 
> “Thanks.” He snorts, but he doesn’t remove his eyes from her face, as if he’s afraid she’s going to vanish the moment he blinks- and with the nature of their connection still so unknown, she just might. He wants to quip something back at her, tell her she’s a mess, or that she’s a sand rat or something, anything to make her feel as ridiculous as he does. But he can’t. Because wrapped up in a simple beige sweater that’s too big for her and a pair of ratty shorts with her hair in a single knot at the nape of her neck, she’s still as radiant as she ever has been. “It’s been...it’s been a long time.” He finally says and she nods. "
> 
> In the past we see Rey and Ben's first force connection after Crait. In the present Rey talks to Finn and meets Rose again. In a second flashback, we see a bit of domestic Reylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful readers- as ever, your reviews and kudos give me life! I'm so excited that y'all are enjoying this! This is two flashbacks, with some of the present sandwiched in the middle! Enjoy my loves!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Three and a half Years Ago~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Three months she’d managed to keep him out. After she’d slammed it shut on Crait, she’d managed to keep it closed. It had been difficult to fight the pull of the bond at times, but she had. She always did. It gave her a terrible, blinding headache sometimes but she always managed to keep him out. 

So she isn’t quite sure why she doesn’t fight it tonight when the air around her in her bedroom seems to still and her skin prickles in anticipation. Maybe she’s tired. Maybe the force has finally worn her down. Or maybe, just maybe she wants to see him just as desperately as he wants to see her. 

“You look awful.” is the first thing she says. He does. His usually immaculate hair is in disarray, his face looks thin and drawn, and there are dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. 

“Thanks.” He snorts, but he doesn’t remove his eyes from her face, as if he’s afraid she’s going to vanish the moment he blinks- and with the nature of their connection still so unknown, she just might. He wants to quip something back at her, tell her she’s a mess, or that she’s a sand rat or something, anything to make her feel as ridiculous as he does. But he can’t. Because wrapped up in a simple beige sweater that’s too big for her and a pair of ratty shorts with her hair in a single knot at the nape of her neck, she’s still as radiant as she ever has been. “It’s been...it’s been a long time.” He finally says and she nods. 

“It has.” 

“You’ve been keeping the bond shut. You’ve grown stronger with the force.” He observes. 

“I have. Leia- er, General Organa teaches me what she can. I figure out whatever else I can from old literature.” She shrugs. 

“You know, my offer still stands.” He says gently. “I could teach you.” 

“I’ve told you before, I’ll never be a student of the darkside!” She growls. 

“That isn’t what I want for you!” He snaps, and her eyes widen. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I told you I’d teach you the ways of the force- not dark or light. Just.. the force.” He explains, finding it hard to put into words. 

“That’s not possible.” SHe shakes her head. “And even if it was, I don’t believe you. You...you tried to kill my friends. All of them. Everyone who’s ever given a damn about me, and you wanted them dead-”

“That’s not- it isn’t- I didn’t want that. Not necessarily.” He huffs. 

“Does “Let the past die. Kill it if you have to” sound familiar?” She asks pointedly as she tugs the sleeves of her sweater down to cover her hands. “You wanted to kill them. To kill your own mother...and I thought...I thought that you’d changed. That you were different-”

“I did- I was. I am.” 

“If that were true you would have come with me. But you didn’t. You turned away from me-”

“I offered you the entire galaxy! I wanted you with me!” He slams his palms against his desk and she jumps a bit at the noise. “I didn’t turn on you. You turned on me.” 

“I didn’t want the entire galaxy, Ben, I just wanted you!” She cries and then clamps her hand over her mouth. 

“Wh-what?” He asks, rising from his chair to cross to her. 

“And I didn’t abandon you- I...I found your lightsaber and left it with you. So you’d be protected.” He’s getting closer to her, and her chest heaves with the anticipation. 

“Rey…”

“Ben, I…” There’s a knock on her door and the connection snaps. Her chest is still heaving when she rises to answer it. 

“Hey.” Rose says as she opens the door. “I just, I heard you shouting and I wanted to make sure everything was okay.” 

“That’s sweet of you- As you can see everything is fine here, I just...I was having trouble with an old meditation technique and I let my frustration get the better of me.” Rey excuses herself lamely, and Rose seems to know that’s not all there is to the story, but she knows better than to press. 

“Right. Well...Goodnight then.” 

“Goodnight Rose.” She closes the door and leans against it, pressing her fingers to her temples. She knows where her bond to him is located- she knows because she avoids that place in her mind at all costs, like a well known block in the path that you always have to go around. But now...it’s humming and warm and she wants to follow it, to follow it straight to him. So she does. When she finds him in her mind’s eye, neither of them try to speak. They don’t need to- their emotions speak volumes. She just breathes it in. breathes him in. And they fall asleep with the bond opened between them.   
She sleeps better than she has in years.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Present~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“So...I...It’s been three years?” Rey asks, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“Fraid so peanut.” Finn says softly. 

“Peanut? What is that? Why do you keep calling me that?” She groans, smacking her hands against her thighs. 

“I’m sorry Rey- that’s just a nickname we call each other. You call me peanut, I call you peanut. I don’t even really remember how it started. We’ve done this for a couple years now.” He explains. “If you don’t like it, I’ll try to remember to stop.” 

“No- no, that’s fine. I don’t dislike it, I just don’t remember it. The last time I remember seeing you you were really hurt and now…” Her eyes zero in on his left hand and she gasps. “Are you married?!” 

“Oh- um, yeah, I am.” Finn nods. 

“To who?” Rey asks, arching her brow. She’d sort of thought that she and Finn had...something. He came back for her- they were close...was it possible that she- that she and he...her ring finger did have a thin band that was paler than the rest of her skin as if she’d been wearing a ring. 

“To Rose, remember?” He asks and her brow furrows. “Of course not.”

“Sorry?” Why does she feel tears pooling in her eyes? 

“No, don’t apologize. You and Rose are- were close to each other. We got married two months ago, you were her matron of honor or whatever it’s called.” Finn smiles and Rey blinks at him. 

“Matron of honor?” She repeats. Finn’s eyes blow wide and he laughs. 

“Did I say that? I meant Maid of honor, obviously. Obviously.” Finn says. “You got all huffy because you had to wear a dress, even though you looked really great in it. It was red, which was- well, that’s Rose’s favorite color.” 

“Oh...that’s nice.” Rey smiles tensely. 

“I have a picture, if you want to see.” Finn says and she nods. He pulls his holo pad out and pulls up a picture, and Rey cant help but smile at the sight. She really does look nice in the red dress; a drapey gown that falls to her knees and shows off her delicate shoulders. She has an arm around a shorter girl’s waist, and they’re both grinning. 

“She’s beautiful.” Rey says. 

“Yes, she is.” Finn grins. 

“And you clean up well.” She points out. He really does look nice in his dark grey suit with his arm around Rose on the opposite side. Poe is standing next to him, resting an elbow on his shoulder while he has his hand resting low on the hip of another gorgeous girl in a red dress. 

“Well of course.” Finn winks. 

“Who’s that?” Rey points to the woman next to Poe. 

“That’s Jess Pava. You and Rose are really good friends with her. You’re like a little trio.” Finn says fondly. 

“Oh...Are she and Poe together?” 

“Honestly, I’m not sure, and I don’t even think they know. Poe was dating this guy from the senate for a while, but they broke up right before the wedding and I know he and Jess totally hooked up that night, and I kind of thought it was just a rebound sort of thing, but it’s been like two months and they’re spending the night together all the time. So I don’t know.” Finn explains. “Sorry, I guess you probably don’t need so many details about most of this.” 

“No, no it’s good! I want to know this stuff- I knew all of this before?” Rey asks, and Finn nods. “Then I want to know. I...I’m confused, but what you’re saying makes sense I think. Like I know you’re telling the truth even though I don’t know all the details myself, you know?” 

“I mean, not really. I’ve never been in a situation like this before.” Finn chuckles uneasily. 

“I guess not.” She shrugs and looks back at the picture again. “I want to meet Rose. I mean, talk to her. See her again, I guess?” 

“Yeah, of course. You totally can.” Finn nods. “She’ll be glad to hear that. She’s been dying to see you.”

“She and I are close?” Rey asks again. 

“Like sisters. You were roommates for a while before you got- I mean, Before She and I got together.” Finn stammers, and Rey’s eyes narrow. 

“Why do you keep doing that? It’s like you’re going to say something and then you stop and correct yourself. You didn’t do that before.” 

“I’m sorry Rey, it’s just...It’s a little bit hard to talk to you right now- Oh Kriff, not because you’re hard to talk to peanut, because you’re not, I love talking to you, but I have to keep reminding myself that you need to be reminded of things and I guess it’s making me talk weird.” 

“It’s okay, Finn, I get it.” she sighs. “Right now just...everything seems weird.” 

“I'm sure it does.” Finn takes her hand and she lets him. “Here, I'll just send Rose a message and she'll be here in a minute.” 

“Finn, I have another question.” 

“Shoot.” 

“Why the hell is Kylo Ren here?” she takes in the way he stiffens. “We won the war, obviously, and he was basically the leader of the opposition, right? So shouldn't he have been, I don't know, executed or imprisoned or exiled or something? I mean, I know he's the general's son, but letting a monster like that walk around freely…I just dont understand.” 

“We don't let Kylo Ren walk around. We let Ben Solo walk around.” he sighs. “I know it's going to be hard for you to believe, Rey, but he's actually...well, he's a good guy. I didn't believe it at first, not many of us did. But he proved himself a thousand times over. He's the reason the war ended.” 

“Why was he here when I woke up?” 

“we all sat with you for shifts.” he says, and it's half true. Ben hadn't left her side, and most of the time one of them would come to sit with her just so he'd eat or visit the fresher and just generally take care of himself. 

“But why was he here? Are we friends?” she scoffs. 

“Peanut, you run the training academy for force sensitive children together. You spend a lot of time together. I'd say you're friends.” 

“That's just not possible!” she cries, pressing her temples again. Finn purses his lips as he tries to come up with a halfway decent answer for her, but he's saved when Rose pokes her head in the door, and then rushes in and embraces Rey. “Oh- um. Hello!” 

“Hi- sorry, I know you dont remember me or anything but I was just so worried about you and then I wasn't allowed to see you when you woke up, and I'm just so glad you're okay!” Rose exclaims and she has a few tears in her eyes. 

“No, no, it's okay. Sorry I scared you.” Rey offers, making Rose laugh as she pulls out of the hug and sits on the edge of the bed. 

“It's okay- it's just the baby, makes me extra emotional- oh shoot! I forgot you forgot about the baby!” Rose gasps as she puts a hand on her stomach. 

“You're having a baby?” Rey asks, her eyes flickering between them.

“Yeah...its really early. Just like a month and a half. We only told you guys like two days before the accident.” Finn explains. 

“Well...congratulations!” Rey says genuinely. She feels some affection for the young woman sitting next to her even if she couldn't place her in her memories. 

“Thanks.” Rose smiles softly and glances down at her hands. Shes remembering the first time they'd told her, and how she'd reacted, acting so brave and unaffected by the news, smiling even though her eyes were full of sadness. There's no trace of that now, just simple happiness. 

“I really am sorry I don't remember you. Finn told me we were close.” Rey sighs. 

“We are close. You'll remember. I know you will. If for no other reason than you're stubborn as hell, you'll remember.” Rose says, and Rey laughs. “Is there anything I can tell you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to ask. I don’t know what I don’t know.” 

“That really...sucks.” Rose nods. “I’m sorry.” 

“How long have you and Finn been together?” 

“Oh, years. Since Crait. I guess that’s about a week after what you remember?” Rose says thoughtfully. “We’ve been living together for two years, married for two months, like Finn said.” 

“That’s sweet. I’m so glad you’re both happy.” Rey nods. “And that you’re having a baby. That’s wonderful. It really is. I guess...the war is over.” 

“It is. It has been for three years, Rey. The galaxy is safe.” Finn assures her. “You’re safe, and you’ve really helped make the rest of the galaxy safe. The children at your acadamy love you, we all love you, Rey. You’re special, you really are.” She finds herself tearing up at his words, and he takes her hand again. “Hey- no- I didn’t mean to upset you!”

“You haven’t- you didn’t! I just...I never imagined that someone would say that to me.” Rey sniffles. “It’s a lot, but it’s nice. I like it.” 

“Good. Good. We love you Rey.” Rose says, and she embraces Rey again. “And don’t worry, this isn’t the first time you’ve heard those words. And it won’t be the last.”   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Six months prior~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Well, Finn finally did it!” Rey announces as she opens the door to their house. 

“Did what?” Ben calls from the kitchen. 

“Proposed!” Rey laughs as she takes off her shoes and her wrap. “Rose was so excited! She was crying and bouncing around- she almost didn’t let me leave! She just kept talking about the wedding and how I had to be her matron of honor and I’d have to wear a dress- I didn’t even wear a dress when we got married!” She set her saber on the shelf by the door and went into the kitchen to hop onto the counter next to the stove where Ben stood stirring a pot of stew. “Really it’s about time, they’re so in love with eachother it’s just-” he interrupts her with a quick kiss and she laughs. “Oh, hello!” 

“Hello.” Ben smiles. “You were saying?” 

“Oh, Rose is just so excited! She’s insisting that we all come over for dinner to celebrate tomorrow, so we’re doing that.” 

“Sounds good.” He nods and lifts the spoon to her lips for a taste. She lets out a soft moan and he smirks. “Good?” 

“Fantastic. Try some.” She kisses him. 

“Mm. Not bad.” he turns the stove down and steps between her legs and she lifts up her hands to rest on his chest. “The kids all get settled in for the night?”

“Yeah. You know, I still feel sort of bad about moving away from them. We probably could’ve just lived in our quarters at the academy.” 

“We’re barely a five minute walk away, and Henley is a wonderful caretaker. Not to mention he has three p o to help keep an eye on them. The kids are fine.” Ben insists. There were only ten children who lived onsite at the school, the rest having had their parents relocate to Chandrillia to be closer to the their children. They no longer took children at infancy and kept them from their family and forbade attachments. They’d changed so many of the rules of the old Jedi order. “And we earned a little privacy, don’t you think sweetheart?” 

“Well…” She smiles as he presses his lips along her jawline. “I guess we do spend almost all day at the school with the kids. It is nice to have time to ourselves.” 

“It is.” He grins and kisses her again. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” She strokes his hair out of his eyes and wraps her legs around his waist to pull him in closer. Her holo dings and Rey sighs and lifts it up, finding a picture from Rose, holding up her hand and showing off the simple ruby ring. Rey grins and turns it to face Ben. “Look how happy they are!” 

“It’s a nice ring.” Ben smiles. 

“Her favorite color.” Rey smiles and she flexes her fingers, her own small diamond ring catching the light. “I remember when you gave me this.” 

“I mean it was almost a year after we actually got married-”

“But to be fair, we got married very quickly.” Rey smiles. “And I don’t mind. I didn’t even know what an engagement ring was before we got married. It’s perfect, Ben. I love it. I love you.” 

“Mmm.” He hums low in his chest and wraps his arms under her legs to scoop her up and starts to carry her towards their bedroom. 

“Ben, did you turn off the stove?” Rey laughs and twines her arms around his neck. 

“It’s on low. It’ll be fine.” He insists as he kisses her neck. 

It might have been fine if they would have been quick, but by the time that they were finished they ended up with burnt stew that they ate straight from the pot while haphazardly dressed in whatever clothes they grabbed first. 

“Ugh. Remind me to never let you get distracted while cooking again.” Rey groans teasingly. After a lifetime of dehydrated portions, she really can’t complain about anything with flavour, even if that flavour happens to be tinged with a bitter burnt taste. 

“If you don’t want me distracted don’t hop up on the counter with your legs open like that.” He suggests with an arched eyebrow. 

“I was fully clothed!” She protests too innocently. 

“Rey, I’ve seen what’s underneath those clothes enough to know what’s there without you being naked. Your presence is enough for me to get distracted.” He protests. “Speaking of, you look great in my shirt.” 

“Well, you look better without one anyways.” She grins as the blush spreads across his cheeks to his ears. 

“So do you.” 

“Ben! You’re incorrigible!” 

“Sorry?” He chuckles. 

“Oh you are not.” She rolls her eyes affectionately. 

“Yeah, I’m really not.” She cups her hand around the back of his neck and kisses him deeply. 

“Ugh- you taste like burnt stew.” She murmurs.

“That, I am sorry for. I guess I’ll just have to make it up to you.” He says with a wicked smile that nearly stops her heart. 

“O-Oh?” 

“You’re right. The stew was terrible. I can think of something I’d rather eat.” He lifts her up on the kitchen counter and falls to his knees in front of her. 

“Ben! We’re in the kitchen!” She laughs as he puts her legs over his shoulders. 

“That’s never stopped us before.”

“How can you still have the energy?” her heart begins to hammer as he skims his nose along her thighs. “I already dont know if I'm going to be able to walk tomorrow!” 

“Are you too tired? Are you sore? Did I do something?” he asks softly, his eyes flashing with concern. She senses the panic rising in his chest and instantly she sends a wave of calm through the bond. She bends at the waist and pulls him up to press her lips to his again. 

“Ben, you didn't do anything wrong. If anything you did something very, very right.” this calms him and he presses his lips to her temple and trails his lips down her body slowly. “Even after all this time you're still afraid you'll do something wrong. But you know I trust you with my life, right?” he doesn't answer with words as his mouth is otherwise occupied, but the gratitude and adoration she feels wash over her tell her just how much he appreciates her words. 

Later that night when they're wrapped around each other in their bed, his fingers trailing lazy circles over the small of her back, he tells her how much he loves her and she grins at him with a few tears in her eyes. She was loved, and the strength of his love sometimes overwhelmed her. She remembers how he'd once told her she wasn't alone, but it was only after he'd become a permanent presence in her life that that had really started to feel like the truth. That she could really fall asleep knowing she was loved and safe, and wanted. 

“I'd be so lost without you.” he whispers against her hair, and she reaches up to stroke his cheek, her thumb finding the ridge of the scar she'd once given him. 

“You don't have to think about that. I'm not going anywhere, Ben. Ever.”


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the present, Rey finally speaks with Ben, and shows him a photograph that leads him to reflect on a day that took place a year ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello My lovelies! As always, your comments and kudos make my heart smile! I hope you enjoy this chapter- I hope you enjoy Rey and Ben finally speaking civilly to each other in the present!

“I want to talk to him.” she finally says on her last night in the hospital. 

“You don't have to if you're not ready, Rey.” Leia assures her, but she can't quell the hope rising in her chest. To say that Ben had been a mess over the course of the last three weeks was an understatement. She'd thought it was bad when they'd first brought Rey in, before she'd woken up, but during the following two weeks her son had really seemed to fall apart. He wouldn't leave the hospital, even if Rey wouldn't see him. They let him stay in the observation room, separated from Rey’s by a patch of two way mirror. After all he was her next of kin. 

“No- I think I need to see him.” Rey explains slowly. “There's something pulling me to him- there was on Starkiller too, like an invisible thread getting pulled tight between us, and I...I need to make sense of it all. After all, he and I were- are friends, aren't we?” 

“Of course you are.” Leia nods as she finishes the intricate braid she'd been putting in Rey's hair. “I can send him a message.” 

“Please do.” Rey nods and Leia takes out her holo. 

I know you're probably watching, so you already know this, but Rey wants to talk to you. Wait a few minutes before you come in so that she doesn't know you've been hanging around here. 

Will three minutes be enough? 

Ben. 

Ten it is then. 

“He'll be here in ten.” Leia says, and Rey nods again. She carefully adjusts the pale pink oversized sweater that she's worn over gray leggings, and wonders if its too ridiculous to have Kylo Ren see her in the puffy green polka dot socks Jess had brought her yesterday. “Do you want me to stay in here when he comes?” 

“No. I think I need to face him alone.”

“Face him? Rey, you're talking, not fighting to the death.” Leia says, her voice tense. 

“I know. I know. But that's exactly what we were doing the last time I saw him!” 

“Rey,” 

“I know that wasn't really the last time I saw him.” she sighs, and the ache in her head amplifies, making her press on her temples. “Why aren't there pictures of he and I?” 

“What?”

“Everyone has been showing me pictures to help me remember. I've seen pictures of me with everyone from Finn and Rose to BB-8, but not your son.” Rey says. “Why is that?” 

“I'm sure no one wanted to upset you, since you did react poorly to seeing him when you woke up.”

“But there are pictures of us together?” 

“Plenty.” 

“Can you show me one?” Rey asks and Leia hesitates for a moment before she pulls out her holo again. She has pictures of her son and daughter in law, many, but they all seem too...familiar not to startle her. His arm around her waist, her kissing his cheek, him with her on his shoulders to reach a high growing fruit from their garden. She finally settles on one from the academy, a picture they hadn't known Leia was taking. Ben stands with one of the young boys on his shoulders, gripping his ears for balance while a few other younglings have grabbed hold of his legs, and Rey is nearly doubled over laughing. 

“This is us?” Rey almost gasps. In the photo, Kylo is looking at her warmly, if not a bit exasperatedly, and she looks more genuinely happy than she had in any of the other pictures she'd seen. 

“Yes. With some of the younglings.” leia nods. “I think I took it about a year ago during one of my visits.” 

“We seem...happy.” 

“You were. The two of you are quite a team.” the knock on the door effectively halts the conversation, and Rey sits up a little straighter, tucking her feet up under her legs. “Come in Ben.” the door slides open and for just a second, Rey’s breath catches in her throat. In a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up and tight black trousers, he looks...he looks...she feels her cheeks burn, and when she glances up again she sees that his own cheeks are tinged pink. “Well, I'll leave you to it. I'll be outside if you need me.” 

“Thanks mom.” Ben says as she squeezes his arm on the way out. They stare at each other for an endless minute after the door closes, until she finally clears her throat. 

“You can sit down. If you want.” 

“Thanks.” he takes the seat next to the bed and the silence resumes. 

“I don't understand you.” he winces. “You were so dark- you killed your own father. You destroyed a planet system-”

“That wasnt me, actually. It was all General Hux. I was against Starkiller from the beginning.” He cuts in and she looks at him curiously. “I was never for destruction without purpose, Rey. Not even then. 

“Tell that to the village you destroyed on Jakku.” 

“There was purpose for that Rey. Misguided and poor, but there was a reason.” she just stares at him icily. “If it makes you feel any better we've had almost exactly this conversation before. Three and a half years ago.” 

“And I forgave you for it?” She scoffs. 

“Not right away, no. Forgiveness has to be earned.” 

“And what did you do to earn it?” 

“I killed the Supreme Leader instead of killing you.” He says and her jaw drops. 

“You- what?” 

“Snoke ordered me to kill you. I killed him instead.” 

“Why would you do that?” 

“Because killing you would have been wrong. You had so much light, so much potential, so much goodness and kindness inside of you- If I was the embodiment of darkness, you were the other side of the balance, the embodiment of the light.” He explains. “And you and I had had...conversations, through the force.” 

“What does that mean?” Her eyes narrow. 

“Can’t you feel it? This thing between us- like a thread connecting our energies?” He asks, and she nods slowly. “That connection, you remember it, from Starkiller.” 

“”I feel it too” that’s what you said, and I pretended I didn’t know what you meant. But I felt the pull.” She nods as she wraps her arms around her knees. 

“Right. Well, soon after that the Force started to connect us. You’d appear to me, and I’d appear to you. We couldn’t see each other’s surroundings or anything else, just eachother. And we would talk. And we found out that we weren’t as different as we’d thought.” 

“And so you killed your master for me?” 

“And for me. He’d been pushing me so hard for so long to embrace the darkness fully, to become as great as my grandfather had been. His teachings were...harsh. Painful. I’d had enough. But none of that was worth the risk of opposing him until you came to find me. That was the straw that broke the bantha’s back, so to speak.” 

“So you’ve been...good for three and a half years?” She asks almost hopefully. 

“Almost. Closer to three.” 

“But if you killed your master for me three and a half years ago-”

“We parted ways again after that. Only for a few months.” 

“Parted ways?” 

“I wanted to become Supreme Leader. You wanted to return to the resistance. We fought, My grandfather’s lightsaber broke in two. You left.” 

“Hold on. I risked my life to come to you, I sought you out, you killed your master for me, and the you still turned away from me?” 

“Yes.” 

“Oh my-”

“But I regretted it almost instantly.” He says quickly, his hand twitching to reach for hers before he stamps down the desire to do so. “It was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.” She nods and looks down at her hands. 

“We started a school for force sensitive children together.” 

“We did.” 

“And we teach them the lightside?” 

“NOt exactly. But we don’t teach the darkside either. We teach somewhere in the middle- in the gray, that’s what you called it.” He smiles a little. “That’s what you told me when I thought I could never be light again. You told me that I didn’t have to be light or dark. I could be gray.” 

“Gray…” Her brow furrows as she tries to force a memory, but nothing arises. “I don’t remember!” 

“That’s okay. The doctor said it would take time.” He says soothingly. 

“I don’t trust you!” She blurts out and regrets it immediately when she sees the way his face falls. “I’m sorry- I...I want to trust you, but I don’t.” 

“I don’t blame you. I did horrible things.” He nods. 

“You did. You really did.” She growls. 

“I know. And I’m sorry. I’ve apologized more than any one human being would think possible. I’ve done everything I can to make amends, and I’m still trying every kriffing day.” He runs his hand through his hair and looks her in the eye. “I know it’ll take time, for you to remember everything. But we made it through it all of this before, and things were much worse then. THere was a war and a lot more evil in the galaxy then. I can wait, I can wait for you to trust me again.” 

“Kylo, I-”

“Please don’t call me that.” He shakes his head. “I haven’t gone by that name in years. It’s Ben. Please.” For a moment something flashes before her eyes- It’s fuzzy at best, but she can’t help but think it’s a memory. His hand extended to her, There are a few tears in his eyes, his voice is wavering as he says it. Please. 

“Ben. Ben…” She says almost dreamily as her mind races, as if it wants her to see something more- something that’s murky and dark in the corners of her mind. She shakes her head and looks at him again. “Look if Leia and Finn trust you, then...I know you must be trustworthy. But that doesn’t mean I like you.” 

“Well, it’s a start I guess.” he tries to sound indifferent to her words though they cut him to the core. She nods and grabs the holo Leia had left behind, showing him the picture. His breath catches in his throat. 

“But I think I did like you before, Didn’t I?” 

“We were friends.” His voice breaks at the word as he stares at the picture. He remembered the day his mother had taken this picture and sent it to Rey’s holo. It had been an ordinary day. Until it hadn’t been.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~One year prior~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
She couldn’t stop staring at the picture. The children piling on Ben, all happy as could be- Ben looking so content and warm, the glowing smile on her face. But Ben was what really caught her eye. The picture confirmed something she’d known in her heart since they’d opened the school. Ben loved children, and children loved Ben. He’d been hesitant around them at first, but once he’d opened his heart to them, he’d loved them. He loved their simple world views, their creativity, and their open hearts. 

She knew that he wanted children of his own. Of their own. But she’d told him no from the start. She didn’t want to be a mother- she didn’t know how, she’d never had an example, her own mother had sold her for drinking money for kriff’s sake! 

And now they were so busy with the academy, and their pupils were really their children. They lived in a few rooms at the academy, there was no room there for a family and she didn’t want to live off site. They were both so broken, they’d only barely started healing each other and there was just no way they could bring a child into such a broken family. 

But looking at this picture, her heart swelled with longing so intense she almost couldn’t bear it. It had come on the best or worst possible day; the day she was going to get her birth control implant replaced. It was good for six months, and she’d gotten one the last two years exactly on time and followed every rule and procedure to be absolutely certain it wouldn’t malfunction. Ben had been the one who reminded her about the appointment that morning; he’d reminded her with a simple militarily strict detachment, but she could feel the ache behind the words. An ache she was causing by refusing to have his child. She knew that he understood where she was coming from, and hadn’t pressed the issue since the first few months that they’d been married. He was resigned to the idea of never having a child, believing that She alone was far more family than he deserved, and that pushing her might make her leave. He’d do anything to make her happy. 

Her heart stung because she knew his soul better than he did. She knew just how worthy he was of love and family and affection and all of it. She knew how much it hurt that he thought she didn’t want to have his child, that there was a part of him she wasn’t willing to accept- only that wasn’t true. She was afraid for herself. Afraid she’d be a terrible mother, that she would ruin the child’s life somehow the way her mother had ruined hers…

Only her life wasn’t ruined, was it? Certainly she had suffered, but now...Now she woke up to her husband’s lips trailing across her skin and a kitchen full of food. She had friends who were only a call away. She had a roof over her head and a fresher with a shower and a bathtub, and a last name. She had purpose at the academy, she had everything she could ever need or want. Ben had given her everything. 

And there was one more thing she could give to him.

With that in mind when the doctor called her in she had the old implant removed, and sealed the incision on her hip with the force without a new one being placed inside. And she waited for him in their quarters, still looking at the picture. 

“Hey.” His voice by the door makes her look up and power down her holopad. 

“Hi.” She looks up at him from her place on the sofa and accepts his greeting kiss. 

“How was the appointment?” He asks as he takes a seat next to her and starts pulling off his boots. 

“It went well.” She nods and swallows nervously. “I, Um…”

“What do you want for dinner? I could get some of that nuna and cook it up, or we could order something in? Maybe watch a holofilm?” He suggests, knowing that those were her favorite things to do after she’d gotten a new implant, since the small amount of painkillers usually made her tired for the rest of the day. But today she’d healed the incision with the force, since the doctors wouldn’t have to find it again. Everything was good as new. And her husband was the most considerate man in the galaxy. He finished taking off his boots and looked up at her, and she remembered he was waiting for her answer. Instead she leans in and kisses him. It starts off innocent and slow, but soon she finds herself straddling his knees and pressing against him. He breaks the kiss off when she starts undoing the buttons of his black shirt. “What was that for?” 

“Do I have to have a reason to kiss you now?” She challenges. 

“Of course not.” He scoffs. “But um, you just got your implant, and it’s not effective for two days, and with the way you’re kissing me, I am getting really close to the point of no return.” 

“I want you.” She breathes and he groans. 

“Are you trying make this the longest two days of my kriffing life?” 

“No, Ben. I mean, we don’t have to wait for two days.” She says as she runs her nails gently along his scalp. 

“Rey, the last time we used sheathes was right after our wedding- I don’t even know where they are if we still have any, and even if we do, I’d bet they’re expired.” 

“Do you really not understand what I’m trying to tell you?” She sighs and her looks up at her with narrowed eyes. 

“Obviously I do not.” She rolls up the hem of her shirt and pushes down the waistband of her leggings enough to show the smooth skin of her hip where the tiny scar used to be. He’d kissed every inch of her skin. He knew every scar and how she’d gotten each one. His eyes grow wide after a fraction of a second and he looks up at her with such hope in his eyes and she kisses him softly. “Rey?” 

“We don’t have to wait two days, because I didn’t get a new implant at all.” 

“But you said- all this time, you told me that you didn’t want-” She puts her fingers on his full lips and picks up the holo pad again, pulling up the picture. 

“I thought I’d be a terrible mother. I thought that I’d mess up a child’s life. But you- Ben, you’re so good with the younglings, and you’re so happy when you’re with them...even if I ended up being the worst mother in the galaxy, I know our baby would be alright with you to take care of them.” She laughs and sets the holo down again. 

“You’re not going to be a terrible mother. The younglings love you too, Rey. You’re patient and kind and loving with them. You’re not your mother, Rey. If we have a child, you’ll be the best mother in the universe.” He says as he wraps his arms around her waist. 

“Not “if”, Ben. When.” She insists. “I want to have your baby.”

“Rey…”

“I want to have your baby, and when I said I didn’t it wasn’t because of you. It was because of me. But I’m ready now. I...I’m not afraid anymore. I know how much you want this, and after everything you did for me...everything you’ve given to me, Ben, it’s the very least I can do.” She insists. 

“You aren’t doing this because you feel like you owe me, right? Because you don’t owe me anything, ever.” He says firmly. 

“It’s not because I owe you. It’s because I love you. And when you love someone, you want them to be happy, and I think this would make you very, very happy. Wouldn’t it?” She asks, and he can only nod slightly. “It would make me happy too, Ben. Very happy.” 

“Are you sure, Rey?” He asks, his voice thick with emotion. “You were so set against it; you wanted to look into getting a permanent treatment.” 

“But I never did, did I? I think that I always knew I wanted this, I was just scared. Honestly, I’m still scared- it’s frightening, thinking of having a child to raise. But then I think about you holding a baby with dark hair and brown eyes and I just…” She can’t form words to communicate how much she wants it, so she just opens the bond wide and floods him with her longing. “So I didn’t get the implant today because I want this. I want a family of our own. I want to have your baby.” He kisses her like he’s never kissed her before, and she sighs as she leans into him. 

“Thank you.” He finally says as he manages to flip her back onto the cushions and pull back from her just enough to pull his shirt off. “Thank you.” 

“You don’t have to thank me.” She shakes her head as he pushes her shirt up and over her head. “After all, you still have some work to do before we can have a baby, don’t you?” 

“You’re absolutely right. Maybe I should start right now.” He grins at her, a lopsided grin that makes her heart race. 

“Probably for the best.” She says after she clears her throat. She pulls him back down to her to kiss him once more.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discharged by the medics, Rey goes to live with Finn and Rose while she readjusts to her current life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! Thanks to those of you who leave comments and kudos- my day is instantly brightened by them every time! I'll be posting another chapter directly after this, since this one is pretty short. I hope you enjoy!

“You’re going to be staying with me and Rose for a couple of weeks while you get back on your feet.” Finn explains as he carries the small bag of Rey’s things to their speeder. 

“I thought I was going to go back to the academy?” 

“You will, but not yet. All the noise the kids make wont be great for your head injury as it is, so a nice quiet place to sleep is important. Plus you haven’t been in your quarters there for a while, so we’ll have to sic the cleaning droids on it.” 

“Three weeks isn’t that long.” Rey scoffs. 

“Long enough for dust to form. And you’re allergic.” Rose says quickly. 

“I’m allergic to dust?” 

“Mildly. Your nose gets all red and you get grumpy.” Rose shrugs. 

“Fine.” Rey sighs and Rose shares a look with Finn and gives a sharp shake of her head. She thought this whole situation was ridiculous. How could they not tell Rey that she was married, Happily married to Ben? That they had a perfect little house a few blocks away from the academy that they built ten months ago after they’d decided to try for a baby, and that she had been getting special injections to help her conceive a child after almost a year of struggling to get pregnant? That she was part of a family, a family that had fought so long and hard to get where it was? All Rey had ever wanted when she was growing up was a family, and they were keeping hers from her? It didn’t sit well with Rose at all. 

“Don’t worry Rey. You’ll get to go home soon.” Finn assures her. 

“Home…” Rey repeats. The word conjures some sort of image in her mind; a rustic looking house with a swinging door instead of an automatic sliding door, and windows that let in the sun. Tall fruit trees and green grass, a stream running across the back yard. It wasn’t the dream she’d once had, of an island, but somehow it made her happier. 

“Hey Peanut, we were thinking we’d order in from that place that makes honey crust- I don’t know if you remember, but that’s your favorite dessert.” Finn says. 

“Dessert?” Rey asks, her brow furrowing. 

“Oh don’t worry if you don’t remember. You’re going to love it!” Rose assures her as she starts up the speeder. They drive in silence and Rey looks out the window at the passing landscape that’s so unfamiliar to her...and yet she feels that she’s seen it all before. She has an admittedly lovely time with Finn and Rose getting to know them all over again really, but her head hurts by the time she’s in her guest room staring at the ceiling. She longs for the soothing gentle voice, and the strong, warm hand that she’d dreamt of when she’d been in a coma. But it was only a dream. Such a lovely dream.

When she finally falls asleep, it happens again. The way it had when she’d been having her nightmare. A vision plays in her mind like someone else’s memory. This time she’s wearing a flowy white tunic and black short leggings and she’s sparring playfully with a small force sensitive Rodian girl. When they finish she grabs her cantine and smiles up at the face. 

“Your form was sloppy.” He says and she rolls her eyes. 

“Panna doesn’t need me at my best, she needs to learn not to be so serious all the time. Like someone else I know.” She gulps down some water and he reaches out to tickle her, making her spew the mouthful of water all over herself. “What the-”

“You said not to be so serious.” He’s laughing. The cheeky bastard is laughing! So she takes her water and pours it over his head, momentarily obscuring his vision, but when it refocuses she’s laughing and then he’s chasing her around the training room. When he finally catches her, he kisses her slow and sweet and she brushes damp hair that’s smooth as silk off of his forehead- 

She wakes up gasping for breath again, and she feels hot and dizzy. She stumbles into the fresher and heaves up the honey crust she’d had earlier and then presses her forehead against the cold tile wall while she waits for the room to stop spinning around her. 

“Hey, I heard you in here.” Rose says as she brings a glass of water over. “What happened? Did you get dizzy?” 

“Yeah.” Rey nods and sips at the cool water. “Sorry if I woke you.” 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve always been an early riser.” Rose waves off her concern and sinks down to sit beside her. “Besides it’s a little after seven and I usually get up early on Finn’s day off to make him breakfast.” 

“That’s really sweet.” 

“Oh, not really. He always packs me a lunch when I go into the shop. It’s just one of those little couple things we do, you know?” 

“Not really.” Rey sighs. “Unless I do?” 

“What do you mean?” Rose asks warily. 

“I’ve had these dreams, just twice now- there’s a man with me but I don’t see his face. His voice is so familiar, and yet he...I don’t know who he is, if he’s even real or just someone my mind made up.” 

“You know, my sister Paige used to say that our dreams were really just visions of what we long for the most. I don't know how the force or whatever enters into all of that, but maybe it's trying to tell you something.” 

“Rose, before all of this, did I have…”

“Have what?”

“Nevermind. It's stupid. Thank you for the water.” She gets up and starts rifling through the drawers of the counters. 

“What are you looking for?” Rose asks. 

“Shears, clippers or something. I’ve got to cut all of this off…” She gestures to her hair with one hand. “It’s very pretty, but I think it’s bound to drive me insane. It’s already driving me insane.” 

“Here.” Rose comes up behind her and reaches into a cabinet next to the sink. “Do you want help?” 

“I...I’ve always just cut it off myself when it got too long.” Rey admits. 

“You’ve let me cut your hair before, if it makes you feel any better.” Rose smiles. 

“Well, Alright. I suppose it would be nice to have a hand. Especially with the back.” Rey nods. So she finds herself seated on a stool while Rose wets, combs, and snips her long hair. With each snip, she feels lighter, and she swears her brain feels less muddled. First Rose cuts it to Mid Back, but Rey insists it must be shorter, until it falls to her shoulders and frames her face in what Rose has called “tasteful long layers.”. All Rey knows is that it’s lighter, and it’s even a little curly without the weight pulling it down. 

She feels more like herself than she had since she’d woken up.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the past, Ben and Rey get up to a bit of funny business before a gala. In the present Rey dreams of a rather intimate moment between herself and Ben Solo, which she finds extremely confusing, especially when she finds him shirtless at the academy. A moment of vulnerability opens their bond enough for Ben to see what she'd dreamed, and for the first time, he has hope that she will remember everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, a second chapter to follow! I'm sorry my posting schedule is so sporadic! Life is hectic!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Two years ago~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“You look beautiful.” She glances at his reflection in the mirror behind him and smiles. She was just putting the finishing touches on a simple half up hairstyle that left a majority of her hair in loose waves down her back, just like he liked it. 

“You’re just in time. Would you finish zipping me up?” She asks and she gestures down to her dark burgundy dress. 

“Of course.” He crosses the room to her and tugs the zipper up with ease before he presses kisses along her conveniently bare shoulders. 

“We’ll be late if you keep that up.” She protests. 

“Would that really be so bad?” 

“It’s a charity gala your mother arranged for our academy, Ben. It would look pretty bad.” She giggles and turns to face him. “After all, I think everyone would know exactly what we’d been up to.” 

“You’re probably right.” He sighs. “But I hate dealing with people and the way they stare and ask a thousand questions. I'd much rather stay home with you and get you out of that dress.” 

“Well we definitely don't have time for that.” she smirks and gently pulls her skirt up her legs. “Don't ruin my hair or makeup- I will kill you if you leave any visible marks- and try not to wrinkle the dress.” his hands close around her waist as he lifts her up on top of the dresser and presses feather light kisses along the column of her neck. 

“You are the perfect woman.” 

“This was supposed to be a surprise for after we got home, but I'm not wearing anything under this dress.” she whispers in his ear and he groans. She snakes her hand between them to reach the buttons of his trousers. 

“You're going to be the death of me, you know?” he gently nips at her ear as she positions him just right. 

“This is what's going to kill the most powerful force user in the galaxy?” she gasps as he rolls his hips and closes any space that had been lingering between them. 

“And what a way to go.” he kisses her gently, a stark contrast to the rough movements of his hips. 

“Mm- just kriffing kiss me!” she protests and bites his full lower lip. 

“You're the one who said not to ruin your makeup.” 

“I changed my mind.” she moans as he leans in to kiss her as roughly and passionately as possible. She comes so suddenly it literally takes her breath away, and she's well on her way to a second finish as he's finding his. The second one is almost mind blowing as their shared pleasure pulses across their connectionction, and the furniture in the room rattles with the force that seems to pour from them as they peak. “Kriffing Hells, no man should be as good at this as you are- How am I ever supposed to get anything done, or get anywhere on time?” She pants as she rests her head against his shoulder. 

“Oh no, this is not my fault- have you seen the way you look in this dress? We’re lucky I didn’t just rip it off.” He insists. He presses a kiss to her temple, and she tilts her face up to kiss him lazily. 

“Am I a mess now?” She asks, running her finger over the smudged red lipstick on his face. 

“A little, maybe. Not quite a mess,I could change that if you’d like.” 

“You’re bad.” She laughs.

“Only when you want me to be.”   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Present~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Am I a mess now?” She asks, running her finger over the smudged red lipstick on his face. 

“A little, maybe. Not quite a mess,I could change that if you’d like.” 

“You’re bad.” She laughs.

“Only when you want me to be.” 

Rey wakes up covered in a sheen of sweat, with the space between her legs throbbing. Her first instinct is to reach across the mattress for him, but her palms meet the cold surface of the wall. She sits up and lets out a sigh as she presses her forehead against her palms and rubs her legs together to relieve some of the pressure that was building there. 

“A dream, it was only a dream.” She breathes, her voice trembling. But it had felt so real- so very real. She could still feel his body pressed along hers, the delicious masculine smell of him, every inch of him pressed inside of her. She’d felt him in such vivid detail, and in that moment she wanted him more than anything. 

But she didn't. She couldn't! She couldn't trust him, not even if the children at the academy trusted him implicitly and looked up at him with wide eyes filled with wonder and affection. Not when she'd seen the red of his saber pierce through his father's chest. 

He doesn't wield that saber any longer. 

A voice in her head whispers and she shivers. It was true; the saber he wielded now was an intoxicating shade of violet, and though it still shimmered more than a stable blade should, it no longer crackled like flame. It was calmer, and yet more powerful. Like he seemed to be. She rolls out of bed and looks at the small clock on the wall. It’s still early, but she decides to get up. She dresses in her tan jedi robes and walks out of the room, and almost runs into the house keeping droid who beeps at her. 

“Oh- I’m sorry little guy!” Rey squats and pats the droid on the head. “No, don’t worry, you didn’t wake me up. When Finn and Rose wake up, would you tell them I went to the academy?” The droid beeps in assent. “Thank you!” She grabs a jogan fruit as she slips out the door and begins her walk. They only lived a fifteen minute walk from the Capitol building which was in turn a five minute walk away from the academy. She eats as she goes and tries to forget the dream, but it had been so real. 

She’d never wanted anyone like that before. She’d been attracted to a few men in her lifetime- but she’d always thought that romance made things messy, and she’d pushed thoughts like that to the back of her mind. She’d never even kissed anyone that she knew of- and maybe that was part of the problem. Maybe she was lonely; maybe she needed someone else in her life- maybe watching Rose and Finn start their own family made her long for one of her own. Someone who loved her. 

She licks her fingers clean and puts her palm against the scanner to open the door to the academy. When she enters the halls it’s quiet- she knew it would be. The children wouldn’t be awake for hours, and even Henley the old caretaker they employed wouldn’t be up to start breakfast for at least another hour or two. But the rooms of the academy radiated the force, which was the only thing that felt like a true constant in her life right now. She heads for the meditation room, but stops short outside of the sparring hall. 

It’s Ben, and he’s shirtless and covered in a sheen of sweat as he faces off against one of the training droids. He’s holding one of the practice sabers and he’s moving with such power that she can actually feel the force trembling around him. Her eyes are fixated on the way his muscles move underneath the pale, scar covered skin of his back. Her breath catches in her throat as he disables the training droid and turns to face her, running his hand through his sweat damp hair. 

“Rey, I didn’t know-”

“Sorry!” She squeaks and starts to dash away. 

“Rey, Wait!” He calls, and he catches her arm. “Hold on.”

“Would you put on a...cowl or something?” She asks when she turns back to face him again. A strange feeling hits her- like she’s been here before. 

“Of course- sorry.” He lets go of her shoulder and grabs a black tank top from one of the benches. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were coming in so early.” 

“I wasn’t planning on it. I just couldn’t sleep, I thought I’d meditate.” Rey explains. She can’t deny that her heart is hammering hard again. The walk had calmed her, but Ben’s presence had brought her senses back into turmoil. 

“You cut your hair.” He observes, and she can’t place why the tenderness in his voice sounds right. 

“Oh- yeah. Rose did it for me. I couldn’t handle another thing right now, maintaining the long hair was just…” She throws up her hands in exasperation and pinches the bridge of her nose. 

“Are you alright?” He asks softly, and she notices his hand twitching towards her, and she feels a magnetic pull to him again. “You look pale.” 

“I’m fine. Just a little dizzy.” She shakes her head and takes a step but starts to waiver a little. His hands rise again, this time to catch her around the waist. She catches his eyes and they’re full of concern. “T-thank you.” 

“No problem.” He nods. “Are you sure you’re okay? Will you sit down for a minute?” She nods, and he walks her over to the bench and sits down with her. After a minute, he says “It looks nice. Your hair.” and she feels her face heat up. She passes over the comment and leans back against the wall. 

“Sorry. I just get so dizzy sometimes. The accident or whatever really did a number on my head.” She sighs. “But it wasn’t an accident, was it? It was a First Order fanatic?” 

“It was. He killed himself before we could question him.” 

“He bombed down the ship I was flying.” 

“Yes.” 

“Was the ship that valuable?” Rey asks. 

“Not particularly. As much as any ship is I guess. That wasn’t the target. But you were.” She scoffs. “Rey, you’re one of two known trained force users in the galaxy, and your natural affinity is to the light. They’d see you like they saw Luke Skywalker. As a number one threat.” 

“And you’re not?” 

“I was on their side for a long time, Rey. Almost a decade. I may have betrayed them, but I’ve heard that there are many who hope I’ll return as leader, that this was merely a ruse to bring the new republic and the resistance crumbling down.” He explains. “The First Order has only ever really thrived under the leadership of a Force user.” 

“Is this a ruse?” She asks. 

“No, Rey, It’s not.” He says firmly, and she nods. 

“Okay. I believe you.” 

“Do you?” 

“I can feel it in the force- your sincerity. No one is that good at lying.” She shrugs. “Not even you.” His relief is almost tangible. “I should go meditate. I'm trying to unlock some memories; it's like I can feel a wall in my mind I can't get past.” 

“Would you like some help?” He asks, and she stiffens. 

“No, thank you, for offering, really, but I need to clear my head and I can’t do that with you in it.” 

“Of course. Just, if you need anything-”

“Then I know where to find you.” She says softly. As she moves to stand she realizes that one of his large hands had never left the small of her back and the skin on the back of her neck prickles as images of her dream come flooding back to her. She rises quickly and almost sprints out of the room, leaving him sitting and staring after her with his mouth slightly agape. 

For one moment, however brief, their connection had opened on her side. Her guard had been down for the first time since her injury, and he’d seen flashes of her thoughts. Of her dream. Only it wasn’t a dream. 

The silky smooth red dress bunched up around her waist, the slamming of the dresser against the wall as he drove into her, the smears of red lipstick that stained his mouth. That had all been real- He could recall every detail of that night. It was a memory. Her memory. 

Subconsciously at least, she remembered him. Remembered some of what they’d shared, of the life they’d built together. 

And for the first time in weeks, he feels hope that she’ll remember.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“You don’t like alcohol.” She looks up and finds Ben standing in front of her holding two glasses. 
> 
> “What gave me away?” Rey asks, arching her brow at him as she takes deep breaths to clear the smell. “And I can drink if I want to.” 
> 
> “I never said that you couldn't drink. I said You don’t like to drink.” He says again and he sets a glass of fizzing purple liquid in front of her. “Not that I think drinking while recovering from head trauma is the best idea.” 
> 
> “What’s this?” She asks. 
> 
> “Soda water with jogan fruit juice. Your favorite.” He says and she eyes it warily. “It’s not poisoned, Rey.” 
> 
> “I know!” She huffs but she doesn’t drink it. He sighs and picks up the drink, taking a sip of it and setting it down again. 
> 
> “See?” She smirks and picks up the drink to take a sip. 
> 
> “Oh- it’s good!” 
> 
> “This is what you always got before.” He explains. “I just thought you might like it better than...that.” He shrugs. “I’ll leave you alone now.” 
> 
> “You can sit- if you want.”"
> 
> Ben and Rey bond at Jess's birthday party, But a third party throws them off track again. In the past, Ben and Rey come shockingly close to revealing their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beautiful readers, I'm overwhelmed by the kudos and comments that you leave for me! Honestly makes my day every time! This is actually one of my favorite chapters of the story; note, it does switch from more Ben's POV to Rey's in the present, It's not marked but the shift is pretty obvious! I'll let you get to it then! Thanks for reading!

Ben watches her from his seat at the back of the bar. One month she'd been out of the hospital, and she was no closer to remembering than before. It had been seven weeks since the last time he'd kissed her, held her, spoken to her without seeing the edge of fury and distrust in her pretty hazel eyes. It was Jess’s birthday, Rey’s first night out since the accident, and he had to admit she looked happy. And gorgeous in the dark purple sleeveless tunic and black leggings she was wearing. 

“Hey buddy. How are you doing?” Poe asks as he falls into the booth next to him. 

“Let's see, the woman I love not only doesn't remember me, but actively thinks I'm trying to murder her and every person she loves, a list which apparently, I am no longer included on. So things are going great, Dameron.” he grumbles and Poe puts a hand on his shoulder. 

“She'll remember, Ben. Just give her time.” 

“Every minute is a kriffing lifetime!” 

“There's that old Skywalker drama.” Poe sighs. “No, you're right. It really sucks.” 

“She's doing well, isn't she?” Ben asks quietly, letting his eyes follow her again. 

“Don't you see her every day at the academy?”

“Yes, but she doesn't talk to me beyond confirming schedules and the occasional question about the force, and she's wary as hell about my answers.” Ben sighs. “And I don't blame her at all. I know what I've done.” 

“Yeah, but she doesn't. She doesn't know about all of the good you've done.” Poe assures him. “She'll remember buddy.” 

“Right. Shouldn’t you be off spending time with your girlfriend?” 

“Jess isn’t my girlfriend. She’s just my friend.” 

“Who you’ve been sleeping with for three months, spending the night with at least twice a week, and going out for meals together. And you got her a bracelet for her birthday, right? Jewelry is what you get your girlfriend.” Ben says with a smirk. “And I know you’d rather be spending time with her than back here with me.”

“Nah-”

“Go on.” Ben says, and Poe pats him on the shoulder again. 

“Thanks buddy.” Poe crossed the bar and threw his arm around Jess’s shoulders as Rey watched them with a fond smile from the corner table she’d taken. She had a bottle of sharp, bitter smelling liquor in her hand, bought for her by a man at the bar who she’d asked multiple times to leave her alone, but at least she fit in with a drink in her hand. The loud music and the noise of the crowd was giving her a headache, but she’s determined to make it through the party. She lifts the bottle to her lips again and frowns the second the bitter liquid touches her lips. Her stomach churns at the smell of it and she sets it on the table roughy. 

“You don’t like alcohol.” She looks up and finds Ben standing in front of her holding two glasses. 

“What gave me away?” Rey asks, arching her brow at him as she takes deep breaths to clear the smell. “And I can drink if I want to.” 

“I never said that you couldn't drink. I said You don’t like to drink.” He says again and he sets a glass of fizzing purple liquid in front of her. “Not that I think drinking while recovering from head trauma is the best idea.” 

“What’s this?” She asks. 

“Soda water with jogan fruit juice. Your favorite.” He says and she eyes it warily. “It’s not poisoned, Rey.” 

“I know!” She huffs but she doesn’t drink it. He sighs and picks up the drink, taking a sip of it and setting it down again. 

“See?” She smirks and picks up the drink to take a sip. 

“Oh- it’s good!” 

“This is what you always got before.” He explains. “I just thought you might like it better than...that.” He shrugs. “I’ll leave you alone now.” 

“You can sit- if you want.” She says and he hesitates for a second before he sits with her. “Thank you, for this.” she holds up the glass and pushes the bottle of liquor away from herself. “That was making me sick.” He picks it up and sets it on the tray of a passing waiter. “Thanks.” 

“Of course.” He smiles at takes a sip of his own glass. 

“What are you drinking?” 

“Oh it’s just tonic water..” He shrugs. 

“You’re not drinking?” She asks curiously. 

“No.” 

“Huh. Why? Thought you’d like some Corellian whiskey or something.” 

“I used to. I gave up drinking a while ago.” 

“Why?” He hesitates and takes a long sip of his drink. The truth was that he'd given it up because she didn't like to kiss him if he tasted like alcohol, and he found he didn't miss it. Alcohol had been for numbing the senses, to help forget; when he was with Rey, he wanted to remember everything. “How did you know my favorite drink? How did you know that I didn't drink?”

“For the hundredth time, we're friends, Rey. Close friends.” he sighs. 

“Closer than me and Finn?”

“In some ways, yes.” He feels heat creep into his cheeks and thanks the maker for the dim lighting. 

“...Do you have any pictures of us together?” 

“I do.” he nods, and she looks at him expectantly. 

“Well, can I see them?” 

“Of course.” he grabs his holo and flips through pictures until he finds one that's harmless. A picture of the two of them sitting next to each other at Finn and Rose’s wedding. Granted, her hand had been resting precariously high up on his thigh beneath the table, but she'd have no way of knowing that. “Here.” 

She takes it and stares at it intently. Again, her smile seems brighter here than in other photographs with anyone else. And again, He isn't looking up at the camera but at her. She feels something warm stir in her chest as she glances back up at him, finding him staring at her. 

“Why don't I like to drink?” 

“Isn't it obvious? You think it's disgusting.” he shrugs. 

“But it's something more than that, isn't it? Smelling it...it made me sick to my stomach, and...sad? Why is that?” she asks, and he avoids meeting her eyes for a moment. “You know, don't you?”

“I do.” she looks at him expectantly once more and he sighs. “It's not...Its not a great story, Rey.”

“But I want to know! I need to know. All of these things about my life- I know everyone's been keeping things from me, telling me that I'll remember eventually, but what if I don't? Doctor Kolonia said the memories might never come back. How am I supposed to figure out who the hell I am or was when people keep answering my questions with half truths and confusing stutters?” Rey groans. “I just, I want to know. Please?”

“Once, when we were speaking through the bond, we touched hands, and we each had a vision. You saw my future, and I saw your past.” He explains, unable to deny her anything. “I saw your parents, Rey.” 

“M-my parents?” 

“Yes. They were...not good people.” he says delicately, remembering the first time he'd tried to have this conversation with her and how poorly it had gone. 

“What do you mean?” 

“They were alcoholics, Rey. They sold you for drinking money and ended up dead in the Jakku desert before you were ten years old.” he says softly, watching her eyes grow oddly glazed over. “They drank themselves to death, and you knew that. They were addicted, sick. It ruined their lives and yours. You tried alcohol a few times, but then you found out that children of addicts are more likely to become addicted and you didn't think it was worth the risk. You said you never wanted to be them, to be anything like them. It never made you sick to your stomach before though- I don’t know how to explain that. Though that was cheap booze. If you’re going to drink, at least choose something nicer than that rocket fuel.” 

“I didn’t choose it at all. That guy at the bar sent it over to me.” Rey says defensively. Ben stiffens and looks over at the bar- he doesn’t need to ask which one sent her the drink; he’s still staring at her. 

“Flint?” Ben asks, fighting to keep his voice even. 

“Is that his name? All I know is he’s one of Jess and Poe’s squadron.” Rey shrugs. 

“And he bought you a drink?” 

“And told me he’d like to take me home.” She says with a roll of her eyes. “Of course, he didn't phrase it quite like that, but I lived on Jakku long enough to know what a proposition is.”

“He what?” Ben asks, his hand constricting around his glass so tightly Rey’s afraid it might shatter. 

“He’s just being a drunk ass hole. Men on Jakku were like that all the time.” She sighs. “Thank you, for telling me the truth. No one tells me the truth anymore.” 

“I’ll always tell you the truth, Rey.” He says honestly, though he’s still half distracted by the man at the bar. 

“You know, I think I believe that.” She gives him a half smile. 

“Good. I’m glad.” He smiles at her, a half smile that she finds makes her heart speed up. “I know you don’t yet, but you can trust me, Rey. I swear on my life.” 

“Ben, I-”

“Hey, Rey, I’m pretty tired, I was wondering if you wanted to head home?” Rose asks, saving Rey from having to respond. 

“I’m actually pretty tired too- and it’s loud in here.” Rey nods. “It was...nice, talking to you, Ben. Goodnight.” 

“Yeah. Goodnight, Rey.” She graces him with one of her beautiful smiles and goes to get her jacket. 

“How are you?” Rose asks, laying a hand on his shoulder. 

“Fine.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Okay, I’m terrible, I’m miserable, I just want my wife back.” Ben admits. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s...well, it’s not okay, but there’s nothing we can do about it. Doctor Kolonia still seems to think she’s likely to have a mental breakdown if we tell her anything before she’s ready to hear it. But she smiled at me just then- really smiled.” 

“I know, I saw.” Rose smiles warmly. “She knows you, Ben. Somewhere inside of her heart, she remembers you. I know she does. Just wait. Well- I’d better go catch up to her. See you later?”

“Yeah, night.” Once they’ve left, he downs the rest of the drink that he suddenly desperately wishes was alcoholic, and slams the glass down on the table before he makes his way to the bar. “Flint.” 

“Oh, it’s you. What do you want Ren?” The man grumbles as he picks up his half empty bottle. 

“That’s not my name anymore.” 

“Oops. must have slipped.” Flint shrugs. “This just a friendly chat, or do you want something?”

“I think you know.” Ben growls. “You bought Rey a drink? You were trying to pick her up?” 

“Maybe. What’s it to you?” Flint asks, his bright eyes glinting. 

“What’s it to me? She’s my wife!” Ben scoffs, his hands curling into fists at his side. 

“Mmm, but is she though? If she don’t remember it, isn’t she sort of...fair game, Kylo?” His brow arches and Ben’s nails dig into his palms. “She’s a big girl. She can decide what she wants for herself.” 

“She doesn’t drink. She hates drinking. If you knew anything about her you’d know that. And you’d know that she’d never want you!” 

“Seems to me she don’t want you either, does she?” The words are enough for his control to snap. His fist connects with Flint’s nose before the other man can see it coming. “You son of a bitch!” He lunges for Ben, but in his drunken state he’s certainly no match for a sober man with the force. 

“Hey- stop that right now!” Poe calls, rushing over to step between the two men. “What the hell is going on here?” 

“Ren kriffing punched me!” Flint shouts. “Son of a bitch broke my nose!” 

“First off, don’t talk about the General that way. Show some kriffing respect, Flint.” Poe growls. “Second, you know that’s not his name. Ben, care to explain?” 

“Flint was trying to get Rey to go home with him earlier.” Offers one of the shy pilots who had been sitting near enough to hear the whole thing. “And he provoked Master Solo, quite a bit.” 

“Is that true?” Poe asks, looking at Ben, who can only nod. “Go home Solo. I’ll deal with the drunk bantha’s ass.” 

“Deal with me? He's the one who got violent!” 

“Because you tried to take advantage of his wife who suffered head trauma!” Poe says exasperatedly. “Seriously, Ben, I can feel the anger rolling off of you, go cool down, okay?” 

“Fine.” he cracks his knuckles as he make to exit the bar, but not before he sees Rey turning her back and quickly running from the bar, leaving no doubt in his mind that she'd seen exactly what had happened- but with her reaction, It was impossible to know just how much she'd heard. He chases after her, practically sprinting to keep up with her pace.

“Rey!” she hears Ben calling for her as she makes her way as quickly as possible across the crowded street. “Wait a second, Rey!” 

“What?!” she turns to face him, and is startled to find him much closer than she'd thought he'd be. She hadn’t been so close to him since she’d woken up- he’d stayed a respectful arm’s length away from her in all of their interactions since- and her first thought is that he smells amazing and familiar. 

“Look, About that-”

“About you punching a man for no good reason?” She questions, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“I had a reason-”

“What could possibly have happened between the time I left you at the table and when I came back because Rose forgot to grab her scarf? It was less than ten minutes!” 

“Flint and I have never gotten along. He’s never forgiven me for the things I did- he takes every chance to get under my skin, and this time he just-”

“What did he do?” She waits for an answer that doesn’t seem to be forthcoming. “You said you’d always tell me the truth not half an hour ago, Ben.” 

“It was about you.” He admits, and her breath hitches in her throat. 

“M-me? Why? Because he made a few lewd comments and kept sending me horrible drinks and insisted he wouldn't stop till I accepted one? I can take care of myself, Ben!” 

“I know that- I don’t doubt that in the least, Rey, you’ve kicked my ass before, remember?” THis at least makes her crack a smile for a fraction of a moment before she can contain it. 

“It was still violence. We teach the children at the academy that there is no place for senseless violence. And it’s senseless to hurt an idiot like Flint.” She takes a step back from him. “You keep saying you’ve changed, but that was another one of your little temper tantrums, wasn’t it? Lashing out without thinking, letting the darkness overcome the light? And because of me? I’m not worth it!” 

“Yes you are!” He insists, stepping forward again. 

“Why? Why am I worth so much to you?” She asks, and he opens his mouth to answer and then shuts it again. “Fine. you don’t have to tell me. Just- I need to go.” 

“Rey.” 

“Rose is waiting for me in the speeder.” 

“Rey, don’t you see-”

“Stop. Just stop! I need to clear my head- I need to sleep! This is all too much, and I don’t understand! I don’t understand what’s going on and I- I think I’m mad at you right now! So just back off and let me go!” She growls, and he listens, taking a step back but keeping his eyes on her until he’s sure she’s safely in Rose’s speeder. Once they’re long out of sight, he kicks a rock with force so great it flies clear across the speeder lot. 

Of course. He thought with a frustrated sigh as he ripped his fingers through his hair. One step forward, six steps back.

************************************************About Three Years ago**************************************************  
She hadn't seen the blast coming. She'd been fighting with her staff (in lieu of the broken saber) and she'd frozen a boly that had come right for Finn's heart, a force skill she had never used before, a piece of his knowledge slipping through the bond. She'd deflected that bolt, saving his life, but the blast that tears across her shoulder burns like hellfire. She rears around and shoves the trooper with the force, and then she runs back to the Falcon. 

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was meant to be a quick in and out mission. But the bodies of friends and foes now lay on the ground all around them. True there were more troopers than Resistance on the ground, but it was still too many men. 

“Chewie! Power up!” She shouts, and he growls in response but the falcon hums to life. The falcon powering up had been the signal to get in their respective ships and fly away. Finn clamours up the ramp after her, followed by seven others- they’d come with ten. She sees Poe sprinting for his x-wing, Jess and his squad close at hand. “Take off!” she heads towards the cannon but Finn grabs her arm. 

“You’re hurt- go take care of that, I got this!” He insists, and she nods reluctantly. She goes to the captains quarters- Chewie had insisted she take them- and she sags onto the bed. As the adrenaline of the escape fades the wound throbs more and more. It’s deeper than the cut she’d gotten on her arm when she’d duled the praetorian guards, and significantly more painful. SHe shuts her eyes against the flow of tears, and reaches up to touch the wound, finding it cauterized, so at least she wasn’t at risk of bleeding out. But it’s deep- she could almost feel bone. 

“Rey!” Her eyes snap open and Ben is standing before her, his eyes wild, his hair in disarray. 

“Ben-” He drops to his knees, and tears off his gloves, reaching for her arm. 

“You’re hurt- I felt it. I felt- Force!” His hands hover over her arm, itching to touch her. 

“It’s fine.” Her voice trembles, but she doesn’t know if it’s the pain, or his presence. 

“It’s not. If you don’t get this looked at immediately there is going to be muscle damage!” He growls. “I- I can fix this.” 

“What?” He reaches to close the distance between them and the moment their skin touches she gasps. 

“Did I hurt you?” 

“N-no.” She shakes her head. 

“Good.” He nods and he closes his eyes. She watches his face grow calm, and his force signature changes- no it’s not all light, but it’s different than the storm of darkness she’s felt raging around him before. His energy flows into her, and it feels...She closes her eyes and revels in it. His strength is incredible, and it all flows through her. It feels like nothing she’s ever known, a thousand times better than the mere touch of their hands. “There.” When her eyes open, he’s staring at her, and the gash in her arm is gone. 

“Force healing.” She exhales and he nods. “How…” 

“I had quite an affinity for it as a child.” he shrugs and she puts her hand on top of his to keep him from withdrawing. “I know what you're thinking. I know its a “skill of the light” but I didn't do it because I'm compassionate, I did it because of you.” she trails her fingers up from his hand to his cheek, finding just a hint of stubble. She runs her fingers over it, curious, and he closes his eyes with a shuddering breath. 

“Why are you so angry?” she whispers. 

“Because someone hurt you.” he admits. “And I wasn't there to stop them.”

“It was one of your own men, Supreme Leader.” she says, trying to keep the edge of bitterness out of her voice. 

“I'd still have killed them. “ he admits with deadly certainty. 

“They were just following orders Ben. They probably didn't even really believe in the orders, or they wouldn't have, if they weren't slaves.” his eyes snap open and he stares at her. 

“Slaves.” he breathes. “They aren't slaves.”

“You think that because you've given them a roof over their heads and rations they aren't slaves?” 

“They come from very poor systems. If the trooper program hadn't taken them in, a majority wouldn't have survived to adulthood.”

“Maybe that's true. But are they free to leave now?” she asks. “Are they given leave? Compensated for their work? Ben...the armor they're forced to wear unless they're sleeping...it might as well be shackles.” he falls back on his heels and stares at his hands for a second. 

“My grandfather was a slave.” 

“Vader?” 

“Anakin Skywalker.” he nods. “His mother was a slave, and that's the life he was born into. He hated slavery above all other evils. And here I am, his only grandchild, with the biggest kriffing band of slaves in the galaxy!” the furniture around her begins to rattle with the strength of his emotion. She slides off of the bed and kneels in front of him, cradling his face with her palms. 

“Shh, come back to me.” she whispers so, so softly, and slowly his eyes focus on her face. “It's not too late to change things Ben.”

“Rey.”

“I know who you are, Ben. Even if you can't see it. I know who you are.” she insists. “And I know it's not too late.” she swears his fathomless dark eyes have tears in them. 

“Your faith in me is unfounded, and foolish.” he breaks away from her, and she's left feeling cold. You said so yourself. I'm a monster.”

“I learned to find the man behind the mask, Ben. You're not a monster. And I don't fear you.” 

“You should.” he huffs, and she rises from the cot to go to him. 

“Would you hurt me?” she asks as she wraps her arms around herself. 

“I couldn't. Not even if I wanted to- and the whole galaxy says I should want to. I'm the jedi killer, and yet there you stand, the last embodiment of the word, and I'd destroy everything to save you.” her breath catches in her throat. “I’m sorry. That was...There’s something about you that makes it impossible for me to speak correctly- and yet-” 

“You can’t think clearly unless we’re together.” She suggests. “Ben. I know.” He turns to her again, and he cradles her face in his hand. “You know, we both saw the other turning- did you ever consider-” He vanishes, and she crumples back onto the bed. She doesn’t know how long she sits there before she hears the soft rapping on the door. 

“Rey? Can I come in?” Finn asks. 

“Y-yes.” the door slides open, and Finn comes to her side. 

“Let me see your...arm...what the hell!” He gasps, his eyes wide. She follows his gaze down to her shoulder where all that remains of the once gaping burn wound is a pale pink puckered scar. “Rey, I thought your shoulder was torn up!” 

“It was. Force healing.” She explains. 

“That’s...That’s amazing!” he looks closer at the scar. “I didn’t know you knew how to do this!” She bites her lip. Her force healing was nowhere near good enough to heal a burn wound that had cut so deep. She’d managed to seal a few minor abrasions, but nothing beyond a surface wound. 

“I don’t know- It just- came to me.” She shook her head. 

“Why are you acting so strangely?” He asks.

“The force healing took a lot of my energy. Sorry- I’m very tired.” 

“Oh- yeah- of course. I’m so glad that you’re okay. I was really worried peanut.” 

“Ditto.” She nods, and embraces him. 

“I’ll let you get some sleep.” He squeezes her and leaves. She lays down and stares at the ceiling, running her fingers over the healed patch of skin. She feels his absence in her bones, feels the tugging of the string thats constantly moving and coiling between them. She misses the deep timber of his voice, and the warmth of his hands on her skin, and the way his dark eyes see everything. 

And it washes over her slowly and then all at once.

She loves him.

She sits bolt upright with a gasp, and her hand flies over her heart. She loves him. Of course she does. And it wasn't the same warm, familiar, brotherly love she felt for Finn or Poe, and it wasn't the familial love she felt for Leia or Chewie. 

It was something new to her entirely. It was chaotic and passionate and sparkling in her mind's eye. It was firey and unpredictable, like the blade he wielded. Like somehow he'd become the flame that warmed her from the inside out, that without him there she'd freeze. And the look in his eye, wild and afraid when he'd thought she had been badly wounded- the way he said he'd destroy everything for her. He couldn't have felt nothing for her- 

Did he love her? Or was he concerned about the bond? They both knew life would be hollow without it. But why was it there at all? If it had been Snoke’s doing, it should have vanished when Snoke’s power stopped coursing, and yet, it had only become stronger since then. She reaches beneath the bunk with a frustrated sigh and finds the old Jedi texts she'd taken from Ahch-to, and turns back to the section she'd left off on. It's a boring section about lightsaber forms, and she flips through the pages absently until her eyes lock on a section entitled “soul bond”.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Impossible. Impossible.” Rey shakes her head as she snapped out of her meditation. 
> 
> “Rey? Are you okay?” Ben asks quietly, trying not to disturb the meditative state of the younglings. She looks up at him and shakes her head. He rises from the floor and offers her his hand to help her up. She accepts it and he pulls her out of the room. “What's wrong?” 
> 
> “Everything right now.” she sniffs and blinks hard as she tries to keep tears from falling. “I feel like I've really lost my mind.” 
> 
> “You haven't, Rey. You've been hurt, you just need time to recover.” he assures her softly. “It's not impossible. You'll get there.”
> 
> “Impossible?” she asks curiously. 
> 
> “That's what you said when you snapped out of meditation in there.” 
> 
> “Oh I didn't mean- never mind. Never mind! It's impossible.” she starts to walk down the hall and then she freezes. She stares at a painting on the wall; a beautiful painting of a woman with dark hair standing beside a tall, handsome man with jedi robes on. "
> 
> In the past, Ben and Rey decide where they stand. In the present, Rey has no clue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'm so pleased that you've been enjoying the story! I do hope you keep enjoying it!

*******************************About Three Years Ago****************************************  
The air around her grows still again, and she’s left breathless with anticipation. She’s been waiting three weeks for the connection to open like this again- where she’ll be able to see him. The fact that she’s still only wearing her breast bindings and shorts after she’s been in the sonic shower doesn’t matter anymore- not when she’s going to be able to see him again. For three weeks they’d danced around their bond, letting it flow between them just enough to feel emotions. 

“Ben!” She says when her finally appears, and he stares at her with his mouth slightly agape for a moment before he seems to shake himself out of a trance. “Sorry.” She turns to her dresser to grab a tank top, and he catches her wrist. The contact makes her gasp, just like the first time, he’s so warm and real and solid here and now. 

“I’ve disbanded the Stormtrooper program.” He says and now it’s her turn for her jaw to drop. 

“You what?” 

“Disbanded it.” 

“But- Ben- that’s your army! And you just… just!”

“The leadership is livid, but it was the right thing to do. Fifty percent of the troopers decided to leave. The other half will now be fairly compensated for their work, given leave like the officers, and are only required to wear their armor during battles.” He explains. “They were slaves to the first order. No one should be a slave.” She stands on her toes and flings her arms around his neck. He’s still for what feels like an eternity before he wraps his arms around her waist and drops his face to her shoulder, breathing her in, holding her closer. 

“You did...that was absolutely right, Ben.” She whispers, and raises her hand to stroke the hair at the nape of his neck without thinking about it. “I knew you could do it. I knew what I saw on Ahch-To wasn’t wrong.” He leans away reluctantly to stare at her. 

“I’ll never be light, Rey. I’ve done too much, gone too far. I can’t come back.” He insists. 

“You can! Even Vader could, in the end, for his son. For someone he loved.” Her voice starts loud and ends in a whisper. “Someone who loved him.”

“There’s no one left who loves me, Rey.” He shakes his head. “Even my mother has given up hope now. I’m alone.” She stands on her toes again, takes his face in her hands, and tries to ignore how her heart is hammering. 

“You’re not alone.” She presses her mouth against his very softly, just a brush of her lips before she withdraws from him, finding him staring at her with wide eyes. She takes a step back and touches her fingers to her lips. “I’m sorry- I thought...Sorry!” He steps forward and grabs her face in his own hands and kisses her again. Her body melts against his as she twines her fingers in his silky hair and sighs against his mouth. She’d never been kissed before, but this...this was more than she could have dreamed it would be. Her whole world seemed set ablaze with every soft movement of his mouth against hers. When they’re forced to break apart for air, she cradles his face in her hands and runs her thumb along the scar that bisects his face, not marring him, but making him more handsome. “You know, you never asked me what I saw on Ahch-To.” 

“You saw me turning to stand with you.” He breathes as if it were obvious. 

“Yes. but you weren’t light, and I wasn’t dark. We were something in the middle, Ben. We met in the gray.” She explains hopefully. “We met in the middle and we were together, Ben. In all things.” Her cheeks tinge red and she looks up at him with such hope in her hazel eyes. “We can do that. We can be together, Ben.” 

“Rey…”

“If that’s what you want- I know I’m nothing-”

“You have no idea how much I regret saying that- or at least wording it that way. I didn’t mean that you meant nothing or you were nothing. I meant that I come from this giant legacy, decades in the making, that millions of people have suffered and rejoiced in. My place in the story was determined before I was even born, but you… the force brought you to the story. You had purpose, even when you were nowhere.” He runs his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry- that wasn’t a much better explanation. I’m not good at this sort of thing. Words have always been Hux’s department.” 

“It’s alright. I understand what you’re trying to say. I do.” She nods. “Come to me. Please.” 

“Rey, I can’t. They’d kill me before I said a word, and they’d be justified.” He shakes his head. 

“I wouldn’t let them!” She says fiercely. “Can’t you see that we need each other? That when we’re apart we aren't quite whole any more? Ben...Please. I need you.” 

“You need me?” He asks softly, cradling her cheek in the curve of his palm. 

“Always. I’ll always need you. That’s what...I’ve been doing some reading, everything I can about forcebonds. I was trying to find a way to shut it, cut it off. But since the last time I saw you, I found something that said that the force connected those who were meant to know eachother- it could be in different ways, for different purposes; master and apprentice, allies, siblings sometimes, like your mother had with Luke. But there was a rare occurance- a soul bond, they called it.” She says softly. “The legend says that a soul bond forms when one human soul was torn in two and placed into two bodies, meant to find each other, to be together to reach their full potential.” 

“Be together?” He asks, and her face turns pink while she nods. “Be together how?” 

“As Partners in all things. As allies. As soulmates. As lovers.” She whispers, and she feels his hand start trembling where it rests on her skin. 

“Do you love me?” He asks, as if afraid to hope. 

“Don’t you already know the answer?” She steps even closer and rests her hand over his heart, feeling it beat erratically. “Ben...I love you.” 

“Marry me.” He says and she inhales sharply. 

“What?” 

“Marry me. Let’s get married.” He trails his hands down her arms until he’s holding her hands in his own. 

“Ben that’s...that’s crazy! We’re on opposite sides of a war that isn’t over, people would never understand! They’d never allow us to do it- I…” She trails off and looks into his eyes, so warm and tender. No one has ever looked at her like that before. Like she was holy. 

“I don’t care about any of that. I don’t care about anything except you. Just, marry me, Rey. Marry me and we’ll figure it all out from there. Just be with me. Please.” 

“Ben…”

“Please.” his voice is almost more desperate now than it had been the first time he'd whispered the word, and suddenly she understands. All of his life has been filled with empty promises, and perceived betrayal by those who claimed to love him. A marriage would be proof, a bond that every being could understand that would bind them. And while she'd grown up on Jakku where legal marriages were almost non-existent due to the high price of a marriage license, he'd grown up on Chandrila, where marriage was the logical step to take when you were in love with someone, when you found the person you wanted to be with forever. Well, she knew in every fiber of her being that she wanted that with Ben...and if it would mean so much to him...

“Where?” She asks, and his lips curl into a small smile. “When?”

“Naboo. We’ll meet in two days on Naboo.” He strokes some loose hair out of her eye and she nods. “You’ll come?” 

“I will.” She nods. “I...I’ll marry you.” Her feet leave the ground the next instant when he picks her up to crush against his chest. She wraps her arms around him, and joins him in a passionate kiss. “We can’t tell anyone. Not yet.” 

“I know.” 

“We’ll probably have to part for a while, after.” She frowns and he nods solemnly. “But we will be together, Ben. Always.” 

“You’re the love of my life, Rey. I know that.” He says softly. 

“Then you’d better kiss me.” she smiles and he smiles too before he kisses her. 

“I’m sorry I was such a fool before, Rey. I should have done what you asked those months ago. I’m sorry.” 

“I forgive you.” She says so softly, and he falls onto his knees and wraps his arms around her, resting his forehead against her smooth skin. The bond begins to prickle and feel cold and she twines her fingers in his hair as if that could keep him. “I’ll see you on Naboo. Two days.” 

“Yes.” The connection snaps and she falls backwards onto her bed, breathing hard. She was going to marry him. It was insane- it was impossible- but she could already tell that she was never going to regret it.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Present~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The first indicator that something is deeply wrong with her comes when Rose casually remarks that she left a supply of sanitary products under the counter in the fresher for her when the time came for her blood. 

“Oh, I don’t need those. I never bleed really.” Rey shrugs. It was a fact of her hard life on Jakku- starvation and hard physical labor made carrying a child in her body a serious improbability. One that she’d never really minded. 

“But you do, we were on the same cycle before I got pregnant.” Rose explains. “But I guess you still think it’s three years ago. You started having normal cycles about four months after you came to the resistance. They had you on special vitamins and a special diet to help you get healthy. You were missing a lot of essentials after Jakku.” 

“Oh...Well...I suppose I’ll be needing them soon then.” Rey nods. 

“You haven’t bled since you were in the hospital?” Rose asks and she shakes her head. “It’s been almost eight weeks- but you know, you’ve skipped cycles before, usually because of stress, and I guess your body has been under a lot of stress. Still, you should probably mention it at your next check in with Doctor Kolonia.” Her casual attitude had put Rey at ease for a time. 

But the following day when she was meditating she could have sworn she felt something, a small flicker of something from deep inside of her that she’d never noticed before. A light that she didn’t recognize. 

“Impossible. Impossible.” Rey shakes her head as she snapped out of her meditation. 

“Rey? Are you okay?” Ben asks quietly, trying not to disturb the meditative state of the younglings. She looks up at him and shakes her head. He rises from the floor and offers her his hand to help her up. She accepts it and he pulls her out of the room. “What's wrong?” 

“Everything right now.” she sniffs and blinks hard as she tries to keep tears from falling. “I feel like I've really lost my mind.” 

“You haven't, Rey. You've been hurt, you just need time to recover.” he assures her softly. “It's not impossible. You'll get there.”

“Impossible?” she asks curiously. 

“That's what you said when you snapped out of meditation in there.” 

“Oh I didn't mean- never mind. Never mind! It's impossible.” she starts to walk down the hall and then she freezes. She stares at a painting on the wall; a beautiful painting of a woman with dark hair standing beside a tall, handsome man with jedi robes on. Her mind reels as she stares at it.   
……………………………………………………………………………………………….

“You've got her eyes.” she observes. “Your mother has those eyes too.” 

“That is the way genetics tend to work.” he smirks at her and she turns her eyes back to the man in the painting. 

“Do you ever wonder if he inherited features from the force?” 

“The force doesn't have features to inherit, Rey.” he chuckles. 

“And until your grandfather the force didn't actually create life, but there he was- and a generation later here you are. You could have features from the force and not even know it.” she points out. 

“I don't think so. I have my father's face and my mother's eyes. The only thing I inherited from him was my temper.”   
'...................................................................................................................

“Ben.” she turns to face him again and he strides over to her. “These are your grandparents.”

“Yes- did I tell you that or did you remember?” he asks. 

“I remembered. We talked about them here. I said something about him inheriting features from the force?”

“Oh- right. You were really fixated on the fact that he was a product of the force.” 

“Product of the force?” 

“He had no father. His mother conceived a child of the force. He was extremely powerful.” Ben explains, and she gasps. “What?”

“Nothing. Nothing, it's nothing. It's just difficult, remembering so suddenly.” she shakes her head. 

“Well, that's one memory back. Three years worth to go.” he says, and she rolls her eyes at him. . Her stomach churns uneasily again. It was impossible. It had to be impossible; but then she fixed her eyes on the painting again, and suddenly it didn’t feel so impossible after all. “You’ve gone pale again.” 

“I’m fine. I’m fine. I just...I need to go lay down.” She turned again and almost ran into Chewie in her haste to escape. “Sorry!” She squeaks and weaves around him. 

“Where is she running to?” The wookie asks. 

“She said she needed to lie down. She remembered something- now don’t get excited. It was an insignificant conversation we had years ago when we founded the academy, after my mother gave us the painting from Naboo.” Ben sighs and folds his arms over his chest. 

“Any memory is good, little Ben. Soon she will see the full truth.” 

“I’m almost afraid it won’t matter- her opinion of me is so low right now, after that incident on Jess’s birthday. Maybe she’ll finally realize she made a mistake marrying me in the first place.” The wookie slaps him upside the head, and he groans. “Um, Ow! What the hell was that for?” 

“You’re such a fool sometimes, Little Ben. Your father was a fool too. He fought many other men who made suits for your mother or looked at her the wrong way in a cantina. She did not like it, but she still loved him. Sunshine may be confused, but she will love you like she did. I can see it in her eyes.” Chewie ruffles his hair as if he were still a small child and rests his great furry hand on his shoulder. 

“I hope you're right. I really do.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Straighten your stance a little.” Ben suggests and she freezes. “Your opponent could knock you off balance.” She turns to him, holding her stance exactly as she’d had it before. 
> 
> “Are you an expert now?”
> 
> “Not “now”. I’ve been trained in combat my whole life, Rey. My weapon of choice may be a saber, but I’d be a terrible fighter if I couldn’t master the weapon my opponent was using.” He shrugs. “Your right foot. Move it in.” 
> 
> “My style has served me well for years.” She huffs. Her sass is met with the gentlest push through the force, enough to make her waiver, noticeably on her right side. “Hey!”
> 
> “I told you.”
> 
> “Most of my opponents don’t have the force giving them an unfair advantage!” 
> 
> “But your most dangerous opponents always will.” He says firmly and her eyes narrow. 
> 
> “Who? You?”
> 
> “No. I’m not an opponent. I would never try to hurt you.”"
> 
> In the past Ben and Rey find their first student. In the present they spar for the first time since her injury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Readers! Sorry it's been a minute, I was out at camp for a little over a week! But I'm back now, and super excited to share this new chapter with you! For the record with the flashback scenes, they all count back from the day that Rey woke up, and will be in the sections between the "******". I realize that's sort of confusing, but it was the way I discovered worked best for keeping everything consistent! Thanks for putting up with my shenanigans! Comments and Kudos make my day!

*************************About Two Years Ago*********************************************************  
They find the girl in a refugee camp on one of the moons of Yavin. Her force signature had called to them as soon as they had landed, shimmering and raw, untainted by light or dark. 

“Leia?” Rey calls, dashing over to her mother in law with her husband in tow. They’d come on a relief mission, something having made them believe they should. Now they felt it, felt them, the child who was waiting. “Can you feel that? Feel her?”

“Yes.” Leia nods. “She’s why you’ve come.”

“And to help where we can.” Rey insists. “But I can’t doubt she’s the pull.” 

“Go find her. We’ll be setting up the supply tent.” Leia squeezes her shoulder gently. 

“Thank you!” She drags Ben along with her as she runs towards the camp. 

“Hey, hey, slow down Madame Jedi.” He says softly, pulling her to a stop. 

“Ben!”

“We can’t just burst into her home screaming about the force, Rey. We don’t want to scare her.” He explains. “We don’t know how old she is, or what she’s been through. We need to exercise restraint, sweetheart.” She nods slowly and he kisses her forehead. “Come on.” 

“I’m nervous.” 

“Don’t be. People love you.” He assures her. 

“But what if they-“

“They’ll love you. And if they don’t they’re idiots.” He insists, stopping her again to kiss her hands. “You would have to be an idiot to not want you as a teacher.” 

“Ben…”

“Come on.” He tugs her into motion again, and they hone in on the force signature, her heart beating faster every second, because she can see exactly where theyre headed. A ragged, patched tent that had once been white, with a tiny, messily handpainted sign.

“Ben! This is...this is a…” She stammers, halting. 

“An orphanage.” He nods, his expression grim. Her breath comes out in gasps, and only Ben’s hand in her own keeps her from wrapping her arms around herself to keep from shattering. “Hey, are you okay?” He puts his hand on her face, staring into her eyes. “Sweetheart?”

Memories race through her mind- a tent full of children in a desolate landscape, reeking of waste and unwashed bodies. The first home she could remember. The first thing she really seemed to be able to remember. There were no beds or blankets, though the nights and storms were frigid, and the children were expected to steal to survive. And those that didn’t had their bodies tossed into the sand, to be buried by the wind or hauled away by an animal. Most girls went to the pleasure tents when they reached adolescence, because at least there they’d have guaranteed portions. Boys turned to scavenging or kept right on stealing. She’d left the orphan tent on Jakku behind when she was ten or eleven and one of the older boys had tried to touch her. She bit his hand so hard it bled, kicked him between the legs, and then she ran off into the night. 

She’d escaped that fate, but she’d never escaped being under Plutt’s thumb- she’d be one of those sand corpses soon, nothing left of her and no one to care for her- 

“Rey.” The voice is soft and soothing. “Rey, sweetheart. Breathe. Inhale, exhale.” She follows his instructions, letting the air leave her chest in even breaths. “Look at me, baby, please. Just at me.” Her eyes focus in on him, and she becomes aware of his hands cradling hers. “Good, you’re doing so good, Rey. Now, tell me what you see.” 

“You. Just you.” She sighs. “I’m sorry I don’t know-“

“Hey now, don’t apologize. It’s just a little panic attack. Force knows I have them.” He chuckles lamely. She nods and forces herself to take even breaths. “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to go in there. I can go alone.” She shakes her head. “It’s not going to be like the one you knew, Rey.” He assures her. 

“I...I know. I can do this.” 

“I know that you can. You can do anything, sweetheart. But you’re not alone anymore. You have me, and you don’t ever have to do anything that you don’t want to do. Not as long as I’m alive.” He kisses her brow tenderly, and she melts into the affection that confirms his words. 

“There’s nothing to fear if you’re with me, Ben. Not even my ghosts.” She assures him. “Let’s go find them.” The tent is crowded, but organized, and smells as clean as a tent filled with children could smell. It was nothing like the sad tent she’d spent years in, practically a slave to Plutt. The children play with meager toys, several are nibbling on what appear to be military grade ration sticks. Not quite fresh food, but better than portions by a mile. And towards the back…

“Master Solo? How lovely to see you here!” A young woman says as she approaches. “And Master Solo- Oh, where are my manners- I’m Mina, I help take care of the orphans, I’ve seen you both in the holostories- I never thought I’d meet you in person!”

“It’s a pleasure, Mina.” Rey nods, reaching out to touch her hand. “The work you do here is admirable, important. I can’t thank you enough.” 

“I don’t need thanks, Madame Jedi. I just want to make sure these kids are all taken care of. Is there something I could help you with?” Mina smiles brightly. 

“Perhaps- you see, my husband and I, we’re looking to start a school, to teach those born with the force. And we believe one of the children here…” Her eyes flicker to the back of the tent again. “May we?” 

“Of course! A force sensitive here of all places! Oh how exciting!” She grins at them as she gestures them towards the back of the tent. Children seem to get progressively younger as they go, until the child is so near she swears she can see the winding of the force around them, and then, she sees the child. A tiny girl, no more than three with fair blonde hair and a dusting of freckles over a button nose. “Is this- is she?” Rey finds herself kneeling to be more level with the girl, and she feels Ben kneel with her, his hand on the small of her back. 

“Hello sweetheart, I’m Rey, Rey Solo.” She says, perhaps a bit too formally for an introduction to a child. But the girl regards her with curiousity in her luminous grey eyes. 

“She hasn’t spoken since they found her. She was...well, she was the only survivor of an entire city block.” Mira whispers sadly. “She shouldn’t have survived, really. Everything around her was rubble and yet-”

“That’s the force for you.” Ben says, his voice filled with wonder as he takes in the appearance of the little girl. Despite the hardship she’d lived through, everything about her screamed innocence, trust, hope. He had to wonder if he’d ever looked at the world with half so much joy in his heart. “Does she have a name?” 

“Armenia Corazine. We managed to cross reference her DNA with medical records from the planet.” 

“Armenia? Is that your name darling?” Rey asks softly, and the girl responds by extending her hand and clasping at Rey’s somewhat outstretched fingers. “It’s a very pretty name. I quite like it.” She tugs on Rey’s hand, showing her a doll made of scraps- something that looks all too much like the doll she had once made for herself. “Very pretty.” She smiles despite the tears that threaten to choke her. Armenia nods once, and extends her palm, pushing the doll easily hovering right before Rey’s face before she drops her hand and lets the doll fall back into her outstretched palm. “You have a gift. I have it too.” Rey says softly, extending her own palm and levitating it just above Armenia’s palm. The girl claps in delight, and catches the doll out of the air. 

“We’d like to acquire custody of the child, if we may.” She hears Ben whisper behind her. 

“How would you like to come with us sweetheart?” Rey asks, brushing a few blonde curls out of the girls face. She looks at her curiously and then her focus shifts to Ben. After a moment she extends her arms as if to be held, and she feels Ben tense behind her. “Hey. It’s okay.” She whispers, and he nods. “I’m supposed to be the one who’s nervous, remember?” He cracks a smile, and scoops the little girl up in his arms. She puts both of her tiny hands on his cheeks, and stares at him before smiling and curling into his shoulder. He blinks, a bit shellshocked, before he lifts one of his giant hands to affectionately ruffle her hair. 

Rey feels like something gives way within her chest as she watches them. His original hesitation melts and gives way to honest, joyful affection as he begins to speak to Armenia and then to Mira in his low tone of voice. Despite the fact that he’s still a bit stiff and awkward with the girl in his arms, he radiates purpose, calm, joy. And he looks radiant when he smiles at her, all signs of trouble melting from his face, any lines of worry vanishing. 

For a moment, an image dances before her eyes, where the child isn’t a stranger at all, but a little boy with curly black hair and green eyes, grinning at her from his fathers strong arms. 

The air escapes from her lungs all at once, as she tries to shake the feeling that it had been no mere imagining, but a vision through the force. Because she’d made up her mind, and a child, even the most beautiful child in the galaxy was not in the stars for them. But she tucks the image away in the back of her mind, somewhere quiet and safe, where even Ben wouldn’t be able to find it. Because seeing that would give him hope- and she couldn’t do that only to dash it again. 

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
“Master Solo?” Rey turns to look at Ben, wondering why he’s ignoring the child. “Master Solo?” 

“Ben?” Rey almost snaps, and he turns at once. 

“Yes?”

“Armenia was asking for you. Didn’t you hear her?”

“No I wasn’t, I was asking for-“

“Master Rey is right, Armenia. I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention as I should have been.” Ben says, kneeling to get to a more even height with the blonde little girl. 

“Oh! Right…” she chews her thumb nail nervously, and he gently pries her hand away from her face. She smiles at him, and something in Rey’s heart squeezes, and for just a second she can’t breathe. “I just…I wanted to show you both…” she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a handful of tiny white stones. “They match.” 

“They are very beautiful.” Rey smiles. She’s reminded of her own little collection of beautiful things from Jakku. Garbage to everyone else, precious treasures to her, probably buried in the sand by now.

“I’ve been practicing too. See?” She extends her hand a little further, and the stones begin to circle in the air above her palm, one chasing after the next. Her brow crinkles with the effort, but she manages five perfect rotations, the rocks remaining level and moving at an even speed. She catches them back in her palm, and Ben claps his hands enthusiastically, making the girl break into a tired grin. 

“That was spectacular!” He declares. She looks over her shoulder at Rey for approval.

“Absolutely wonderful.” She agrees with a ready grin. Maker, why couldn’t she stop crying?!

“Thank you! I gotta go show Panna!” The girl skips off towards the door to the yard where the children are playing. 

“Are you alright?” Ben asks, and she covers the way his concern makes her knees weak by rolling her eyes and feigning annoyance. 

“I’m fine.” She crosses the sparring floor and picks up a staff, swinging it through her forms. These at least she hadn’t forgotten. These were burned into her very muscles, her bones. 

“Straighten your stance a little.” Ben suggests and she freezes. “Your opponent could knock you off balance.” She turns to him, holding her stance exactly as she’d had it before. 

“Are you an expert now?”

“Not “now”. I’ve been trained in combat my whole life, Rey. My weapon of choice may be a saber, but I’d be a terrible fighter if I couldn’t master the weapon my opponent was using.” He shrugs. “Your right foot. Move it in.” 

“My style has served me well for years.” She huffs. Her sass is met with the gentlest push through the force, enough to make her waiver, noticeably on her right side. “Hey!”

“I told you.”

“Most of my opponents don’t have the force giving them an unfair advantage!” 

“But your most dangerous opponents always will.” He says firmly and her eyes narrow. 

“Who? You?”

“No. I’m not an opponent. I would never try to hurt you.” 

“Just the one time then? Or was it the two? Maybe we’ll say five, just to be safe.” His shame is so radiant she can feel it in her own belly, and she regrets her words at once. “I’m sorry. That was too far.”

“That was the truth. Don’t apologize. I should apologize to you. I’ll never stop apologizing to you. I’ll never stop trying to make it up to you, even though I know there’s no real way to do it.” He steps closer as he speaks, his body within inches of hers and her pulse races at his proximity, the force nearly sings and she feels her breath come in gasps.

“You...want to make it up to me?”

“Desperately.” He whispers. She shuts her eyes and swallows before extending her hand to the side and summoning one of the staffs from the wall. 

“I could use a sparring partner.” She says, offering him a small smile. His hand wraps around the staff just above hers, just close enough for her to feel the heat of his skin radiating to hers. He takes a step back and gives the staff a few experimental swings, before twirling it expertly through his fingers. 

“Ready?” He asks, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“I kicked your ass once, Solo, I can do it again.” She teases. They’re circling eachother, almost like a hunter stalking it’s prey, but as opposed to Starkiller, she doesn’t feel truly threatened by him. He wants to fight her, to teach her, even to defeat her in this round, but if there’s one thing doesn’t want, it’s for her to get hurt at all. She leaps at him, breaking the stalemate, and their staffs collide with a loud crack that reverberates up her arms. He pushes back, but she manages to land easily on her feet and get back on the offensive. He attacks next, his swings less precise than hers, but at least twice as powerful. 

She doesn’t know how long it goes on. He’s stronger, but she’s quicker by far. He’s far better at estimating what her next move will be and countering it, but she’s nimble and light on her feet. One second she’s certain she has him to the point of yield, and the next she’s got her back pressed against the foam wall, her staff in his hands, pressed gently to her throat so she knows there’s no real threat. She stares at his chocolate eyes, now dark and wild, ands takes in his mussed hair and heavy breathing. Her own breathing is strained, and she feels her body tingling everywhere his has made contact, and he’s near right now, so near-

“Y-yield.” She stammers and slips out of his admittedly too loose hold. She grabs her cantine, sits on the padded floor and drinks down her water thristily. When she’s finished it, she starts to get up to fill it, but he’s already set his own in her hand. Her first instinct is to reject it, but the look in his eye is almost pleading; so she opens it and drinks just as thirstily. He sits on the floor almost across from her, his elbows resting on his knees as he watches her. “What?” 

“Nothing- it’s...nothing.” 

“It isn’t nothing. You’re blushing.” 

“No I’m not- I’m just...warm.” He protests. She raises her brow at him, and he sighs as he runs his fingers through his untamed locks. “You just get so excited about water. You look so genuinely thrilled and it’s sweet.” 

“Oh.” She gasps. “Um...Thanks? I guess I just can’t take it for granted, you know. I never had enough growing up.” He bites his lip, and she can tell he’s trying to refrain from reminding her that he already knew that. “You weren’t at your best, on Starkiller.” 

“I’d been shot, Rey. By a bowcaster. Of course I wasn’t at my best.” He huffs. 

“That’s not it. You were...Today I knew you weren’t going to hurt me. I could feel it coming off of you in waves. On Starkiller, that feeling, it was there. I didn’t know what it was, but it was there too. Even then, you were...pulling your punches. Trying not to hurt me.” 

“Yes.” He admits, looking down at his too large hands. 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know.” It’s a half lie of course. He knows full well now that even then the Force had protested, screamed how wrong it was for the two of them to be on opposing sides, literally splitting the ground between them before any lasting damage could be inflicted. The force had always intended him for her, and her for him. And yes, even then, he had felt it. But he can tell by the look on her face that she isn’t satisfied with the answer. “It would have been such a waste, to kill you. You were, and are, so full of the force, full of potential. I couldn’t do it. The force stayed my hand at every turn.” She’s frowning when she looks up at him. 

“Have I ever actually beaten you?” 

“I’d say Starkiller was still a victory for you; I could have captured you again without hurting you, but you surprised me. Kicked my ass, actually.” She smiles a little at this. “And after, yes, sometimes you win our sparring matches. It just depends. You aren’t at your best at the moment, You know, head trauma and all that.” 

“When I’m better, I want a rematch.” 

“As many as you want.” He promises. “What are you thinking about?” 

“Hm?” 

“You look so concentrated.” 

“You can control your temper with me, but not with a near stranger at a bar?” She asks. He heaves a long sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Why is that?” 

“Because you’re not a complete asshole!” He huffs, and she barks out a laugh. “I...I have been working on the temper, so much. It is better, but…”

“But it’s not under control all the way yet.” 

“No. It isn’t.” 

“Have you ever lost your temper with one of the children?” 

“No! Of course not!” 

“Is it such an unreasonable question?” 

“I would never-”

“But you did. Harm children. The village on Jakku? The Jedi younglings, how many others for the sake of the monster you served?” He looks down at his hands, his brow furrowed as he tries to come up with a half decent answer for her. “I...The children love you. You are good with them. They trust you so completely. But do they know who you are?” 

“The older ones do. We’ve never- I’ve never lied to them, to anyone of them, Ive never pretended to be something or someone that I’m not. I’m Ben Solo, and somewhere inside of me, that’s always who I’ve been. As the children get older, they figure it out for themselves, they’re free to ask me any questions they like, and if they wish, they can choose not to have me as their teacher any longer.” 

“But none of them have.” 

“No. And no, I don’t know why. I hate myself for the things I’ve done, so I can’t fathom why they don’t hate me more.” He rose from the floor with that. “We should go call them in for dinner. It’s nearly time.” She can only stare after him as he goes, her jaw slack.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Oh Ben, thank the maker!” Rose says when he comes into the room. 
> 
> “What happened?” He's at her side in an instant, brushing her hair out of her eyes and running the back of his hand over her forehead. 
> 
> “I'm not sure- honestly I'm not sure. She's been sick for the last couple of days, just mildly, and I called doctor Kolonia, and she said I should bring her in for a check up, so we had an appointment for next week, and then this morning we were talking and I showed her a picture and she said she was confused and it just...overwhelmed her! I'm so sorry, I'm trying to take care of her but she's so headstrong!” by the end of her explanation she's dabbing away tears with her sleeve. 
> 
> “What were you talking about, before?” he asks. “What was the picture of?”
> 
> “Oh, it was just… um…” 
> 
> “Me.” "
> 
> Rey's confusion soars to new heights, landing her back in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful readers! I'm so pleased by all of your feedback! It makes me want to update constantly! I hope you enjoy this next chapter! It all takes place in the present, there is a "~~~~~~" Line where there's a slight time jump, only an hour or so into the future.

She hadn’t been able to sleep well in weeks; It seemed she tossed and turned all night, until she’d finally gave up on sleeping at all. She couldn’t shake the look in Ben’s eyes when he’d said how he hated himself. It haunted her but he deserved to feel that pain. He’d hurt so many- so many! And all of that aside, if it could be placed aside at all, She was still uneasy about Ben’s behavior at the bar- because that had been terrible.

Or had it been? 

That he’d been so upset that the man at the bar had been hitting on her was almost...attractive? It annoyed her, it was stupid, but the primal part of her, the part that only cared about survival had never felt more attracted to him than in that moment. He hadn’t been lying when he said he did it because of her, because of how she’d been treated. People just didn’t stand up for her like that on Jakku. She’d fought all of her battles alone, and she didn’t need Ben or anyone else to fight them for her. 

But just the fact that he’d wanted to…

And then there was the nagging sensation at the back of her mind, the pull to that glimmering new light that she felt pulsing inside of her. It radiated across all of her being, but if she focused she could swear it was coming from….

Her head is spinning again, and she presses her temples to try to ward off the feeling. She rolls off of the bed and stumbles to the bathroom, heaving up the contents of her stomach again. She felt as if she’d thrown up more in the last two weeks than she had in the last five years that she recalled. After a few minutes, there’s a soft rapping on the door. 

“Hey- I heard you in here.” Rose says as she comes over to kneel next to her on the bathroom floor. “That’s like- the third time this week, isn’t it?” 

“Mhm.” She grunts and heaves again. “Sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize Rey. It’s okay. But maybe we should take you back in to see Doctor Kolonia again.” 

“I have an appointment next week. I’ll be fine until then. I’m just dizzy, not sleeping well, all of that.” Rey waves her off. Rose strokes her back gently, and Rey leans back against the tile wall again. “I’ve just been feeling so off since I woke up.” 

“Well I guess that’s to be expected.” Rose nods. “We’re quite a pair, aren’t we? Both throwing up all the time. The only one in this house who doesn’t wake up sick seems to be Finn.” 

“Lucky bastard.” Rey sighs. “How’s the baby?” 

“She’s good- I mean, they’re good. Well, I think it’s a girl. The morning sickness is finally starting to wane a bit. I only woke up like four times sick this week instead of every morning.” 

“What an improvement.” Rey laughs. “What does it feel like?” 

“Well, it's only just starting to really feel like anything real- But honestly, don’t my boobs look fantastic right now?” Rose wags her eyebrows and Rey laughs. “I mean, I’m sick and tired all the time, I’m moody, I’m hungry and repulsed by food, I’m ready to jump Finn’s bones one second and then want no one to touch me for days on end- it’s confusing as hell, honestly. But I can tell the baby is growing in there. And when we get the scans, and we get to hear the heartbeat… well, I can’t think of anything better.” 

“That sounds wonderful.” Rey smiles, but her heart feels like it drops into her stomach. So many of those things- she felt so many of those things. The force had chosen a woman once before to be the vessel for a child of the force. Could it all be happening again? 

“Come on. We can make some plain toast and have some tea. It’ll make us feel better.” Rose suggests. 

“Sounds good. Then I really have to head to the academy.” 

“Why? Don’t you usually go a little later?” 

“I do, but I wanted to try some meditation this morning before the kids come into the meditation space. I need to try to clear my head.” Rey sighs as they make their way to the kitchen. “Ugh. It almost seems pointless to try- everything is so jumbled up there right now.”

“Did you ask Ben for some help? I mean, with your force connection, don't you think he might be able to navigate a little better?” Rose suggests. 

“No- well, maybe he could, but I don't trust him. I've seen what happens when he gets in to someone's head, I'm not going there again.” 

“Oh Rey, he isn't like that anymore. He just isn't. You and Ben have a connection you once tried to explain to me by calling it a “two way river”. You said it was so natural, the constant flow of information between the two of you. As simple as breathing.” 

“I don't want him in my head.” 

“Why not?”

“Because he confuses me!” she cries. “He confuses me so much. He's kind, but there's so much rage and sadness buried under the surface, like he's drowning in it. He knows so much about me and I know nothing about him except he killed his father and he tried to kill Finn!”

“You do know him, Rey! You know him better than anyone, better than Leia, even! You know him, and you trust him.” Rose insists. She pulls out her holopad, knowing full well this might be a mistake, and pulls up her most recent picture of Rey and Ben. It was the night before the crash that changed everything, where they’d left their meeting and gone straight to the Tico house for a few drinks and a promise of cake. Rey sat leaning against Ben, his arm around her shoulders, her hand on his chest, a tiny smudge of chocolate on her lips that he’d kiss off just after the photo had been taken. They’re looking at eachother, because force kriffing knows they only ever kriffing look at eachother. She turns the pad to Rey, who stares for a moment, her brow furrowed. 

“What is this?”

“Rey…”

“What is this?!”

“Rey, listen to me.”

“I don't- no, I can’t- I just...ah!” she gasps as the pressure in her head seems to change into a blinding burst of white hot light, and then the world around her goes black.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Where is she?!” he comes barreling into the hospital. He'd run from the academy, having no patience to wait for a speeder. Not after Rose had called him. 

“Mr. Solo, your wife is just this way. She's unconscious, but she's resting comfortably-” he doesn't wait to hear any more. 

“Oh Ben, thank the maker!” Rose says when he comes into the room. 

“What happened?” He's at her side in an instant, brushing her hair out of her eyes and running the back of his hand over her forehead. 

“I'm not sure- honestly I'm not sure. She's been sick for the last couple of days, just mildly, and I called doctor Kolonia, and she said I should bring her in for a check up, so we had an appointment for next week, and then this morning we were talking and I showed her a picture and she said she was confused and it just...overwhelmed her! I'm so sorry, I'm trying to take care of her but she's so headstrong!” by the end of her explanation she's dabbing away tears with her sleeve. 

“What were you talking about, before?” he asks. “What was the picture of?”

“Oh, it was just… um…” 

“Me.” he nods and lets out a long sigh before he rests his head on the mattress next to her. 

“Mr. Solo?” a nurse asks as she pokes her head in the door. “The doctor ordered some tests for Mrs. Solo, but with her unconscious, we need your permission before we begin.” 

“Tests?” he asks, sitting up and looking at her. 

“Just bloodwork, and another brain scan.” 

“You have consent.” he nods and pulls out his holopad to summon his mother, and while he's at it he sends for Chewie and Poe as well. He looks at his sleeping wife with tears welling in his eyes. 

“She's okay, Ben. She's just been having trouble sleeping. I would be too if my life was half as confusing as hers is right now.” Rose says, and he nods. 

“Could I have a minute alone with her?” he asks.

“Of course.” Rose squeezes his shoulder and steps out of the room. He reaches for Rey’s hand and clasps it in both of his. 

“Sweetheart, you scared the shit out of me today, you know that? When Rose called I thought...kriff, Rey, I thought I might have lost you.” he lets out a trembling breath before he continues. “And it was because of me. I'm confusing you- hurting you again. I can't….I can't let you hurt because of me. That's the only reason I'm even considering this; maybe with a little space you would be able to think better, see things more clearly, remember...everything. I'd only be a holo message away- or a second away through the force. You know that, somewhere inside of you, you have to know that. Please know that.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“I was afraid you wouldn’t come.” He whispers as he cranes his neck back just enough to look at her. Her fingers trail along his scalp to the side of his face, where she finds just a hint of stubble under her fingertips. 
> 
> “I told you I would.” She brushes her thumb over the scar she’d given him and he shivers. “I want you forever, Ben. I told you.” He kisses her then, his full, soft lips claiming hers completely, and she’s only too happy to reciprocate in kind. He tastes different, she thinks, in person than he had over the bond. Better, and he's warmer somehow, stronger. She pulls away gasping for air, and he kisses her forehead softly. 
> 
> “Are you ready?” he asks, and she nods. He takes her by the hand, and lowers his shields completely. She feels everything- and if she wanted to she could find anything, any information or locations from the First Order that she wanted. He was trusting her, and his eyes portrayed a silent plea. “Please, trust me.” "
> 
> In the past Ben and Rey meet on Naboo. In the present everything changes for Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! Your responses to the last chapter absolutely thrilled me! Here's another one for you!

************************Three Years Ago***************************  
It’s only as she’s flying to Naboo that she realizes they hadn’t agreed on an actual city or destination as a meeting point. She’d been so concerned with being able to get away without arousing suspicion that it hadn’t seemed too great a concern. It had been all too easy to come up with an excuse to go; after all, the Jedi texts told her of many wellsprings of the force- how could she not seek one out? And with the news of the disbanding of the Stormtrooper program, the resistance had been busy with a flood of new volunteers and information. But now that she was flying away on what she’d managed to have labeled as “official Jedi business”, she began to worry. What if she couldn’t find him and he thought she’d decided not to come? A smaller part of her worried this was a trap of some kind, that he would be waiting for her with a legion of his troopers, ready to put her in binders again. 

“Stop it. You know that’s not true.” She mutters to herself as she exits lightspeed. She takes a moment to look through the windows, and smiles. Naboo was more beautiful than she’d imagined it would be- lush and green and covered in Lakes and mountains and waterfalls. Everything she’d longed for while she sweltered in the desert sun. She takes a deep breath and shuts her eyes, deciding to let the force guide her. It had led her directly to Ben once before- it had to do it again now. She feels it as she draws closer; the bond pulses like a second heartbeat, and she follows the path until she sees the shape of a ship in the grass. She lands her small ship and pulls off her flight helmet before she hops out. It’s definitely his ship- sleek and black and undeniably expensive- but she can’t see him anywhere. 

“Ben?” She calls tentatively, and he steps out from behind the ship. He’s already removed his gloves, and she can tell even through the space between them that his hands are trembling. They stare at each other for what feels like an endless amount of time, and then they’re moving in sync, closing the space between them with purposeful steps. His arms fold around her waist as she reaches up to wrap her own around his neck, letting her fingers tangle in his thick hair as he pulls her flush against him so she can almost feel his heart beating against her breast. It’s so similar and yet entirely different to the sensation of touching through the bond. It was beautiful, and exactly right. 

“I was afraid you wouldn’t come.” He whispers as he cranes his neck back just enough to look at her. Her fingers trail along his scalp to the side of his face, where she finds just a hint of stubble under her fingertips. 

“I told you I would.” She brushes her thumb over the scar she’d given him and he shivers. “I want you forever, Ben. I told you.” He kisses her then, his full, soft lips claiming hers completely, and she’s only too happy to reciprocate in kind. He tastes different, she thinks, in person than he had over the bond. Better, and he's warmer somehow, stronger. She pulls away gasping for air, and he kisses her forehead softly. 

“Are you ready?” he asks, and she nods. He takes her by the hand, and lowers his shields completely. She feels everything- and if she wanted to she could find anything, any information or locations from the First Order that she wanted. He was trusting her, and his eyes portrayed a silent plea. “Please, trust me.” 

She lowers her shields to him and instantly resolves never to close it again. Warmth, love, protectiveness, adoration, desire, and nervousness dance through her veins, his and hers, and she wants to kiss him again, more than ever before. But instead she walks by his side, taking note of the way he shortens his strides so that she can match them. They walk in a comfortable silence, the bond singing between them, until they come upon a stone building buried within the thick canopy of trees. 

“An old religious order. They don't allow technology or even news or current events to enter their walls. Most members have been in the monastery for decades; some since the rise of the Empire.” he explains. “I've already made an arrangement with one of the oldest friars. They're surprisingly welcoming for people who've cut themselves off from society.” they stop just outside of a large, intricately carved wooden gate and he tucks a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “Are you sure about this?”

“I'm sure about you. We'll face the rest when we have to.” she assures him. She glances down at her clothes; her usual tunic, leggings, and boots combination. Everything was clean and relatively new, but compared to the figure Ben cut in his stark black clothes, she was afraid she was quite underwhelming. He scoffs and she looks up.to meet his eyes. “What? I don't look like much of a bride, do I? And you look so regal.” he frowns and glances around them.

“One minute.” he drops her hand and goes around her, and returns a second later with a beautiful white flower in his hands. Carefully, he tucks the stem into the simple half up knot she'd put her hair in that morning, and then he frames her face with his large hands. “There. Perfection.” 

“Let's get married.” she insists as her heart swells so she thinks her chest may burst. He knocks on the gate, and it swings open. 

“Welcome, Master Solo. And this must be your lady.” the gatekeeper is a kind looking old man with a white beard and grey eyes. “Brother Tamzin is waiting for you under the great tree.”

“The great tree?” Rey asks as Ben leads her around the back of the structure. 

“They're a nature revearing order. Most of their worship takes place around an ancient Galek tree. That one there, with the silver leaves. They only really grow on Mandalore, but a sapling was brought here well over three hundred years ago by a Mandalorian who was tired of the warrior ways of his people, and wanted peace. It's become a symbol of the order now.”

“A symbol of peace.” 

“Exactly.” 

“Then it's a fitting place for us to be married.” she nods. 

“Im pleased to hear that.” He lifts up the hand he’s holding and kisses it gently. “We’re really doing this?” He asks innocently. 

“Ben, Yes, yes we are. I promise I’m going to marry you.” SHe lifts up her hands and cups his face. “I love you. Do you really want to marry me? Is that why you’re asking so many times?” 

“Of course I do- Rey, I just can’t believe you’re here, that you really want to marry me. Rey, sweetheart, you’re perfect, and I…” 

“You’re who I want, Ben. You. Just trust me, okay? I’m in love with you. We’re connected to each other- I’ll never leave you.” She stands on her toes and kisses him softly. “Okay?” 

“Let’s get married.” He smiles and pulls her back to the tree. “Brother Tamzin?” 

“Master Solo.” The old man is seated on a small stone bench beneath the tree, his gnarled hands gripping a tall wooden cane. His eyes look like they've long since glazed over, so blue they're nearly white now. “And your lady is with you. She's strong with the force; I can see why you're drawn to her.” 

“You have the force?” she gasps. 

“He was a jedi youngling once, before he left to become a friar here.” Ben explains. 

“That seems ages ago now. I hardly remember it at all.” the man waves his hand. “You two wish to be married?” 

“We do.” Rey nods. 

“Yes. I can feel it in you- you are bonded in the force, aren't you? Would a marriage bond you more than that? Your spirits are already intertwined. No man officiated ceremony could be more official than that.” The friar observes. 

“No. But the galaxy won’t be able to comprehend a force bond. But a marriage is something that every being will understand.” Rey says firmly. 

“Yet you hide your marriage from the world, just as young Master Solo’s grandparents did.” The Friar says, and Rey feels Ben’s back grow rigid. “Yes, I knew that I recognized the force signature from somewhere. So similar to his; tumultuous, edging on darkness.” 

“How do you know my grandparents?” Ben asks warily. 

“Someone had to perform their wedding, young Master Solo.” The old man smirks. “I told you, I have lived long and seen many things. Even within the walls of the monastery, since my eyes have gone, I have heard things. Troubling things. The whole sordid tale of the Skywalker clan is difficult even for peace loving friars to ignore.” 

“Will you still marry us?” Rey asks. 

“Yes, I suppose I will.” He strokes his beard with his ancient hand. “I can sense it, with the way your lives are braided together, she calms you, balances you in a way that Anakin Skywalker never was. If only his Padme had been force sensitive herself. Their story may have had a happier ending...Well, the past can’t be changed, but the future can be made brighter. Shall we begin?” 

“Yes.” They speak in unison as the blind old man reaches out and binds their hands together with a short length of silver rope. It’s a short ceremony, simple and to the point, but she can feel how much it means to him, and so it means everything to her. When it’s finished, the friar declares them bound as husband and wife, and Ben kisses her so tenderly her heart aches. They sign a document which the friar seals with his ring, and then they’re on their way. The moment they’re outside of the stone walls, he scoops her up in his arms and kisses her again. 

“So…” She breathes when they break apart. “Does that mean I’m Rey Solo now?” 

“Yes. Mrs. Solo.” He smiles at her and she can’t help but smile back. 

“I’m surprised that you never legally changed your name.” 

“It never seemed necessary.” He shrugs. 

“I’m glad. Rey Ren sounds terrible.” She says, and he laughs. She lifts her hand and strokes his cheek until he turns his face and kisses her palm. “Are you happy?” she asks breathlessly. 

“I’ve never been happier, Rey.” He kisses her palm again, and then sets her on her feet. “You have made me the happiest man in the galaxy.” 

“So we’re...we’re married.” She says as he wraps his arms low around her waist. 

“How much time before you have to go back?” He asks. 

“Day after tomorrow at most.” 

“Then we’d better make the most of our time.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Present~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Where is she?” Leia asks as she enters the room with Chewbacca. Rose and Finn are seated on the sofa in the corner, Poe’s leaning against the wall, and he's on the wooden chair next to the space the bed had been in. 

“They took her to get another scan.” Rose explains. 

“Is she okay?” 

“She's the same.” Ben sighs. “I wanted to discuss something with you.” 

“Alright.” Leia grabs a chair and pulls it next to her son's own. “What's going on?”

“I think I should leave.” his words are met with immediate protest from the other four occupants of the room. “Look! My presence is causing Rey distress-”

“And abandoning her isn’t going to cause her distress?” Rose scoffs. “All her family has ever done is abandon her, are you going to abandon her too?” 

“I want to find the people who did this to her. I know that Poe is assembling a group to track them. I want to be a part of it.” Ben says firmly. “I’ve been First Order. I know their hideouts, I know how they operate. If they’re trying to make a come back, we have to put an end to it now, before the gain too much momentum. Hux escaped, he’s still out there and I’d bet my last credit he’s the one behind all of this.” 

“Ben, I understand that you want to help, and I’m proud of you, but I think it’d be best if you stayed.” Leia reaches for his hand and he lets her take it. 

“I can’t. Every time she talks to me, I can feel her confusion, her distrust, her turmoil. She’s here again because of me, because thinking of me overwhelmed her. I can’t let that happen again- if she had some space from me, if she had enough time, I think she might be able to do it. To heal.” Ben explains. “And in the meantime I could be doing something useful! Please.” 

“I don’t like this. I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Rose huffs and crosses her arms. “Ben, she’s confused because she still has feelings for you, even not knowing the events of the last three years, she has feelings for you, and that’s confusing! She’ll get over it, and if you leave while she’s doing that, she’s going to be pissed!” 

“Rose is right.” Finn nods. “She’s your wife, Ben, and she needs you whether she thinks she does right now or not. Don’t be like her parents. Don’t abandon her.” 

“I am not abandoning her! I’d never do that. I’d come home the second she asked me to, if it was because she remembered me or because she needed my help at the academy, I’d be back in a heartbeat. But I can’t…” He buries his face in his hands for a minute and lets out a deep breath. “It’s been two months, and She’s hurting because of me. I promised I wouldn’t hurt her again, and here we are again, around her kriffing bed waiting for a kriffing doctor! It’s because of me.”

“Ben…” Rose breathes, her anger greatly diminished. He shakes his head and holds out his hand to stop her. 

“I can’t stay near her if it’s hurting her. It doesn’t matter how much I want to be with her. Can’t you all see that?” 

“Master Solo?” Doctor Kolonia asks as she enters the room. 

“Yes?” He looks up at her, and finds her radiating a strange emotion. “What is it? Is she alright?”

“She’s fine. I have some questions I need to ask, perhaps you’d like to step out-”

“What’s going on?” Leia asks. 

“Anything you have to ask, you can just ask. This is her family.” Ben shrugs, and his mother squeezes his hand. 

“We were wondering if you had any data on your wife’s last menstrual cycles.” The doctor says and Poe squirms a little with discomfort. 

“Not since the accident.” 

“But before then?” 

“She tracked it on our shared calendar.” He pulls out his data pad and hands it to her. She stares at it for a moment. “What’s going on?” 

“When was the last time that you had intercourse with Mrs. Solo?” The Doctor asks, and he feels his ears start to burn. 

“Perhaps we can continue this conversation in the hall.” Ben suggests. 

“Oh grow up Ben, Everyone knows that you and Rey have had sex, okay?” Rose scoffs. “You’re married, and you’re not very subtle. Just answer her question.” 

“The morning of the accident.” Ben grumbles and crosses his arms over his chest. 

“This might be a bad time, but Finn owes me twenty credits. Told you that was why they were late.” Poe snickers. 

“Really not the time, Dameron.” Leia says and clears her throat. 

“What’s going on, Doctor?” Ben asks, desperate to end the conversation. 

“We’ve had Mrs. Solo’s blood work analyzed and reanalyzed. We only wanted confirmation of a few key dates.” The Doctor says slowly and Rose gasps. For a second Ben’s whole world seems to stand still, and all he can hear is his heartbeat echoing throughout the entire building. It all comes together at once; The strange way Rey had acted when he’d explained his Grandfather’s origin, the getting sick to her stomach at the smell of alcohol, the unsteadiness on her feet even after the symptoms of her concussion had begun to fade. The doctors questions. “With all of that in place, I feel I can confidently confirm that Mrs. Solo is approximately nine weeks pregnant.” Chaos breaks out among the occupants of the room. 

“Hold on a kriffing second!” Leia cries. “She had blood work done when she was admitted and before her last discharge, and several times between that and there was nothing unusual in any of it!” 

“Yes, the results today struck me as odd, which is why I had the blood tested by three different droids, and one human lab technician.” The Doctor sighs as she scrolls through her data pad. “The only explanation I can offer is that the MediDroid charged with her care during her last stay was pulled out of commission two days ago when a few technical malfunctions were discovered. We’re still in progress going through all of it’s cases and contacting those affected.” 

“So what you’re telling me is that my wife, who I watched cry herself to sleep for six months because she couldn’t get pregnant got pregnant on the day she forgot how much she wanted it?” Ben asks, his hands curling into fists. 

“It would appear that is correct.” The Doctor nods sympathetically. He stands up and begins to pace the room. 

“Is she still out?” Rose asks. 

“We gave her a very mild sedative after the brain scan.” 

“Is that safe for the baby?” Rose asks and Ben suddenly freezes.

“The baby.” He repeats, and he falls to his knees. 

“Oh son…” Leia kneels by his side, and puts her arms around his shoulders. 

“I’ve wanted this for so long- wanted them for so long, but not like this.” He shakes his head. 

“What do we do? We have to tell her, right?” Finn asks. “I mean, she’s gonna notice something's different if she hasn’t already noticed.” 

“We have to tell her everything, obviously!” Rose stands up to draw more attention to her small frame. “As far as she’s concerned she’s still a virgin; she doesn’t even remember kissing anyone! She’s gonna need an explanation, and she’s going to be angry as hell that we kept this from her for as long as we did.” 

“She thinks she’s conceived with the force.” Ben says. “Like my grandfather was.” 

“How do you know that?” Leia asks. 

“She’s asked me so many questions about it over the last two weeks, about the impossible nature of it, why it happened then, when it hasn’t happened since, if I thought it might ever happen again. She was a little wary of the information the first time she heard it, so I thought she was just trying to wrap her head around it again, but now…” He shakes his head. “I should have known. The signs were all there in front of me, and I didn’t see it.” 

“It’s not your fault, Ben. your connection to her is strained.” Leia insists. 

“Ben has to be the one to tell her, right? Or should it be Leia or Rose? Someone she, um, she trusts more?” Poe coughs awkwardly. “I mean, at this point is she gonna believe what Solo tells her?” 

“We can’t tell her.” Ben says, and again, he’s met with a chorus of protest. “She reacts negatively to me- I cause her distress, that hasn’t changed just because we know she’s- she’s pregnant with my child.” His voice almost breaks, but he contains himself to the best of his abilities. “Somehow the baby has managed to live through the crash, and all of the subsequent traumas and mishaps, but I won’t risk it by causing Rey distress now.” 

“That’s so idiotic!” Rose almost screams and throws her hands up in exasperation. “I'm sorry but you're being so stupid I don't even want to look at you, and that's not just the pregnancy hormones, I'm just mad!” 

“Doctor, what do you think?” Leia asks calmly. 

“It's difficult to know how she's going to react to any of this. In this instance, I'm leaving the choice up to Master Solo. He knows the patient better than I do. He has a better gauge of what will harm her.” the doctor states. 

“It's your call, Solo, but if you don't tell her you're the biggest idiot in the kriffing galaxy!” Rose growls and sits down in a huff. 

“Can I see her?” Ben asks, and the Doctor nods. He follows her from the room silently and she scans her badge to let him into the room. She looks like she's sleeping peacefully, a slight smile on her face and he wonders....he presses gently against the bond and finds no resistance. He knows he shouldn't do it, that it was invading her privacy, that their promise to keep no barriers between them couldn't possibly stand when she didn't remember making it. But he just can't help himself. He closes his eyes and lets himself follow the thread of her dream, until he finds it dancing behind his own eyelids. 

"“You're never going to learn how to swim properly if you don't let go of me.” he chuckles, and she can feel it rumbling against her cheek. 

“Mmm, I can think of something I'd rather be doing though.” she trails her fingers down his bare chest, and follows their path with her lips. 

“Later.” he laughs and scoops her up into his arms. “The last time were on Naboo I promised I'd teach you to swim. This time we have all the time in the world, let's just enjoy it, okay?” 

“Fine, but you're going to regret this later if I'm too tired to move and you have to do all the work when we make love.” she says with mock annoyance. 

“If that's my punishment I think I can live with it.” he smiles crookedly at her. “You ready?” 

“Don't let me drown, okay?”

“Never sweetheart.” "

“Ben?” the connection snaps at the sound of his mother's voice. 

“She's dreaming about our honeymoon, on Naboo. The one we took after the war, before the academy opened.” he says as he folds his arms. “Funny, it seems she remembers everything in her sleep, but the second she wakes up…” 

“How are you holding up?” She asks. 

“Mom, you know how long we wanted this.” he sighs. “And now…”

“Will you tell her?” 

“I don't know. I'm afraid she won't even believe me if I do tell her- the trust she has in me now is so tentative...but it will only be worse if I don't tell her and then she finds out. It's been difficult enough to keep the kids from calling her Master Solo.” he sighs. 

“But you're staying then?” 

“Yes. I wasn't sure I could really decide to go when it was only her, but with the baby...I have to keep an eye on them both. I have to know they're safe. I'll do whatever I can to help you find the First Order, but Im not leaving her. I… Im ashamed that I even considered...No, I may hang back in the shadows and keep out of her way, but I'll be here.” he turns to look at his mother with defeat in his eyes. “What do I do, mom?” 

“I don't know, son. I really don't.” she shakes her head. 

“Mom you always have an opinion.”

“Not about this. This is your wife and child, Ben, you have to decide what's best for them.” she insists. 

“What if she thinks I'm lying?” 

“Ben, we have so much proof. Pictures of the two of you, your marriage license, her fertility treatment records, everything you'd need to prove that you're telling the truth.” 

“She's going to be mad as hell.” he groans. “I shouldn't have waited to tell her at all. I should have ignored the doctor the last time.” 

“You just have to move on from it the best you can, Ben.” She brushes his hair back from his eyes. 

“What if she decides she can’t be with me? What if she wants a divorce?” He asks, almost choking. 

“Then you move on from that the best you can.” She says softly. 

“I can’t move on from her, Mom. she’s my whole life- and what if she doesn’t want me involved in hers? Does she take the baby and leave me?” 

“She wouldn’t do that, Ben. She isn’t cruel. And even if she was, you’re the child’s father. You have rights.” 

“You know as well as I do that no court in the New Republic would side with me. They may allow me to work alongside you and Rey, but they would never give me something for me alone. Not after all that I’ve done.” 

“Maybe not.” Leia nods. “But you’re not the same man anymore, Ben. You’re a good man. A good husband. And I know you’ll be a damn good father. I...your father and I, we made a lot of mistakes when we were raising you. We shouldn’t have been gone so much; we should have made you our main priority.” 

“Mom, you don’t have to-”

“No, I do. It’s been three years and we’ve never really spoken of it, Ben. I thought that making the galaxy better as a whole was what was best for you. For all of the children. But I should have focused on you, Because you needed my attention and I was always in the senate. And your father…” Leia sighs. “He never was good at staying in one place. But he loved you, damn it Ben. He loved you.” 

“Mom…” 

“And if he had to sacrifice himself to bring you back to the light, I know he would do it a hundred times over, because that’s the sort of man he is- he was.” She chokes on the word, and Ben looks up at her to find tears in her eyes. “He knew that he should have been around more when you were younger. In a lot of ways, he blamed himself for what happened.” 

“It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t yours either. The blame rests on me alone.” 

“No. Snoke, he’s the one who started all of this.” Leia states firmly. “And if we’d been around more, we would have noticed it, damn it, we would have noticed!” Rey stirs in her sleep and they both grow quiet. 

“I don't blame either of you anymore. And I'm more sorry than you will ever know, for everything. I only wish that there was something I could do to make it right, but there isnt.” he shakes his head. 

“Well, if it's a boy you could name him Han. That’d be a start.” Leia chuckles softly. 

“Rey would love that. Or she would have, before.” Ben admits. “It was her first choice, the time we talked about it. I told her she could choose anything she wanted...well, barring something completely ridiculous.” she stirs again. “I think she's waking up.”

“Do you want me to stay?” 

“No. I think I need to see her alone; gauge her reaction to me before I say anything else.” 

“Okay. I'll be just outside if you need me.” she assures him as she slips out the door. He waits another five minutes before she opens her eyes. She blinks a few times before her eyes land on him, and she starts but doesn't seem afraid or angry.

“Oh- Ben, hello.” she says softly. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Not too bad. Just a headache.” she sighs. “It's been a hell of a morning.” 

“It's actually well into afternoon now.” He corrects. “You've been sleeping for a while.”

“Mm. I believe it. I feel like I've just woken from hibernation.” she yawns and stretches and then her eyes grow wide and she brings a hand down on her stomach for a second before she forces herself to move it. And he felt it too- the slight flair in the force around them. He'd felt it in her presence before, only once or twice, and had thought it to be some sort of side effect of their strained bond opening and slamming shut; but now he knew. It was a child. Their child. 

“Rey, there are...several things I need to discuss with you.” he says after he takes a moment to compose himself. 

“Alright?” she prompts almost warily. “Is it… does it have to do with the photograph Rose showed me this morning?” 

“Yes- and no. Both. Look, I need you to promise to let me tell you everything before you speak.” she nods. “I don't know where to start.” 

“I find that the beginning is generally a good place.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And then she feels him. 
> 
> But unlike the time she remembers on Starkiller, his presence causes no distress. It's like a gentle caress along her consciousness, warm and safe; darker than hers, yes, and more chaotic, but not truly dark. She feels him moving through her until he finds what he's looking for. Something beyond her own energy. "
> 
>  
> 
> In the past, Rey struggles with her own inner demons and infertility, while Ben reassures her of his love. In the present, we pick up where we left off, and all is finally revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! I'm so excited to finally share this chapter with you!!!!!! As the story goes on from here on out, we'll start to have fewer flashbacks, but there will still be a few. As for how long this fic will be, I honestly don't know yet! So thank you for sticking with me on this crazy ride!

*************************FOUR MONTHS AGO*****************************************************************  
The speeder trip home had been oddly silent. He was always quieter than most, it was just his nature, but she always seemed to have something to say. But not tonight. Even the bond has been muted in a way it hasn't been in ages. As soon as the speeder stops in their yard, she climbs out and dashes away. 

“Rey? Rey!” he calls after her as he jumps out of the speeder to follow her. When he gets into the house she's already nowhere to be seen, but she's easy enough to find. The quiet sniffles behind the locked fresher door make his heart squeeze uncomfortably in his chest. “Rey?”

“Just leave me alone!” comes her reply, and he sighs and lays his forehead against the door. 

“You know I promised I'd never do that sweetheart.” he says. “Will you please come out? Or let me in?”

“No! I...I can't look at you right now.” 

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks, suddenly alarmed. He'd thought he knew what the situation was about, but now he was afraid he'd misread everything and he'd said or done something at their group dinner. 

“Of course not!” she cries and suddenly he's sure she's pressing her own forehead against the door. “I just...I can't look you in the eye when I've failed you.”

“Failed me? Rey, you could never.” he insists, his voice pleading. “Look, if this is about Rose-” the door opens then, and his heart sinks as low as it's ever done at the sight of her red rimmed eyes. 

“They weren't even trying!” she sobs, a small broken sound. He has her in his arms in an instant and she's clinging to the front of his shirt ferociously. 

This was what Ben had feared the moment Finn and Rose had made their announcement at dinner. He'd felt her anguish across the bond before she'd snapped up barriers that were almost always down. She'd smiled and said all the right things a best friend would say to their pregnant best friend. But her smile didn't reach her eyes, and Ben knew somehow, he just knew that the night would end in tears. 

“It's okay, Rey. We've only been trying for eight months. We have plenty of time.” he kisses the top of her head which she starts shaking vigorously. 

“Something's wrong with me! Dont you see? I'm nothing but a silly half starved to death orphan from Jakku who didn't have a period until she was twenty, so of course it's my fault!” she twists out of his arms.

“Don't be ridiculous, Rey, if there's something wrong, and that's a big if at this point, it could just as easily be something wrong with me.” he insists as he follows her through their house.

“Oh please! You're so big and strong and healthy, and if you'd married any other woman she probably would have already had your baby and would be pregnant with a second already!” she goes into their bedroom and starts ripping off her shoes and the dressy tunic and trousers she'd worn to dinner. His hands clench into fists that he forces himself to uncurl with a slow exhale. 

“Rey,”

“What are you still doing here? Go find someone better someone who can give you the baby you want because clearly I can't!” she throws her shoe down with unnecessary force, and then puts her hands over her face. “You were right, years ago. I'm nobody, from nowhere, and I can't even do the most basic thing that every humanoid female should be able to do!”

“Stop. Please stop.” he says firmly before he crosses the room to her. “Rey, I'm not going anywhere, ever. Ever. Because I love you. And yes, I want to be a father, but not if you're not the mother. If for some reason we can't have children, then that's that. It isnt the end of the galaxy, Rey, because we have each other. I have you, and you are absolutely everything I need.” he grabs her wrists and gently pries her hands away from her face. 

“But you want this so much!” she shakes her head, and then her voice gets quieter. “And you made me want it too.”

“I do want this, that's true. But Rey, you're worth more to me than some fictional child with any other woman in the galaxy. And just the fact that you want to have my child…” he kisses the insides of the wrists he still holds and then looks deep into her eyes. “That means more to me than you will ever know.” 

“Ben…” she squeaks, and her frustration with herself leaks through the bond. She didn't like anyone to see her so vulnerable. Not even him. 

“It's okay to feel in front of me, Rey. I'm your husband. If you're sad, let me be there for you to make you happy again. That's all I want.Please.” 

“I just didn't know...I didn't realize before Rose said...I didn't think I wanted this so much!” she admits with another broken sob. “But the idea that I might never get to carry your baby, that you'll never hold them in your arms...maker, Ben, it hurts!” 

“Then we'll go talk to a doctor, okay? We'll see if there's something wrong, and then we can go from there.” he assures her. “There are so many treatments we can try if we have to, Rey. Everything is going to be fine.” she grabs his face and kisses him with a sudden passionate tenderness he hadn't expected. He kisses her back, and grips her hips with a lazy sense of urgency to have her closer. 

“I need you.” she whispers when he starts to kiss his way down her throat to her perfect collar bone, and he understands completely. He sheds his shirt and pushes her gently back onto the bed, easily removing the last of her clothing as he goes. It's the slow, tender sort of love making she needs right now, the kind with eye contact, and slow, deep kisses, and whispered assurances that they'd be together forever, the sort that seemed to last for an eternity, so slow the pleasure bordered on pain, but you'd do anything to make it last a little longer. She undoes his trousers and pushes them down his hips before she reclines on her elbows and stares at him with eyes blown wide by desire. He kisses a slow trail from her ankle to her hip bone, then up her abdomen to her breast and she arches beneath him. “I love you so much!” 

“You're my everything.” he whispers before he begins another torturous trail of slow kisses up to her throat and then back down again. “No matter what happens, that won't change. I adore every part of you.” which is exactly how much of her he intends to kiss before the night is over. She whimpers and reaches down to caress his hair, her short, neat nails tickling his scalp in the way that makes him hum against her skin, which makes her gasp and roll her hips towards him in a way she could only describe as desperately. “Patience.” he murmurs, and a sound between a laugh and a sob escapes her. 

“Not likely.” she lets him continue with his exquisite torture for what feels like ages before she grabs at his massive shoulders and drags him up the length of her body until she can catch his mouth with her own, and nip at his full lower lip. “Please.” she begs, adjusting the angle of her hips to grant him better access. 

“Yes.” he hisses, and he presses forward. When they're finally together, she lets the barriers in her mind fall away, and a few tears escape, though he kisses them away before they can leave trails on her face. She intertwines their fingers, and relishes the feeling of every line of his broad, muscular body pressed against her. The weight of him that should have been uncomfortable was anything but; she was absolutely safe and secure beneath him, adored and cherished, wanted. 

And they would be like this forever. She breathed him in and let herself truly believe it.

 

*************************The Present**************************************************************************  
When he finishes speaking she just stares at him for a minute. She could feel his sincerity through the force, there was no question of the truth of his words. And frankly, if she really thought of it, she could feel in her heart that this was all true. 

“Is that everything, Ben? Because if I find out there’s more after this I swear to the Maker I will give you a scar to match on the other side of your face.” She says when she finally feels she can speak. “But there’s something else, isn’t there?” 

“Yes.” He nods, clenching and unclenching his fists. “And I think you already suspect exactly what I’m going to tell you.” 

“I think I might.” She nods. “But I’d like to hear it.” 

“You’re pregnant, Rey.” He says softly. “With our child.” 

“I knew- I could feel it in the force, but I didn’t suspect...I should have though. I should have- those dreams, they were my memories, weren’t they?” She asks, turning a bit pink. 

“Yes. They were. Sometimes I could see them- when you were sleeping, our connection would snap open sometimes.” Ben explains. 

“And that was...you and I are married? To each other?” she confirms. 

“Almost three and half years.” Ben nods. “I have pictures of us, if you want to see them?” 

“I would.” He opens his data pad and hands it to her. 

“You can look through them.” He says and she scrolls through the pictures. There are so many of them, though most of them seem to have been taken when they didn't know they were being photographed; his arms around her waist and his cheek resting on top of her head while they're at some sort of outdoor gathering. Them holding hands while she points out something off camera and he's smiling softly at her. Her hand resting casually on his thigh while they're reading intently on his data pad. 

“We look happy.” She observes as she comes to a picture where she's on his back and he's carrying her. Her arms are wrapped around his shoulders, and he's laughing at something that she must have whispered in his ear. 

“I like to think we were happy, Rey. I know that I was never happier in my life than when we were together. And that holds true even now, Rey. Even...even if you don't remember, even if we aren't what we were, I'm happy to just be around you. You're the light in my darkness, you make me...force, Rey, just by smiling you make my whole world seem like it's glowing.” he declares and she swears her heartbeat stutters. She's waited her whole life for this- to be the joy of someone's life. To be wanted, loved, needed. Evidently she was, just not in the way she had hoped to be. She had longed for the unyielding love of a devoted mother and father. But the way the man in front of her loved her… she wasnt sure devotion even began to cover the myriad of emotions she saw in his eyes and heard in his voice. 

“So...a baby.” she finally says, placing her hand over her still flat abdomen. “And you say we wanted this, very badly?” 

“Yes. Both of us. We were trying for a year.” 

“How did you talk me into it?” she asks, meeting his confused dark eyes. “I never wanted children. What made me change my mind?” 

“I'm not entirely sure.” he admits. “You were always so adamant that you didn't want children- then my mother sent you the picture, the one of us with the younglings, and you decided not to replace your implant. That you were ready. It was a surprise, but it was...you made me unreasonably happy.”

“The glimmer in your eyes, like that.” she observes. “The one that you only have when you're looking at me, even in pictures...Id bet I'd do anything to have you look at me that way.” 

“You don't have to do anything at all for me to look at you that way. Just being you...Im sorry, if this is all too much too soon- I know you're probably still trying to wrap your head around it,” 

“No. It's okay. I actually...honestly the way you'd been treating me before felt more foreign than this. Something in you is familiar to me.” she breathes. “I...I don't know what to say. I don't know what to feel, or think. You confuse me so much, and this is all...I feel like I just left Jakku two weeks ago and now I'm apparently married, to someone I was supposed to hate, pregnant, which I swore I would never be, and all these people care about me? Honestly I felt lost before, and now, I feel like I'm on a ship floating dead in space.” 

“That's okay. You can take all the time you need to figure things out.” 

“But I don't have time, do I?” she caresses her stomach softly and looked up at him through her lashes. “Because in seven months, this baby will be coming. And they'll need parents, they deserve stable, loving parents, and a house to grow up in and a real family.” 

“Rey, no matter what, this child has two parents, okay? I love them already and I've only known about them for an hour at most. I won't ever leave them, even if you never remember us and decide you can't love me like you did, I'll be here for you, and for our child. I promise.” he says fervently and he reaches for her hand. She takes it with a slow deliberate stretch and blinks away the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “Don't cry, please.”

“It's just...that, that is what I always wanted as a child. Parents who loved me even through hardships. Parents who stayed.” she sniffles. “And you really mean it, you'll stay, you'll always stay?” 

“I swear on the force.” 

“Then I think...I think we can try.” 

“Try?” 

“Look, Ben, when I was a little girl, all I wanted was a real family. A mother and a father, together, in a house, a real house, with a-”

“With a real door, instead of a panel, and a garden out back, with as many plants as possible.” he says and she blinks at him. 

“Y-yes, that's exactly right. I never told anyone that before, but I suppose there were a lot of things I never said or did before I met you.” her cheeks heat up almost instantly and she remembers the dream that she now knew wasn't a dream at all, but a memory. Her eyes grow wide and she gasps.   
“What?”

“You- oh maker, this is embarrassing, but I just realized that you've seen me...you know!” she squirms uncomfortably. “Undressed.” 

“Oh, um, yes, I have. Many times.” he admits and bites his tongue. “I probably didn't need to add that last part. Sorry.” 

“I've had...dreams, since my injury. About us. Like that.” she nearly stutters. “But they weren't dreams, they were my memories.” 

“Right.” she can't suppress the need to press her thighs together to alleviate some of the pressure that seemed to be building there. 

“I know I'm not ready yet, for anything like that.” though certain parts of her body seem to want to beg to differ. “But maybe I could come home. Is that why I couldn't go to the quarters in the academy? Because you were there?”

“No. We havent lived there in almost a year. We have a house less than a block away. We built it, just after we decided to try for a family of our own.” the intensity of his words make her shiver. “We have a guest bedroom. We could make it up so you could have your own space.” she nods. “And we already have a room picked out, for the baby.” his eyes flicker to her stomach, and hers do too. Her hand was resting on it again; when had she moved it? She looks back at him and sees such longing in his eyes that it makes her heart soften immeasurably. 

“You...would you like to...I mean, you dont have to, but if you wanted, you could feel…” she gestures to her stomach, and a small, surprised smile forms on his lips. 

“Are you sure you're alright with that? It wouldn't make you uncomfortable?” he asks seriously, but she swears she sees his fingers twitch towards her. 

“It's alright. It's your child, growing in there. They're strong with the force, and they should know you too.” she says softly, and he nods and reaches out slowly, giving her every chance to change her mind. She grows impatient after a few endless moments, and grabs his hand in her own and presses it to her med gown covered stomach. “I think it would be okay if you tried to reach them, with our bond? I don't know if that's possible or not, really, but maybe you should try?” he clears his throat and nods. 

“We can try. You'll have to open your end of the bond a little- it's so closed off all I can feel is a wall.” 

“I don't know how to do it.” she admits. “I can't figure it out.” 

“Just...relax. I know you don't trust me yet, not all the way, but do you believe that I would never hurt you?” she nods. “Do you believe that I love this baby?” she nods again. “And do you believe that no matter what, I will love you until the last breath leaves my body?” 

“Yes.” she breathes, and she feels a subtle shift inside of her, something opening, and gladly so. Like a muscle that's gone too long without use being stretched, it burns, but almost pleasantly. 

And then she feels him. 

But unlike the time she remembers on Starkiller, his presence causes no distress. It's like a gentle caress along her consciousness, warm and safe; darker than hers, yes, and more chaotic, but not truly dark. She feels him moving through her until he finds what he's looking for. Something beyond her own energy. 

The tiny pulse of light thats fluttering like a set of wings. His fingers spread slightly over her stomach, almost protectively, as if he wanted to shield the little being from the universe that had given him such a terrible time in life. And perhaps that's exactly why he does it, and perhaps that's why his fingers are trembling. She's put her hand on top of his before she's really thought it through. He puts his other hand on top of hers, and when she meets his eyes she's almost surprises by the tears she sees in them. 

“Thank you.” he says reverently, and for one second she thinks he's going to kiss her, but he doesn't. Her disappointment lasts ten times as long, and her disbelief ten times longer than that. She lets him keep hold of her hand as she revels in the feeling of connection, of having a place where you belonged, someone who wanted you, needed you. 

And she starts to hope that memory or no memory, she can be happy with the life she was living.


	13. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“You let me keep collecting, I see.” she thinks back to her at-at, and the makeshift metal shelf that had housed the tiny, valueless treasures she'd found for herself. 
> 
> “I don't “let” you do anything. You're your own person, Rey. You choose what you want to do, we just discuss those things sometimes. That's what partners do.” she can't help but smile at him. “And I've always found your collecting endearing.” she approaches the shelves, and picks up a small reddish dried plant. 
> 
> “What's this?”
> 
> “Heartweed, from Akiva. We went there to look for rumoured jedi artifacts. We didn't find much, but you loved the rain, so we stayed a few days.” he smiles fondly at the memory. 
> 
> “I've seen the rain?” she asks, her eyes widening. 
> 
> “Yes; usually we have more here, but it's the dry season.” as he speaks she replaces her treasure carefully, and picks up a smooth shell. “From Mon Cala. A sea shell. 
> 
> “We went to Mon Cala?!” she gasps. 
> 
> “We've been all over the galaxy, Rey.” he nods. 
> 
> “I can hardly believe it.” she shakes her head and replaces the shell. “Show me the room we have for the baby. I want to see it.” "
> 
> Rey returns home at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Beloved Readers! I'm so thrilled by your responses- when you comment it makes my soul sing! Here's another chapter for you!

“Well, this is it.” Ben says almost nervously as he powers down the speeder. “Home.”

“Home…” she can't stop staring at it. It seems absolutely massive to her, and compared to her at-at the two story house is gigantic. “Is...does a stream run through the back yard?” 

“Yes- sometimes after the rain you can hear it. I didn't think it'd be loud enough today.” 

“No, I actually had this picture in my head, of home. It was this.” she admits. “I thought it was a new vision, like that island, but it's real.” 

“Come on. Let's go inside.” he reaches for her out of habit and starts to withdraw, but she grabs his hand and holds it. Again his large hand completely engulfs hers, and it makes her feel strangely safe, especially when a piece of her mind is still screaming that this is Kylo Ren, and she should run. He opens the door and leads her inside, and right away she can tell that she lives there. Shelves line the walls, and are covered in an odd collection of stones, dried flowers, bits of colorful broken glass, and things she doesn't quite recognize. 

“You let me keep collecting, I see.” she thinks back to her at-at, and the makeshift metal shelf that had housed the tiny, valueless treasures she'd found for herself. 

“I don't “let” you do anything. You're your own person, Rey. You choose what you want to do, we just discuss those things sometimes. That's what partners do.” she can't help but smile at him. “And I've always found your collecting endearing.” she approaches the shelves, and picks up a small reddish dried plant. 

“What's this?”

“Heartweed, from Akiva. We went there to look for rumoured jedi artifacts. We didn't find much, but you loved the rain, so we stayed a few days.” he smiles fondly at the memory. 

“I've seen the rain?” she asks, her eyes widening. 

“Yes; usually we have more here, but it's the dry season.” as he speaks she replaces her treasure carefully, and picks up a smooth shell. “From Mon Cala. A sea shell. 

“We went to Mon Cala?!” she gasps. 

“We've been all over the galaxy, Rey.” he nods. 

“I can hardly believe it.” she shakes her head and replaces the shell. “Show me the room we have for the baby. I want to see it.” 

“Of course.” he takes her hand again, and leads her up the stairs. He leads her down the hall, pointing out rooms as they go. “The fresher, that's our library, the guest bedroom. And…” he opens the door and reveals a sunny room with soft green paint on the walls and soft gauzy curtains hanging by the windows. 

“It's lovely.” she steps in and stretches her arms out. “And it's so spacious!” she laughs and puts her hand over her stomach. “What do you think little starlight? It's peaceful, don't you think?” there's a tiny flair against her hand and when she looks up at Ben, he's smiling softly, a haze of tears in his chocolate brown eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yes.” he clears his throat. “Yes.” he steps into the room and stands across from her. “Starlight?”

“Oh- um, I don't know. It seemed like as good a name as anything for them just now.” she blushes. “Do you think it's strange?”

“Not at all. I think it's perfect.” he assures her. “Uh, Rose and Finn will be here soon; they're bringing some of your stuff from their house. I invited them to stay for dinner, if you're feeling up to it?”

“That sounds nice.” she walks over to the window and looks out over the backyard   
; and it's everything she could ever have imagined. Trees bearing colorful fruits, and flowers of every variety, a carpet of neat green grass, and a stream that glistened in the sunlight. “This place is beautiful.” 

“I'm glad you approve.” he murmurs softly. 

“I do. I really do.” she hums. “You gave me everything I ever dreamed of having.”

“It was the least I could do, all things considered.” he shrugs. “And we designed everything together. The gardens were all you.” 

“How did we afford all of this?” 

“Well, I come from a lot of money on one side of the family. And there was...quite a sum left for me in my… um, my fathers will. More than anyone would have expected him to have.” at the mention of his father the room around her seems to chill. “Rey-”

“You killed your father. You killed Han Solo.” 

“I did.” He nods tensely. 

“I don’t know how we got past that. I don’t know how I could forgive you that.” She grimaces and withdraws a few steps from him. “How could I love you after that?” 

“You never really forgave me, per say, we just moved past it.” He clears his throat and brushes his hair out of his eyes. “I mean, you did say that you forgave me, but it was one of those things we rarely spoke of. It upset you so much to think of, no matter how much I apologized- which I did. To you, to my mother, to Chewie, to everyone. And I’ve tried to do everything I could to make up for it, and I’m still doing everything I can to make up for it every day.” 

“You’re sorry, aren’t you?” She asks anxiously. 

“More sorry than you could ever know. Except you do- in a way. The bond...when it’s open we can feel everything the other feels.” 

“That sounds...overwhelming.” 

“It should be, but it's not.” 

“I want...can we try to connect? Just a little- I...I think if I could feel how you feel about it...I think it would help.” 

“Of course, anything you need. Anything.” he says at once. “Let's go sit down; I don't want you to get overwhelmed, and the doctor said you should stay off of your feet for a few days.” she nods and follows him out of the room back down the stairs to the sitting room. She sits on the sofa and tucks her feet up under herself while he sits formally on the cushion beside her. 

“So. How do we...do this?” she asks, gesturing between them. 

“It'll be easier if we're touching.” he suggests, and she only hesitates a moment before giving him her hands. “Now you just have to relax, like you did at the hospital when you let me in.”

“Okay.” she nods and lets out a long sigh. As she shuts her eyes, she feels the force moving through her, kissing all of her nerve endings, wrapping her in a warm embrace. And then she’s not alone there, because Ben is beside her, and she’s more safe and secure than ever. She lets him sink deeper into her, and she into him until she can feel everything he feels. 

“I killed my father.” He says solemnly. “And I’m sorry.” And she has to gasp, because his immeasurable guilt and sorrow is enough for her to drown in. There’s more regret and anguish than she thought could exist in one man. The darkness is vast and cold inside of him, and she wants to hold him, to anchor him to the current moment, to reality- because it seems impossible for him not to be lost in this forever. 

“Ben!” She gasps, and she wraps her arms around him, straddling his knees and pressing him to her. It takes a moment for her to register the fact that the moisture she feels blooming on her shirt are his tears. “Ben…” 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, and his hands are trembling at his sides, itching to hold her. 

“You can hold me.” The words slip from her lips before she can think them through, and he hesitates. “I think...I want you to hold me.” His arms wrap around her waist, and his warm hands splay across her back. “Oh Ben…” 

“I’m so sorry.” He says again, and she leans her head against his silken black hair. 

“You’re so dark- Ben, please, come back to me...To us.” She grabs one of his hands and moves it around her waist to her stomach. “I believe you. I see...I understand. Please…” He exhales, and his thumb traces a slow circle around her navel, making her stomach clench in anticipation. She feels some of the pain leech from him as the tiny life inside of her flutters in the force. “There you are.” 

“sorry.” he breathes again, and he inhales and exhales slowly, like he's trying to breathe her in. She reaches for his face and tilts his chin up so that he's looking at her. His brown eyes are rimmed with red, and his full lips are trembling. 

“We really are- like magnets, or, binary stars.” she observes as she brushes his hair out of his face. “I couldn't imagine what Rose was talking about when she told me how I described our bond to her. A two way river, I'd said. But it is. It really is.” 

“It is.”

“That's why I've felt so drawn to you; even when I woke up the first time, there was something telling me I couldnt live if you didn't. And I can see- we need each other, you and I. I pull you from your darkness, and you anchor me, make me feel safe, like I have someone who cares if i live or die.” she slowly traces her finger over his scar, and then over to his lips. 

“Yes. You...Rey, so many people care if you live or die. You're so important. But you're right. I Cant live without you anymore. The last two months have proved that to me without question.” he grabs her fingers and kisses them reverently, and her breath catches in her throat. 

“And you're so…” she has to clear her throat twice before she can continue. “You're so beautiful.” He chuckles uneasily and she smiles, just a tiny, nervous quirk of her lips. “I mean it- when you took off your mask in front of me for the first time, I was shocked, because I didn’t know that a man could be beautiful. On Jakku, no one was beautiful, everyone was covered in dirt and they were worn ragged. And Finn, well, he was handsome, more handsome than any man I’d ever seen before, but then there was you...and you’ve been in my every dream, every nightmare, every beat of my heart since I’ve seen you.” 

“You’ve always been beautiful.” He says first, and her eyes narrow. “You said no one on Jakku was beautiful, but I saw you in your Jakku rags, covered in sand and sweat, and you were the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen.” 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you, since I woke up in the med bay. I’ve had such dreams about you…” She feels the blush spread from her cheeks down her neck. “And I think it’s because I remember you, somewhere inside of my mind, I know...I know it’s you. I know that you’re my soul’s other half.” 

“Rey…” He clears his throat and suddenly looks a bit uneasy. “Maybe you should get off of my lap.” He suggests, and his voice comes out strained. She looks at him curiously before she realizes she’s been pinning him under her weight for some time. 

“Oh- I- Sorry, I must be crushing you!” she laughs and moves to get up, shifting on his lap and noticing the obvious hardness pressed against her thigh. “Oh!” she leans back and looks down, blushing furiously. 

“Shit- Rey, Sorry, I was hoping you wouldn't...kriff.” he huffs, and she can't help but notice the blush across his ears. 

“Wouldn't notice? How could I possibly miss- it's huge!” her face burns again. “I don't understand how that ever fit inside of me!” 

“It fit quite nicely, believe me.” he bites his lip, and she feels a strange warm flutter low in her belly. “Im sorry, I know this isn't what you wanted- it's just- it's been a long time, since you've been so close to me, and you're so beautiful and warm and soft- kriff, I’m sorry. You were comforting me and I’ve ruined the moment. Just…I’m sorry. I’ll go.” He shifts his hands to her waist as if to pick her up but she’s frozen, her hand braced against his chest. “Rey?” 

“You don’t have to go.” She manages. “I...I did say I would try- and I know that you’re my husband and we’ve obviously done...that before, so maybe we should- I mean, I could- if you wanted me, that is.” 

“Rey, No.” He picks her up and sets her back on the sofa, and his rejection stings her sharply. She picks up her knees and hugs them to her chest, burying her face in them to hide away from the world. “Shit- That’s not what I meant. Rey, of course I kriffing want you! I should have thought that was very obvious, given the um, the circumstances.” She looks up at him, and he kneels in front of her. “Rey, less than six hours ago, you specifically said that you weren’t ready for things to get physical. You’re willing to try, Rey, I don’t want to do anything that will risk changing your mind.” 

“It was my idea. You’re not risking anything.” She insists. “And I can see- I can feel in my heart that we are...We’re together. We’re supposed to be together. And when people are together, they...well…” She blushes again and he cups her cheek, his giant hand more gentle than she’d ever imagined they could be. 

“Rey, You don’t remember any of the last three years. If we were to sleep together, it would be the first time that you really, really remembered.” He points out. “And you’re too important, too special for this moment to be the first time you remember. I don’t want you to sleep with me right now because you felt my darkness, and you understand me again. I don’t want you to sleep with me because you’re comforting me, or because you’re confused about where we’re supposed to stand. If we sleep together again, Rey, it has to be because you really want to. Because you want me as much as I want you. Alright?” 

“Alright.” She nods, her chest heaving. “Alright.” 

“I’m going to go get started on dinner. Do you want to go up and take a nap?” He asks. 

“That...um, that would probably be smart.” he helps her up. “My room is upstairs?” 

“Yes- would you like the master bedroom? If you’re trying to remember, I think maybe it would be best for you to try to live as close to normal as before.” He insists. 

“But that’s your bedroom, you shouldn’t have to-”

“It’s our bedroom, Rey. And it really doesn’t matter where I sleep. My home is wherever you are. I’d be fine on a floor, or the couch. The guest bedroom will be just fine for me.” She kisses him on the cheek, and his fingers raise to touch the spot. 

“I...thank you.” 

“Of course.” he clears his throat. “It's the room next to the baby's room, on the left. I'll wake you up in a few hours?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Ben.” she rises and goes to the stairs. “Ben?” 

“Yes?” he turns his head to look at her. 

“I...Im really sorry that I made you relive that. Open that wound.” 

“It's fine. Anything you need.” he insists, and she gets the sense that that wound had never truly healed. Maybe it never would. “I'll be down here, if you need anything.” she smiles at him and nods before she climbs the steps.


	14. 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Careful- no visible marks, Ben, I'm supposed to be on jedi business.” she protests meekly, and he hums thoughtfully against her throat. 
> 
> “Did you get your implant?” he leans back to look her in the eye and she nods as heat creeps across her skin. 
> 
> “And now everyone on base thinks I'm having some great secret love affair.” she smiles and he laughs. “But then, I suppose I am.” 
> 
> “Oh, but Mrs. Solo…” he backs up a few steps and elbows the button that closes the ramp. “This is so much more than that.” 
> 
> “I know.”"
> 
> A flashback three years in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! Sorry it's been so long without an update- I was on vacation, and didn't know I wouldn't have computer access. I hope to have the next chapter up tomorrow to make up for the long wait!

~~~~~~~~~~~three years ago~~~~~~~~

Her heart hammers wildly when she sees the outline of his ship. They'd agreed on a tiny, backwater mid rim planet that was between their locations, and she'd taken the coordinates and flown before she had even bothered to look up the planet's name. But it was pleasantly cool, covered in the most beautiful red and orange foliage, and sparsely inhabited by vaguely humanoid creatures with pointy teeth and greenish gray skin. She'd found a spot in the forest that was ideal for concealing their ships from any nearby villagers. As the shuttle touches down she's already racing to meet it. As soon as the ramp is down she's sprinting up it, meeting him at the opening and springing into his arms. He catches her with ease, his arms under her thighs as she wraps her long limbs around him. 

For a moment they rest their foreheads together, letting their breath mingle and the bond hums in pleasure at the simple contact. After what feels like ages, their lips touch, and neither could say who had moved forward first. 

“Hi.” she breathes, and he cracks the smallest smile at her as her fingers toy with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“Hi.” 

“I missed you.” he kisses her again, very softly. 

“I missed you so much.” in the two months since they'd parted on Naboo, they'd had the bond, and they'd even had a few connections where they'd been able to touch, but she never let things progress far physically there, for fear that the connection suddenly close right in the middle of things. His lips begin a trail down her throat, his teeth nipping at the tender skin and she hums. 

“Careful- no visible marks, Ben, I'm supposed to be on jedi business.” she protests meekly, and he hums thoughtfully against her throat. 

“Did you get your implant?” he leans back to look her in the eye and she nods as heat creeps across her skin. 

“And now everyone on base thinks I'm having some great secret love affair.” she smiles and he laughs. “But then, I suppose I am.” 

“Oh, but Mrs. Solo…” he backs up a few steps and elbows the button that closes the ramp. “This is so much more than that.” 

“I know.” she wriggles to be set down, but he holds her closer, the heat of his body flowing into her through layers of cloth. She rocks her hips experimentally and finds him already half hard for her. She rolls her hips again, and he lets out a low, guttural growl.

“Two months is too kriffing long to go without you!” he walks abruptly to the private quarters of his shuttle where a a double bunk awaits, and he sets her down and immediately begins to kiss his way down her clothed body. She pushes him away for a second and tugs off her vest and her shirt, and he groans, a low sound from deep in his chest. “You're so beautiful, Rey. So beautiful.” she tugs his mouth back down to hers, and kisses him softly. 

“Take off your shirt.” she demands, proving she was as impatient as he was. The black cloth quickly joins her grey clothes on the floor, and she runs her hands over the muscles of his shoulders and down his back, finding the scars she was already familiar with. She rises to her knees and pulls him into an embrace, letting his hard muscle press against her lean body and slight curves, and he lets out a shuddering breath. “Gods I've missed you.”

“So much.” he nods, and then his hands are undoing the strings of her pants, and he looks at her for permission. She nods once, and moves to help remove the rest of her clothing. She fights the urge to hide from him, and a blush spreads down her neck to her chest. When she meets his eyes again, he looks as if he could devour her, but his movements are so gentle as he tilts her chin up to kiss her. “Don't be nervous.” 

“I'm not nervous!” she squeaks as his fingers trail across her skin to her chest. “We- We've done this before. T-three times.” 

“I remember.” he grumbles against her throat. As if to prove his point an image floods from his mind to hers, of her beneath him, her hair fanned out over the pillow, her lips kiss swollen, her eyes dusky with lust, and her lip caught between her teeth. “If it were up to me, the number would be much higher.” 

“Me too.” she nods and he makes a noise of surprise. “I've thought about you a lot.” she admits, running her hands down his chest to his waistband. “I've thought about this.” 

“I've thought of you every minute of every day.” he manages between kisses pressed to more and more of her skin. 

“Me...too…” he leans her back until shes flat against the slightly scratchy blanket, and he moves himself between her legs, which she parts for him without hesitation. He hesitates for only a second before he's diving between her legs with enthusiasm, his mouth hot and soft against her. “Ben!” 

“Is this okay?” floats across the bond and his mouth stills. Sparks fly behind her eyes, and she feels like she might burst. 

“Y-yes.” she nods, and he lets out a sigh of relief before he continues. Before Ben had come into her life, she’d never imagined the sort of pleasure that could make her eyes roll back in her head and her whole body catch fire. She’d have thought that having someone’s face between her legs would be embarrassing and awkward. But with Ben, everything was natural, and comfortable, and pleasurable enough to make her scream and shatter. “Ben! Oh force!” She lets out a sigh, and loosens the grip she’d had on his hair. He sits back on his knees and gazes at her with heavy lidded eyes. “Ben...How did you know how to do that?” 

“You dreamed it two weeks ago.” He smirks as rises to undo the buttons of his trousers. 

“I- I didn’t know you saw that.” She thought it was impossible to feel more flushed now, and yet it spreads across her skin. “You learned all of that just from my dream?” 

“I may have done some reading, since then.” He grins, and she sits up to push his trousers off of his hips. 

“Supreme leader Kylo Ren searching the holo for the secrets of pleasuring a woman?” She giggles as she finally frees him from his trousers and lets him lower her back onto the mattress. “What would your troops say if they knew?” 

“They’d be scandalized, I’m sure.” He laughs once as he settles between her legs. 

“There’s no other woman you’ve practiced that on?” She asks, a bit nervously. 

“You know that you’re the only woman I’ve ever-”

“I know that I’m the only woman you’ve ever...made love to- but that’s a bit different than...that…” He props himself up on his elbows over her, his eyes locking with hers. 

“I kissed a few other women when I was a teenager, Rey. But you’re the only one who I’ve ever shared anything like this with.” He says softly, and he kisses her softly twice. “You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted like this.” 

“Oh My love…” She sighs, and she wraps her legs around his hips, encouraging him to move forward. 

“I love you.” he says, the glint in his eyes making it clear that he's deadly serious. 

“I do too.” she tilts her hips against him, and he kisses her deeply as he takes his hand to line himself up, and pushes forward. She gasps against his mouth, and he freezes and looks at her with concern. 

“Are you alright?” she runs her fingers across his back, finding him trembling with need, but unwilling to hurt her. 

“Y-yes, just give me a moment to adjust. You're quite...you’re big, and it's been a long time.” a small blush spreads over his cheeks and floods her heart with warmth. She presses along the bond, and feels his pleasure growing, feels the desperate need for her building in him, and as his pleasure dances across her senses, the slight pain abates, and she finds herself aching for him just as badly as he is for her. She arches her back, pressing to him, giving him silent permission to proceed, and he kisses her as he rocks into her, sending pleasure down her every nerve ending. 

She can't help but think he's beautiful in his pleasure, with his chocolate eyes blown wide and his hair falling in his face, a healthy glow across his pale skin, and a quiver in his full lips. Every line of his body was strong and solid and gloriously pressed against her. The weight of him was delicious and she'd missed that more than anything. He feels different than the last time too, when they’d used sheathes to prevent pregnancy. She feels closer to him without anything at all between them, and she could feel his pleasure across the bond, higher than before. 

“So kriffing perfect.” He breathes into her neck, and she rakes her nails across his shoulders. She digs her heels into the small of his back, pressing him closer, father inside of her. “I love you so much.” 

“Ben!” Her second climax is so sudden that it almost blinds her, and for a moment she feels she can’t breathe. He only lasts a few moments longer, and when he finishes inside of her she feels him pulse and something warm spreads through her and makes her gasp and cling to him tighter, pulsing around him. He collapses on top of her, pinning her to the mattress for a second before he rolls off and she flings one of her legs over his leg and rests her head against his chest, listening to the erratic beat of his heart. He kisses her temple and lets out the most contented sigh she’s ever heard. “That was…” She can’t put it into words, so she floods the bond with the way she feels and he makes a noise of agreement. 

“I can’t believe it’s been so long since you were really here in my arms.” He squeezes her a little tighter just because he can and for a minute they lie together in silence, but as they come down from the pleasant haze of love making, she feels uneasiness bloom in her chest. She props herself up on her elbow and looks at him. 

“Ben, we have to talk about-” 

“Not yet.” 

“But Ben; the First Order attacked a neutral planet, so many innocents died- Ben, I trusted you when you told me you were going to make changes. Did you lie to me?” She swallows nervously, and he raises his hand to cup her chin. 

“I didn’t. It was Hux.” He insists. “I may be the Supreme Leader, and he may fear me, but he loathes me. He loathes the changes I’m making. He takes every chance he can get to undermine me- and he still had an official seal of the supreme leader from Snoke’s days in command. He could order anything and have it accredited to me. I had the seal redesigned the day after the attack.” 

“Promise me you had nothing to do with it.” She insists. “Look me in the eye, open the bond and promise me you didn’t do it.” She straddles him as he sits up and trails his hand around to the back of her neck. 

“I had nothing to do with the attack, Rey. You know that I promised you I was going to change the order. I meant it.” He vows, and she kisses him and wraps him in her arms. His arms slowly rise to ensnare her waist. 

“I knew it.” She breathes. “I knew it wasn’t you. Everyone was so sure it was you, but I knew it couldn’t have been. I knew it had to be Hux.” 

“If you knew why did you ask?” He scoffs. 

“Because I had to hear it from you.” She leans back and presses her forehead to his. “I didn’t doubt you, Ben. Do you really think the first thing I’d have done was jump your bones if I honestly thought you’d broken a promise to me?” 

“I guess not.” She kisses him again. “Force, what did I do to deserve you?” 

“Nothing. And everything.” She laughs, and he kisses the place where her neck joins her shoulder. “Maker, Ben, I don’t want to go two more months or longer without seeing you. I love you so much.” 

“I know. I don’t either.” 

“Then lets just kriffing end this, Ben!” She insists. “There has to be a way to end this!!” 

“I don’t know. It’s been going on for so long, Rey. There’s so much hatred- so much rage. That won’t just vanish, even if we were to surrender tonight, it wouldn’t end it. And the leadership of the Order would certainly rebel- all of us deserve to be put to death, Rey.” 

“I would never let them hurt you.” She growls. “If we have to, we’ll run away to the farthest planet together, but I will never let them hurt you. You mean so much to me. Everything really.” 

“For the next hour can we just...pretend that none of it exists? First Order, Rebellion, war, just, pretend it’s all gone. Just pretend that it’s only the two of us, that we’re just...a normal married couple.” He sighs, and she nods once. He kisses her shoulder again, his tongue darting out to taste her skin. Her stomach grumbles, and he chuckles. “I brought you some honey crust.” 

“And I thought I couldn’t love you any more than I did a minute ago.” 

“Come on. Let’s get you something to eat.” He stands and pulls her up with him and twines their fingers together. “You’re going to need to keep your energy up. I’ve got a few things I want to try.” 

“Oh?” She blushes. 

“Absolutely.” He gives her a crooked half smile, and her heart thumps unevenly. She stands on her toes and kisses his lips softly. 

“Good.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Your skin is so…” She frowns. Soft isn’t the word she’s looking for, it doesn’t suit the mass of muscle before her. And smooth isn’t right either, not with the ridges of scars she can feel even beneath her fingers. “Familiar.” She finally settles on. 
> 
> “Familiar?” He questions.
> 
> “Like a path I’ve walked every day for years. I’d know the feel of it anywhere.” She feels the color rise in her cheeks, and he cups her cheek. She leans into the touch, finding it a bit more natural than before; they were Ben and Rey, they were together, and nothing could be more right, more natural than that. "
> 
>  
> 
> Rey and Ben continue to grow closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! So glad to be bringing you another chapter! Your reviews and kudos give me life! I'll try to have your next update soon!   
> The ### separate a small time jump, just like a couple of hours into the future

She wakes up sick again and he hears her. She’d been sick every day for the last two weeks, and according to Rose it had been weeks before that too. He’d been too afraid of making her uncomfortable to go to her before, but they’d made progress in the last two weeks, they’d spoken, and her smiles were becoming more frequent and more genuine by the day. And they were for him. 

He rolls out of bed and goes to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and a pack of crackers before he heads back up the stairs. She’s left the door open and the sight of her hunched over the toilet looking pale and exhausted makes his heart clench uneasily. He steps in and sets the glass on the edge of the shower before he crouches behind her and sweeps her hair out of her face. 

“Oh- B-Ben. You don’t have to see this.” She squeaks meekly. 

“Rey, you’ve been sick for more than two weeks, and technically speaking, I'm the reason why.” 

“It's just the baby.” a small thrill runs down his spine as it did every time she mentioned the life blooming inside of her. 

“And I'm the one who put that baby in you. Ergo, it's my fault.” he feels a slight stir of arousal at the thought of having successfully impregnated the beautiful woman before him, but he forces it down. She laughs for a second before she groans and heaves again. He reaches forward on instinct and holds her hair back, and she waves him away feebly. 

“You don't have to be here…”  
“But I want to be.” he says firmly. “You're not feeling well today. I can feel that it's worse than it's been before, and it's all because you've been carrying our child, and I'm so Force damned grateful and I want to do something, anything for you. I want to hold back your hair and rub your back or bring you water and crackers or soup.or whatever the hell you want, okay? If you'll let me, I'll help take care of you, not because you cant do it yourself, but because I care about you, and I care about the baby. And when you love someone, you help them no matter what.” she glances at him, and then at the glass of water, which he hands her wordlessly. She takes a swig of it, and spits it back out into the toilet before she takes a slow sip of the water. 

“One of us has to go to the academy soon-”

“My mother already agreed to come in this week to show a few simple force healing techniques. She'll have 3PO and Henley there to assist, and I'm sure Chewie will go too. The younglings will be fine for a day.” he explains earnestly. 

“Do you think-” she breaks off and looks at her hands. “Never mind. Its...its stupid.”

“No, what was it?”

“I think...the other week when we were on the couch and you were holding me, before any of the other stuff happened,” she blushes, the color contrasting oddly with her pale, clammy skin. “I just felt so safe and warm when you held me. And I wondered…” before she can say another word, before she can change her mind, he pulls her onto his lap and wraps his arms around her, tucking her head under his chin. She lets out a sigh and absolutely melts into his chest as he gently rubs her back. It occurs to him that when they'd first come together, they'd both been absolutely starved for human touch and affection, desperate for the simple contact of twined fingers or a head resting on their shoulder- and that was probably exactly how Rey felt now. 

“I know you dont remember, but Rey, we're very close. Physically, mentally, emotionally, we never had any secrets. Once the bond was opened, we couldn't have really kept them if we wanted to. So there's nothing you have to be afraid to ask of me.” he says softly. “There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.” she makes a soft squeaking sound and burrows her face into his chest, letting trembling hands rise up to clasp at his shoulders and fist in his shirt. “That's it. Just relax. I've got you.” he kisses the crown of her head. “I don't know that it would work, but I could try using the force to make you feel a little better. I...I don't know how it would affect morning sickness, but if youd like I could-” 

“Try it, please. Anything. I feel wretched.” she murmurs, and his heart squeezes. He slowly moves a hand around to her abdomen, and closes his eyes, finding the swell of the force around them and manipulating it with ease. He focuses on energy, on strength, on peace and comfort, and after a few minutes she starts to breathe a bit more evenly. 

“Better?”he asks, and she nods sleepily against his chest. “Do you want me to take you back to bed?” 

“Mm-mm.” she sighs and clings to him tighter. “Just stay with me a little longer. Please.” 

“I'm not going anywhere, Rey.” he promises, his heart soaring. She hums contentedly and he traces patterns along her spine. “I've got you.”  
######  
“And you made sure that Panna was-”

“Ben, calm down. I did everything on your evening checklist Okay? The academy is secure, Im sure the kids are sleeping right now.” Leia insists as he hands her a cup of tea. “How's Rey?”

“She's feeling better now- she's been sleeping for a while now. I got her to go on a walk around the garden earlier, but she was too tired to do much anything else. I barely got food into her, which you know is unusual for Rey.” he lets out a long sigh as he sits beside her. 

“Poor girl. Morning sickness is a bitch..especially when it seems to last all day long. How's her memory?” 

“Still nothing. All she has are slivers. And the dreams she has, but she doesn't really remember those.” he curls his too large hands around the mug of tea he doesn't really feel like drinking. 

“But she's settled in here nicely?”

“She hasn't run away yet.” he shrugs. “And has Dameron found them yet?” 

“No. But he found a promising lead in the outer rim.” 

“That seems unlike Hux.” Ben frowns. “He never liked the outer rim. He didn't like to be without comforts of the core planets.” 

“We don't even know that it's Hux, Ben.”

“It's Hux. I know it is.” he growls. “I've thought about it. He'd be the only one with enough balls to go after my wife like that. He's hated me for years of course, but he's had a personal vendetta since I disbanded the stormtrooper program.” 

“Well, where would you recommend we look Benjamen?” she asks and takes a long sip of her tea as she waits for him to answer. 

“His home world would be the best place to start. Though Honestly, he might have set up on Coruscant. He always bragged about how many supporters he had there.” Ben sighs. “I'm not saying theres no one in the outer rim, but Hux is the king pin, and he's going to be in the Core.”

“Noted. I'll pass that along to Dameron.” 

“I could go and look-”

“Absolutely not!” Leia huffs. “Your place is here right now with your wife and child.”

“My place is wherever I have to be to protect them. As long as Hux is alive and free, they're in danger. I'm not saying I should leave- maybe only for a few days. I spent years with Hux. I know how to feel for him in the force if hes close enough.” 

“Then you can show me, and I'll go and search for him.” she protests. “But you're staying put. I know this is where you want to be. Where you need to be.” 

“Thank you.” he breathes. 

“Of course. They're my family too, Ben, it's my place to protect them too.” she squeezes his hand. 

“Thanks mom.” he leans back and runs his fingers through his hair. There's a muffled cry from upstairs and he rises to his feet instantly. 

“Ben! Ben!” He's dashing up the stairs before she's even finished saying his name the first time. Nothing could prepare him for what he finds when he bursts through the bedroom door. His wife, pale, eyes wide with terror standing in her underclothes, looking down at a patch of blood on the green sheets. “Ben?” she whimpers, and he shakes himself off. 

“Hey- hey, it's okay. Let's get you dressed, and we can go to the hospital, okay? Everything's fine.” he moves through the room quickly, plucking her favorite pale grey dress and oversized blue sweater (one of his, really) out of the closet and extending them to her. “Rey?”

“Im sorry.” she hiccups, and he rushes forwards to catch her as her legs seem to crumple. 

“Its okay. Everything is fine. Look, I can still feel them in the force, see?” he breathes and kisses her temple, and she nods once. “So we just have to get dressed, get in the speeder, and go to the hospital, okay sweetheart?”

“O-kay.” she mumbles, her voice breaking. He lifts her arms and slides her clothing over her head. She realizes what he's doing, and cooperates, moving to help him, and then he's scooping her up in his arms, and she's clutching his shoulders like her life depends on it. 

“Ben?” Leia asks as he passes her on the stairs. “What's going on?”

“I'm taking Rey to the hospital. Would you have the housekeeping droid change the sheets in the master?” he says as evenly as possible. 

“Of course.” he moves steadily, buckling Rey into the passenger seat of the speeder before darting around and jumping into the other side and starting it up. As he pulls out of the drive, He reaches for her hand out of habit, and is momentarily stunned by the fact that she took it. She threads their fingers together, and holds onto him tightly with one hand while the other is pressed against her stomach, feeling for the fluttering of their child in the force. He presses along the bond, and she draws him in at once. 

“Hold on little starlight; mama and papa want you so much. Please hold on.” His heart swells and breaks as he steals a glance at her. He lifts their twined fingers and kisses the back of her hand gently while keeping his eyes fixed on the flyway. “I’m sorry, Ben. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“Don’t apologize, Rey. You didn’t do anything.” He weaves expertly between the speeders, earning more than one dirty look, but he doesn’t notice them at all. Nothing matters except the trembling woman at his side

“I don’t know a lot, but I know that women aren’t supposed to bleed when they’re pregnant. I had to have done something!” 

“What? Napping?” He scoffs, and then his ire melts. “You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart.” She makes a quiet whimpering noise, like someone trying not to cry, and he powers down the speeder in front of the hospital, not caring at all that they might tow it or give him a ticket for improper parking. He jumps out of the speeder and picks her up again. She curls into him, this time wrapping her arms around his neck. He feels the sting of her tears against his neck, and he wants to stop everything and kiss them away, but he keeps going on. “Just relax, Sweetheart, I’ve got you.”   
#####  
“I’m sorry for all the fuss.” Rey whispers from where she’s curled in on herself on the hospital bed. 

“Rey, it’s fine. Doctor Kolonia said that we did the right thing coming in.” He insists and she rolls her face back towards him. “And nothing is wrong. The....baby is fine.” He can’t stop the tiny smile that plays on his lips when he mentions the baby. 

“And we heard the heartbeat.” Her own lips curl into a tiny smile. 

“We did.” 

“I...Just...I’m sorry for the scare.” 

“It’s okay.” He leans forward and brushes some wayward hair from her eyes. “Everything is okay.” 

“And you were so...so kriffing calm!” 

“Hardly. On the outside maybe.” He laughs shakily. “I was scared too. And you, you said that you wanted...that we both wanted…” 

“I did. And I meant it.” She sighs. “I was thinking about them a lot this morning, and I realized that it’s more than making sure this child has what I didn’t, and that they’re healthy. I want a family. I want a house and a husband and a baby, and the academy and all of it- maybe I’m not ready yet, to have those things, but I want them.” 

“Oh.” He nods and looks down at his hands, a deep unease settling in his stomach. She extends one of her beautifully tiny hands and tips his chin up to look at him.

“And I may not have specifically planned to have that with you, I may be shocked that I have it with you, but honestly, I wouldn’t want it with anyone else.” She assures him, and she leans forward to press her lips to his scar. “Thank you. For being so calm and gentle earlier. I couldn’t think- when I saw the blood I was sure-“ 

“The doctor said it was normal Rey.” 

“...This is only the third time in my life I remember bleeding that way at all, so I’m sorry if t frightened me.” She whispers, a sheen of new tears in her eyes. 

“Of course. Of course- I’m sorry.” He takes her hand in his, and presses it to his lips. 

“Don’t go apologizing for things that aren’t your fault.” She shakes her head. “I had a...weird life.” 

“Sweetheart.” She puts her hand on her stomach and sighs.

“And we’re going to make sure that they have a good life. Aren’t we?” 

“Absolutely.” He nods. “Yes.” 

“This tiny thing inside of me…” She lets out a breath that almost sounds like a sob. “I didn’t realize how much they meant to me, until I thought I lost them. Lost a part of you...Ben.” She squeaks, and he catches her in his arms as she sags forwards towards him. “I’m sorry- I hate crying! I hate it- and I just- I can’t stop crying and Rose told me that was normal when you’re pregnant but I hate that!” 

“You always have hated crying in front of others.” He whispers as he presses his cheek to the top of her head. “But I want you to turn to me, always. When you feel like this, turn to me. Let me love you.”

“It isn’t fair to you- giving all this love and understanding when you’re getting nothing in return!”

“You’re willing to try. You’re willing to keep this child even though you don’t remember wanting them. That’s everything to me, Rey. It’s every single damn thing and it’s more than I could ever earn.” She’s not exactly sure when she ended up cradled in his lap, clutching at him like a lifeline, but damn it all, she’s the safest she’s ever been when he’s got his arms around her. And his impossibly broad, impossibly firm chest smells like home and it stirs something deep inside of her, a flash of something so quick she almost doesn’t realize it’s significance.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Two and a half years ago~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is it weird that I missed the way you smell? When we had to be apart, I missed the way you smelled.” She asks as she nuzzles her face into his rumpled gray tunic. He chuckles lowly, and his hands move to her hips, pulling her from the grass beneath them so that she was laying on top of him, one of her legs on either side of his hips, her dark grey dress hiked up her thighs. 

“Well you don’t have to miss it ever again, sweetheart.” She leans down and kisses him, strands of her hair falling in his face. She rolls her hips and his body stirs to life underneath her. “Kriff- Rey!” 

“I take it you like the dress.” She smirks as she continues to grind against him, her underwear having been torn to shreds hours ago. 

“You have to admit it does have certain, advantages.” He hisses as she reaches between them and undoes his trousers. “Much more civilized than ripping off all of your clothes in the middle of a field.” He sits up to adjust her hips against his, giving her exactly the angle she needs to take him inside of her. They let out a simultaneous sigh of pleasure and relief and she closes her eyes and everything is purple-  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“We went to Naboo- on our honeymoon!” She gasps, pushing back from him. “And you and I- we made love in the grass!” 

“Yes- yes- you, do you remember?” He asks with quiet hope. She shuts her eyes, and takes a deep breath. What she’d seen- that had been different than the dreams. Those had felt fake- she couldn’t feel them. But she could feel the grass prickling against her bare legs, the warm, spicy tones of Ben’s masculine scent, the taste of him was on her tongue, and the heat of him was inside of her, and she knew without a shadow of a doubt that the moment had been as real as this moment now. 

“I do- but only that- nothing else.” She cups his cheek, and for the first time she remembers the feel of his skin beneath her fingers as if it’s something she’s always known. “I wish I knew more.” 

“You will- this is a start, Rey. This is two memories, after the one at the academy. It’s a kriffing great start!” His eyes glint with excitement, and pure, real affection pools inside of her. 

“Your skin is so…” She frowns. Soft isn’t the word she’s looking for, it doesn’t suit the mass of muscle before her. And smooth isn’t right either, not with the ridges of scars she can feel even beneath her fingers. “Familiar.” She finally settles on. 

“Familiar?” He questions.

“Like a path I’ve walked every day for years. I’d know the feel of it anywhere.” She feels the color rise in her cheeks, and he cups her cheek. She leans into the touch, finding it a bit more natural than before; they were Ben and Rey, they were together, and nothing could be more right, more natural than that.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They resume easy chatter, but Rey can’t focus on it entirely. She can’t stop staring at Ben's mouth. And she can’t stop staring in disbelief as he interacts easily with Poe and Finn, two men he’d once tried to kill. He was certainly a changed man, her husband. A beautiful, broad, tender, attentive changed man who loved her more than he loved himself, more than he loved anything. And her body was going haywire with his proximity. "
> 
>  
> 
> Rey finds that she is very, very attracted to her husband, and she doesn't quite know what to do with that information. Luckily, said husband is all too happy to lend a hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves- I am absolutely thrilled with your comments and reactions! Just a heads up, I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow morning, So I'm not entirely sure when the next update will be coming, because I'm not sure what sort of recovery I'll have, but even if it happens to be a few weeks, I promise I'm not abandoning this story! It will be finished!

“It’s a girl!” Rose announces as soon as she bursts through The front door with Finn behind her. “It’s a girl!!” She wraps Rey and Jess in a hug as best she can with her protruding stomach. 

“Congratulations!” They say almost in unison, ignoring the stares of the restaurants other patrons as Finn receives similar, if more subdued, congratulations from Ben and Poe. 

“I knew it was gonna be a girl!!” Rose giggles as she takes her seat and Rey’s hand. “She’s moving all over the place! Can you feel?” 

“Mhm.” Rey smiles, and glances down at her own stomach, still relatively flat in comparison to Rose’s, but beneath the loose clothing she wore, there was a tiny bump that hadn’t been there before. The doctor at her last scan had told her the baby was about the size of a jogan fruit now. Ben went with her to the appointments, but she always hid her belly from him with a sheet, embarrassed to have him see so much skin, especially when it looked so different than she supposed he remembered it. 

But she had to admit that things were different than they’d been before the scare two weeks prior. The hesitant affection was blossoming more and more between them, casual touches lingered longer, smiles were more genuine and more frequent. His eyes were brighter when he looked at her, and her heart thumped unevenly when his perfect full lips tugged into a sideways smile. She’d woken more than once from a feverish dream with an unshakable ache and dampness between her legs. 

“What do you think yours is, Rey?” Jess asks, shaking Rey from her dangerous line of thought. 

“Oh um, I don’t, I don’t know.” 

“You don’t even have a guess?” Jess asks. “I mean, Rose has been proclaiming baby girl Tico since the minute she found out she was pregnant!”

“I just. I’m not sure.” Rey shrugs, casting her eyes at Ben. “Do you have a guess?” 

“I do.” He says casually before he takes a sip of water and looking unfairly sexy while doing so. She arches her brow at him. 

“Well?” 

“Mm. I think I’ll keep it a secret.” His eyes are twinkling again, and her stomach clenches. 

“Typical Solo! What are you afraid of being wrong? Cause you’ve got like a fifty percent chance here.” Poe chuckles. 

“Are you going to find out in a scan, or are you going to wait? Oh how cute would it be if we both had girls?! Or, or, you could have a boy, and they could get married when they grow up!” Rose enthuses, and Rey can’t help but giggle along with her. 

“I think we’ll wait.” She says when the laughter dies down. “I think I want to be surprised. If that’s okay with you?” She looks to Ben again, and he’s gazing warmly at her.

“Whatever you want Rey.” He agrees. 

“Besides, haven’t you heard, he already knows what it is!” Jess teases, and the table breaks out in laughter. 

“Can I just say how kriffing glad I am that the two of you decided to just actually date each other?” Finn proclaims as Poe draped his arm over Jess’s shoulders. “It was exhausting trying to keep up with your whole...illicit affair.” 

“Come on man, illicit affair?” Poe laughs. “Is that what you’ve been calling it?” 

“It sounds better than what you called it the other night.” Jess shrugs.

“Oh kriff, what did he call it?” Rose asks.

“Yeah Poe, what did you call it?” Jess arches a brow at him, and he covers his face with his hand as he answers. “I don’t think they can hear you.” 

“ “A five month shag fest”” the table is silent for a moment before they burst into laughter.

“You didn’t!” Rose laughs.

“Truly awful.” Ben shakes his head, but his slight smile gives away his mirth. 

“He so did. I don’t know why I put up with you.” Jess teases, and Poe shrugs all too innocently.

“I’m a sex God?” 

“Okay big boy, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” She laughs and she leans in to whisper in his ear.

“Okay, okay, break it up. This night was about Finn and Rose and baby girl Tico!” Rey insists. 

“To baby Tico!” Jess proclaims, holding up her glass of wine, and the rest of the table follows suit with their beverage of choice. 

“To Finn and Rose, the finest friends a girl could ask for!” Rey adds. 

“To friends who are like family, and getting shagged often and well!” Poe says mischievously, and everyone groans. “What? We’re all adults in committed relationships, I think we all are aware that everyone at this table is getting laid!” 

“I think we’ve got to slow you down on the whisky buddy!” Finn laughs nervously. Rey casts her eyes on anything except for Ben as her cheeks start to burn. She doesn’t need to be looking at him when she can feel his embarrassment and mild hints of frustration and annoyance radiating at her through the force. 

“To idiots like Poe!” Rose adds, lifting her glass again. “Our lives would be duller without them!” 

“Here here!” Finn agrees, and everyone clinks glasses which they then sip from respectfully. They resume easy chatter, but Rey can’t focus on it entirely. She can’t stop staring at Ben's mouth. And she can’t stop staring in disbelief as he interacts easily with Poe and Finn, two men he’d once tried to kill. He was certainly a changed man, her husband. A beautiful, broad, tender, attentive changed man who loved her more than he loved himself, more than he loved anything. And her body was going haywire with his proximity.   
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It’s two weeks later that she really sees the change in her figure. The tiny bulge on her abdomen had curved out a little more, so that her figure was more like what she had seen on other pregnant women. She notices it when she’s undressing for bed, standing before the fresher mirror. Her first thought is of awe, of the tiny life inside of her. Her second is of Ben, and how much he would love to see this. She’d taken to wearing only the bulkiest, loosest pieces of clothing she owned (and admittedly more than one of his sweaters) to hide the change in her, but now that she was sure it looked like a bump instead of fat… she pulls her T-shirt over her head quickly and exits the fresher. It’s a quick journey to the guest bedroom that her husband has been sleeping in, but it’s a longer pause standing outside the door staring at it.

“I can feel you standing there. You can come in.” His voice is muffled by the door, but she detects hints of amusement that warms her chest. She opens the door before she can lose her nerve, and finds him sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in his own sleeping clothes, hair tousled and looking absolutely...delicious. “Do you, um, is there something I can do for you?” 

“Yes. I mean, no. I wanted to- you’re the father and I thought you would like to. Just. Here.” She steps further into the room and pulls the hem of her shirt up just beneath her breasts, and then turns her eyes back to him. His own eyes are blown wide, his mouth slightly agape. 

“You’re- you’re showing.” He finally manages, and she responds with a nod. “That’s- this is… it’s wonderful.” He's grinning now and oh, that does funny things to her chest. She steps even closer to him without thinking about it, and reaches for his hand. His hand is big enough that it nearly engulfs the entire bulge of her belly, and he slides off of the bed onto his knees as if to be eye level with her stomach. “THis is amazing.” He leans forward, and gently presses his lips to her stomach, and she gasps. 

“Ben…” 

“I’m sorry that was-” 

“Fine. Ben. It’s alright. I don’t mind.” She reaches up and twines her fingers in his hair. “I like having you close.” She bites her lip and waits for his reaction, which is to slowly lean his face down so that his forehead is resting against the curve. 

“You are the most beautiful, perfect woman in the universe.” He whispers and she feels his lips brush against her skin. “And this...this baby…You look…”

“Fat.” She scoffs and his head snaps back up to look at her again. “I know the last time you saw me like this...I looked different.” 

“That’s true. You do look...different.” He stands up, and suddenly she’s gazing up at him. “But this…” His hand caresses her stomach gently and she shivers. “Isn’t a bad different, Rey. not at all. This is...you’re...can’t you feel what you’re doing to me?” She meets his fevered gaze, and feels through the force. His attraction to her is undeniable, his desire for her is raging, and his love for her is…

“Oh Ben.” She lifts up her hand and cups his cheek. 

“I love you. I know you don’t remember that- and you don’t have to say it back. But just know that I’ve never found you more beautiful than I do right now. You’re gorgeous, Rey.” She stands on her toes at once and brushes her lips against his. She snaps back first, and her fingers fly up to her lips. 

“Force- I’m so sorry- I didn’t- Sorry!” 

“Rey.” 

“I just- have you seen you? And I’ve felt so- and you-” He pulls her back to his chest and kisses her again, and her whole body screams yes. Finally. HIs lips are softer than her brief memories had made them seem, his body is harder than she’d dreamed, and his tongue is- She whimpers against him, and he holds her so close her toes are barely touching the floor. He kisses as if he could devour her, as if he wants to devour her, and she would let him all too happily. 

“Should I apologize?” He asks when they break apart, chests heaving. 

“N-no.” SHe shakes her head, and her body is raging with heat. 

“Kriffing hell- Rey- I can feel everything.” He groans, not letting her go. “You’ve been feeling this way so often lately- Rey.” 

“I don’t know- I don’t know what it is.” She whispers. “Not really- only I have these dreams about you that are… well, I suppose they’re memories, and I wake up and I need- something.” 

“Force. And you haven’t been- been taking care of it?” He swallows, and she watches the notch in his throat rise and fall. It should be more embarrassing to reveal these truths to him, to admit her sexual frustrations, but somehow it seems conversational and simple. Like there were no secrets. 

“I...no. I was never good at that. Not on Jakku- not here. It’s never enough.” She admits. “I need more. And my own fingers aren’t- oh maker.” She gasps when she realizes that perhaps her fingers aren’t enough because her body was adjusted to something more- someone more. 

“I could...I could help you with that.” He offers hoarsely. She swears her heart stops beating, and heat pools st the juncture of her thighs.

“B-Ben, I don’t think we should do…” she shakes her head. “I mean, isn’t it a bit too soon to be… jumping into bed together?”

“No, not sex, Rey. I just...I know what you like. You’re my wife, and it wouldn’t be wrong to-” he tugs his hand through his hair and looks away from her face. “I know how frustrated you’ve felt. I read the material the doctor gave you last week, about symptoms, and it said that at this point it was...perfectly normal for you to get...aroused. I just want to make sure you know that I’m willing to...lend a hand, as it were.” She sees the blush spreading to his ears, and she swears her knees grow a little weak. 

“You- you read the baby pamphlets?” 

“Of course I did. I wanted to make sure we were doing everything we needed to be. And so I could help keep an eye out for anything that might be wrong. And I wanted to keep track of how the baby is growing. They can move their fingers and toes now.” He smirks at her and she feels pulled into his gravity. 

“Oh Ben…” 

“And you...you’re doing this amazing thing, carrying my child. Our child. So if there’s anything you need. Anything. I’ll do it.” He says softly but firmly, leaving no room for argument. She thinks for a moment. The heat is still raging inside of her, and she’s uncomfortably slick and she knows that somehow, he can certainly help her, and maybe then she would be able to really sleep. 

“Okay.” She says, and she looks down at her feet. 

“What?” He seems somewhere between confusion and disbelief. She knows that right now she must be an open book to him, that even a man without the insight to her mind that the force offered would be able to plainly see her state of arousal.

“Okay. I...I need…” She can’t bring herself to say the last word out loud, but she does think it. You. His dark eyes widen and he swallows, and she swears he almost looks nervous. 

“Okay.” He breathes. “Do you trust me?” 

“Y-yes.” She squeaks, and she follows his lead. He sits on the bed and parts his legs before he pulls her back against his chest. “I don’t...I don’t know what to do.” 

“Sh...don’t worry about it. Just let me take care of you.” He kisses her shoulder, and she nods. 

“Okay. Okay.” She sighs as his hands trail down her arms and his long, nimble fingers caress her thighs. 

“Can I touch you?” He asks, his voice desperate. “Please?” 

“Yes.” She sighs, and his hand trails up to the waistband of her sleeping pants. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Please!” She begs, desperate for anything to alleviate the mounting pressure. His warm hand slips in her clothes easily, and her back arches away from his chest as he strokes his fingers over her. 

“Kriff- you’re not wearing any-”

“I d-don’t. When I sleep.” She admits, and he moans and leans down to kiss her throat. It’s simple really, the motions he makes with his fingers against her most sensitive flesh. Just a slow circle over a tiny bump she hadn’t known existed, but it’s enough to have her gasping and leaning into him. His fingers are like fire against her skin and she can’t stop herself from gasping his name. “Ben!” 

“THat’s it sweetheart. Just relax.” His kisses sear her skin, and slowly, one of his long, thick fingers presses into her and she cries out. “Okay?” 

“Yes. oh yes!” She clutches at his thighs, and leans her head back against his shoulder. “Force! Ben!” He lets out a hum of appreciation as he presses his mouth to the column of her throat again, and his fingers increase their pace. She grabs his free hand, which had been resting on the bed beside them, and drags it up to her chest. His steady fingers falter for a moment, but then he picks up again and applies the lightest of pressure to her swollen breast, and she gasps. This. This. This. This. Her mind is screaming that yes, this, is exactly what she’s needed. She’s needed to be touched and treasured and loved and kissed and caressed, and she’s needed Ben to be the one to do it. Somewhere in the back of her mind, logic is screaming that she’s using him, that she shouldn’t be here, but the thought vanishes. He pushes it away. She feels his understanding, his acceptance, his willingness, his- arousal. The pressure is coiling and building and her heart thrums as his fingers play her like a master musician.

“Just let go. I’m here to catch you.” He whispers softly in her ear, and the deep, husky tone of his voice makes the pressure inside of her shatter, and her vision floods with light. She thinks she moans his name, or maybe that she intends to, because he had just done something incredible, and she’s never felt so incredibly good in her entire life. He withdraws his hands and kisses her hair once before he starts to move away, but she grabs hold of him. She rotated in his grasp and pulls him into her arms, resting her cheek over his rapidly beating heart. 

“That was...B-Ben.” She sighs, and he kisses her forehead again. “Why were you leaving?” She sees his face flush and he turns his eyes away from her, and she gasps in understanding. “You- you’re...Because of that?” 

“Yes.” He admits, his voice a little hoarse. 

“And you were going to...take care of yourself?” She bites her lip nervously. “Ben?” She opens the bond a bit, and in his surprise, he doesn’t push her out. She sees a string of cold showers, months worth, sexual frustration that rivaled her own, and a sense of guilt that stings her chest. “You haven’t done- since the last time that you and I had- Why?” 

“It didn’t seem right.” 

“What do you mean?”

“You weren’t here.” 

“I don’t mean that you would’ve gone off and found some other woman to shag!” She snaps. Even the idea of him with another woman fills her with the most hideous feeling of jealousy. Her stomach feels tangled in knots and she has to turn away from him. He cups her cheek and slowly coaxes her face back towards him. 

“I would never touch another woman, Rey. You are the only woman I have ever made love to, and you’re the only woman I ever want to make love to.” His thumb trails along her cheekbone, almost to her lip. “And as for why I didn’t “Take care of myself” it didn’t seem right to think of you when you hated me so much- and you’re the only woman for me. It seemed...disrespectful and inconsiderate at best, and vile and disgusting at the worst.” she throws her arms around his shoulders again, and his arms wrap around her waist. 

“Oh Force. Ben, you’re just, you’ve been so good to me, throughout all of this. I can’t imagine- I just can’t reconcile who you are now with who you were then.” She shakes her head. “But maybe...It isn’t that it doesn’t matter, because I suppose it does. But who you are now, Ben- who you are now is a man that has...confused the hell out of me, yes, but a man that I honestly feel I should- feel I could love.” 

“Rey.” He whispers her name like a prayer, and buries his face in her shoulder. “Stay with me, tonight.” 

“Ben…”

“Just to sleep. I always sleep better with you by my side.” He begs. “You don’t have to, if you aren’t comfortable with me, I’d understand.” 

“I should think it would be very clear that I’m...quite comfortable with you.” She flushes again. She glances around the room, finding the simple beige and white decor simple and pleasant, but not quite as comfortable and homey as the master where there were touches of her resting beside touches of him. A dresser covered in pieces of broken glasses and shimmering stones opposite a neat, polished dark piece of furniture with just a half read book on top. Ben liked paper books better than the holo books, she’d discovered. While she collected bits of everything, the shelves and shelves of books throughout various rooms of the house were his only collection to speak of. “I don’t want to sleep in here.” His face falls and she shakes her head. “Oh Ben, that’s not what I meant! I meant, I’m more comfortable in the master- in our bedroom. And I’m sure you are too.” 

“Do you mean-”

“I do.” She nods, and he picks her up easily. She wraps her arms around him tightly, and just holds him. His chest still smells like home, and she swears that her heartbeat actually slows and calms now that she’s been...properly satisfied. “I almost feel guilty. You did that for me, and I didn’t-”

“Don’t.” He shakes his head and she uses the force to open the bedroom door. “I’m fine. At this point, just being close to you...Rey, that’s enough for me.” He sets her on the right side of the bed, the side she’d naturally found herself drifting too in the past weeks. She climbs under the pale blue comforter, and waits for him to climb in beside her. When she senses him hesitating, she sits up straight and pats the space next to her gently. 

“Ben?” He climbs into the bed and she lays back again, rolling onto her side to face him. He’s done the same, and she can’t help but smile a little, because he looks beautiful. She reaches across the space and brushes dark hair out of his eyes, and he catches her hand, kisses her fingers, and rests their joined hands between them. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“Anything.” He agrees at once. 

“You said that I was the only woman you’d ever been with. And I know you’re a bit older than me, and I wondered why?” 

“I grew up expecting to be a jedi. And Jedi don’t engage in attachments. Now, I admit that as a teenager I kissed a few girls. Fooled around a little bit, but I never did...and then the darkside, it allowed for passion, but not attachments, and I was never…” He frowns as she struggles to find the right words and she squeezes his hand gently. “It’s quite an intimate thing, to lay down and share yourself with someone. And I never trusted anyone I met enough for that. Many of my knights would go to brothels, but that never appealed to me. For such a long time I felt so empty- and then there was you, and the bond, and I wasn’t alone anymore.” she finds herself scooting a bit closer to him. 

“Why me?” She asks next. 

“What?” 

“You choose me- you’ve been so many places and met so many people before you ever knew me- why was it me?” 

“Because you are my everything, Rey. It sounds daft, but I think- no- I know that the force intended us for each other. We were made to balance eachother out, to be exactly what the other needed.” His thumb traces slow circles on the back of her hand. “I’m never happier than when you’re with me.” 

“One more question.” She says, and he smiles at her. “What do you think the baby is?” 

“Oh, I don’t think. I know.” His smile is lopsided now, and her heart flutters a bit. 

“Well are you going to enlighten me?” She asks, arching her brow at him. “I mean, I am the one they’re living inside of.” 

“You are.” His eyes are full of adoration, and she pulls his hand down to the swell of her stomach. “It’s a boy.” 

“A boy? Do you really think so?” He nods, and she feels another slight flare beneath their hands, a pulse of pure, innocent, living force. She lets out a tiny giggle, a sound she didn’t know she was capable of making. “It seems they agree.” 

“Our starlight.” He’s absolutely grinning now. “You’re calmer than you have been in weeks.” He observes, reaching his free hand up to caress her cheek. “You don’t have to blush.” 

“I do. You know exactly why i’m calmer.” Is 

“Do I?”

“Ben!” She gasps. “You’re teasing me!” 

“Sorry.” 

“No- no. don’t apologize. I like it. I like to see you like this. You’re so at peace- I can feel it in your heartbeat, and in the way that you’re smiling. You’re handsome, Ben. No, you really are! If this is truly a boy, I really hope...I hope he looks like you.” She isn’t sure how it’s happened, but they’re so close to each other that there are sparse inches between them. “You know, I think they like your presence. The flair in the force is always most noticeable when you’re touching my belly.” 

“I’m going to do everything I can to be a good father to them. I promise.” 

“I know you will. I trust you will.” She tilts her face towards him, and presses her lips to his very softly. “Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight.” He kisses her forehead, and she rolls onto her other side, but rather than moving away from him, she curls her body against his, letting his large hand rest over top of her stomach, while his other arm ends up resting under her head like a pillow. And she’s never felt so safe or so wanted as she does now. “You’re always safe with me.” His lips press against the spot behind her ear. 

“I know.” If she dreams that night, she doesn’t remember it when she wakes. She only knows she’s never felt so well rested in her entire life.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“I’m not sleeping with Poe Dameron!” Rey scoffs. 
> 
> “But you are sleeping with??” Rose prompts. 
> 
> “No one.” 
> 
> “Come on, we never keep secrets about our love lives!” Rose insists. 
> 
> “What secrets are there to keep? I’m always here when you’re out all night with Finn.” Rey laughs. 
> 
> “Just face it Rose, she has a lover and she’s ashamed of him.” Jess teases, but it makes Rey’s heart drop. "
> 
>  
> 
> In the past, Rey comes to a realization about where her relationship with Ben stands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!! Glad to be feeling good enough to post! I love seeing your reviews and reactions- it really keeps me going!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Three Years Prior~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on! You’ve got to tell us who you’re seeing!” Jess insists. 

“I’m not seeing anybody!” Rey insists for what seems to be the thousandth time. She inhales through the force, and hopes it keeps her face from coloring. 

“Oh please!” Rose scoffs. “You’re so obviously in the throes of love!” 

“Forget the throws of love, she definitely came came home from her last “Mission” with that just laid glow about her! Plus, she got that implant, what, like, four months ago? Those things sting like a son of a bitch for two days, so there’s no way you’d get one if you didn’t need one!” Jess crosses her arms as she flops backwards onto her bunk. 

“I just thought better safe than sorry. You now, after your little...incident.” Rey says a bit too sharply. 

“Okay, i was like a week late and I panicked, sue me!” Jess huffs. “And I had the implant, but they’re only ninety eight percent effective.” 

“And she just can’t beat those odds.” Rose chortles, and Jess throws a pillow at her. “Can you imagine if she’d had to tell Dameron she got knocked up during their one night stand?!” 

“He’d probably be confused as hell since he doesn’t remember it!” Jess groans. “Let that be a lesson kids, never get so drunk that you can’t remember what happened the night before.” 

“I didn’t Know that was a lesson that needed to be taught.” 

“Oh but Rose, it certainly is.” Jess sighs. “I wish I could remember how it was though. I’ve heard Dameron is amazing. What do you think Rey?” 

“I’m not sleeping with Poe Dameron!” Rey scoffs. 

“But you are sleeping with??” Rose prompts. 

“No one.” 

“Come on, we never keep secrets about our love lives!” Rose insists. 

“What secrets are there to keep? I’m always here when you’re out all night with Finn.” Rey laughs. 

“Just face it Rose, she has a lover and she’s ashamed of him.” Jess teases, but it makes Rey’s heart drop. “Well, I’ve enjoyed this chat, but I’m starving. You kiddos wanna head to the mess hall?” 

“I could eat.” Rose hops off of her bed. “Rey?” 

“No, thanks. I’m actually feeling a bit tired. I might just take a nap.” She shrugs. 

“Are you feeling okay?” Rose gently strokes her forehead. 

“Yes, yeah. I am. I’m just tired.” She insists. “You guys go on.” 

“Mkay. We’ll see you at the debriefing tonight?” Jess asks. 

“Mmhm.” Rey nods and lays back on her bunk. Rose flips off the light as they leave, but as soon as they’re gone she sits up again. She crosses her legs and rests her hands on her knees. She channels her breathing and reaches out, searching for him. 

“Rey?” As always, the sound of his voice in her head sends shivers down her back.”What is it? Sweetheart, are you okay?” 

“I need to see you.” 

“You know we haven’t figured out how to control-”

“No, not through the bond. I need to see you in person.” 

“You’re not...pregnant are you?” The shock of fear and yet excitement that pours across the bond is almost enough to bring tears to her eyes. 

“No, No, Ben. I’m not. I just need you.” He tries to conceal the disappointment, but it would be impossible to hide everything from her when their minds are opened like this. “Ben, we discussed-” 

“I know. I know.” 

“But you’re still-”

“I’m not. You know it’s for the best besides. You were just so panicked, I-” 

“I need to see you.” 

“Where are you?” 

“Yavin Four..” 

“Can you be on Yavin Seven by nightfall?” 

“Can you be here so quickly?” 

“My shuttle is fast, Rey. I can be there in no more than six hours.” 

“I’ll be there. I’ll say I have to meditate. I’ve used seven before when I needed a little more quiet.” 

“You’re sure you’re alright?” 

“I will be, when I see you.” She insists. 

“Soon, Sweetheart.” 

“Yes.” She springs from the bed and pulls her shoes on quickly before she almost runs to the command room. She takes a moment and steadies herself before she walks into the room and scans for Leia. “General Organa?” 

“Dear, call me Leia, please.” 

“Leia, I was hoping you’d give me permission to go to Yavin Seven. I’d like to meditate for a while.” 

“You do seem troubled, dear.” Leia observes. “Your force signature is all over the board. It has been for months now. Since Crait, really.” 

“I’ve been trying to balance it, but I just...I get so distracted here.” She shakes her head. “There’s so much going on. Sometimes I just...need to be be alone. To think.” 

“Of course. You can have the night- do you think you’ll need more than that?” Leia asks, and Rey swears she sees suspicion in the woman’s eyes. 

“No. no, I’ll be back tomorrow morning.” Rey assures her. 

“Alright. Let me know if plans change.” Leia nods. “You have my permission.” 

“Thank you. I’ll report back in the morning.” She walks as evenly as she can to the shipyard and climbs into her ship at once. Ben, yes, she needs Ben.   
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She tries her best to meditate, but she keeps landing on what Jess had said. It keeps hitting her square in the chest, and it’s like she can’t breathe. And when Ben lands planetside, she leaps from her perch. 

“Rey?” He calls, and she races at him, and jumps into his arms, wrapping her own arms and legs around him and kissing him deeply. “What is it sweetheart?” 

“I’m not ashamed of you.” She says between heated kisses. “I’m not ashamed of you, and I love you, and I want everyone to know that you’re my husband.” She insists, and he sets her on her feet and stares at her. 

“What are you talking about?” He asks, his voice becoming softer. 

“One of my friends, she told me that the only reason I’d be hiding a lover from them is because I was ashamed. But I’m not. Not of you, or of this thing we have between us, I’m not ashamed!” 

“I mean, I think saying that’s the only reason is a bit of an overstatement.” He smirks, though his eyes are full of concern. She lifts up her hands to cup his face, and draw him closer. 

“Ben, I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to keep meeting in secret every few months and whispering to each other through the bond- I want to have a life with you, Ben. I want to live under the same roof and kiss you, and make love to you every single night Ben. I want you to hold me while I’m sleeping, and I want to have a house! A real kriffing house! I want you, Ben, I want you to be by my side. I need you. Please, tell me that that’s what you want too.” He catches her face in his hands, and kisses her softly.

“of course I want that. More than I’ve ever wanted anything.” He assures her. “You’re all I want. The only thing I need.” 

“What do we do? Because I don’t want to leave without you.” She insists, carding her fingers in his hair. “Do we just run? Find somewhere new for the two of us?”

“We can’t. If we vanish, Hux takes control, the First Order becomes more brutal than ever.” He shakes his head. 

“Then what do we do, Ben?! I can’t see you leave or leave you behind again, I just can’t bear it!” She wraps her arms around him tightly, and presses her lips to his throat. “I need you. Ben, I need you.” His lips crash on hers, and she wraps her arms around him. She knows exactly where this sort of kissing leads, and she shivers in anticipation. 

“We will find a way, Rey. I promise you.” His body molds to hers, he picks her up, and she parts her legs for him, happy to grant him access. “I love you. I love you so much.” She arches and whimpers and clings to him all the more. “You’re so beautiful.” 

“I need you.” She whispers, and she feels the smooth metal of his ship behind her back. “I want you.” 

“I’ll give you everything you want. Anything.” He vows as his lips smooth over her pulse point. 

“Please, Ben. Please.” She gasps. He helps her shimmy out of her clothing, and she’s too impatient to get him out of his clothes fully. She just undoes the buckles of his trousers, and kisses him as he sinks into her and groans in pleasure. “Ben- yes!” 

“Tell me what you want me to do. Where you want us to go.” He whispers in her ear. 

“I just want to be with you.” She gasps. “Let’s find peace, Ben. Please. For us.” 

“I want to.” He hits just the right place inside of her, and she moans. “I’ll do anything you ask me to. Just stay with me. Just love me.” She stills and catches his face in her hands, and just feels him. “I love you.” 

“You know that’s all I want, Ben, That’s why I brought you here.” She whispers. “I need you.” He moves again, and she leans her forehead against his, and she kisses away tears that she felt trailing on his cheeks. He trails his hand down to her center, and within seconds she’s screaming her pleasure. She feels him a second later, and he nuzzles into her shoulder. She sighs and caresses his hair. He slowly sets her down, and she kisses him one more time before she grabs her clothes. “So what do we do?” she asks as she slowly tugs all of her clothes back into place. 

“I don’t know.” He admits with a sigh. She sits on the grass, and he sits beside her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her onto his lap. “If you want to leave it all behind, then we can run. We can go to the outer rim. With mind tricks and careful maneuvering, we can probably evade capture for the rest of our lives.” 

“But then the rest of the galaxy is in peril- Ben, there’s no good way to win here.” She shakes her head and hides her face in the warm crook of his neck. 

“No. there isn’t.” He agrees. “But we’ll do it your way.” 

“The Supreme Leader of the First Order taking the lead of a scavenger?” 

“Ben Solo, taking his lead from his wife.” He corrects with a gentle kiss to her temple. “We need a plan.”

“I know- I just… I’m not sure where to begin exactly. With the stormtrooper program disbanded, your forces are weaker, but I hate the idea of more casualties on either side. I know peace won’t come without some violence, but… I’d like to keep it to a minimum.” She frowns. “Are you in a position to have Hux detained?”

“Technically yes, but if I do it without just cause, I’d risk pissing off all of Hux’s lackeys, which would create more problems.” He sighs. “There was a time I would’ve just killed them all. It wouldn’t have been difficult.”

“What’s changed?”

“You. You’ve… tempered me, in a way. When I’m angry, when I could kill, I can’t help but think of you, and I know you wouldn’t want me to do it. So I don’t. I don’t want to anymore.” He shrugs, and she twists her face up to kiss him tenderly. 

“This shouldn’t be so difficult- you’re the kriffing leader!” She groans as she pulls away from him. “Having a man on the inside should make this easier!”

“It does.” They both freeze. 

“Leia?”

“Mom?” They speak in unison.

“I’ve got to say I was already suspicious when Rey asked if she could come here. But then I caught just...the tiniest glimmer of my sons force signature, and I had to wonder, if we weren’t under attack, what was the Supreme Leader of the First order doing in the Yavin system at all?”

“How long have you been-“

“If you’re asking if I saw anything...compromising, the answer is no. Actually, I think that’s what clued me in as to Him being here, because there was a particularly bright moment when his mental shields must have slipped, and I wondered what in the world my son was doing so near to Yavin, and what in the universe would’ve had him distracted enough to drop his force shielding when I’m close by.” The general looked between them with an amused smirk. “Now I know.”

“It isn’t what you think.” Rey said quickly, laying her hand on Ben’s chest in the hopes of soothing his rapidly beating heart. 

“You weren’t just shagging my son-“

“We’re Married.” Ben says, effectively cutting her off. 

“What?”

“We’ve been married for about five months now.” Rey confirms with a nod. “General Organa-“

“Leia.” She corrects. 

“Leia, I love your son. He’s a changed man, and I love him. I love the darkness in him as much as I love the light, because it’s all a part of him, and he is… he’s mine.” She feels an enormous rush of relief speaking the words out loud to someone other than Ben. 

“How did this happen exactly?” Leia asks, her voice tight with emotion. 

“How much do you know about force bonds?”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Ben?” 
> 
> “Rey?!” His voice is a bit faint in her mind, but she hears him, and she grins broadly. “What is it, are you alright?” 
> 
> “I wanted to tell you, the baby is moving.”
> 
> “They’re moving?” He asks for confirmation, and she finds her smile growing. 
> 
> “So much. I thought… well, you could come and feel it, if you had the time to-“
> 
> “I have the time. I absolutely have the time.” He insists. “I’ll be right there.” "
> 
> Rey and Ben get even closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! I have another chapter for you! I'm not really sure what the total chapter count will be for this yet. Somewhere between thirty and forty I think, so just enjoy the ride for however long it lasts I guess! Your comments make me smile without fail, each and every one of them! I'll try to be better about responding to them!

Ben is at the academy when she feels it. The tiny flutter of something inside of her. For a week or two she’d wondered at every strange sensation, was it the baby moving? Or something else?

But this was obvious, clear. It was her baby, alive and thriving inside of her. She puts her hands on her stomach, and is shocked and delighted to be able to feel the mild movements under her hands as well. She reaches for her holo to call Ben, to tell him to come home immediately, but then she hesitates. Would the moving stop if she moved and disturbed the baby? It didn’t seem worth the risk. She shuts her eyes, and focuses for a moment on nothing but her breath, and the gentle turning of her child inside of her, and she reaches out with her mind. 

“Ben?” 

“Rey?!” His voice is a bit faint in her mind, but she hears him, and she grins broadly. “What is it, are you alright?” 

“I wanted to tell you, the baby is moving.”

“They’re moving?” He asks for confirmation, and she finds her smile growing. 

“So much. I thought… well, you could come and feel it, if you had the time to-“

“I have the time. I absolutely have the time.” He insists. “I’ll be right there.” 

“I’ll be here.” She tries to conjure the image of her bedroom in her mind's eye, but she isn’t quite sure if he sees it. Still, when he got home, she knew it would be simple for him to find her. “Hello there starlight.” She whispers softly to the swell of her stomach. The baby swirls inside of her in response and she lets out a laugh. “You’re active, aren’t you? Sweet baby… I never knew I could love so much as I love you- especially someone who’s face I’ve never seen, but I love you. Feeling you here… it’s better than water in the desert, and I’ve lived long enough in a desert to know I’m absolutely right. I can’t wait to kiss your little hands, and hold you, tuck you in at night, teach you about the force.” She caresses her belly softly, and swears the child moves to be closer to it. Ben arrives home much more quickly than she’d expected, she can feel his presence like a pleasant warmth running through her body, and then hear his footsteps as he bounds up the steps.

“Rey?” He knocks on the door before he cracks it open. 

“Come on!” She laughs, and he crosses the room, his eyes transfixed on the bare swell of her belly. She pats the edge of the bed, and he sits beside her. She takes his hand, and sets it at the low part of the curve where the movement had come from most. His hand is massive, spanning almost from her one hip bone to the other, and she smiles, feeling warm and protected. “Do you feel it?” 

“No.” He frowns. She focuses, and sets her hand beside his. 

“Come on now Starlight- don’t disappoint your daddy!” She says, her voice so maternal it makes tears well in Ben’s eyes. And then he feels it, the slight rolling, swishing motion against the skin of her stomach, and he lets out a laugh. “You do feel it now, don’t you?”

“Yes, i do.” He leans in and kisses her forehead tenderly, and then leans down to kiss the swell of her belly just above his hand. 

“It’s odd. But it’s beautiful- nothing has ever been as beautiful as this.” She grins at him. “You gave me this.”

“Rey,”

“This life...it’s unreal, Ben.” She whispers, feeling her lashes grow wet with tears. “But it’s real. And they’re real, you’re real, and it’s...sorry, I’m not meant to be crying.” She sniffed, and he leaned forward to kiss her cheeks, to remove the tracks of her tears with his tender mouth. “I didn’t know it was possible to be as happy as I am right now.” 

“Oh Rey.” He sighs, his lips caressing hers so softly, it’s only a whisper of a kiss before he leans his forehead against hers. “I’m so relieved to hear you say that. You have no idea how relieved.” 

“I knew I was lonely on Jakku. When I found the resistance, I thought I’d cured my loneliness, but all of that companionship...it’s pale in comparison to yours, Ben.” She reaches up to cradle his cheek. “This place, it’s the only place I’ve ever really felt I belonged.” He wastes no time pulling her into his arms and he kisses her full on the mouth and she sighs into his mouth. When they break apart, he presses his lips to her forehead once before he leans in to rest his cheek on the swell of her stomach. She tangles her fingers in his hair, and sighs in utter contentment. 

………..

He rubs her aching back without being asked. He merely senses her discomfort and does it. His hands on her are bliss, strong and warm and powerful, things that make her heart thrum and her thighs clench. 

And oh, she wants him so badly. Physically she can’t think of anything she’s ever wanted so much; even water in the desert hadn’t been so tempting, so tantalizing as Ben Solo. 

But how could she have him when she wasn’t sure of almost anything? A handful of returned memories, some happy new memories- were they enough to throw caution to the wind and give into what she wanted so badly? Because hiding it from him was exhausting, and she almost believes he can see through her feeble attempts at shielding the thoughts. But ever the gentleman, he says nothing about it. 

“I was thinking, you know, your technique for meditation has really increased since the accident. Perhaps you’d like to lead the younglings in their practice tomorrow?” He asks as his fingers work out the tension in her shoulders. She starts a little at the idea and glances over her shoulder at him. 

“I don’t know. I havent led any lessons or overseen any practice since it happened. Do you think I’m ready?” 

“I know you are. Besides, it’ll just be simple meditation. You’re better at that than I am, and you always have been.” He assures her. “And I’ll be there too, if it’s too much.” 

“Okay. I...I can try.” She nods, and he kisses her shoulder reverently. 

“You’ll do well.” She can feel his breath on her skin, and she trembles slightly. “Are you cold, sweetheart? Here.” He grabs the blanket from the back of the sofa and drapes it over her knees, tucking it in around her legs. 

“Thank you.” She grabs his hand and twines their fingers together, and it would be impossible to miss the way this makes him smile. She traces the contours of his face with the fingers of her free hand, and he lets out a noise almost like a whimper as his lips begin to tremble. “I think you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” 

“Rey…” it’s both a warning and a prayer as it passes his lips, and it makes her heart feel absolutely full. 

“I need you.” She finally whispers, and she feels him freeze beneath her touch. “I want you so badly.” 

“You- but you said-“

“I care for you. Very much. I can’t imagine…. Ben, I want you to touch me, like before, and so much more than that. My body...its like it remembers and its craving you.” She feels her skin heat, but she doesn’t dare tear her eyes from his own, lest he think her resolve is wavering. 

“I can do what I did before- or I can use my mouth. Or both.” He says quickly, though it sounds like his throat has run dry. “It’s normal for you to have heightened desires, Rey. I don’t want your body forcing you into something you’re not ready for.”

“Forcing me? I’d like to think I have enough will power to resist jumping on the first human male who happened to walk past me!” 

“That’s not what I meant-“

“If my body we’re “forcing me” to do something, I could just go find someone, any one would do. Or, as I understand it, there are...artificial options many women vie for. But I don’t want “anyone”. I don’t want artificial. I don’t want my own kriffing hands. I want my husband.” She huffs, and before she can fully process his response, he’s kissing her, and it’s nowhere near chaste. It’s messy and rough and full of tongue and teeth, but it’s everything she’s needed. She’s never felt the force so beautifully in balance as it was while his lips were on her own, and his hands were spanning her back and the back of her head and her hands were running all over his shoulders. 

“Rey…” he moans against her throat when she breaks away to gulp in air. She takes one of his hands and pulls it to the flesh above her heart. “Force, it’s beating so fast.”

“It seems like it always is, when you’re near me.” She says breathily. “I can’t… Ben, I need you so badly.” 

“I don’t want to rush-“

“It’s no rush- it’s been months- and you...you’ve been so patient.” She kisses his scar, and he lets out a choked groan. “Why are you holding back?”

“I- I don’t just want you to want me, Rey.” He says hoarsely. 

“What?”

“I can’t comprehend doing this when you don’t love me.” He elaborates. “And I’m not trying to draw out a confession of love, or to make you feel badly, sweetheart, it’s only… I know what it’s like to be buried inside of you while you whisper how you love me- and the thought of not having that…”

“Oh Ben…” She brushes her thumb over his kiss swollen lips. “My Ben.”

“Your Ben?” He asks hopefully. 

“Aren’t you?” She feels her cheeks flush. 

“You know that I am.” He kisses her thumb softly, and a whimper escapes her before she can stop it. “Let me take care of you, Rey.” 

“No- I...not without you.” She shakes her head. “It’s selfish.” 

“It’s not. You’re wrong if you think I don’t like to do it.” He insists. “In fact, there are very few things I like more than the taste of you.” 

“I can’t-“ she leans into his palm and he kisses her softly. “It isn’t fair to you, And I want...I want you to feel as good as you made me feel.”

“Rey, I feel what you feel. When you feel good, Force, believe me, I feel good.” He assures her. “I haven’t gotten to do this in months, sweetheart.” She bites her lip, and shakes her head. “You’re not denying me pleasure, Rey. If anything, I’m denying myself. Im not ready. But you said that you needed me- and maker, I need to give you this. Please.” 

“Alright.” She whispers, and in an instant his lips are covering hers again. She shoves him back after a moment to rip off her own shirt, and for a moment he stares at her with his eyes blown wide. 

“Perfect- absolutely perfect.” His lips press against her sternum, and the side of her bare breast and she feels her back arch up under the weight of her heavy belly. 

“Oh- Ben!” She gasps and he hums against her skin. His lush lips move down her chest, over her stomach, to the waistband of her sleeping trousers, and she finds that she can’t keep from writhing beneath him. 

“Can I-“ he doesn’t get to finish his question as she practically rips her own clothing off, and he aids her in the endeavor. She knows with great certainty that he’s seen her naked before; after all, she’s having his child. But that also means her body has changed. She’s softer everywhere, and gone are the days where she could count each rib and notch in her spine, which she counted as a good thing. But her stomach was positively massive, and she was covered in shiny pink lines where her skin was stretched to the limits.Would he like her like this? Or would he find her too changed? “Stop that.”

“What?”

“You’re worrying what I’ll think of you. Which is insane, Rey. You are easily the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. And carrying our baby hasn’t changed that, unless it’s made you more beautiful than ever to me.” He leans in and kisses her stomach, and down, slow enough to make her writhe. 

“Ben!” She whines, not caring at all about dignity. 

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you.” He presses his lips to the underside of her swollen stomach, and she chokes in the breath she tries to take when he moves down another inch. He lets out a groan that pulses against damp skin, and she bucks up to meet him. “So kriffing good!” her response is an inarticulate babble of agreement. He brings her to pleasure with his tongue, with his fingers, with the gentle hum of his deep voice inside of her head. She’d always thought it was ridiculous romanticism and girlish foolishness when girls she’d met talked of seeing stars- but force if Ben didn’t make her see stars until her vision was almost completely whited out. And when she thinks it’s over, he licks and kisses and sucks with renewed vigor, and this time she fears she may well pass out for the intense pleasure of it. When he seems intent to try again, she twines her fingers in his hair, and forces him to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry- too much?” 

“No, no- Just- I’m a bit sensitive, and I don’t think i can handle...Not that i wouldn’t like to- But I’m sort of exhausted.” She admits as she lazily combs her fingers through his hair. He pulls himself from her grasp enough to scoop her up into his arms, and promptly carries her up the steps towards her bedroom. Her fingers trace tiny circles on his broad chest, and she can hear his breath trembling. “Will you stay with me tonight?” 

“Of course I will.” He kisses her forehead, and lays her down on the bed. She settles under the covers as he goes to pull off his shoes. She watches him carefully, admiring the lines of his body, hardened by years of vigorous exercise and training. He looks too good to be real- like something from one of the marble statues from Naboo. He climbs in beside her, and she scoots closer so he can take her in his arms. It’s warm with their skin pressed together, but she wouldn’t trade the feeling of it for anything. He dims the lights, and kisses her hair once more. 

“Ben?” 

“Hm?” 

“Maybe...I think maybe you should stay with me. Every night.” She manages weakly, and he cranes his neck to look at her in the dark. 

“What?” 

“You should bring your things back into our bedroom. All of them.” She says firmly. “Not just what you leave on the odd night you stay here with me. I want you to stay with me, tonight, and the rest of the nights.” Her voice waivers with her fear of rejection. That he doesn’t truly want her at all- after all, he wouldn’t have her tonight when she’d all but begged him to. But then he’s kissing her so softly it makes her heart ache with the gentleness of it. “Well?” 

“First thing in the morning.” He promises, accented with another kiss. 

“Good. Good.” She buries her face in his chest and takes in the smell of him. The smell of home. “I don’t want either of us to be alone ever again, Ben. We’re a family. The three of us.” She feels his hand snake around to cradle her distended stomach. She clasps her hand on top of his, and though the baby inside of her is sleeping, she can feel the gentle hum of it’s force signature. “And we both want you with us. Always.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” He vows. 

”I think… I think I trust you.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Ben?” She says softly. He’s kneeling on the floor amid a pool of broken glass, his hands and arms bleeding through his sleeves, the mirror from the bedside table, the pitcher of water and the glasses, all smashed around him. 
> 
> “I’m sorry.”
> 
> “No. you don’t need to be.” She takes a deep breath, and focuses on the force around her, bending it to move the glass to the sides of the room. She’d clean it up later, or he would, but now she needed to clean him up. She kneels behind him and wraps her arms around his waist, and presses a kiss between his shoulder blades. 
> 
> “I’m sorry- They were talking about you- I couldn’t let them…” His breath comes in shudders, and she can only hold him closer. “I stain everything I touch. Even the light. Even you. I don’t...I don’t deserve you.” 
> 
> “I don’t care. You’re what I want. You’re who I need. The rest of the galaxy can kriff off.” She insists"
> 
>  
> 
> In the past, Rey and Ben deal with the fallout of her friends finding out the truth of their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! This chapter is all flashback. I like scenes like this that help show how much Ben has progressed in the "present". I'll try to have the next chapter up next week! Thanks again for reading and reviewing and leaving kudos! I get so excited every time I see one!

Three years prior

“It was never going to be easy, Rey.” Leia soothes her as she sits with her head resting on her palms. “You’ll have to give them time.”

“In hindsight, springing a dinner party on them was not a good idea.” Rey groans. 

“Don’t feel too bad kid. It was as good an attempt as anything. And now it’s all out in the open. They’ve yelled at each other, aired their grievances. It can grow from here.” Leia assures her. To say that her attempt to introduce Ben into her wayward little resistance family had not gone well was an understatement. She hadn’t had very high hopes to begin with- but once Poe and Ben started arguing...well, there was no salvaging the evening. 

“At this point I’m only grateful that it didn’t come to blows.” She rolls her eyes and heaves a long sigh. 

“I’m amazed by how much of Poe’s yelling he put up with before he snapped.” Leia observes casually. “You’ve certainly helped to even out his temper.” 

“I know that he did awful things- but he helped us win the kriffing war- he saved everyone’s lives- how ungrateful can they be?” Rey sighs and sinks further into her chair. 

“In a time of war they went from seeing Ben as an enemy- as the enemy- to seeing him as an allie- a union born of desperation. It’s peacetime now, there’s time to dwell on the old wounds, the war wounds that never fully heal. The mental ones. In time they’ll adjust, and if nothing else, you know they’ll learn to be civil for your sake.” Leia strokes her hair in a maternal fashion. 

“How could they accuse him of...of bewitching me?” Hot tears spring into her eyes, and she tries to blink them away, but it only seems to make them fall down her cheeks. Ben had sat at her side, her hand resting on his knee under the table as he’d been berated, by Rose and Finn, by Jess, but mostly by Poe. He’d taken it all in stride, apologized for what he could, his force signature remaining neutral at all times. Rey had snapped first, shouting that her husband had done more to end the war in a matter of months that the resistance had in years- but that had been her first mistake. 

Throughout the matter of months they’d worked to take down the first order, they’d kept the nature of their relationship a secret. They’d reveal all after things had settled and people felt less threatened by him. But the revelation had gone...poorly to say the least. And it had been the thing that made Ben snap. Because when she insisted she wasn’t bewitched, and then Leia had insisted the same, they’d turned on her in shock and with a sense of betrayal- and he would not have her attacked. 

“You know, I always knew my son loved deeply, but I’d never realized how deeply until I saw him defending you.” Leia says softly. “Your friends are hurt; you’ve kept a big thing from them. But they’ll get over it in time.” 

“I don’t think Poe ever will.” 

“He will. You know how he is, head in his cockpit. He blew his fuse, but once he’s had time to cool down he’ll think it through rationally.” 

“I have to go find Ben.” Rey stands suddenly, and twists her hands anxiously. “He- he cut me off through the bond. He only does that if he’s terribly upset- I need to make sure he’s alright.” 

“Of course.” She squeezes her hand once, and Rey smiles at her weakly before she disappears through the door. She breaks out into a sprint through the mostly deserted hallways. She and Ben had kept to seperate quarters, only risking sneaking into eachothers rooms once it was late and everyone was asleep. There were enough people awake to see where she was running, or rather, who she was running to, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She couldn’t bring herself to care that her friends knew, and that they were angry with her- she only cares that Ben was suffering alone. She unlocks his door with a press of her palm, and finds the room as she’d expected to. 

“Ben?” She says softly. He’s kneeling on the floor amid a pool of broken glass, his hands and arms bleeding through his sleeves, the mirror from the bedside table, the pitcher of water and the glasses, all smashed around him. 

“I’m sorry.”

“No. you don’t need to be.” She takes a deep breath, and focuses on the force around her, bending it to move the glass to the sides of the room. She’d clean it up later, or he would, but now she needed to clean him up. She kneels behind him and wraps her arms around his waist, and presses a kiss between his shoulder blades. 

“I’m sorry- They were talking about you- I couldn’t let them…” His breath comes in shudders, and she can only hold him closer. “I stain everything I touch. Even the light. Even you. I don’t...I don’t deserve you.” 

“I don’t care. You’re what I want. You’re who I need. The rest of the galaxy can kriff off.” She insists

“Your friends-”

“Will either come around or they won’t.” She nuzzles the back of his neck softly. “I hope they will, but if they won’t...Ben I’d never choose them over you. You’re my husband. My everything. I don’t care if we have to go into isolation, I’ll never regret my choice to be your wife.” He turns to face her ever so slowly, taking care not to touch her with his bloodied hands. “Trust me, Ben.” 

“I do.” She presses her lips to his briefly, tenderly, and then takes his hands in hers.

“Come on.” She takes him to the fresher, and hops up onto the counter before finding the small medpack in the miniscule cabinet behind the mirror. With a small pair of tweezers she sets to work plucking fragments of glass from the jagged cuts while he watches with no small amount of amazement in his eyes. 

“We could get a med-droid to do this.” he offers. 

“No. I can do it. Let me take care of you.” she insists with a shake of her head. She drops the fragments of glass onto a white towel, covering it with tiny droplets of crimson which sit on the surface like beads for a second before they sink into the fabric. When she is certain that the glass had been removed, she takes his hands in hers, and shuts her eyes, feeling through his body with the force, and visualizing him whole and healthy. When she opens her eyes again, there are no longer gaping wounds, just lines beginning to scar. “I should get your mother- she’s much better at this than I am, she could get them to fade into-”

“I don’t want you to go. They’re fine. Please. Stay with me.” 

“Okay.” She could refuse him nothing when his voice wavered like that. Without speaking, she hops off of the counter and flicks on the shower before she peels off her slightly blood speckled clothing, and then turns to pull his clothes off. He moves to help her, and follows her into the shower’s warm spray. For a moment they stare at each other while she lifts her hand to place over his heart, and then his mouth is on hers, and she’s on her toes, grabbing as much of his hair as she can, and in a matter of moments he has her pressed against the wall with her legs around his waist and he’s inside of her, moving at a punishing pace, but Kriff if she didn’t love it. 

She lets him use her this time, to heal himself, to feel whole, just as she’s used him in the past- but was it ever truly using when by making himself whole, she was being made whole too? She holds onto him tightly and whispers quiet praise and love into his ear until she can’t be quiet anymore and it doesn’t matter if the entire base can hear how he makes her scream- he’s her husband, damn it, and she loves him!

By the time he sets her back onto her feet, the water is lukewarm at best, but good enough to rinse the blood and sweat from their skin. They forego clothing in favor of wrapping themselves in towels, and tumbling into his bed, limbs tangled and chests pressed together. 

“Ben?” 

“Hm?” 

“Let’s leave the base. Tomorrow.” She whispers as she trails her fingers along his spine. 

“What do you mean?” 

“A proper honeymoon. You said you’d take me on one. Your mother could manage without us.” 

“Where should I take you?” 

“Anywhere.” 

“Naboo.” He smiles sleepily, and brushes her damp hair out of her face. “Mother still has the rights to properties there. I know where we can go.” 

“Good. Good. I love Naboo. The best day of my life was on Naboo.” She nestles further into his arms. “And when we come home, perhaps...perhaps we share quarters. Until we start our school and have our own place.” 

“Do you mean that?” 

“I want everyone to know you’re mine, Ben. I’m proud to be your wife- I’m proud that you’re my husband! And even if i wanted to live separately, which i don’t at all, I can’t possibly imagine there will be a soul on this base who hasn’t heard we’re together by the end of tomorrow. News travels quickly here.” 

“If you’re sure-”

“I am.” 

“Then yes. Absolutely, sweetheart.” He smiles at her again, the broad, unguarded smile that makes her fall just a bit more in love with him each time she saw it. 

“Stars you’re beautiful.” She sighs, pressing one more kiss to his lips before she settles into his bed with her back against his chest. “Let’s take my quarters. My mattress is a double. It’s not much bigger, but maybe more comfortable for you.”

“You don’t like sleeping close?” He teases, running his fingers gently over spots he knows will make her shudder with pleasure. 

“I like sleeping close, but I also like being able to stretch out. And you’ll be sore if you spend all night on your side. I know you.” 

“You do. Honestly and truly, you do.” He kisses her neck. 

“You make me happy. Stupidly happy.” 

“I never knew true happiness until I knew you.” He whispers fervently. She feels him stirring a bit behind her, and her she feels the pulse of his desire echo in her core.

“Again?” She asks with a quiet laugh. She rolls onto her back, and drags him on top of her. He settles in the cradle of her hips, and groans as his desire meets hers. He bumps up against her, and she gasps and moans into his shoulder. 

“Let me make love to you.” He whispers, almost like he’s begging. She nods her assent, and kisses him as he pushes home. “I love you.”

“I love you.” His first thrust takes her breath away, and she grips his back intensely as she wraps her legs around his waist, inviting him deeper. She loves him like this, with the sheer mass of him pinning her to the bed, making her feel warm and safe and wanted, his brown eyes holding hers through every kiss and whispered word of adoration. She loves the connection of being with him this way, how she can see into his eyes, and into his very soul. He’s slow and tender with her, and she meets him for each gentle thrust- it’s a complete contrast to the wild, frantic sex they’d had earlier, but it’s every bit as delicious. He finishes first, but quickly brings her there with a few expert twists and flicks of his long fingers, and she kisses him when he tries to apologize. “Don’t. It was perfect. You were perfect. Just hold me.” he rolls onto his back, and pulls her into his side. Their skin is slick with sweat again, and they’ll need another trip to the fresher in the morning, but she doesn’t mind. 

She made her choice, and she was happy with it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“How is it rushing? You two are married- even if you can’t remember everything it’s not like your jumping in to bed with a rando.” Jess huffs. 
> 
> “Jess, try being a little sensitive?” Rose suggests. “Ben and Rey have been through a lot, especially in the last few months. If they need time then they can take time. It’s none of our business.” Rey took her friends hand, and squeezes it tightly. 
> 
> “All I’m saying is that if I were Rey, I’d have already climbed that like a Galek tree!” Jess laughs. 
> 
> “What did you say?” Rey turns to face her quickly, her head spinning.
> 
> “Oh you know I’m kidding- Poe keeps me well satisfied, I’m not secretly pining after your husband.” Jess rolls her eyes. 
> 
> “No- I don’t- that’s not- what did you say?”
> 
> “”I’d have already climbed that like a galek tree”?” Jess asks. 
> 
> “Galek tree?”"
> 
> Something Jess says during girl time sparks a memory that has Rey racing to see her husband.

“You two both look so cute!” Jess grins as she takes a picture of them on her holo. “Look at your little bellies!” 

“Little? I’m giant!” Rose laughs as she affectionately caresses her belly. “Aren’t we? You’re running out of room in there aren’t you? Sorry little one. You still have three and a half months left in here. Rey still looks cute though- look at her little bubble belly!” 

“Yeah.” Rey smiles and looks down at her stomach. “I’m not carrying as big as I should. The doctors told me to gain more weight. I’ve got a med droid giving me so many supplements.” 

“You have instructions to gain weight? Amazing. We’re going to have so much dessert.” Jess says with a sly grin. “Jogan fruit cake. Honeycrust. Air cakes. All of it.” 

“Oh i could eat so many air cakes right now.” Rose groaned softly. 

“Well Rey? What do you say?” 

“It sounds good- but I think i should go home. Ben wanted to try something.” 

“Oh Damn!” Jess puts her hand over her mouth. “So you two are sleeping together again?” 

“No- um, we aren’t. Are not. I meant something to try to regain my memory. It’s a meditation technique.” She feels her face heat up. 

“You’re not sleeping with your husband?” Rose asks in disbelief. “How? I’ve been ready to jump my husband’s bones every ten minutes since i hit the second trimester!”  
“And that man is crazy in love with you- I mean, you’ve always been pretty secretive about your sex life, but you two always look at eachother like you’re within seconds from ripping each other’s clothes off.” 

“Well it’s sort of more complicated than that.” Rey insists. “We don’t...we don’t want to rush into anything.” Or he didn’t. She was quite ready to throw every caution to the wind and push him onto the couch and ride him into oblivion. Even if he insisted on taking care of her any time he realized she was pressing her thighs together or caught a few stray thoughts, he somehow didn’t understand that, lovely as his lips, his tongue, and his hands were, she wanted more. She wanted everything- wanted him. All of him. 

“How is it rushing? You two are married- even if you can’t remember everything it’s not like your jumping in to bed with a rando.” Jess huffs. 

“Jess, try being a little sensitive?” Rose suggests. “Ben and Rey have been through a lot, especially in the last few months. If they need time then they can take time. It’s none of our business.” Rey took her friends hand, and squeezes it tightly. 

“All I’m saying is that if I were Rey, I’d have already climbed that like a Galek tree!” Jess laughs. 

“What did you say?” Rey turns to face her quickly, her head spinning.

“Oh you know I’m kidding- Poe keeps me well satisfied, I’m not secretly pining after your husband.” Jess rolls her eyes. 

“No- I don’t- that’s not- what did you say?”

“”I’d have already climbed that like a galek tree”?” Jess asks. 

“Galek tree?” She rises and is headed for the door within seconds. 

“Rey?” Rose calls after her.

“I have to go!” She jumps into her speeder, and is on her way home immediately. She’s glad it’s so near by- she can scarcely focus. Her head is spinning, her vision almost painted over with images of silvery leaves and a silver cord wrapped around a pair of hands, small, slender hands inside of giant hands that were usually encased in leather- unless he was touching her. The speeder skids to a halt in front of the house, and she runs through the front door. “Ben?!” 

“Rey?! What is it?” She sees him rushing down the stairs, and she launches herself at him. He catches her easily in his arms, looking a bit bewildered but not displeased. “What’s wrong? You’re shaking.” 

“We got married under a galek tree on Naboo. The oldest monk did it, he tied our hands with silver rope, and you put a white flower in my hair.” She breathes out and clutches him ever closer. Suddenly he holds her at arms length, his hands clutching her elbows and staring at her with wide eyes. “We- we did didn’t we?”

“Yes- you- who told you that?”

“No one- I remembered, Ben. I don’t remember everything- maybe I never will- but I remember that I love you.” She whispers, and his hands fall from her arms to his side as he watches in disbelief. “It was sunny, and I didn’t know where I was to meet you, but I felt you… I felt you and you were so nervous, you kept asking if I was sure, and I kept saying I was, and I was- I am. I...Ben. I love you.” 

“You love me?” He asks, afraid to hope. 

“Yes. I can feel it in my heart- in every piece of myself, I find you. Because you’re my other half, Ben, you’re my husband. And I love you.” The words tumble from her lips so easily it’s like she’s said them half a million times before; maybe she had. He falls to his knees infront of her, his shoulders shaking with what she knows is a silent sob as he wraps his arms around her and presses his lips to her stomach reverently, and rests his cheek against it. She holds him fast, her fingers threading through his locks. 

“Force, I haven’t heard that in so long.” He sobs. And though it’s only been a matter of months, it must have seemed impossible after having lived so much of his life feeling so unloved, unwanted. 

“I didn’t know it then, but I did feel it. Everyday.” She whispers. When it becomes clear his sobs are growing stronger, she slowly lowers herself to the ground, and lets him crush her to his chest. He’s mindful of her growing belly, his touch is firm but gentle, and he buries his face in the crook of her neck. “I’m sorry i don’t remember everything, that I don’t know more than I do-”

“No. This is amazing- wonderful, Rey! You remember the most important day of our life together. Everything else will come. I believe that.” He kisses her neck, and she wraps her arms even tighter around him. 

“He was the same monk who married your grandparents on Naboo, the man who married us. He was kind, and he knew of the force.” She whispers as she strokes his hair. “And you looked at me like you couldn’t believe I was real, like you were afraid I’d leave.” 

“I was terrified that you’d realize what a mistake you’d made and you’d leave. That you’d realize I was the monster you’d feared-”

 

“Hold on now, I wasn’t afraid of you. I was afraid of myself. Afraid of what I felt for a man who was supposed to be my enemy. Who was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen- I was confused, but I was never scared of you.” 

“No, i don’t suppose you were. But you’ve always been brave.” He kisses her lips and then her shoulders and inhales her scent. She drags his mouth back to hers, and then rests her forehead against his. “Rey, you are the most… Rey, I love you so much.” 

“I love you.” She kises his cheek. “I love you.” She kisses his chin. “I love you.” She kisses his neck. “I forgot....I can’t believe that I forgot how I felt about you. I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize for that, sweetheart. Please, don’t apologize for things that aren’t your fault.” 

“I hurt you so much-”

“No you didn’t. I was scared, Rey. Scared you wouldn’t remember, scared that you’d change your mind about us, but nothing compares to how scared I was when I saw your engine fail- when you opened the bond to say goodbye to me and you kriffing apologized for making a mistake? I’ve spent the last few months petrified; but it wasn’t your fault.” He assures her as he grips her even closer, a feat she hadn’t thought possible. “None of this was your fault.” 

“I could have died, doing that test flight, Ben. I could have died, and our baby...we wouldn’t ever have even known.” She bites her lips as the tears that have been forming in her eyes threaten to fall. “I almost lost us everything.”

“You didn’t! You didn’t. Rey, you aren’t responsible.” She pulls back and puts her hands on his face. 

“Neither are you.” She whispers. 

“They were sending me a message, Rey. The First Order lives on. They wanted me to suffer for what I did to bring them down, and they knew that you were the one person who meant the most to me- the person that I loved more than anything, more than myself. If you weren’t my wife-”

“I knew the risks, on Naboo. I knew being your wife was never going to be cut and dry, Ben. I knew i’d make enemies. I just hoped we’d come to have the same enemies.” 

“A simple task, given the fact that I’d kill anyone who dared to touch you.” He growls. 

“I didn’t enter this marriage with over romantic ideals, Ben. I didn’t know what being married meant, other than not being alone. All I wanted was for you to be there, for me, with me. To just...to love me.” She breathes. “I didn’t care who it made hate me. I didn’t care if someone would kill me for it. As long as you were mine.” 

“I am.” 

“And I’m yours.” he pulls her in for a long, slow kiss, and she lets out a little sigh of contentment. 

“Your head hurts.” He observes after a moment, and then it occurs to her that her temples do seem to be throbbing, and the jumbled parts of her mind are whizzing around her skull trying to make sense of themselves. Once she focuses on it, it’s almost a blinding pain, and she hisses. He scoops her up again, and she has to marvel at how simple he makes it seem despite her swelling belly. 

“Ben?” 

“Yes?” 

“I’m tired.” She yawns. 

“I can tell.” SHe swears there’s a hint of a smile in his voice. “Don’t worry sweetheart, you can rest for as long as you like.” He lays her on the bed- on their bed, and she’s vaguely aware of his fingers removing her boots for her. 

“Ben? Would you stay? Just...hold my hand. Hold me?” She asks timidly, not opening her eyes. He doesn’t respond, but the mattress dips with his weight, and suddenly she’s pressed comfortably against his solid form. The beat of his heart hammers against her cheek, and somehow it soothes her headache. “You smell nice.” 

“When you feel unwell, you get very clingy. And very honest.” He murmurs into her hair. “I quite like the effect, though I wish the cause were different.” 

“You know, I thought once i remembered that i loved you, you’d sweep me up and carry me to bed, but this is not how I thought we’d spend the time in it.” 

“We have time, sweetheart. Rest for now.” He kisses her temple, and combs his fingers through her hair. She falls asleep within moments, contentedly listening to the beat of his heart.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Ben…” It’s all she can say as he positively worships every inch of her exposed skin. When she manages to gather her wits, she grabs fistfulls of his shirt, and he pulls it off in a fluid motion. She wraps him in his arms, and pulls his chest flush against her own. They let out a simultaneous sigh. 
> 
> “Can you feel how right this is? Us, together?” He murmurs against the crown of her head. She nods, pressing her lips to his chest. “A balance...peace.” 
> 
> “I want you.” She whispers, and he sweeps her up so she can wrap her legs around him. “I need you. I love you.” "
> 
> A glimpse back at the wedding night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! I've another chapter for you! I want to thank everyone who takes a moment to review- seriously, makes my day every time! Please enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~ABOUT THREE YEARS PRIOR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He takes her to his ship, and she trembles in his arms as the ramp closes behind them. That’s when he kisses her, a deep, passionate kiss that makes her toes curl within her worn boots. He sets her on her feet, and for a moment she marvels at how tall he is- how broad and strong. He absolutely towers over her, and it should make her nervous that he’s so in her space, but it only makes her tremble with an emotion that Ben had awoken inside of her. 

Desire. 

She stands on her tip toes to reach his mouth again, and lets her fingers find purchase in the fabric of his surcoat. His lips and tongue are insistent against her own, and she gasps and moans low in her throat as she struggles to rid him of the thick fabric that’s keeping her from running her hands over the powerful muscles she knows he possesses. He pulls back to undo it himself, and flings it away, leaving him in a sleeveless black undershirt, and exposing his powerful arms. She trails her fingers up and down the length of them, and he actually shakes as their bare skin connects. 

“We should talk about a few things, before.” He says gruffly, and she furrows her brow at him. 

“What?” 

“I’ve never done this before.” He admits, his face turning just the slightest bit pink. 

“Neither have I.” She breathes, and she swears she sees a hint of relief and pleasure in his dark eyes. 

“Then we can learn together.” He threads his fingers through her hair and she nods as she leans into the touch. He kisses her softly, just a whisper of a kiss, and leans back to look at her again. “Do you have an implant?” 

“An Imp- Oh! Kriff- I- Kriff, I should have thought of that!” She gasps and pinches the bridge of her nose. “It was never something I really needed- kriffing hell!” 

“It’s alright.” He assures her with a soft kiss pressed to her forehead. “I brought some sheathes, as a precaution.” She sighs in relief, and he leans in to kiss her neck. 

“I’ll get an implant when I go back to the base. For next time.” she says breathily, and she’d find it embarrassing if his thoughts and energy weren’t exactly like hers just now. 

“Probably a good idea.” He murmurs against her throat. “It’s not exactly the ideal time for us to start our family, is it?” She freezes, and he notices at once. “Rey?” 

“Our family?” 

“Yes, our- our family.” He stands up straight, so he has to look down to meet her eyes. “Not right now, not even any time soon. BUt someday…” 

“Someday?” She asks, letting out a little puff of air from her chest. “You...Oh wow.” She waivers a little on her feet, and he braces her arms. “Ben, I...Oh Force.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Ben, I don’t- I don’t want children.” She says all at once. “I don’t want to have children- I can’t...My own parents left me, sold me, didn’t give a damn about me, and I don’t even know how to, to be a mother! I never wanted- I still can’t comprehend that. It’s too much!” she shakes her head and closes her eyes tight. “And we’re on opposite sides of a war, how could we even consider it? THere’s a kriffing war! This is no time for children!” 

“Rey.” 

“And you- I don’t want to offend you, or hurt you, Ben, but are you really ready to be a father? Do you honestly think you could care for a child? Because I can’t. I can’t, Ben, and i’m sorry, but I can’t bring a child into this mess that is my life, okay? I can’t!” 

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He soothes gently, leading her to sit down. “We don’t have to think about it right now.” 

“But we do- dont you see? We have to talk about this right now, because you want us to have children someday, and I don’t want that- and don’t think I might change my mind, because honestly, I’m very stubborn and I probably won’t! I won’t, Ben. this isn’t an “I’m not ready”, this is an “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready”. Can you live with that?” SHe asks. 

“Is it me?” He asks, his brown eyes boring into hers. 

“What?” 

“Do you not want children with me? If I were someone else, someone more...stable, would you want children?” He asks, his voice breaking. 

“No. Ben. You’re the man I love- if children were in the cards for me, they’d be yours. But they’re not in the cards, Ben. they’re not even in my deck.” SHe insists. “I’m damaged goods, Ben, and I can’t pass any of my issues onto an innocent child.” his mind is so open to hers that she can’t help but peer into it, and when she does she sees what he’s thinking. 

Her with a rounded belly, smiling as his hand spans across it-

A little girl with dark hair and hazel eyes sitting on her grandmother’s lap-

The two of them tucking the same tiny girl into bed and kissing her soft hair-

The little girl, older now, resting her hand against her mother’s rounded belly-

She closes her eyes as tightly as possible and lets out a sharp breath- because everything he was dreaming of was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. And part of her ached for it, ached to give him what he dreamed of- because he dreamed of having everything with her. Everything. 

“Ben.” SHe whispers, and lays a hand on his cheek. “I love you. But I can’t...Ben, I won’t change my mind on this.” He gazes into her eyes, his expression carefully masked. “If it’s something you need, if children are something you need, then I...I’ll let you go. No strings, no complications. But you have to decide now, because I won’t lose you later. It would break me.” Her voice breaks even as she offers it, and he snaps out of his vacant thoughts, and puts his hands on her cheeks. 

“I need you.” He says reverently. “Children...I didn’t want any for years at least. And I don’t want them if they’re not yours.” 

“Ben-”

“And I would choose you over anything. Over anyone. You are more than I ever deserved. Ever dreamed.” He kisses her then, and it’s so warm and sincere she finds herself believing him. 

“You still want me?” 

“Yes. ONly you.” SHe kisses him, tugging him closer as she sags with relief. He breaks the kiss and looks at her with very serious eyes. “Rey, It’s unlikely, and it will be more unlikely once you’ve gotten your implant, but if you happened to become...if you were to get pregnant...Just please, please, keep it. I’ll do anything, I’ll find adoptive parents if I have to, just please…” She stares at him with a slack jaw for a moment. How had she never considered the idea of an accidental child? A piece of herself, and a piece of Ben- she tamped down the swell of fear, after all, there was no chance such a child existed yet- and he was begging her to keep them. 

“Adoptive parents?” 

“You don’t want to be a mother, that’s...that’s fine. But if we happened to create a child together...Rey, it would kill me if something that was a part of you was snuffed out. I can’t…”

“So you’d give them up?” 

“I wouldn’t want to. But I would do what I had to, Rey. And this is completely hypothetical, of course. The chance that you could conceive a child if we used the proper precautions are slim to none. And I would never interfere with any of that, knowing how you feel on the matter.” She sees his eyes shimmering with tears. “I don’t have secret plans to trap you into having a child when you don’t want one.” 

“Oh- Ben...I know that.” She strokes his hair gently. 

“I just...this matters to me.” She nods as she tries to swallow around the lump in her throat. 

“If...If it were to happen, even though we tried to prevent it, I could never...Ben I couldn’t ever destroy something that was part of you.” She assures him, but bites her tongue to keep from saying that she knows she’d never be able to give up such a child if she were to carry it inside of her. “I promise I wouldn’t.” He lets out a shuddering sigh, and kisses her softly on the lips. “Are you sure you still want me?” He kisses her again, and rests his forehead against her shoulder a moment before he kneels to look her in the eyes. 

“Rey, I will want you, love you, need you, until my last breath.” He vows. “Nothing you could say, or do would change that for me. Absolutely nothing.” 

“Okay.” She smiles tearfully at him. “Okay. I love you.” 

“Now- can I please, please make love to you?” He asks, and his face flushes adorably. “To my wife?” She reaches for the belt holding her tunic together and undoes it, letting it fall away and reveal her torso to him, still wrapped in her breast band, but his breath catches at the sight. 

“I want you.” She whispers. “I am nervous, but I do want you, Ben. A lot. Very much.” 

“I feel it too.” He whispers hoarsely, his hands snaring her waist, bare skin on bare skin making her jolt with unexpected delight. “We just have to communicate. Find out what works, what doesn’t. I think we can do that.” 

“Yes.” She nods, and pulls him in for another kiss. But it’s hard to remember how to speak at all when she has the most perfect lips in the entire galaxy trailing down her throat and then across her stomach, and by the time his fingers dare to inch under the fabric of her band, she’s ready to rip it off and share herself with him. Share everything with him. With her husband. The darkening of his beautiful eyes is all she needs to feel confident in her decision. He places his hand over her heart, just barely skimming her breast, and she gasps. 

“Your heart is beating so fast.” 

“For you.” She nods. “Always for you.” She puts her hand over his, and moves it down to cup one of her small breasts. He lets out a shuddering breath, and applies the gentlest of pressure. “Oh Force, Ben!” 

“Perfection, all for me.” He’s grinning at her, his smile absolutely bright and beautiful while his eyes gleam with desire and love and need. “Tell me you’re mine.” 

“I’m yours.” She arches into his hands as he reaches to her other breast. “And you’re mine.” 

“Undeniably.” He’s absolutely hoarse and he leans in to replace his hands with his mouth, and that’s enough to make her cry out in delight. “Responsive...So perfect. So wonderful.” 

“Ben…” It’s all she can say as he positively worships every inch of her exposed skin. When she manages to gather her wits, she grabs fistfulls of his shirt, and he pulls it off in a fluid motion. She wraps him in his arms, and pulls his chest flush against her own. They let out a simultaneous sigh. 

“Can you feel how right this is? Us, together?” He murmurs against the crown of her head. She nods, pressing her lips to his chest. “A balance...peace.” 

“I want you.” She whispers, and he sweeps her up so she can wrap her legs around him. “I need you. I love you.” He kisses her while they move through the ship, and he lays her down on a ridiculously dark bedspread. For a moment he just gazes down at her, and she fights the urge to cover herself. She has nothing to hide from him- not when she loves him like she does, when she trusts him as she does. She maintains eye contact as she sits up to slowly peel her leggings off while he watches with a look of utter awe in his eyes. “Ben? Please?” 

“You’re beautiful.” He manages, and she swears she sees tears in his eyes as he quickly shucks the rest of his own clothing and joins her. He puts a hand on the curve of her hip, his fingers tracing gentle patterns across the smooth skin there. She sighs and shuts her eyes as she revels in the sensations. He drags his fingers around to her stomach and she cant help but tense a bit, with nerves or anticipation or some combination of the two. “Rey?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. If you’re not ready. I could just hold you.” He suggests soflty, and she shakes her head immediately. 

“I’m ready. I’m ready to be your wife, in every sense. On Jakku, people didn’t get married, per say. They claimed each other. And I want us to claim eachother.” She confesses as she reaches up to caress his cheek. He twists his face to kiss her palm, his eyes dark and eager. “I married you because I wanted you in every way. I want you to be mine, Ben. Just like I’m yours.” He wraps her in his arms and kisses her softly as he rolls her onto her back, and starts kissing her throat as his hands seek uncharted territory. When he finds her core she arches up beneath him, trying to press closer even as her mind opens to him. He follows her lines of thought, honing in on the spots that will bring her the greatest pleasure, and his fingers clumsily work her higher and higher until she feels like she can barely stand it, and then something inside of her shatters like glass, but oh, it feels so incredibly good- so right. His hands coaxed reactions she had no idea her body was capable of, and his lips curl into a satisfied smile as he watches her. 

“So beautiful.” 

“I need you. Please.” She gasps. He braces his arms on either side of her, and she reaches up to caress his jaw before she kisses him again. “I need you, inside of me, please.” He groans and drops his forehead against her shoulder, breathing for a moment before he retreats from the bed entirely. She props herself up on her elbows, watching curiously as he returns from the fresher with a small packet in hand. “What…”

“Protection.” He murmurs lowly, giving her an incredulous look. 

“Oh.” She feels her cheeks flaming despite their previous intimacies, and can’t quite bring herself to look as he secures it in place and resumes his place above her, in the cradle of her thighs. He brushes some hair out of her eyes before he kisses her, and she sighs happily into his mouth. 

“I’ve never wanted anything half as much as I want this. Want you.” He whispers.

“Then have me.” She encourages with a gentle smile. “All of me.” It’s a bit awkward at first, as he slowly finds the place between her legs and presses forward, but she finds she doesn’t mind, not when she gets to watch the look of rapture on his face. For her, because of her. She bites her tongue against the gasp that threatens to escape at the pinching feeling that travels up her spine, but he freezes apart from the trembling of his shoulders. He raises his head to look her in the eye, and she feels a flush run over her upon seeing the wild look in his eyes. 

“Are you alright?” He asks, his voice strained. 

“Yes.” She didn’t know her voice could sound so breathy and high as it does just now. “It isn’t bad, it’s just new.” She assures him as she wiggles her hips slightly. The pain has abated for the most part, leaving only an odd sort of stretching feeling, but it’s borderline pleasant, and when she rolls her hips ever so slightly she finds that it’s more than that- it’s actually quite nice. She opens her eyes to see that he’s biting down on his lip, his eyes screwed shut with the effort of remaining still. “You don’t have to. You can move.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Absolutely- oh!” She’s barely finished giving her permission when his hips retreat and then snap back against her own, and she finds that it leaves her almost dizzy. The pain is nothing anymore, perhaps a dull ache she’ll feel tomorrow, but for now, all she feels is her husband, his hips rocking surely against her own, and his lips trembling against her skin as he whispers quiet, almost inarticulate words of devotion to her. She finds she can do little more than cling to him, arms and legs wrapped around him securely as he works her body up another crest like before, only it’s more this time. She gasps as she realizes it’s not only her pleasure she feels, but his as well, racing through her veins like fire in place of blood, and she knows he’s nearly there. Desperate to see him come apart for her, she kisses him feverishly, and tilts her hips up to meet his. He lets out a moan unlike she’s ever heard before, and the rocking of his hips grows faster, a bit rougher, and she feels her breath hitching with every movement. “Ben!” 

“Kriff- oh Kriff- Rey!” He moans against her neck, and he angles his head to kiss her sloppily. She lets out a quiet cry into his mouth as she finishes suddenly, and when he feels her around him he finally lets go and even through her blissful haze she can see his face, and she takes note of every detail. He nearly collapses against her, bracing himself just enough to keep from crushing her with his full weight. He rests his forehead against hers, and she kisses him, slow and deep. 

“I love you, husband.” She whispers, and she kisses away a few tears that trail down his cheek. 

“Oh kriff, you’re my wife. You’re my wife.” He almost laughs as he rolls onto his side, keeping her in his arms and pressing her to his broad chest. “My wife.” 

“Was that...you liked it?” She asks nervously. He scoffs and props himself up on his elbow, and she half smiles at him. “Just making sure.” 

“And you...that was good for you too?” He asks, his eyes betraying concern. “Are you alright? I didn’t hurt you?” 

“There was barely any pain, and it hardly lasted.” She assures him. “I’ve never felt so close to you, to anyone. Ben, I didn’t know anything could feel like this.” 

“I know. I didn’t...I didn’t know either.” He admits softly. “I love you more than I ever thought i could love someone.” She arches up to kiss him again. “THank you for marrying me.Today has been the best day of my life.” 

“Mine too.” She grins and clasps him tighter against her. His fingers trace slow circles along her spine, and she shudders with pleasure. “I...Ben, i don’t want to have to leave you after this.” 

“I dont want to leave you either.” 

“This is...more difficult than I thought it would be.” She admits. “I don’t want to be- I can’t go with you, Ben. You know I can’t. And I know you won’t go with me.” 

“We can figure it out, Rey. I know we will.” He kisses her temple. “We’ll be together, Rey, I promise.” 

“I trust you.” She lifts ones of his giant hands to her lips, and presses gentle kisses along his finger tips. “I believe you.” And she can tell by the look in his eyes that no words had ever meant more to him, perhaps in his lifetime.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“You’re thinking so loud.” Her voice startles him as she wiggles in his arms to reach for his face. 
> 
> “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
> 
> “It’s alright. I’m an early riser. Or I was, before the baby made me so tired all the time.” She yawns. She stretches out a bit, but returns contentedly to the circle of his arms when she’s satisfied. “You were scared.”
> 
> “Not scared. Nervous.” He brushes her hair out of her eyes with gentle strokes, and she sighs and closes her eyes as she savors the touch. “I wondered if it was only a dream.”
> 
> “I remember it, Ben. I remember that day...right down to the sun on my shoulders, and the crunching noise the leaves of the forest made under our feet. Especially yours with those heavy steps you take.” She grins, and he laughs at her gentle teasing. “I remember that I got a tiny rope burn from where the silver cord was tied too tight, and you healed it with the force like it was nothing. I love you.” He kisses her then, unable to resist, and she makes a quiet noise of contentment. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well readers, fasten your seatbelts, things are about to get pretty crazy from here on out! We're a little over half way through the story now, though the exact chapter count is still not exactly clear. Thank you to everyone who is still with me from the beginning, and to all of my new readers! Enjoy a little fluff, a little angst, and a little more fluff...and then some more angst.

His lips curl into a smile as he watches the rise and fall of her chest, and the way a few strands of her hair move with her breath. She’s beautiful in slumber- beautiful any time, really, but one of the things he’d missed most of all was the intimacy of holding her as she slept, the way her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt if he was wearing one, or the way she burrowed into the warmth of his chest. She was from the desert, and she was always cold. She was beautiful, his desert flower. 

And she remembered.

No, not everything, but what memory could possibly have been better for her to recall? Their wedding day, arguably the best day of his life, of their life together- no, there was nothing he could think of that would have been better. He kisses her temple, and glances at the time with a sigh. He should get up, get ready, and go to the temple. He should have his lessons for the day sorted, and he should take some time to meditate and focus in before the day begins with the students. 

But he finds he cannot fathom unwinding his arms from her waist, lest he wake up and discover last night was a vivid dream, that the progress they’d made was a dream. That she didn’t remember anything, and would stare at him with cold confusion in her beautiful eyes. 

“You’re thinking so loud.” Her voice startles him as she wiggles in his arms to reach for his face. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s alright. I’m an early riser. Or I was, before the baby made me so tired all the time.” She yawns. She stretches out a bit, but returns contentedly to the circle of his arms when she’s satisfied. “You were scared.”

“Not scared. Nervous.” He brushes her hair out of her eyes with gentle strokes, and she sighs and closes her eyes as she savors the touch. “I wondered if it was only a dream.”

“I remember it, Ben. I remember that day...right down to the sun on my shoulders, and the crunching noise the leaves of the forest made under our feet. Especially yours with those heavy steps you take.” She grins, and he laughs at her gentle teasing. “I remember that I got a tiny rope burn from where the silver cord was tied too tight, and you healed it with the force like it was nothing. I love you.” He kisses her then, unable to resist, and she makes a quiet noise of contentment. “Mmm. As happy as I am with this turn of events, someone’s son is pressing on my bladder.” She pushes herself up into a seated position, and he springs into action to help her out of bed. 

“You’ve never called the baby our son before.” He smiles. 

“Well, you seem so certain of it, I’ve decided to trust you. But we’re going to be very embarrassed in a few months if he ends up being a she.” Rey says teasingly as she disappears into the fresher. He finds himself smiling like an idiot as he moves around the room to collect fresh clothing, having fallen asleep in his clothes from yesterday, but the items slip through his fingers as he feels a low stab of fear in his stomach- not his- hers.

“Rey?” He calls, coming to the fresher door. She doesn’t reply, but the current of fear and pain is still there in the bond. “Rey, is something wrong?” 

“It hurts.” She gasps, her voice muffled by the door. 

“Can I come in?” He asks. “Rey?” 

“I can’t move.” She admits, and the smallness of her voice feels like it constricts around his heart. 

“I’m coming in.” He lays his palm flat against the door, the mechanics of the lock giving way easily with a few nudges of the force. He finds her hunched over the sink, fingers white and curled around the edge of the counter, face covered in a sheen of sweat. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here. What’s wrong?” He asks, approaching her slowly as if to keep from startling her. 

“I don’t know- it came on so suddenly- Am I losing the baby?” she asks, biting down on her lip with a fierceness that he knows will break the delicate skin there. “There was no bleeding when I was...Ben, is there any blood?” She asks, her voice cracking. 

“No, not that I can see.” He assures her. She nods, but then gasps and grips the sink tighter. An idea dawns on him, and he stamps down his rising panic.. He has to be strong right now, for both of them. “Rey, I think you might be going into labor.” 

“What?!” Her eyes fly open, hazel and cloudy with tears. “THat’s not possible- it’s too soon- he’s not...he isn’t ready yet!” 

“Everything is going to be alright, Rey. We just need to get you to the medics, okay?” He puts his hands gently on her shoulders, tracing small circles on her skin. The calming effect of his touch is instantaneous, and if the situation wasn’t so dire, that would please him immensely. “I’m going to carry you to the speeder, okay?”

“Okay.” She sighs. He lifts her up and she twines her arms around his neck, and lets out a few shuddering sobs against his shoulder. “Why can’t I do this?”

“What?” 

“Why does my body keep trying to fail me?” She asks, her voice agonized. 

“You’ve had a hard life, Sweetheart. It’s been hard on your body.” He whispers. “But everything’s going to be alright.” 

“It hurts so much Ben!” She sobs, and he curses the fact that he’ll have to set her down to drive the speeder. 

“I know. I know. I’m sorry.” He kisses her hair as he sets her down, and offers his hand as soon as he’s in his place. She clutches it with both of hers, pressed against her heaving chest. 

“I was at my appointment yesterday before I went to Rose’s- everything was fine- they told me everything was fine!” She closes her eyes tight and breathes through the pain. “Ben, if I lose him-”

“Rey-”

“If I lose him, I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive myself.” 

“Sweetheart, this isn’t your fault.” He assures her firmly. She only whimpers in response, and his heart wrenches at the sound. “We’ll see what the doctor has to say, alright? It’s going to be alright.” 

“Will you still love me if I lose him?” She asks pitifully. 

“What- how could you even think- Rey, there is nothing that could make me stop loving you. Nothing. There is no storm we can’t survive as long as we’re together. Of course I’d still love you. I will always love you.” He squeezes her hands, and takes a glance at her ashy, tear streaked face. “Do you believe me?” 

“Yes.” She whimpers just as they reach the front of the med center. He leaps from the speeder and scoops her up again, not caring at all for what happens to the speeder left running outside of the building. Let someone take the damn thing, just let his family be alright. His family has to be alright.   
****************************************************************  
“We’ve managed to stop the contractions, but she will need to stay here on a drip for the next forty eight hours.” The doctor says as she looks up from her holopad. “And I’m afraid it’s going to be quite a lot of bed rest for you, Madame Solo.” 

“What caused it to begin with?” Ben asks, not breaking his eyes from his wife’s face.

“We aren’t sure as of yet, Master Solo. I have some suspicions, however, I’d like to wait for the blood work to return before I jump to any conclusions.” She says a bit too cryptically for the couples liking. “In the meantime, rest, try to stay relaxed. If you’re nausea stays at bay I can arrange for some food to be delivered, and I’ll have a droid come in a little while to give you a quick ultrasound; but I’m sure that the baby is staying put for now.” The doctor leaves the room, and Rey breathes out a sigh of relief. Ben’s fingers work through the tangles in her hair, and he begins to plait it away from her face. She stares at him with wide eyes and a flush on her cheeks, surprised by the intimacy of this gesture. 

“How do you feel?” He asks.

“Like I was climbing the bones of an imperial starship and I fell down.” She grumbles. “Or like all of my limbs have turned to mush. And like I’ve spent entirely too much time in a mediunit since I’ve been awake.” She runs tremoring hands over the swell of her stomach, and tips her head to the side as Ben ties off the braid with the tie she’d been using yesterday. “Can you hold my hands?” She asks, gazing down to avoid looking in her eyes. 

“Of course.” He grabs her trembling hands in his own, and bends to kiss them. “Force, you’re so cold.” 

“You’re always so warm.” She smiles and leans her head back against the pillows he’d arranged behind her. “He’s okay.” 

“Yes.” Ben nods. Where their hands rest against her stomach, she knows he’ll be able to feel the kicking of their child. “I love you.” 

“Mmm. I love you too.” She sighs, and she can hear his breath hitch. She traces her thumb in slow circles over the back of his hand, and leans in to press her lips to his forehead. “I know you’re frightened when things happen to me. Things like this- but I want to thank you, Ben, for staying so calm for me. You become just...the only thing tethering me to the world, Ben. I couldn’t do this with anyone except for you. I wouldn’t want this with anyone except for you.” He kisses her knuckles reverently, and looks into her eyes. Her breath hitches this time, and she closes the distance between them to capture his lips with hers. It’s a lazy, slow kiss, full of tenderness, but enough to have her heart hammering in her chest. A knock on the door breaks them apart with a mournful sigh. 

“Come in.” Ben calls, and his mother pokes her head through the door. 

“Rey, honey, How are you feeling? How are you holding up? Is there anything you need?” Leia asks, bypassing greetings as she sweeps into the room to sit at Rey’s other side. 

“I’m feeling alright, Leia. I think they’ve given me enough sedative to stun a bantha.” Rey smiles softly at her. “Not the good kind though. That would be bad for the baby.” Her voice warms at the mention of her child, and Leia smiles. 

“And everything is?” She looks to Ben who nods. 

“She’s alright. Two days here, and then light bedrest.” He confirms. “I know it’s a lot to ask of a woman who never wanted to be any sort of Jedi, but-”

“Nonsense- I didn’t want to be the kind of Jedi they had in the old republic. But I could be a new Jedi, the way the two of you have structured everything.” Leia smiles. “And it’s not too much to ask, son. I love the children at the academy, and I love teaching them what I know. And I love the both of you, and you need time away from the academy right now, which is perfectly understandable. Besides, it’s only a few weeks until the holidays, and most of the children will visit their homeworlds.” 

“What happens to the ones who live at the academy during the holidays, without family- Panna, Taya, Louis, Armenia, Norton, what happens to them?” Rey asks, worry coloring her voice. 

“They won’t be lonely dear.” Leia assures her. “I’d like to take them to the beaches for a week or two, actually. I thought it would be a nice change from the cities- hell, I could use a break too. Henely and Chewie and Poe and Jess all said they’d go if I needed assistance, so you two would have nothing to worry about. What do you think?” 

“I think that sounds lovely- I think the children would love it.” Rey smiles warmly at the thought of the little ones getting to play and enjoy time by the water. 

“Taya especially. I know she misses the water.” Ben sounds as fond as Rey had when he speaks of the young Gungan. 

“That settles that then.” Leia nods, tapping a few things into her holo. “Don’t either of you worry about anything right now. You have your hands full with your own business. Let me handle what I can.” 

“Mom. Thank you.” Ben says sincerely. 

“Think nothing of it, son.” They chat for a while, though Rey’s mind is a bit hazy, and she finds herself dozing off and on during the conversation. Once when her eyes fly open she finds Ben tucking the standard issue blanket more firmly around her feet, which she hadn’t even realized were cold. The sight moves her to tears, which astound her husband, and make Leia smile with fond remembrance. 

The droid comes in and does a quick ultrasound, the strong swishing of their child’s heartbeat giving her greatly needed peace of mind- until the doctor comes rushing back into the room with a syringe in her hand. 

“Doctor, what-” She hardly has time to open her mouth before the needle is jammed in her arm, and she gasps at the sharp intrusion. Ben rises to his feet, his eyes full of fire, but she stays him with a trembling hand on his chest. Even Leia is on her guard, her hand resting gently on the blaster at her hip. Rey turns her eyes to the out of breath doctor again. “Explain.” 

“Antidote...you needed- running out of time to administer…” The doctor says as she struggles to catch her breath. 

“Antidote?” Ben demands. The doctor nods once, and clears her throat. “For what?” 

“Poison. Madame Solo’s bloodwork was analyzed, and we discovered a high amount of an Arkanian poison, known to be slow acting but lethal if it’s allowed to work for more than twenty four hours.” 

“Arkanian?” Ben asks, and Rey sees his knuckles turn white from the way he’s curled his hands into fists. 

“Yes- a very rare and expensive poison; our machines couldn’t identify it at first.” The Doctor nods as she pulls out her holo. “This particular poison can only be administered by injection, or skin abrasion. Madame Solo, when was the last time your skin was broken?”

“What do you mean? It was yesterday, when I was here for my appointment. It was one of the supplement injections you’ve been giving me to help me gain weight.” Rey scoffs, protectively cradling her belly as her mind races. Someone had tried to poison her- to kill her, and kill her baby. 

“There must be some sort of mistake, Madame Solo. Your next injection isn’t due for three weeks- and your visit report from yesterday doesn’t indicate that any injections were given.” 

“What?” Rey asks. Her hand seeks out one of Ben’s without thinking, and he threads his fingers through hers without taking his eyes off of the doctor. “That’s...that’s impossible. The droid that administered it was the droid that always gives those injections, I…”

“What sort of operation are you guys running here?” Leia asks indignantly. “This isn’t the first time one of your droids has made a mistake regarding my daughter in law- not that this incident is a mistake. Someone clearly gave the droid the injection to administer. I want all of your security tapes to be transferred to Poe Dameron in Defense.” She commands as she punches commands into her holo. 

“If what Madame Solo is saying is correct-”

“What reason would she have to lie to you?” Ben scoffs, barely restrained fury making his voice tremble. 

“Her appointment was twenty one hours ago almost exactly. The antidote is only known to work within a twenty four hour frame, but fortunately, she arrived within that time frame.” 

“And if she hadn’t?” Ben asks, and the doctor grimaces. “My wife and my child could have died because of your negligence!”

“Master Solo, this situation is unprecedented-”

“Poe is sending over two guards to be posted outside of your room here.” Leia announces. “He will go over the footage with his team to identify an attacker. We’ll figure out who’s behind this.” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Ben asks, turning to his mother. “An expensive poison from Hux’s home world? He’s sending a message- he’d want me to know that he was the reason I lost everything, since he sees me as the reason he lost everything.” 

“You’re probably right, Ben, but the fact remains that Hux was unlikely to have brought the poison himself. He had someone working for him, and if we can figure out who it was, we may be a step closer to finding that bastard.” Leia says evenly. “How long would the poison have taken to kill her?”

“Three days.” 

“If they have constant eyes on Rey, they’ll know she’s here, but on the off chance they don’t, we’d have a two day lead before they came looking for her, to confirm her demise.” Leia muses. “I’m going to secure the security footage, I’ll be in contact.” Leia kisses Rey’s forehead and pats her son’s arm before she dashes out of the room. 

“Did the poison trigger the labor?” Rey asks. 

“I can’t imagine why it would have...Or how it could have. It doesn’t possess any stimulating qualities. So far as we can tell there was no physical reason for the sudden early labor.” The doctor sighs as she scrolls through her notes. “Now, I know we were going to keep you here on a drip for a few days, but with these new developments, I believe it would be best for us to keep you for a week at the least, if only to monitor the work of the antidote.” 

“No more droids will tend to her. Sentients only.” Ben says firmly. 

“Master Solo,” 

“Droids have put her at risk more than once in your facility. Sentients can be read with the force for extra security. No. Droids.” He growls, and the doctor winces. 

“Very well. No droids.” 

“If that’s all…”

“Yes, I’m deeply sorry for all of this- we will get to the bottom of it- I’ll have some food sent in, complimentary, of course. Again, so sorry.” The doctor stammers as she retreats.

“You scared her.” Rey observes lightly, but she suddenly finds herself crushed against his chest, breathing in his scent, and feels instantly calmer. Safer. His heart hammers quickly beneath her ear, and she lifts her hands to stroke his hair. “Ben...i’m alright. We’re both alright.” 

“You could have died- both of you- if you hadn’t had contractions...kriff...if you hadn’t gone into labor, Rey…” His deep voice waivers, and he slides down her body to kiss the swell of her belly. “You saved her- you saved your mama. I’m so proud of you.” He whispers against the fabric of her medical gown, and suddenly, Rey feels a trembling, almost as if the force bond was opening from a distance. 

“Mama safe. Mama good. Papa proud. Happy. Safe. Happy.” The tiny voice says, and she hears Ben let out a ragged gasp. They aren’t so much articulated words as they’re strong feelings that are enough to make her eyes well with fresh tears. 

“Ben- you- please tell me you heard that too. Felt it too.” Rey begs. 

“Yes, i heard. I felt... I heard our son- he...is it possible he knew something was wrong, and he used the force to...to save you?” Ben asks, his voice pure disbelief. 

“Cold inside. Mama so cold. Not safe. Scared. Pushed. Scared.” She puts her hands on either side of her belly, on either side of Ben’s face where it rests against her as if he was trying to listen in. 

“It’s alright my love, we’re alright. You’re safe. Mama’s here. Papa’s here.” Rey croons, tracing tiny circles over her stomach. 

“Mama, papa, happy, safe, happy.” She feels a tiny shimmer of warmth run through her body, and tears begin to roll down her cheeks. “Sleepy.” 

“Rest, little one. We’re here. Papa will never let anyone hurt you, hurt either one of you.” He whispers, and another little tremor runs up her spine before it fades into a low hum. “Is he sleeping?” 

“Yes, I think so.” She nods, and he sits up straight to kiss her, and when he tries to pull away, she wraps her arms around his neck to keep him close. He doesn’t protest, only kisses away the tears that have started to trail down her cheeks and her jaw. “Amazing- absolutely amazing.” 

“I’ve never heard of something like this before- Of course, I never did ask my mother...It’s incredible. He’s incredible. You’re incredible.” 

“Hux tried to kill him.” 

“He tried to kill both of you.” 

“I know- but this life...our son’s life, it means more to me than my own. I’d die for him, and I haven’t seen his face yet, but I love him so completely, Ben. This little part of me and you.” She whispers fervently. “I’d rip apart anyone who tried to harm him. I’d rip them apart with my bare hands- i know i’m dangerously close to tipping the line between light and dark-”

“No. you’re not. Not in this case. Hux needs to be stopped, completely taken out. He will never repent, never reform. If he isn’t stopped, the galaxy will soon be at war again, and I don’t want that to be the life our son is born into.” Ben says, holding her face in one hand and caressing her stomach with the other. “I’ll rip him apart before you get the chance. I’ll protect you both with my last breath.” 

“I don’t want that- I don’t want you to die.” She protests, sounding small. “I love you, and I need you. You promised you’d always be there for me, and for our child, and I won’t let you break that promise to us. I can’t do this without you. Don’t do anything stupid, please.” 

“I won’t- I would never leave you, ever, if I have a choice. I promise. I promise.” He presses his lips to her knuckles, and she nods. “How could I ever leave when you’ve finally remembered that you love me?” His own voice takes on an almost dreamlike quality. 

“We will find Hux, and we will protect what’s ours. We’ll figure it out together, Ben. I’ve lost half of my memories, and even I know that we work best when we work together.” 

“I know. You’re right. You usually are.” He rests his head on her lap, and she runs her fingers through his lush hair. 

“I hope our son has hair like yours.” She smiles, and she hears him laugh. “It’s much nicer than mine.” 

“I happen to love your hair.” He protests. 

“Because you love me, and love has made you blind. Your hair is much softer, and more manageable. If we ever have a daughter, I hope she has hair like yours too.” He props himself up on his elbow to look at her with curious eyes. “What?” 

“If we ever have a daughter?” He repeats. “Have you thought of- do you think that you could want another child one day?” She watches the knob in his throat rise and fall. 

“I...I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it. Maybe I would like another, so that he’d never be lonely- but now isn’t the time to talk about this. Let’s get through all of this first. The birth, and Hux, and all. This one’s first birthday. Then maybe we can consider making another one. Maybe.” She feels her cheeks flush, and he sits up to kiss her. “Okay?” 

“Absolutely.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Is this the force’s way of getting me back for catching you shirtless?” She teases, and he laughs. 
> 
> “You’re much better looking than I am.” He assures her, reveling in her blush."
> 
> In the past, Rey and Ben share a long forcebond, and plot the end of the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves! Another chapter here for you! Also, can we talk about that trailer? I literally have chills. CHILLS! I'm going to try to post another chapter this week!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~About Two Years Ago~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Finding out which men were loyal to Hux above him had been easy. A simple glance at their woefully unprotected minds had shown him that, and a simple signing of documents had those men scattered to the postings on the farthest planets, in the most desolate outposts. Finding men to replace them had been harder. 

They couldn’t merely be men who were loyal to him- he needed men who would be willing to help end the order when the time came. Men who had a thirst for peace. Who would follow his orders, even if they went against anything Hux might command. 

But he managed to pull together a new group of commanders who fit the specifications.

“I don’t know what game you think you’re playing Supreme Leader!” Hux spat when he’d seen the transfers. “But it’s a dangerous, foolish one!” 

“Is that a threat, General?” He asked, exerting only the lightest of pressure on his throat with the force. 

“N-no. of course not.” Hux had sneered and then stormed out of his office without being dismissed. Now as Ben sits on his bed, he lets out a long sigh. He hasnt seen Rey in person in months, and it was taking it’s toll on him. 

“Soon.” He whispers to himself. “Soon she won’t ever have to leave you again.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, and pulls himself into a meditative position as he reaches out through the force to find her. He can think only of how desperately he misses her, what he wouldn’t give to have her skin pressed against his, her small, strong body nestled against him while he slept. It starts as a pleasant hum across his skin, a broadening of the channels they let run between them all day- and then he feels the stillness, the world shifting around him. He doesnt dare hope that when he opens his eyes she’ll be before him, yet he forces them open anyways, and stifles a gasp. 

She’s standing with her back to him, slowly unwinding her breast band. For a moment, he almost believes that she doesn’t know she’s being observed at all, but he knows she couldn’t miss the feeling of the bond opening so completely. 

“Help me take down my hair?” She asks, not sparing him a glance as she begins unwinding the long armwraps she’s wearing. He rises at once to do her bidding; it’s no trial to him. He loves her hair, the smell of it, the feel of it when he runs his fingers through it. Close enough to feel the heat of her skin radiating to his chest, he unwinds the tie from the lowest bun, and combs it through with his fingers. She lets out a quiet hum of pleasure that shoots straight to his abdomen and lower, and he presses kisses to her shoulder as he nimbly removes the second cord. Her armbands fall to the floor as he unwinds the final cord, and she turns to face him. “Is this the force’s way of getting me back for catching you shirtless?” She teases, and he laughs. 

“You’re much better looking than I am.” He assures her, reveling in her blush. “Though, I did appreciate the way you looked at me then.” 

“I wasn’t expecting it! Mr. Tall Dark and All in black all the time just standing there half naked with the most perfectly sculpted body I had ever laid my eyes on- I was not expecting any of that!” She bites her lip and looks at her feet. 

“Perfectly sculpted?” He asks, arching his brow. 

“Shut up.” She shoves him gently, but is quick to bring her palm back to the expanse of his chest, shuddering pleasantly as she takes in the heat of him for the first time in nearly a month. “It’s been so long since the force connected us this way. I was wondering when I’d get to see you again.” Her fingers trail up his chest to cup the back of his neck and pull him closer to her. 

“I think i’m getting closer to figuring out how all of this works. I was thinking about you when it opened. I was trying to open the connection. Maybe it’s a coincidence, or maybe the bond is getting stronger.” He puts his hands on her tiny waist, dwarfing her. “I can feel your ribs again.” He frowns. 

“I have prominent ribs.” She protests. 

“Rey.” 

“We’ve had to minimize our rations. I’m fine. I’m getting three times as much as I had on Jakku.” She insists, tracing circles on the nape of his neck. 

“It’s not fine. It’s not kriffing fine if you’re not getting the food you need Rey.” He insists as he pulls away from her.. “I’m going to give you a credit chip, untraceable. Use it to buy equipment, weapons, hell, buy new ships for all I kriffing care, but buy food, please. You all need to eat.” He passes her the chip and she frowns. 

“Won’t they notice if so much of their money is going-”

“I’ve replaced the entire financial team. They won’t question me.” He shakes his head. 

“But how do we know I’ll still have it when the bond closes?” 

“I have a theory- if you’re holding it, or it’s touching your skin when the bond closes, I think it stays with you.” He explains. “When you were on Ahch-To, water hit my face, and it was there after the bond closed. And last time you were here like this…” He reaches into a drawer and pulls out a pair of white shorts. Shorts he’d just dragged off of her legs when the bond snapped shut. 

“I was wondering where- how those had gone missing.” The color that had blossomed on her cheeks was trailing down her neck now. 

“So, just keep it on your person, and you should have it. If not, we’ll arrange a meeting.” 

“Is it wrong that i almost hope it doesn’t work so that I can see you?” She sighs. He wraps her in his arms, and kisses her forehead. “Force, I miss you so much.” 

“I know. I miss you too.” She tilts her face up to kiss him. He can’t help the strangled sound that escapes his throat when her tiny hand skims the front of his trousers, and her chest presses against his so perfectly. “Rey…”

“Hmm?” She starts kissing from his jaw to his neck. 

“Where do we stand on the “No intimacy through the bond” rule?” He asks. “Because if you’re starting something you’re not going to finish-”

“What?” She challenges, arching her brow at him deliciously.

“...then I’m going to be thoroughly disappointed.” 

“I think you’re right. The bond is stronger. It can’t help but connect us when we need eachother. And maybe I need you now.” She whispers against his skin. “And after we got a little...carried away last time, I’ll admit I’ve been curious about what it would feel like to make love through the bond.” 

“So does that mean-”

“Yes. Please.” He grabs her hips and hoists her up. Her legs wrap around his waist, and she buries her fingers in his hair as she kisses him fiercely. 

“Oh kriff I’ve missed you so badly!” He groans as her kiss trails to his ear.

“Show me.” She breathes, her voice desperate and trembling. So he does. After, they’re a sweaty pile of limbs on the floor, having been too urgent to move more than a few steps from where they’d begun. He lazily kisses the freckles that dust her shoulders, counting them with his kisses, and she threads their fingers together above her head. “I was afraid it would be muted somehow. That it wouldn’t feel the same as when you were here. But it was good- it was perfect.” 

“Perfect?” He grins, and she laughs. 

“You can be so ridiculous, Benjamin Solo. But I can’t help but love you.” She grins as he kisses the juncture of her neck and shoulder. 

“Thank the maker for that.” They lay in silence for a few moments before the discomfort of lying on the floor sets in and he pulls her up. “Where’s your bed?” 

“Over there.” She gestures lazily. 

“Perfect.” He lays her down on his bed, which is conveniently where her own was located. He made sure to press the credit chip back into her hand before he climbs in next to her, and wraps her in his arms. 

“You know, you’re half hanging off of my bed.” She smiles. “Giant.” 

“When we can finally live together, we’ll have to get you a bigger bed.” 

“Yes.” She nods, and caresses his face. “Is there any news I should bring back?” 

“Yes, plenty.” He sighs. “Hux is planning a show of power. Some sort of military parade and demonstration on Coruscant. I’ve let him plan it because It’s been pleasant to have him out of my hair, but I’m almost certain that that is where he’ll strike.” 

“What?” 

“He’s been planning his coup for months, Rey. He only needs the opportunity to take over. What better time than at a gathering of all of our forces? His supporters would all be together again, and then he’d be able to insert himself as leader in front of all of the troops. It’s a very efficient way to go about it, but his mind isn’t as secure as he assumes it is. Snoke trained him on mental shields, but he’d have never trained him to shut him out completely. It takes a concentrated effort, but I can see his mind.” 

“What are we going to do?” Rey asks, threading her fingers through his hair as if that could keep him physically near and safe. 

“I’m not sure. I’m tempted to say we let him go through with it. If almost our entire fleet was there, it could be destroyed in one fell swoop. And the leadership that would oppose a truce and treaty all in one place to round up? It wouldn’t get any better than that, Rey. We take his plan, and turn it on him.” 

“It makes some sense.” She nods. “But I don’t like it. I don’t like how vulnerable you’d be at an event designed to kill you.” 

“I wouldn’t be vulnerable, Rey. My powers...they’ve only grown stronger since I’ve met you. I think it has something to do with the bond. I’ve pulled on feats with the force that I never dreamed were possible. I stopped one of our dreadnaughts from firing, Rey. Just snuffed it before it was fired.” 

“You did what?!” She sits up and stares at him. “Ben! That’s incredible!” 

“And I’m willing to bet you’re at least as powerful as I am.” He grins as he cups her cheek. “With you by my side, Rey, there’s nothing that can’t be accomplished. In the morning I’ll send you the details over the encrypted channel, so that the General can see them. Everything will need to be carefully coordinated, But if we play our hand right, this could be the thing that decides it all in our favor.” 

“And then we would finally be free to be together.” She smiles and kisses his palm. 

“Yes.” He whispers as she settles back down against his chest. “Forever.” 

“Forever.” She agrees, yawning softly as she succumbs to sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Hux has always brought out the worst in me. It’s why he was such a powerful tool for Snoke.” 
> 
> “He won’t get away with this. We have allies. We have the upper hand, Ben.” 
> 
> “The FIrst Order had all of that last time, and they still fell.” He points out. 
> 
> “Ah, but the first order was missing a vital piece.” She corrects. “The first order didn’t have Ben Solo, not really. And they were never going to win without you.” 
> 
> “Rey-”
> 
> “Don’t fight me on this, Ben Solo. Because if there’s any topic I know more about than you, it seems to be your value.” She makes tiny circles over his knuckle with her thumb. “And you’re priceless.” "
> 
> Rey and Ben continue to bond while she recovers in the hospital, even if they're increasingly more frustrated by the lack of new intel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you're all still enjoying this story- comments and kudos have sort of tapered off a little, so I hope I'm not disappointing you! Either way, I'm going to finish this story, because it's my baby, but I do hope you're enjoying it!

She amuses herself with a little game she’d made for the baby. When she taps a spot on her stomach, he’ll kick the spot in response, each tiny fluttering movement sending a shimmer of the force radiating through her body. Ben watches with a half smile on his face even as he discusses security on his com with Poe. She taps a spot below her navel and waits, giggling softly when her son echoed the movement within her. 

“You’re so quick and clever, aren’t you? Going to be as powerful as your papa, aren’t you? As strong and brave too.” She observes, her eyes flickering to him. “And as handsome.” the image of Poe vanishes, and he crosses the room. “Any news?” 

“Not yet. The footage was altered, but not completely erased. They’re working on correcting it.” He sighs as he sinks into the chair next to her bed. “Two kriffing days, and you’d think they’d have found something. Anything.” 

“They’re trying their best, Ben.” She reaches for his hand, which he gives her gladly. She places it on her stomach, and sure enough, their starlight kicks the spot, and his tentative smile becomes the grin that makes her heart flutter like a lovesick teenager. “He’s happy. Can you feel it? He feels safe when you’re around. One way he’s like his mother.” 

“My mother told me that she felt similar things when she was pregnant with me. My emotions more than words, but sometimes she swore she could hear little thoughts.” He traces soothing circles over her stomach, and another shiver of joy runs up her spine. “I think, perhaps, considering his parentage, his natural force abilities are probably stronger than mine were at this stage.” 

“Forming the words makes him tired. I told him not to. That he needs to rest.” She explains and he nods. 

“I imagine forming words would be difficult when you don’t know how to speak them yet.” 

“I think that’s why it’s so exhausting. The words are just sharper manifestations of his most extreme emotions, to help us understand him. I told him it was okay, that we understood enough without him getting tired. I think he understood me. It felt like he did.” When she looks up at him, he’s got an unidentifiable look on his face and she feels her cheeks coloring. “What?”

“You’re a wonderful mother, already, Rey. You’re...you love him so much. And you want whats best for him, to take care of him. I knew you’d be a good mother, sweetheart, but I didn’t know just how perfect you’d be.” He explains as he takes both of her hands in his. 

“Ben…”

“I’m serious, sweetheart. I’m in awe of you.” He kisses her knuckles, and rests his forehead against them. 

“I can tell how much you love us, just by the way you look at me.” She says quickly. “Your eyes, they get so warm. Even when you’re afraid, like the other morning, I could see it in your eyes- that you were a man afraid of losing everything. That we were everything that mattered to you. Ben...I’ve never been someone’s whole life before, but you look at me like...like...I’m water and you’ve been without in a desert for three days. Like I’m life.”

“You have to have realized by now, Rey, you are my life.” He cups her cheek with one large hand, his thumb painting her cheekbone with heat. “You’re my life. You and our son.” 

“I do know. I know.” She assures him as she leans into his touch. She closes her eyes and lets out a trembling breath. “You’re mine too. Both of you.” For a moment they only breathe together, letting the bond flow like a two way river as the warmth of his skin seeps into hers. 

“You’re still cold.” He frowns. The poison had left her with a chill, even though she’d been running warmer as her pregnancy had progressed. 

“I’m always cold.” 

“Colder than usual.” He gets up and goes to the bags Rose and Finn had dropped off the first night they’d been there. He pulls out one of his sweaters, knowing hers are all too tight to be truly comfortable, though she’d never complain about clothing. “Arms up.” He orders, and she complies as he tugs the sweater over her. “You and Rose will have to go shopping for some new clothes. I’d tell you to avoid taking Jess, since that turns into an ordeal every time, but i”m sure she’ll tag along.”

“Oh- no. My clothes are fine.” 

“Rey. You’re pregnant. You need comfortable clothes that fit, that you can move in. I don’t mind you stealing my tunics and sweaters, but I know your leggings are all starting to pinch.” 

“This reading each other's every thought and emotion thing can sure be a pain in the ass, can’t it?” She asks with a fond smile. “Or is that just you?” 

“I’m overprotective.” He shrugs, and then his face darkens. “I think I’ve got a reason to be.” 

“Hey, we’re okay. Don’t go to the dark place, Ben. Don’t blame yourself. I don’t blame you. Come here.” She commands, opening her arms to him. He sits on the side of the narrow bed and it dips with his weight, but she tugs on him until he gets the clue and gets into the bed, wrapping himself around her like a warm blanket, his chest pressed against her back, and his hand protectively cradling her stomach. He breathes easier when her scent fills his senses, and he lets out a trembling breath as he presses his lips to her shoulder. “There you are.” he can hear the smile in her voice, and it makes him smile too. 

“Sorry.” 

“It’s okay. I’m angry about it too. About all of it. Thinking of the memories they stole from me, the time they stole from us- the danger they put our son in...It makes me furious, Ben.” She admits as she laces their fingers together. “But we can’t go tipping the balance, Ben. It’s so tenuous, and we’ve both been tipping towards the dark since the accident.” 

“You’re right. I know you’re right.” He sighs. “Hux has always brought out the worst in me. It’s why he was such a powerful tool for Snoke.” 

“He won’t get away with this. We have allies. We have the upper hand, Ben.” 

“The FIrst Order had all of that last time, and they still fell.” He points out. 

“Ah, but the first order was missing a vital piece.” She corrects. “The first order didn’t have Ben Solo, not really. And they were never going to win without you.” 

“Rey-”

“Don’t fight me on this, Ben Solo. Because if there’s any topic I know more about than you, it seems to be your value.” She makes tiny circles over his knuckle with her thumb. “And you’re priceless.”   
*****************************************

“So I told him that no, I was not pregnant with twins, and he apologized and then told me I was just “Gigantic”, and “Rounder than I was tall” so then I slapped him!” Rose laughs, and Rey has to laugh with her as she tells her the story of one of Finn’s colleagues they’d bumped into yesterday. Finn sat with Poe and Ben in the corner of the room, whispering tensely, and the fact that they were discluding the women would piss her off if she wasn’t emotionally exhausted. Besides, Ben would tell her everything important later. She trusted him with that, and he wouldn’t disappoint. And Rose had insisted on staying by her side despite Finn gesturing for her when Rey started to nod off. She was a true friend- what Rey had imagined a sister would be like. “I am carrying big though. Turns out someone makes big babies, and you kriffing know it’s not me- I mean, look at me, I’m the tiniest human being!” 

“If you think you’re worried about someone making big babies…” Rey whispers, and their eyes flicker over to her husband, who easily towers over the two men by his side, his broad shoulders casting shadows over them in an almost comical effect. 

“Oh Maker, your poor lady parts!” Rose gasps in mock horror, clasping her hand over her mouth. Their eyes meet again, and they burst out laughing. 

“They’ll never be the same.” 

“Did you ask Leia how big Ben was when he was born?” Rose asks. Rey grimaces at the memory of Leia’s description of birthing the longer than average ten pound little boy. “Sorry I asked.” 

“He was taller than he was broad. I’ve seen holos of him as a little boy. He was so lanky and tall. He didn’t start broadening up until he was thirteen or so.” She explains. “I hope he’s not any bigger than his papa.” 

“He? Did you just say he?!” Rose clasps her hands, grinning brightly. 

“I, uh, I did. But we don’t know for sure, it’s just, Ben told me he thinks it’s a boy- actually, he insisted that it was a boy, and I don’t know, but it feels like he’s right.” Rey explains. 

“That’s so sweet.” Rose smiles. “But why don’t you just find out officially? Ask at the scan. You’re far enough along.” 

“I don’t know. I think i’ll just wait, and trust Ben. He’s so sure of it that I sort of am too.” Rey shrugs. “He feels like a boy.” 

“Is this some sort of crazy force energy thing I won’t really be able to understand?” She asks, an amused smile on her lips. 

“Probably?” 

“Well then I’ll just take your word for it and tease Ben relentlessly if you have a girl.” 

“Fair enough.” Rey smiles. “How’s Perry?” 

“It’s not Perry anymore. We decided it wasn’t right.” Rose sighs. “Now we’re back to the eternal Maya, Brita, Ursa, Bethany debate. What do you think?” 

“I think it’s your baby and you and Finn will have to fight it out.” Rey says with a sideways smile. 

“Ugh, can’t you just choose for me? That’d be so much easier- then if she hated her name, I could just blame you for it later!” Rose grins mischievously. “But seriously, help meeeee.” 

“They’re all good names. Maybe you just need to wait until you’ve seen her face, and then you’ll just know.” Rey suggests. 

“I mean, that’s a good idea, but i’m not that patient!” Rose groans dramatically, making Rey throw her head back with laughter. “I’m so glad we get to do this together. Well, you know, at the same time. It’s so much more fun this way!”

“Yeah. It’s nice having someone who understands.” 

“And to complain to- I swear, she knows where my bladder is and she’s pressing on it just to be difficult!” She sighs and stretches. “Speaking of, I’ve got to use the fresher...again.” She pushes herself up from her chair with a dramatic groan, drawing looks from the men in the corner. 

“You okay?” Finn asks, rising to his feet. 

“I’m fine. Just using the fresher. Again!” She cries dramatically as she throws a wink over her shoulder at Rey. 

“Rey?” Ben asks, and she looks over at him. “Are you alright?” 

“Yes, why?” 

“Just...just checking.” he says sheepishly as he casts his eyes down. Her heart melts a little at the sight of it; of course he was concerned for her well being. 

“Have you come to any monumental conclusions?” She asks,pushing a wave a reassurance at him through the force. 

“The holo footage is still being corrected, so we haven’t got any clear pictures. We’ve got teams searching Arkanis and Coruscant as we speak, but they haven’t had anything to report. Hux is a slippery bastard, but we’ll get him.” Poe says with an air of certainty. 

“That bastard won’t hurt you again.” Finn nods. 

“No, he won’t.” Ben agrees, his low voice sending a wave of calm over her. He rises and crosses the room to sit at her side, brushing strands of her hair off of her forehead. “I was thinking, what if we went to Naboo?” 

“What?” 

“I thought it might help with your memories. We spent some happy days there. Truly happy days.” he smiles fondly as he cradles her cheek. “And our properties on Naboo are relatively unknown. It would be safer there, just for a little while.” 

“Just while they go on a wild Hux Hunt?” She asks. 

“Ideally, yes, they’d have him before we came home, but we could return any time you wanted to, I promise.” He swears. “I just…” He presses his lips together as he thinks through his next words. “I’d rest easier, knowing you were safer.” Floats across the bond, unintentionally, she thinks. 

“Okay. I’d love to. I’d love to go to Naboo.” She smiles. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. Really. When I’m released from here, let’s go to Naboo.” he beams at her for a second before he kisses her softly. “We’ll go to Naboo.” He grins at her with his chocolate eyes sparkling.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“If something did happen tomorrow, Rey, I hope that you know that I don’t think I was ever truly happy until I met you. Until you gave me the courage to get rid of that monster...I hope you know how much I love you.” 
> 
> “I do.” 
> 
> “And if Something happens, I want you to be happy, Rey. Even if that means you marry someone else-”
> 
> “Stop it.” 
> 
> “What? You can speculate, but I can’t?” 
> 
> “No, that’s not it. It’s only that you’re it for me, Ben. I know that we were made for each other, made to bring a balance to the force. To complete each other. You’re the other half of my soul, Ben, and I would never be happy with anyone else. Never.”"
> 
> In the past, Rey and Ben spend the night before their greatest battle together. In the present, Rey rediscovers the pleasures of taking a real bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your response to this story, both the kudos and the comments had me too excited to wait to post this chapter! I'm hoping to be able to keep doing one chapter a week until the end, but we might be looking at like twenty more chapters- I'll have to see how I'm going to divide a few things up before I finally put in an estimated chapter count! Please enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~About Two Years Ago~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
She curls into his lap, taking in his warmth to shield against the chill of the recycled air. She’d come to him in person tonight, handing over preparations for tomorrow's mission to Leia and Poe. Tonight there was no other place for her in the galaxy but with her husband. Tomorrow was the day they’d do it. They’d bring down the First Order, Or die trying.

“Don’t think like that, please.” He whispers into her hair. “Were going to be alright. We’re going to do this. .” 

“Right.” She nods, the motion burrowing her face into his broad chest. 

“You don’t believe me.” 

“I want to, I want to so badly. But my life very rarely works out the way that I’d like it to. In a way that seems fair. Now I’m so close to having everything I’ve ever wanted, and I’m so terrified that It’s going to slip through my fingers like sand!” He kisses her forehead tenderly, and cups her chin to lift her face towards his. “How the kriff are you so calm?!” 

“You have that effect on me.” he shrugs. “And you don’t have to be afraid, Rey. We’re going to come out of this stronger than ever. I’m certain of it. And then we’ll be together, Rey. Always. None of this sneaking around. Just us.” 

“Just us. And a galaxy that will need rebuilt.” 

“Why should that fall on our shoulders? No. we’ll have done our part for the galaxy; let people with bigger dreams take care of it. Your friend Finn, even Dameron, my mother. As for you and I…” He hesitates as he threads his fingers through her hair. “I think perhaps we’ll make a difference in a smaller way.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“A school for the force. Not a temple, really, just a school. We’ll take anyone who comes to us, adult, child, human, or otherwise, and we’ll teach them. We can show them the balance, Rey.” His eyes are glimmering with excitement, with hope, and she smiles at him. “Help them find the peace that you helped me to find- that is, if you want to. You know that I’ll go anywhere that you go.” 

“Ben. That sounds wonderful.” She kisses his shoulder, and pulls him closer. “We’ll do it. All of it. When this is all over.” 

“Right.” She doesn’t need to be looking at him to know that he’s grinning. 

“Ben? I...I want to say that if anything happens tomorrow-”He starts to protest but she silences him by taking his face in her hands. “The last ten months being your wife have been the happiest months I’ve ever had. All of my best memories are of you, because of you. And if you have to go on without me after tomorrow, I just want you to remember this feeling. The balance of being together; even in death, you know I won’t leave you, that won’t leave you. I am not the light and you are not the dark, Ben. Not anymore. We’re gray, remember? Each of us. Don’t let the dark call you if I’m gone. Promise me.” 

“I promise.” He swears solemnly, and she swears she sees tears in his eyes before he blinks rapidly. “If something did happen tomorrow, Rey, I hope that you know that I don’t think I was ever truly happy until I met you. Until you gave me the courage to get rid of that monster...I hope you know how much I love you.” 

“I do.” 

“And if Something happens, I want you to be happy, Rey. Even if that means you marry someone else-”

“Stop it.” 

“What? You can speculate, but I can’t?” 

“No, that’s not it. It’s only that you’re it for me, Ben. I know that we were made for each other, made to bring a balance to the force. To complete each other. You’re the other half of my soul, Ben, and I would never be happy with anyone else. Never.” She insists. No sooner had she finished speaking than his lips were on hers, his hands in her hair, holding her closer. Where he’d been calm before, now there was a frenzied nature to his actions, because she was right. 

This could be the last night they spent together. 

As the thought travels between them, she lets out a quiet whimper of sorrow, and he tilts her face to kiss away tears she hadn’t known were falling. And he carries her to bed, their bed, the one where they shared their first night together, and maker knew how many nights after that, in person or through the bond. They undress urgently, desperate for skin on skin contact, and when they achieve their goal, they both let out a sigh of pure relief. And they slow down. 

Because if this is their last night together, they were damn well going to savor every single second. 

His large hands take their time traveling over every inch of her, just as her tiny hands desperately try to memorize his hulking form beneath her finger tips. He nudges her back against the bed, and she lies down, pulling him to cover her completely, and she pushes his hair out of his face as they breathe together. His licks his lips once before he kisses her mouth, and then trails the paths his hands had made with his mouth, reveling in every gasp, in every soft cry that he could pull from her lips. He brought her there with a crooking of his long, perfect fingers, and then a second time with an expert flicking of his tongue, and he barely lets her breathe before he’s on her again. 

Because if she lives and he doesn’t, he hopes against hopes that he can give her enough tonight to last a lifetime without him. 

Bliss. Pure, holy bliss is the only thing she feels; for a moment all of her thoughts are of Ben, of how perfect he is, how perfect this is, how clever and good he is, and oh maker, she loves him, she loves him so kriffing much! She cries out his name again, sparks of silver flashing behind her eyelids, and when she can breathe again she forces herself to sit up and pushes him onto his back. 

“I need you. All of you.” She insists, and he nods, his face the most beautiful shade of cream and roses as he caresses her sides, trailing up to her heaving chest. She takes him in expertly, because there are few things she knows better in the world by now than Ben’s body, and she hums at the glorious fullness. He sits up enough to reach her mouth, and kisses her inelegantly as she rocks over him. It only takes him a fraction of a minute to find her rhythm, And already sensitive from his earlier ministrations she’s seeing stars again after what feels like no time at all. He shifts them, laying her on her back so that he’s above her, looking into her eyes, kissing her, having her as close as possible to him. She hitches her legs up as high around his hips as she can manage, and clings to his shoulders for dear life as he moves in her. 

“Kriff, you’re so beautiful like this.” he whispers huskily, each syllable another spark of pleasure down her spine. “My wife.” 

“Ben!” She cries as he grabs one of her ankles and drapes it over his shoulder. “Oh Maker!”   
“Once more for me. Just one more. I want to see you, please.” He kisses her throat, nipping it softly, and then licking to soothe. He hits that perfect spot inside of her with every move, and how could she deny him when he asked so nicely? As she flutters around him, he lets out a moan that sounds an awful lot like her name, his hips stuttering and then finally stopping as they cling to each other tightly. He parts from her with a gentle, tender kiss, and encases them both in the bed’s plush blanket. They’re too tired to speak, or even move, really. So they just hold each other, and let the bond flow with the feelings of their love, passion, and acceptance. 

Tomorrow would come, and one way or another it would be over. 

But for the time being, they were together, and that was all that mattered. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Now~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“I have something for you.” He says, entering their bedroom after a long day at the academy. She’d been discharged from the medical unit, with the agreement of another week of absolute bed rest at home. It was the last day, and she was nearly out of her kriffing mind. 

“Oh?” She pushes herself up against the pillows to better see him. He sits beside her, and kisses her briefly in greeting before rising.

“Close your eyes.” She obeys, and suddenly her senses are filled with the hum of the force and the gentle hum of a lightsaber- somehow she feels th tugging in her chest, as she had when she’d discovered the Skywalker saber on Takodana. “Open.” She gasps as she takes in the scene before her. She looks at him first, his face beautiful and bathed in purple light- and then her eyes zero in on the saber he holds, or rather, the saber staff. 

“Ben- where-“

“It’s yours. You built it almost two years ago, when I built my new saber. You had it on you, during the flight- or you had in in the pit with you. I didn’t tell you because I was afraid it was broken beyond repair.” He explains. 

“But you fixed it?” 

“Good as new.” He nods, powering it down with a press of a small, brassy button. He sits again, gesturing for her to hold out her hands, and when she does he places the long silver saber in her palms. A shiver runs up the lengths of her arms, and silver specks dance in her eyes so she has to close them as her ears begin to ring.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“I don’t think it will work.” He says skeptically, his plush lips pouting. 

“What’s the harm in trying?” She says softly, kissing the corner of his mouth before sitting across from him with her legs folded under her. 

“My crystal is damaged beyond repair, Rey. I’m sure of it. Bleeding a crystal is always strenuous for the crystal, and when I bled mine…” he shudders against the memory. “it’s cracked, that’s why I had the cross guards.” He sighs as he places the fractured red stone on the ground. It radiates pain in a way that makes her heart clench. She pulls the Skywalker stone from her pocket and lays it beside it, immediately noticing the change in energy. 

“For me?” She asks, taking his hands. He nudges the ring he gave her with his thumb, and nods with a sigh. They close their eyes, and tune into the force around them, in them. They breathe together, heartbeats so in sync it’s as if there was only one heart between them. It could be seconds, it could be days that they sat before there was a shuddering in the force that forced their eyes to open. 

“I told you.” He grumbles, looking forlornly at the ground. “It’s split.” She bends to look closer, and grins. “What?” 

“It’s not split- or rather, it’s not broken, Ben. It’s healed.” She scoops up all three crystals in her hands, holding them up to his face. He lets out a soft gasp as he observes the deep amethyst glow from the stones. “I told you- I told you it would work!” He picks up the smaller stones gingerly, biting his lip as he thinks. “What?” 

“I don’t know if it will work right now. It won’t be a stable blade with two power sources. Not for the weight of weapon I prefer.” 

“Oh- right- I hadn’t thought about…” She purses her lips in thought, and then her eyes sparkle. “You should have your grandfathers crystal.” 

“What? No- Rey; it called to you!”

“It did. But maybe I was just supposed to bring it back to you. To your family.” 

“You are my family.” 

“Fine, to our family then. You’re right. You need a bigger, more powerful crystal for a decent weapon for your fighting style.” She presses the crystal into his palm and he shudders at the touch of the force singing through his veins. “Whereas I…” She scoops up the newly divided crystals, and grins as the hum of the force shoots through her fingertips. “Could do very well with a modified saber staff.”   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
She gasps and collapses against Ben’s chest as her vision clears, and he stares at her with wonder in his eyes. 

“So the crystals were yours.” She observes breathlessly. 

“You healed it.” He nods. 

“We healed it. We did it together.” She insists. “Why did they change color, do you suppose?”

“I think they reacted to our energies. Not dark or light. No need for the red or blue or green. Crystals used by someone who treads the line between light and dark. A balance.” He explains. 

“It’s like they took the best of each other.” She runs her fingers over the cool metal, and angles her face up at him. “Thank you, for fixing it. I didn’t know I was missing it until now.” 

“You didn’t find it odd that you didn’t have a saber?”

“All I knew was that The old one had shattered. That’s what everyone said. Broken beyond repair. I knew Kyber was difficult to find, I just assumed we prioritized the sabers for the children.” She shrugs. “I can’t wait to try this.”

“We’ll have to spar on Naboo.” He grins. “Gently, of course.” 

“Of course.” She nods very seriously, but her grin returns as she observes the weapon in her hands. It’s clearly been very painstakingly repaired, looking a bit odd in places that perhaps didn’t quite fit, but she’d never seen anything more beautiful. “Thank you so much.”

“I’m just glad it could be fixed.” He says with a quiet laugh. 

“You know, I had been wondering why your new saber was purple. Why it felt...familiar to me.” 

“While our sabers respond best to our own hands, we’ve trained with each others weapons before. Just for the challenge. And to see how much we could pick up through the bond.” 

“How did we do?” She asks, cocking her head to the side. 

“Pretty decently. The movements were easy to pick up, but you have to admit that our fighting styles are very attuned to our physicality.” He smirks, and she laughs. “I love your laugh. It’s my second favorite sound in the whole kriffing galaxy.” 

“What’s your first favorite?” She asks with mock offense. He lifts his hands and lays one on the swell of her belly, and the other above her heart. Her breath catches in her throat as she meets his eyes. 

“It’s a draw, between your heartbeats.” He admits, and she admires the delicious looking flush that runs over his pale features. 

“You’re quite a sappy romantic, aren’t you?” She asks with a fond smile. 

“Only because of you.” The baby kicks against his hand, and his smile turns into a grin. “He’s active.” 

“He’s as restless as I am.” She sighs. “Now you’re home, do you suppose you could help me into the shower?” 

“Oh. Um, yes. Of course.” His face turns a deeper shade of red, and she bites back a smile. He sets her saber aside, and though she feels the loss of it acutely, she’s soon remedied by the feel of his broad chest pressed against her. 

“I could probably walk, you know.” If her voice is a little more breathless than it was a moment ago, he says nothing about it. 

“You’ll already be standing in the shower. You’re not off bedrest until tomorrow.” He points out. 

“I suppose I could take a bath.” She suggests. “Actually, a bath sounds nice.” 

“Whatever you want.” He kisses her shoulder as he sets her on the counter top, leaving her feet dangling a foot from the ground. He goes to the tub, which she’s always thought to be almost obnoxiously big, and turns the water on before grabbing a few vials and sprinkling their contents into the water.

“What’s that?” 

“Just some oils. You like them.” He explains. “They just smell nice, help with sore muscles.” 

“Oh. Alright.” She nods. He goes back to preparing the tub as she begins to peel off her clothes. When he turns back to find her half naked, she delights in the way the tiny knob in his throat rises and falls, and his chocolate eyes almost seem to go obsidian. “Ben?”

“Hm? Oh- the baths uh, the baths ready.” He stumbles over the words as he comes to help her off of her perch, and he bites his lips as he helps make quick work of the rest of her clothes. He scoops her up again, and sets her in the tub, and she can’t help but sigh. It smells wonderful, and feels even better. “I’ll uh, I’ll leave you to relax.”

“Or you could stay.” She says quickly, sitting up a little straighter. He turns to look at her again, keeping his eyes trained on her face. “You being here doesn’t mean I’m not relaxing, Ben. You make me calm. You make me happy.” He takes a few steps towards her, and sits on the edge of the tub. “You...you could join me, If you wanted to.” She suggests softly, and his eyes widen. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to-“ 

“No, that’s not it- I do want to. I just…” his face turns pink, and she doesn’t need the bond to know it’s not from the warmth of the room, but through the bond she collects his thoughts, his fears that his body would react to the proximity of hers and while she was on bedrest, and-

“Ben. It’s okay.” She soothes, reaching for his face with one of her damp hands. “You don’t have to be embarrassed about anything. Not with me.” He kisses her palm, and rises, shucking his shirt as he goes. Her eyes are glued to him, unable to waiver, because kriffing hell, he’s beautiful. Apart from a few dreams and scatterings of memories, she’s never seen him like this- or she has, but this time feels like it’s the first time. His body does not disappoint. He’s broad and powerful, but one can see that even when he’s clothed. What they can’t see are the thick ropes of muscles beneath every inch of his creamy white skin, the way they move, so tantalizing, and she finds she wants to press her mouth to the panes of his back, the length of his chest. And oh, she’s felt him hard and wanting against her thigh, and she’d known he’d be big, but...well. she’d seen naked men on Jakku often enough to know that there are things about her husband that are certainly larger than the average. She casts her eyes away just before he can catch her staring, and he joins her in the tub that’s easily big enough for the two of them, and probably two other people to enjoy. Not that she’d ever invite anyone else into this space. This space, where they were unclothed and raw, was sacred, only for the two of them. He hums in agreement to her unspoken thought, and she leans across the space between them to kiss him softly. As she leans back against the wall, he grabs one of her feet, and begins to rub it gently. She really can’t help the tiny whimper of pleasure that escapes her, and he grins at the reaction. “Is this something we’d do often? Bathe together?” 

“Only when we got the new place. For a long time you wouldn’t take baths at all, sometimes not even a regular shower. You insisted on a sonic shower to save water.” He explains as his thumb grazes her ankle bone. 

“Where I grew up, water was scarce. And precious.” 

“I know. It took a long time for you to accept that there was enough water here to allow yourself to use a real shower, and then your curiosity got the better of you, because you’d never had a real bath.” 

“And I loved it?” She guesses, and he nods.

“You did. A bath was your favorite weekly ritual.” 

“And you?”

“Me?”

“Did you always join me?” She asks, biting her lip. 

“Whenever I could.” He reaches for her other foot, and gives it the same attention as the first. 

“Did we make love?” She asks, and his movements stutter for a moment. 

“Sometimes.” She arches her brow at him. “...most of the time.” She giggles, he smirks. “It was always messy. Water everywhere. So many towels used to mop up.”

“I’m sure the cleaning droid was distraught.” 

“Scarred for life.” He deadpans. She laughs, and the sound turns into a gasp as she moves her hand to her stomach. He’s on the alert in an instant, his powerful body poised to take action.“What is it? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. We’re fine. I think he’s just active. He’s usually wide awake around this time.” She explains, watching through the water as her stomach rolls slightly with the movements. “Come feel!” She insists, and when he sits beside her, the pure amount of bare skin that’s pressed together is almost overwhelming. She forces herself to focus as she grabs his hand, and places it on her stomach, and then her eyes are on his face, watching the pure joy that blossoms there. “Are you happy?”

“Happy isn’t the right word for the extent of what I am.” He grins at her, absolutely radiant, and she presses her lips against his. Softly at first, but when she opens her mouth just a little, he meets her with his tongue and an intensity that took her by surprise and made her shiver despite the warmth of the water surrounding them. She threads her wet hands through his hair, leaving it damp in their wake, and he seems to almost purr against her mouth. “Mmm- Rey- we can’t-“

“It’s okay. Just let me love you.” She whispers as her hand trails down his sculpted chest until she takes him in her hand. He gasps, his head falling back against the edge of the tub. 

“You don’t have to do this.” He says, not opening his eyes. 

“No. But I want to.” He kriffing moans when she says that, and oh, she likes that sound. She likes that sound very much. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” She admits as she gives an experimental caress. “Show me?” He folds his trembling hand around hers, and she kisses his neck and his chest as she picks up his rhythm, drawing tiny moans and hisses of pleasure from his chest. And oh, she feels powerful, as she brings the most powerful force user in the galaxy, the most powerful man she’d ever seen to the edge of pleasure. Now she understood why he loved to do this for her, why he felt so good; she could feel the echoes of his pleasure in her core, for starters, and it was overwhelming. And then, with the bond, she could feel how absolutely blissful he was, how ecstatic, and knowing he, the man she loved, felt that way because of her? It made her positively glow. 

“Can I touch you?” He rasps in her ear, and she whimpers even as she shakes her head. “Why not?”

“This is for you. Just for you. I want you to feel as good as you make me feel.”

“Then kriffing let me touch you.” He begs. “Please.” she nods. He moves her, water sloshing from the edge of the tub, and her movements over him stutter, but resume quickly as he lines his mouth up with her breasts and starts pressing gentle kisses over them, being delicate as he knows she’s been tender. She presses closer to him, seeking relief, and his fingers are quick to offer it. He’s gentle in his movements, still obviously concerned about her being too active before she’s off bedrest, but she’s in no rush for this moment to be over. 

When he comes, so does she, their symphony of moans and gasps echoing off of the black and pale blue tiling. She leans back against the edge of the tub as she catches her breath, and he kisses her softly before he gets up to drain the tub, and then flicks the overhead shower on. 

The shower was one of her favorite parts of their entire house, a large panel hanging above the tub that felt like warm rain pouring over her skin. He pulls her to stand her up, and grabs a bottle of her soap, foaming it between his hands before he begins to scrub her clean. It’s nearly more intimate, she thinks, than what they’ve just done, the act of letting someone else clean you. She grabs his soap and gives him the same treatment, running her tiny hands over every inch of him. He kisses her under the spray of water as if she were some sort of sacred being, and she holds him as if he were the most valuable treasure in the galaxy.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Ben, I’m so sorry.” She chokes. “But I have to crash land before the bomb is over target.”
> 
> “No!” His voice is agonized, and she feels tears welling up in her eyes. 
> 
> “Ben, if I don’t people are going to die. I’m gone either way.” She insists. “I have to do this. Poe, Jess, Finn, Rose, Leia, Chewie, I love you all. Take care of Ben.” She hears what she can only describe as a roar of protest as she rips off the helmet. 
> 
> “Rey, there’s got to be-“ his voice bursts into her head and she tries to gather the strength to push him out, but she can’t. She finds she wants him closer than ever now. 
> 
> “Ben, I love you so much. Thank you, for the best years of my life.” She sends him a wave of her memories, her happiest moments of life, all of them because of him. “I’m so sorry- I shouldn’t have insisted on flying this mission- we shouldn’t have publicized it all. I’m sorry.""
> 
> In the recent past, we finally see the day of Rey's accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's a new chapter! I've got to say, I've got most of this story already written, but there's one chapter I keep putting off because I don't want to write it, but need to for the story...sigh...Well, buckle up kids, it's going to be pretty bumpy from here on out. Also, this chapter takes place about six months back from the where the story currently is, and one week back from when Rey woke up in the hospital.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~About Six Months ago~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Something is desperately wrong. She knows it as soon as she hits speed in the air. But she’s been in tough spots before, she could fix it this time too. She had to. 

Because if Rey Solo was anything, it was a survivor. 

“Ground to Kyber One, what’s going on up there?” Poe asks through the comm in her helmet. 

“Somethings not right, Poe!” She replies as her fingers move rapidly over the controls. “Something’s failing and the board isn’t reading.” 

“What? We had everything checked this morning before the flight- hey!” The line cackles.

“Poe?!”

“Rey, focus in. What’s disrupted?” Her husbands voice sounds, and she knows what he’s asking. She closes her eyes for the briefest of moments, reaching through the force, across wires until she comes to a section where the flow of energy comes to a sharp halt. Her eyes fly open and she bites her lips. “Rey? What’s going on up there?!”

“Lines have been cut. Landing mechanisms for a start, stabilizers, oxygen-“

“Dameron, how the Kriff did this happen?” Ben’s roaring in the distance. 

“All of the checks were made, and the area was secure- whoever did this was real slick!” 

“Rey, we can figure this out, we just need to-“

“Ben. There’s something else.” She says suddenly as a ticking starts. “I think there are explosives planted somewhere in this ship.” 

“What?!” She looked to the ground, finding the seat of the new government just a head of her. The academy and all of her students right beside it. Her stomach drops, and she suddenly knows what she has to do. 

“Someone’s trying to blow up the senate, and the jedi in one swoop.” She says evenly. “I won’t let them.” She swerves off course, and the ship groans in protest. 

“Rey, what are you doing?!”

“Ben, I’m so sorry.” She chokes. “But I have to crash land before the bomb is over target.”

“No!” His voice is agonized, and she feels tears welling up in her eyes. 

“Ben, if I don’t people are going to die. I’m gone either way.” She insists. “I have to do this. Poe, Jess, Finn, Rose, Leia, Chewie, I love you all. Take care of Ben.” She hears what she can only describe as a roar of protest as she rips off the helmet. 

“Rey, there’s got to be-“ his voice bursts into her head and she tries to gather the strength to push him out, but she can’t. She finds she wants him closer than ever now. 

“Ben, I love you so much. Thank you, for the best years of my life.” She sends him a wave of her memories, her happiest moments of life, all of them because of him. “I’m so sorry- I shouldn’t have insisted on flying this mission- we shouldn’t have publicized it all. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t- please- I can’t… Rey, I need you. I can’t do this without you.” He doesn’t specify, but she knows that the “this” he’s referring to is living. 

“You can, and you will. For your mother. For our students.” She swallows the lump in her throat as she feels the engine start to stutter and she swears the ticking increases in tempo. “I’m sorry for the time I wasted. I’m sorry I never gave you a child.”

“Don’t you dare apologize for things that aren’t your fault!” He roars. “And don’t leave me, please, you can’t leave me! I love you.”

“I’ll never really leave you, Ben.” She assures him as the ground draws near. “I will always be with you. I will always love you.”   
——  
The bond goes cold in a way he’d never felt before. She wasn’t shutting him out, she had gone radio silent, leaving his head filled with the same fizzing static that was coming from her comm channel. 

“I need a location for her crash sight right now!” Poe calls out, breaking him out of his agonized stupor. “Last known location, any witnesses, all of it!” 

“Ben, do you have any idea where she is?” Rose asks hopefully, her voice wavering with tears. 

“No.” He says blankly. “I can’t feel her at all.” This gives everyone in the room pause, and they all stare at him with fear in their eyes. In all the time they’d known Rey and Ben together, they had always, Always been able to sense each other. 

“Oh maker!” Rose sobs, clapping her hand over her mouth. Finn puts his arms around her and makes quiet shushing sounds, giving the rest of the group an apologetic look, hoping he was silently communicating that she’d been like this since she’d been pregnant. 

“Ben, we’ve got a location, do you want to-”

“I’m coming.” Ben confirms before Poe can finish speaking, and they’re running to the speeders. He hops in next to Poe, his current slipping grip on reality the only thing keeping him from grabbing the controls and pushing them into full throttle. He had to focus in- he had to have a clear head, or he wouldn’t be able to do anything to help her. Because he had to be able to help her. 

She couldn’t be gone. He would have felt it if a light like hers was snuffed out. 

He would have felt it if his soul was torn in two. 

The first thing Ben recognizes is smoke, black choking smoke as the speeder skids to a halt. He leaps from it, pulling out his lightsaber and disregarding any shouts of concern from Poe or his emergency team. They can’t possibly understand; His wife is in there. 

But Rey’s more than just his wife. She’s his bond mate, the other half of a tenuous balance. The other half of him. From what they’d read of soul bonds, one would likely not live while the other died. They’d slip into madness, or kill themselves in the end, unable to take the loneliness, the agony of the radio silence. 

Everything is shattered, broken glass, and heaps of jagged, melting metal lie around the fighter, but the pilot's seat is gone. Ejected, his mind supplies. He looks through the smoke, but finds it difficult to see anything. So he shuts his eyes and feels out for something, anything alive in this heap of scorched earth and smog. 

The faint patter of a human heartbeat had never sounded more beautiful. He ran with inhuman speed through the smoke towards a line of trees where he found her, still strapped to the seat, the emergency safety device that would have slowed her fall obviously shredded to bits. The closer he gets the harder he feels his heart pounding. He makes out one arm and one leg bent at unnatural angles, blood spilling from her veins. A gash across her forehead that oozes blood over her face. When he reaches her after an eternity, he cuts her from the seat and lays her on the ground, careful to jostel her as little as possible. 

It’s a disgusting business, setting her limbs up the right way again, and he’s almost glad she’s completely out of it. His eyes flicker to her face, taking in how pale and waxy it looks; even her berry colored lips seem white, and he knows he’s running out of time. 

“Grandfather, Uncle Luke, Old Ben, if there was ever a time I needed your guidance, your aid, this would be it. Please.” He whispers as he closes his eyes and lays his hands on her. He’s powerful with the force, and he’s done his share of force healing, but nothing to this extent. Not shattered limbs and internal bleeding and maker knows what else. But he’s not kriffing giving up on her. 

She’d never once given up on him. 

He pushes everything he has into her, every drop of love, of energy, of the force. He doesn’t care if it kills him, she will not die this way. Not here. Not now. She was stronger than he was in so many ways, and he knew that if he died, she’d be strong enough to soldier on for the sake of the children they loved at the academy, for their friends, their family. The reasons she’d given him to live on- the ones he wished could be enough for him. 

But without her, his life was nothing. 

He feels her bones shifting as he works, piecing together like a child’s puzzle. The cut on her forehead knits together easily- it probably won’t even scar. But he keeps pushing. She’s better, her heartbeat stronger, but she’s not well enough yet. Her breathing is still too shallow, and he realizes that her ribs have probably broken, puncturing her lungs. Healing the bones he was confident he could do- her leg was coming along well enough- but the internal bleeding, the things that needed fixed most of all, how could he do that when he had no idea what the hell he was doing?

“Let us guide you, Ben.” He recognizes his uncle’s voice, his uncles presence, but he doesn’t open his eyes to see if he’s graced him with his ghostly presence. He can’t afford to lose focus even for a second. He can hear others now, getting nearer to them. They must have searched the scene and figured out what he had. If they tried to move her before he had her stable, they were all dead. “Breathe, Ben. Focus on Rey. On the task at hand.” 

“Take in the force from us, from your surroundings. You’re going to need the energy.” He knows the owner of the voice at once, though he’s never truly heard it before. Part of him desperately wants to open his eyes, to see his grandfather’s face, but he can’t risk it. “Another time, Ben. She needs you now.” 

“Follow the force flowing through her veins. You’ll find the places that are broken.” The third voice belongs to his namesake, he knows, and if he weren’t so force damned grateful that they’d come to his aid now, he might be furious that they’d never seen fit to answer his pleas, his cries for help, for guidance as a child. 

“Now is not the time for that, Ben.” HIs grandfather says gently, his voice promising they’d have a chance later. He nods, more for himself than for them, and pushes on, following the force, following their guidance until the final gap he feels inside of her has been shut up, and her heart is beating at the rate he knows it should be. He opens his eyes though they feel heavy, and stares at her. 

Her color’s returned a bit, her lips are a blush pink, and her cheeks are no longer white. He was right, the only sign of the gash that had split her forehead was the blood that stained her face, her neck, and her flight suit. He reaches to cup her face, his hand trembling, but tis’ worth it when he feels the tiniest spark of her force signature caress his own. He manages to lie beside her, and take her hand in his own before utter exhaustion consumes him.   
\--------

He knows it’s not a dream, or real life, but something in between. The man he meets looks like flesh and bone, though Ben knows he was dead before he was ever born. 

“Grandfather.” He says, and the young, sandy haired man offers him a smile. 

“Little Ben.”

“Uncle Chewie is the only one who still calls me that.” Ben huffs. 

“Well, he might be the only one who can still look down at you.” He takes a seat in a meditative position, and Ben follows suit. 

“Why didn’t you come to me before?” He asked.

“Going straight for the point, huh?” Anakin sighed as he ruffled his hair. “Look, kid, I tried. I swear to the maker I tried. I tried, Ben tried, Yoda too, and we helped your grandmother try, even your father, after he joined the force. Nothing could reach you while he was alive. Nothing except her.” 

“Wait- my father- but he wasn’t force sensitive!”

“No, but all life joins the force after death. Those who didn’t possess the force in life are with us still; they just don’t have the means to come back as easily, especially not without help.” Anakin smiles softly. “You were so lost in the darkness, in Snokes orders that you couldn’t hear us, no matter how hard we tried.” 

“But I was begging you-“

“And Snoke kept me out, Ben. Do you think I wanted to watch my only grandchild going down the same path I went on? Making the same mistakes, suffering the same pain?! Of course I didn’t!”

“They lied to me about you- they didn’t tell me who you were-“

“They should have told you everything. That much I agree with. It wasn’t fair for you to find out like you did, and I know it was hard. But they were trying to protect you, kid. They only wanted you to be safe.” 

“And that worked out great.” He rolls his eyes. 

“Not for a while, but wasn’t it okay? In the end?” 

“Is it? Rey… she…”

“She’s alive, Ben.” He lets out a sigh of relief, warmth flooding his chest. “She’s exhausted though. It seems she tried to use the force to maintain the force of the blast. It worked, but not without consequence to her energy.” 

“Is that why I couldn’t feel her?” 

“Quite possibly.” 

“She’s alive?”

“Thanks to you. You’ve got quite an affinity for force healing.” 

“Only when it comes to Rey.” 

“Makes sense. Strong emotions bring on greater powers.” He smiled. “I’m very proud of you, you know.” 

“Please.”

“I am. You figured out the importance of balance after seven years astray. I couldn’t understand it until the last minute of my life. I couldn’t see the big picture. I was so fixated on things that I let everything slip away from me. Everything that mattered to me. My master who was as good as my brother, my wife, our children. Being alive to see you.” 

“If Rey had died, I would have crossed back to the dark.” 

“No. I don’t think you would have.” Anakin smirked. “You’ve got too much to live for here, in your...what do you and Rey call it? “The Grey”?” 

“She called it that.” Ben smiled fondly. “Is she going to be alright?” 

“I don’t know. I can’t see the future, Ben. Yes, even my powers have their limitations.” Ben huffed a laugh. “You’re gonna wake up soon, Ben. And you’re going to have to wait and see what the future holds.” 

“I’m waking up? I thought you couldn’t see the kriffing future.” 

“I can’t. But you’re fading back to consciousness even as we speak.” 

“Grandfather, is this-”

“No. this isn’t the last you’ll see of me. I’ll come when you need me.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Tell your mother that I send my love.” 

“Why don’t you tell her yourself?” 

“My relationship with your mother is tenuous on the best of days. I don’t visit her unless she calls for me.” Anakin smiled sadly. “Mostly then she wants to see her mother, but Padme can’t bridge between worlds without me to guide her.” 

“I will tell her.” Ben promised. “And Han So- And my...my father. WIll you tell him I’m sorry? That I wish I could-” 

“Ben, he already knows that.” Anakin smiled as he began to fade away. “He loves you, and he’s so incredibly proud of you.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“How long have I been asleep?”
> 
> “Only a few hours.” He looks up from his book. 
> 
> “Sorry I’m not more exciting company.” She sighs as she stretches. 
> 
> “You’re the only company I care for.” He shrugs. 
> 
> “That’s not true. You like our friends.” She laughs, 
> 
> “Fair enough. But I’d still choose a day with you like this over a night out with them.” 
> 
> “Fair enough.” She pushes herself up to sit next to him, leaning back against the pillows. She strokes her belly and huffs a laugh. “Of course he’s sleeping now that I’m awake.” 
> 
> “Little guys on the wrong schedule.” He smiles as he sets his book aside. He shifts down so his face is level with her stomach, and puts a hand on it. “You’ve got to learn to let your mama rest, starlight.” "
> 
> Ben and Rey arrive on Naboo, where things finally heat up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Naboo!

The minute they touch ground on Naboo, Rey knows she’s in heaven. She’d thought that Chandrillia, with its lakes and rivers, and grass was green. She’d thought Takodana was the greenest planet in the galaxy. But both paled in comparison to Naboo. 

“It’s...it’s amazing.” She grins at her husband, who squeezes her hand in reply. Their property in Naboo turns out to be an estate, or as she calls it, a kriffing castle, in the lake country, overgrown by the wild plants of the region and more beautiful for it. 

“It belongs to you.” 

“What?”

“My mother owned it. She gave it to you, as a gift on our first anniversary.” 

“Not to you?”

“She asked me if I’d be okay with it. I knew how much you loved the property, and it seemed right that it’d belong to you.” He shrugs. She wraps her arms around him, and his hands settle on her hips as he kisses her forehead. “Come on. We can explore. Maybe swim.” 

“I don’t know how-oh. Do I?” Her brow furrows as she recalls a dream, one of him holding her in the water, of learning this skill? Could she still remember it? Would her body remind her? 

“You did, but if you can’t remember that’s okay. I can teach you again.” He twines their fingers together again, and pulls her along. “Uncle Chewie, were going to explore.” 

“Good. You should have fun. I’m going to secure the perimeter, then check the security measures.” The Wookie roars from the cockpit. He emerges and gives them a warm look. “Then I will wait for the princess to arrive.” 

“Thank you so much Chewie, for flying us.” Rey smiles and embraces him. 

“Had to keep sunshine and her cub safe.” Chewie laughs.

“We call it a baby, Uncle.” Ben laughs.

“I called little Ben a cub too when he was in the princesses belly. The nickname stuck a while, he’s still not over it.” Chewie ruffles Ben’s hair affectionately. “Go now. Enjoy The planet. Sunshine loves the warmth and the water.” 

“Thanks Chewie.” Rey grins as Ben leads her out of the ship. It’s a simple unmarked ship, since the Falcon was deemed too recognizable. Chewie has grumbled about it, but ultimately was unwilling to put the young ones he loved at risk. 

“Did you just call me a young one?” 

“I was thinking of Chewie. He calls us that.” 

“To him were practically infants.” Ben huffs. She tugs him to a stop as her feet hit the lush grass, and leans on him heavily as she lifts her foot and reaches to tug off her shoes. When he sees what she’s doing he smiles indulgently, and crouches to do it for her. He kisses the swell of her stomach on the way up, and carries her shoes in one hand as he claims her hand with the other. She beams anew as the the grass caresses her feet, and follows his lead around the edge of the property. He points out certain plants and animals, and she soaks up every word. He takes her into the “house” after about a standard hour, and guides them to the freshly stocked kitchen. They eat custard bread, an old Alderaanian favorite of his mother’s, and slices of juicemelon sitting on the kitchen counters and laughing together. Some moments she almost swears she hears some sort of echo, like a memory but not quite strong enough; perhaps, she muses, wishful thinking. “You know, last time we were on Naboo, I don’t think you wore shoes a single day.” 

“Oh?” 

“You liked the grass too much. And the rain- you’d always insist on running out into the rain.” He smiles. 

“The rain...did we...Well, here.” She presses a memory into his mind, hazy, like all of the memories of her time spent in a coma, but clear enough that he’ll see it. Herself in a gray dress, running barefoot in the grass, in the rain. “Is this one of your memories? Or only a dream.” 

“No, it’s my memory. It’s from our honeymoon.” 

“If it’s your memory, why did I dream it?” She asks as she steals a piece of fruit from his plate, which he immediately pushes towards her. 

“You were having a nightmare, and it must have been a bad one, because the bond snapped open for the first time in days, and you were so distressed, even your heart monitor spiked. So I guess you could say I...changed the comm channel. You were headed somewhere dark, so I redirected, leant you one of my calming memories.” He shrugs as if it had been nothing. “You don’t remember, but that’s not the first time one of us has done this. It’s an unspoken agreement, since we’ve both been through hell and back.” 

“You have nightmares too?” She asks, her brow furrowing. Of course he did- she knew what he’d been through. 

“Not nearly so much as I used to. I usually wake up, and waking up to find you next to me, in my arms, it calms me immediately. You tend to keep dreaming though, suffering, and I can’t let that happen when it’s within my powers to stop it.” He explains. “I’ll have the kitchen droids make something nice for dinner, since this was more of a snack than a meal. If you’re still hungry-”

“This was more food than I saw all day on Jakku. I think I’ll be fine.” She says softly, caressing his cheek. 

“Our child will never have to live like that, Rey. I will make sure he always has enough. That you both always have enough.” He insists, and she draws him in for a kiss. When they break apart it’s by a fraction of an inch, and he rests his forehead against hers. “Maker, I hope you know how much I love you.” 

“I think we have some idea.” She caresses her belly fondly. “I think we could do with a lie down.” 

“Of course. I’ll take you to your room.” 

“My room? Aren’t we staying together?” She asks, her panic spiking. 

“We are, of course we are. You’ll see what I mean.” He kisses the back of her hand, and tugs her along. “It’s an old house, built with old traditions in mind. Men didn’t always sleep alongside their wives, you see. Women had a bedroom, and men had a separate room, though, usually connected by a door. That’s how this house is structured. In the name of tradition we renovated the master suite to fit your tastes.” He pushes open a large white door, revealing a breathtaking bedroom. The smooth marble walls are accented with a pale green, and cream colored lace drapes across a large window. It’s open and light and airy, with several varieties of plants growing from various pots and basins around the room. “So this is your room, and this…” He opens a door that’s nearer to the huge circular bed covered in green and cream pillows and blankets. “Is mine.” 

“It’s sparse.” She observes, noting the way his room is a simple bed with dark red bedding and sturdy dark furniture.

“I’ve never spent a night in it.” He shrugs. 

“Good. this two bedroom business is stupid.” She huffs. He wraps his arms around her waist, a rather more difficult task with her extended belly, and drops his head down to kiss her shoulder. “I’d get cold without you there. You run warm. Except your hands.” 

“Sorry.” He chuckles. 

“I didn’t say that I minded.” She makes her way to the bed, and shucks her clothes down to her underwear before she climbs in. “You don’t have to join me if you don’t want to-“ he rolls his eyes and tugs off his shirt, joining her in an equal state of undress. She sighs in contentment, finding once again that his bare skin pressed to hers is the most calming thing she’s ever known. She twists, twining their legs together and threading their fingers. He nuzzles against her hair, and she could cry, she’s so happy. 

“Don’t cry, please.” He whispers softly. 

“Happy tears, Ben. I can’t help them.” She sniffs. “When is your mother due to arrive?”

“Not until late tonight. Tomorrow morning if she can’t get everything done she needs to get done.” He kisses the spot behind her ear that makes her breath catch every time. 

“I thought we were going to nap, but if you keep that up, I’m going to have to keep you in bed for a whole other reason.” She teases, and she feels his chuckle rumble across her back. 

“My apologies.” 

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing.” She giggles, but it morphs into a yawn. He kisses her neck one more time, and shifts to draw the blankets around them. 

“Maybe later. Can’t have your falling asleep on me.” He murmurs. 

“Mmm.” She nestles against his chest, breathing in the delicious smell of him. He’s just so warm and safe feeling. 

“Good. Just sleep, sweetheart.” He whispers, and her lips curl into a smile just before she slips into sleep.   
….  
She wakes up bathed in a bright orange sunset streaming through colored glass. Ben’s sitting up next to her, a book in one hand, his other hand resting gently on her hip. 

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Only a few hours.” He looks up from his book. 

“Sorry I’m not more exciting company.” She sighs as she stretches. 

“You’re the only company I care for.” He shrugs. 

“That’s not true. You like our friends.” She laughs, 

“Fair enough. But I’d still choose a day with you like this over a night out with them.” 

“Fair enough.” She pushes herself up to sit next to him, leaning back against the pillows. She strokes her belly and huffs a laugh. “Of course he’s sleeping now that I’m awake.” 

“Little guys on the wrong schedule.” He smiles as he sets his book aside. He shifts down so his face is level with her stomach, and puts a hand on it. “You’ve got to learn to let your mama rest, starlight.” She combs her fingers through his mop of hair, and he looks up at her with his beautiful chocolate eyes. She feels a powerful swell of love pulse through the bond, hers and his, and she crooks her finger to gesture for him to come closer. He shifts to kneel, and draws her in for a kiss. “Did you want to swim?” 

“I’d rather stay right here. With you.” She murmurs, casting her eyes down. “I thought that maybe we could… well...I thought that now that we were here…”

“Oh. Oh!” Ben’s eyes widen in realization, and he runs his hand over his face. “Rey…”

“What is it this time?” She groans. 

“What?” 

“You were gearing up to say no.” 

“I…”

“Is it… oh force, is it because I look...like this now?” She grimaces as she gestures to her stretch mark Riddled skin, swollen limbs, the tiniest bit of her darkened nipple peeking from beneath the comfortable sensible, not entirely attractive undergarment Rose had gifted to her. 

“Absolutely not; it has nothing to do with your body, Rey. I kriffing love your body- and seeing you like this, knowing that these changes are because you’re carrying my child, our child, first of all, I’d be the galaxy's biggest asshole if I didn't like it. On the contrary, the way you look pregnant has me in a constant state of half blown arousal.” He says seriously. “I’ve devoted countless sleepless hours thinking of all the ways I could have you like this. You think your changed breasts bother me? Kriff no, Maker, sometimes they’re all I can think about!” 

“Ben!” She protests. “If all of that is true-“

“Trust me, it is.” 

“Then why?” 

“Rey, you haven’t exactly had an easy pregnancy, sweetheart. Your body has been under so much stress- I don’t want to do anything that might trigger anything.” He admits. 

“But the doctors said it was safe.” She protests, blushing. 

“Rey, I can’t lose either one of you- especially not to something so stupid.” He grimaces at his word choice. “Not stupid. It’s not stupid. Avoidable? That’s not any better is it?” 

“Not really.” She laughs ruefully. 

“It isn’t that I don’t want you. I really, really do.” He insists. “But from what I’ve been reading, sex can trigger labor, and if you go into labor-“

“Ben. I’m not going to go into labor because we make love, okay?” She sighs. “And I’ve read the same material, Ben. If you’re so worried about it, we can use protection.”

“What?”

“Because sperm is one of the main stimulants of-“

“Oh- I… I hadn’t thought of that.” He frowns. “We just haven’t used anything in such a long time, I didn’t even think about it. I don’t have any-“

“I do.” His eyes widen at the revelation. “I thought maybe there was a possibility that that was what was bothering you, so I wanted to be prepared for any outcome.” She shrugs. “Honestly, this is way preferable to you being disgusted by my body.” 

“The idea that I could ever be disgusted by your body is laughable.” He rolls his eyes. “I’ve never been so attracted to you, Rey. Honestly. If you don’t believe that you can look in my mind.” 

“I believe you.” She bites her lip and reaches up to caress his face gently. “So…”

“Where are they?” He asks, a small smile playing on his lips. 

“In my bag.” 

“I’ll be right back.” He kisses her lingeringly before pulling away and dashing to find her bag in the insanely big closet. She takes advantage of his absence to tug off her camisole and wiggle out of her underwear. She takes another glance at her body, and can’t believe that Ben’s attracted to her like this, because she’s never felt less beautiful in her life, which was saying something when she considered the fact that she’d lived for years covered in sand with skin that was leathery from the sun. He re-enters the room and stops short when he sees her. “Kriff.” 

“Ben?” Insecurity flashes through her, but she tamps down her instinct to cover herself. He scoffs at her unspoken worries, and her eyes flicker down to his barely covered lower half. She stifles a gasp as she takes in the sight of him already straining against his black briefs. 

“Proof enough?” He asks, and she nods. “Are you sure you want to do this?” 

“Y-yes.” Her voice cracks as she wonders, not for the first time, just how that was supposed to fit inside of her. The thought doesn’t bring her fear as she’d expected it to, instead she presses her legs together as she stares at him helplessly. He kneels on the edge of the bed, and she lets out a mad giggle. “Sorry- I just, never dreamed that I’d be having sex for the first time five months pregnant. Or not the first time- you know what I mean. The first time in a long time, it seems like. The first time I’ll know is real, and not a dream.” 

“Just relax, sweetheart. I’ll take care of you.” He kisses her gently, and nudges her to lay on her back. He parts her legs and wedges his giant shoulders between them, and though this is familiar to her by now, she still finds herself breathless with anticipation as he licks his lips and finally dives between her legs, using his mouth in just the way he knows she loves. He makes her body sing, an expression she would once have said was bantha fodder, but there was absolutely no other way to describe how alive her every nerve felt, or why her toes curled like they did. He made her body kriffing sing, and she’d never trade that for anything. 

“Ben!” She comes with a gasp of his name, the pleasant tingles running through her whole body as he gently kisses her thighs. They wind up lying on their sides, facing eachother, one of her legs thrown over his hip, kissing deeply as he stretches and works her with fingers that she swears are kriffing magical. “Ben, please.” She pants, running her hand low on his abdomen. He shudders, his lips trembling as his fingers withdraw, to be replaced almost at once by the part of him she needed. He moves slowly, almost too slowly as he figures out how to rock into her right from the angle, how much he can maneuver without putting pressure on her stomach. When he’s filled her completely, she lets out a strange choked sound, and he catches her face in his hands. 

“You okay?” She nods, exhaling through her nose as she tries to form any thoughts beyond “huge” “so full” “so good”. He kisses her softly as he presses into her, and she arches against them, her stomach pressed to his abdomen. Her mind is a muddled mess of pleasure and elation, because this is everything she’d been craving, what her body had needed desperately that even his fingers and his mouth could not provide. The fullness, the feeling of being complete while he looked into her eyes as his hips canted against her own. The openness of the bond communicating just how good they both felt, how wonderful each drag and push and caress was. She’d never felt so alive, so loved, so wanted. She doesn’t register the tears that have begun flowing down her face until he wipes them away with his thumb. He doesn’t ask if she’s okay, the open bond has already told him that she is. That she’s happy. That she loves him. It takes a little awkward fumbling around the swell of her stomach, but he manages to snake a hand between them, pressing and playing her most sensitive place until she’s panting against his shoulder, and then she’s only able to let out a stream of incoherent love and praise as she feels herself pulse around him, pleasure coursing through every drop of blood in her body. He sighs in relief as he finishes, knowing how close he’d come to finishing before her, and unable to fathom how terrible he would have felt. He doesn’t stop kissing her- and she loves it. She could just kiss him for hours on end. The fact that His mouth was made for kissing, and she was the only one who got the privilege sent little pulses of thrill and satisfaction down her spine. “Maker you’re so beautiful.” 

“Ben.” She protests, unsure if she dislikes the comment or the fact that he’s not kissing her anymore. 

“I’m not going to stop saying it when it’s the truth.” He scoffs. 

“You’re a sappy romantic.” She smiles. 

“I’m also a charmer and a bit of an ass, as you like to tell me.” He grins, and when she laughs he kisses her forehead. 

“You are. But you’re mine, and that’s all I care about.” 

“I am. Yours.” He vows surely. She grins, and yawns. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” She gasps, putting her hand on the side of her stomach.

“What?”

“I yawn once and the kid wakes up? I know he’s more aware than we thought, but how does he know?!” She cries in mock exasperation. “Well, he’s got a strong kick at least. Probably has long legs like his daddy.” She smiles at her husband, who has that dreamy look that he gets when she talks about the baby on his face. She gives him a quick peck on the lips before she rolls out of bed and starts gathering her clothes. “Now, I believe I was promised dinner.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She couldn’t help but sit up straighter in her seat as a large procession of storm troopers started to pour through the streets. She could hardly believe they only had half of their original numbers- there had to be thousands gathering in the city square below her. Tens of thousands even, not including the skeleton crews left on the ships and the ones in other postings around the galaxy. The resistance had grown so much since their near destruction on Crait. From thirty odd fighters mourning in the falcon to a force of nearly two thousand, but compared to the first orders troops, they were a drop of water in a lake. Nothing. It would take a miracle for them to be the victors of the day. 
> 
> And she prayed to anyone who’d listen that they’d have a miracle. "
> 
> In the past we see the day that the war officially ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! New Chapter today; I'm going to be out of town without computer access for about two weeks, so there'll be a bit of a delay getting the next chapter up, but I should have it posted by the second week of December!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~About Two Years Ago~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Granted, her disguise is effective. No one would expect the figure of the infamous “last Jedi” to appear in customary Nabooian regalia. Her hair was styled elaborately, bedecked with shimmering blue stones and pearls, and nothing about her makeup could be called natural. Her face was painted completely white, her lips a firey red. Her gown was a deep midnight blue, embroidered with gold, and embellished with pearls. Apparently she bore a striking resemblance to the queens sister who, through Leias contact and planning, had agreed to let a decoy attend the ceremony in her place. 

Beneath all the finery, she wore knee length leggings and a tight black armor top. She’d plotted it all out- a few strategic force maneuvers would open the zipper and push the gown to the floor, leaving her free to emerge as a warrior from the shell of a lady. Of course, the heavy makeup would look ridiculous then, but she’d make do. Besides, the heavy skirts of the dress contained plenty of room for her weapon, a gift from Ben. An energy blade, not quite as light or effective a weapon as the lightsaber had been, but they hadn’t yet had time to create a new one. Probably because they couldn’t keep it in their pants for more than two minutes any time they were finally together. And the blade was efficient- She’d sparred Ben with it, and been able to hold her own, and of course the force would give her an edge. Especially when she knew all of Ben’s force techniques as if they were her own. Sure, her maneuvers lacked some of the fineness that came from practice, but she made up for it with sheer determination and force of will. 

And she was determined as hell to keep her family alive. 

That morning, in the early hours between twilight and dawn, they’d finally parted with a long, lingering kiss, and whispered promises that they’d see each other soon. The look in Ben’s eyes had told her he only half believed it even as he spoke it, and her heart had twisted painfully as he’d stolen away, leaving her at the Naboo accommodations, as per their plan. She wouldn’t let that be her last memory of him. 

She couldn’t. 

She was very careful to walk the correct number of steps behind the queen, still closer than the others, because she was in place of a sister, but just a step behind, as the protocol that had been drilled into her head commanded. Leia had been wise to do so, considering how many eyes were upon them. Apparently the Naboo Royal House was always popular among the people of the galaxy, the dramatic fashion, and ever changing monarch a symbol of glamour and beauty and youth. The number of holocams pointed at them as they took their places in their assigned box was proof enough of that. Her heart hammered violently in her breast as she tried to reason with herself. No one could tell the difference. Even the security droid had scanned her and matched her identification with that of the Queens Older sister. She was fine. The bond was still pulsing in time with their heartbeats- he was fine. She’d received a signal from Leia, and they were fine. 

But it still felt impossible to breathe in all of the layers that constricted her airflow.

“Peace, Salome. I know you’re excited to be included today, as am I, but you must remember to breathe.” The Queen took her hand as they took their seats, and squeezed it gently. “The galaxy will be better after today. After they see where the true power lies.” If Rey didn’t know how desperately the queen of Naboo wanted them to win, she’d be hard pressed to say that the queen was anything but a staunch supporter of the First Order. Which was good, she thought, since there were obviously tiny bugs planted in the elaborate decoration strapped to the front of the box; she could hear them humming, but perhaps that was only the force warning her of immediate danger. “Ah, it seems we are about to begin.” 

She couldn’t help but sit up straighter in her seat as a large procession of storm troopers started to pour through the streets. She could hardly believe they only had half of their original numbers- there had to be thousands gathering in the city square below her. Tens of thousands even, not including the skeleton crews left on the ships and the ones in other postings around the galaxy. The resistance had grown so much since their near destruction on Crait. From thirty odd fighters mourning in the falcon to a force of nearly two thousand, but compared to the first orders troops, they were a drop of water in a lake. Nothing. It would take a miracle for them to be the victors of the day. 

And she prayed to anyone who’d listen that they’d have a miracle. 

A loud burst of music and drums sounded as The First Order officials took their places on a giant veranda overlooking the city. She only recognized two of them; one was Ben, looking every inch Kylo Ren in his black clothes, and the other was Hux, standing at his right hand with a too smug look on his face. She took a steadying breath as she saw Ben sense her, the only outward sign the tiniest incline of his head to the right. They didn’t exchange any words over the bond, but his mere proximity was enough to calm her, as hers was for him. 

The troopers began to march in grand military fashion, while above them great streams of red and purple light twisted and sparked and exploded in the air. A band played loudly, filling every space with music loud enough to rattle the great stone walls. The march was halfway through; they were halfway to the signal and all was well. Her eyes flashed to her husband, who’s face was a perfect mask of indifference, and then back to the crowds. She only hoped their signal came before whatever Hux’s signal was, because she had no doubt he intended to kill her husband today. He was practically projecting it into the force around him. The queen gave her hand another squeeze and she forced herself to breathe. 

She senses it just a fraction of a second before Ben does, the violent change in Hux’s signature and she can’t force herself to remain seated- and then the sky is on fire- or rather, the ships above them, dozens of first order ships have simply burst into flame. 

She’s out of her dress before the first ship has exploded, staff in hand, cackling with energy. Eyes land and cameras point at her, but she keeps her eyes on Ben, taking a drastic leap down and landing gracefully on her toes on the balcony before the officials. 

“Shoot her!” Hux barks, and dozens of blasters train on her. Before she so much as lifts a finger, Ben’s hand is the air before him, freezing the bolts of light as if it were nothing to him. “Ren! What are you doing?!” 

“The right thing.” He says simply, and with a flick of his wrist the bolts go flying back where they came from. Chaos is spreading in the streets, but Leia had estimated that that would happen and she’d planned for it. They only needed to address the holocams connected to the giant projections before Hux managed to have them turned off. She reaches out a hand and locks his limbs in place, the effort making her arm feel heavy at once. 

“You think you can defeat me with your vile magic?!” Hux scoffs, his eyes wide with fury. She lets out a snort of laughter as Kylo easily steals his consciousness. 

“Vile magic.” She says, leaping into his arms and kissing him soundly. “The holo cams?” A quick search of huxs person finds the controls in his pockets, and even its security is no match for Rey’s mechanical skills. She glances at the screens, manipulating the holodroids until their cameras are pointed directly at her husband. She gives him a smile and a nod, and he takes a steadying breath. 

“Troops of the first order, lay down your weapons!” He commands, his voice strong. “Too long the first order has ruled the galaxy through means of fear and intimidation, and I am guilty of these crimes more than most. But I know now that this isn’t the way. The galaxy must change for the better, and we must adapt and change with it. Let us lay down our weapons as a show of peace, a cease fire. Let us end the day as friends, working together to change the galaxy for the better. There needn’t be anymore bloodshed or death. Let today be marked as the day the galaxy found peace.” His voice rings out, and she feels it in every fiber of her being, ripples of desire pricking through her as she takes in his impressive, elegant speech. For a moment the world seems silent, and her ears ring with the static of it. The troopers begin to toss down their weapons in the streets, the clatter echoing around them. She turns to smile at her husband, satisfaction ringing in her chest, and that’s the moment an arm winds around her torso, pinning her arms, and a blaster is pressed to her throat. 

“Traitor!” Hux screams, and then he’s speaking into a comm on his wrist. “Don’t listen to him! Pick up your weapons! Fight you cowards!” There’s commotion in the streets below, and Ben addresses the cams again. 

“Don’t listen to him! I know he’s in your heads, speaking right into your ears, but you are your own person, you can rise above his brainwashing!” Ben’s voice echos, and Hux growls behind her. 

“I’d be careful what you say, Ren.” 

“Let. Her. Go.” The words ooze with force manipulation, and for a moment she feels his hold wavering, nearly enough for her to move her arm, and then he’s holding her tighter than before. 

“I wouldn’t try that again, Ren. And I wouldn’t try to steal my consciousness either, yes, you could, you’ve proven that, but would you be able to do it before I pulled the trigger? Are you willing to take that risk?” There’s blaster fire in the streets. “Perhaps you think you needn’t give warning, after all, you managed to move the lightsaber well enough in the throne room with only a turn of your hand. Yes, Ren, you made sure the security from the room was destroyed, the feed from the entire day from the entire ship, warped and damaged beyond repair, but you must realize that I’ve had cameras of my own installed. I saw it all, every traitorous second, and now, you’ll pay.” 

“You don’t want her, Hux! Take me instead.” Ben says firmly. 

“Tempting, very tempting but I do think perhaps it would be more satisfying to see you watch the light fade from her eyes. It hurts terribly to lose the one you love the most.” 

“She didn’t kill Phasma, Hux, and neither did I!” 

“But if it hadn’t been for her kriffing resistance, for your mothers resistance, she’d still be alive!” He spits as he shouts, droplets landing on her shoulder. “And to think she respected you. Your dedication to the cause. If I’d only been a second quicker in Snokes throne room, I might have offed you and saved us all the trouble.” 

“Hux. Let her go.” Ben says, his voice pleading. 

“Isn’t this rich, Kylo? After all of the times you threatened me, I’m the one with your life in my hands. Because she is isn’t she? The reason you destroyed everything. She must be a kriffing amazing lay. Not that I’d ever be interested in your leavings.” He sneers. “Still, very tempting, isn’t it?” He trails the blaster along the column of her throat, and the idea strikes her. She locks eyes with Ben, who’s eyes have gone near black with rage, and communicates across the bond with a single image. He nods once, and she moves, pushing Hux’s hand with every ounce of force strength she can muster while Ben physically tackles him to the ground. She barely manages to make it out of Huxs grip before Ben has him pinned against the marble. Hux fights back, and she must grant, he’s a lithe fighter, keen and slick. But Ben’s physically massive, and well versed in combat. She chances a glance down at the streets- 

Chaos. Utter chaos. Troopers fight each other, fight the resistance soldiers, x wings circle in the Smoky sky. 

“It’s over, Hux!” Ben growls. “Call them off.” Hux laughs, a short sound that makes her stomach drop. The sound of a mad man. 

“Ben…”

“Gwendolyn.” Hux breathes. 

“What?” Ben asks, his brow furrowing as he glances up at Rey. 

“Gwendolyn.” Hux’s head is angled to his shoulder- to his comm button-

“No!” Rey reaches out a hand and attempts to steal his consciousness, but not before he can utter one final, quiet

“Gwendolyn.” and the world around them erupts into flames. She’s thrown back by the blast, not strong enough to be fatal, but enough to rattle everyone and everything it touched. She drags herself over to Ben’s form, lying on his side, looking so much as he’d looked when she’d left him in the throne room. 

“Ben? Ben!” She puts her hand on his cheek, careful to avoid all of the burn patches that she knows bacta will repair. His eyes open, but don’t focus on her at first. “It was a voice activated bomb- He must have put it in the building somewhere. Are you alright?”

“Gwendolyn Phasma…” Ben says through gritted teeth. 

“What?” 

“That was her name. Gwendolyn.” 

“Ben, that doesn’t matter. Come on, we have to move, we have to find Hux!” She pulls him upwards, but stops when he hisses in pain. “Kriffing hell, your ribs!” She sees the burns running across his surcoat, down to his flesh, exposing bone. 

“You have to go get him.” Ben says as he closes his eyes. “I’m fine.” 

“You’re kriffing not! Force, that ones broken- kriffing hells!” She mutters. 

“I’ve had worse. Go!” 

“You healed me before- I can try to-”

“Rey.” She leans forward, brushing her lips against his, her tears dripping onto his face. “I’ll be fine. You have to go-” He’s cut off by the sound of an engine roaring to life. “No!”

“Kriff!” She reaches into her belt and pulls out her comm. “Poe, do you copy?!”

“Rey? Yeah, what’s going on down there?” 

“A small shuttle has just taken off, Hux is on board!” She shouts. 

“He got away?!”

“He had a bomb, in the building, hidden. We’re in need of medics, but first you need to stop-”

“I see him!” She drops the comm, and lays on her side across from Ben, reaching out to gently cup his cheek. Her fingers are burned and blistered, and she imagines she looks like a mess. 

“I’m sorry, Ben. I should have gone when you said to. I should have listened.” She whimpers, the pain of her own injuries rising as her adrenaline fades. “I couldn’t leave you.” 

“I know sweetheart.” He whispers. “He was more prepared than I gave him credit for. He had an exit plan.” He puts his hand on top of hers, and she feels a sort of numbing coolness spreading through her fingers. She tugs away quickly. 

“Don't! You can’t heal me right now. Not in your condition.” She insists. A glance at her hand shows vanishing blisters and evenly tanned skin. 

“I’m fine.” 

“Tell me that again when I can’t see your ribs.” She grumbles, and he huffs in frustration. The sounds of the battle have decreased drastically since the explosion, and she hopes it isnt’ because the men have perished in the explosion. The tracker on her wrist begins to ping, and she eyes it hopefully. “Your mother. She’s looking for us.” 

“For you.” he corrects. 

“For us.” She says firmly. His eye lids start to droop and she reaches out for him again. “Hey, stay awake, okay? Please, don’t leave me alone right now, please!”

“Never.” He mumbles. “You’re not alone.” A tear slips out of the corner of her eye, and she kisses his burnt hand. 

“I think I knew, even then, that I’d never be able to be without you.” She whispers. “I tried it, those months after Crait, and I was miserable, Ben. That’s why you’re going to be okay right now. Because you told me you’d do anything for me, okay? And all I want is for you to be safe.” He nods, squeezing her fingers in acknowledgment. She tunes back into her comm, which she’d left active when she hears a string of highly colorful expletives burst from Poe. “Poe, what is it?”

“He got away! Kriffing bastard got away!” She closes her eyes and feels more tears fall.

“We failed.” She whispers hoarsely.

“Over here!” Her eyes fly open to see Leia emerging from smoke and rubble, racing towards them with speed she hasn’t been known to use in a long time. She crouches beside the two of them, and gently lays her hands on Ben’s torso. “Oh my sweet boy.”

“Rey needs help.” He mutters, not opening his eyes. 

“Not as much as he does.” Rey shakes her head. Leia nods once, having quickly assessed them, and begins the tedious work of knitting together skin and bone. Ben lets out a groan, and Rey clutches his hand tighter. “It’s okay, love. You’re going to be okay now.”

“You didn’t fail, Rey. Even if Hux is still out there, the first order fleet is destroyed. And the troopers who were fighting, they laid down their arms following the explosions and confusion.” Leia says softly.

“But he’ll just build it up again!”

“And we will face that when the time comes, Rey. But for today, this victory can be enough.” Leia insists. “The leadership scattered, we already have men chasing after them, we’ve got a handful in custody. Their entire fleet is gone. Their tactical army, gone. It’ll take time, but without those resources, There’s very little they can do.”

“But Hux-”

“Will get what’s coming to him, Rey.” Leia insists. 

“I’ll kill him.” Ben hisses as his ribs knit together again. “I wont let him hurt you again.” 

“You won’t be doing anything until you’ve spent a good two nights in bacta, young man.” Leia says sternly, smoothing her hand over his forehead. “You’re feverish. We’ll need to make sure you don’t have an infection.” 

“Mom…” Ben sighs as she smoothes back his hair. She shushes him gently, and just sweeps her hand over his forehead and hair. 

“You did well today son. I’m proud of you.” Leia whispers, and Rey feels Ben’s very heart trembling over the bond. She squeezes his hand in a silent show of support. “I should have said that to you more, when you were a kid.” 

“Mom, I’m so tired.” He says softly, and Rey knows he isn’t only referring to his broken body. He is weary down to his bones, his mind run ragged after years of torture and pain inflicted by a cruel master. “I’m so sorry.” 

“I know son, I know.” Leia croons, her maternal side shining through stronger than ever. “You’ll get to rest soon. Both of you. You’ve earned a break.”

“We can go to Naboo.” Ben murmurs, turning his head to face his wife. “I can show you the mountains. The lakes. I’ll finally teach you how to swim.” 

“I’d like that, Ben.” She kisses his still burnt knuckles, and he smiles, just a quirk of his lips. 

“You can both rest for now. It might be a minute before the medics can get here, and I think I’ve managed the worst of it. Sleep if you can. I’ll watch over you both.” Leia smoothes Rey’s hair from her face, ignoring the fact that it’s damp with sweat and she’s a mess. “Mom is here.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He smiles. She lays back against the pillows, and he joins her, wrapping her up in the thick blankets before her tucks her safely against his chest. “Do you feel alright?” 
> 
> “I feel...Ben, this is the best I’ve felt since I woke up in the med unit the first time.” She smiles against his skin while his fingers start to play with her hair. “I don’t know why exactly, but I feel comfortable in my own skin again now, like I’m actually living the life I’m supposed to be living instead of feeling like some kind of intruder on a strangers life.” His lips curl into a smile as she presses a kiss to his chest. “I really love you, Ben.”
> 
> “I really love you, Rey.” His slight smile turns into a grin."
> 
> Rey, Ben, and Leia attempt to figure out who's working for Hux. Rey and Ben continue to explore their new normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Loves- sorry for the long wait! I've been busier than expected, but to make up for it, I have an extra long chapter for you! With a double dose of fluff! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone out there!

By the time Leia arrives, they’ve showered and dressed, and prepared a meal large enough for the three of them plus Chewbacca’s legendary appetite, though Rey jokingly argued that at the moment, hers was the only appetite they should be worried would go unappeased. 

“Did the two of you get settled in alright?” Leia asks casually. 

“We did. We went exploring, took a nap.” Ben says, not looking up from his plate. “Well, Rey took a nap. I caught up on some reading.” 

“I can’t help it, you wore me out!” Rey protests with a laugh that transforms into a horrified gasp while Leia guffaws and Ben’s face turns absolutely red. Even Chewie lets out some rumbling laughter. “I meant with the tour- there was a lot of walking involved. Walking.” She stammers to correct herself. 

“Of course.” Leia nods seriously.

“Mother.” Ben warns.

“What? I was agreeing with her.” Leia protests, holding her hands up in mock surrender. “Anyways, there are more urgent matters to discuss than what the two of you get up to in the privacy of your own home.” 

“Mom.” He warns again. 

“The footage from the hospital has been restored, but whoever it was covered their tracks remarkably well. It appeared to be a man with a bit of old republic technology, a sort of holo projector that conceals true identity. We’re only able to tell because the man who’s face he chose has been dead since before the rise of the Empire.”

“So we’re no closer now than we were before.” Ben huffs. Under the table Rey takes his hand, smoothing over the back of it with her thumb. “And there’s no way to peel the layers back, so to speak? To see who’s under the projection?” 

“If there is, there’s not a soul in our employ who knows the way to do it. I told you, the tech is older than I am, and so simple it’s difficult to crack.” Leia sighs. “The only clue we really have to go by is the fact that the piece would be considered an antique, a collectable, and therefore highly valuable. Whoever did this has money, seemingly unlimited amounts of it.” 

“Which is nothing we hadn’t deduced before.” Rey concludes. The frustration radiating off of her husband through the force is so strong, she’s almost certain that even Chewie must feel it. She sends a gentle nudge along his mind, a soft reminder that she and their child were still here, still whole...well, apart from her missing memories. He extends a hand to her, twining their fingers beneath the table as her thumb starts to trace absent minded little circles on the back of his hand. 

“I’m afraid so.” Leia nods, evidently as frustrated with the results as any of them. “I know that Ben is right, that Hux is the one behind this, but we know for a fact he hasn’t been on Chandrila. I believe in my people enough to believe that. And if what Ben says about him is true, he wouldn’t put himself directly in the line of fire unless he felt trapped. So we know he’s working with someone planetside- someone who has been able to access high security areas. Now, the hospital would have been easier to sneak into, especially with a holocloaking device like they had, civilians access most of the building as visitors, so on a busy day, blending in would be simple. But sabotaging the test flight…”

“I thought the person who did that was caught- didn’t they commit suicide?” Rey asked.

“Someone with a first order arm band fled the scene, was captured, and quickly committed suicide, yes. But we don’t know how he possibly could have gotten to the ship. He wasn’t on any of our records, he had no clearance, and witnesses put the man at his job on the other side of the city almost the whole morning, and video footage shows him coming on foot to the crowd of onlookers only just as the ship started to explode. He was a panicked supporter of the First Order, certainly, It’s not even necessarily illegal to wear one of their arm bands. I’m sure he knew something, or he wouldn’t have taken the poison capsule, It just seems unlikely that the man we caught could’ve been the one to actually implement the sabotage. that ship was under constant surveillance, checked every thirty standard minutes on the morning of, the last time no less than ten minutes before take off. The area was secure. No one was out of place there, and we’ve checked everyone’s whereabouts, alibis, and each one checked out. It was like the person that did this was a ghost.” 

“Could they have used the force?” Ben asks, his eyes narrowing. 

“What?” Leia’s eyes widened as she looked at him. 

“In theory no damage was done to that ship that couldn’t have been done with the force.” Ben’s free hand smoothes over his face in thought. “Even an explosive can be set if it was placed beforehand. Placed by someone who worked on construction. Who had a hand in flight checks.”

“I don’t…” Leia frowns. “I’ve never noticed anyone with force sensitivities before.”

“Someone might be well versed in hiding it.” Ben suggests, his eyes downcast as shame floods his system. “A lot of people learned that particular force skill when Snoke decided ending the Jedi meant ending every force user he could locate. An effective shield could fool even Snoke. Even me.” She feels his grip tighten on her fingers as he speaks of his last, and she lifts their twined hands to hold against her stomach, letting the kicking of their child remind him of who he was now. He exhales, long and slow. “Cut wires. Malfunctioning reading panels. Ruptured fuel lines and landing gears. Child’s play for anyone even mildly versed in force maneuvering.” 

“You may have a point.” Leia pulls out her holopad and begins typing away. “I’m going to cross check this again, everyone involved in maintenance, construction, and security measures. There was some overlap, but if I can narrow it down to the people who had a hand in all three…”

“We can look more closely into force signatures.” Ben concludes. 

“It could even be possible to get midichlorian counts, given the circumstances.” Leia muses. “It’s as good a lead as any. I’ll send all the details to Poe immediately.” Even as she speaks she punches commands into her holo. “We should have a list by tomorrow morning.”

“Excellent.” Ben nods. 

“It might not tell us anything, Ben.”

“Or it will tell us everything!” His free hand curls into a fist which he slams on the table. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before; it just always seems so unlikely that there’s anyone left who knows enough of the force to…” He cuts himself off at the second sharp reminder of who he had been. What he’d done. “Excuse me.” He withdraws his hand from hers and is out of the room in the blink of an eye. Rey starts to rise to follow him, but stops when she remembers their guests.

“That’s alright. Go after him dear.” Leia says, and Chewie nods in agreement. She smiles in thanks and follows the torrent of Ben’s force signature through the house until she reaches a closed door. From inside, she hears the sound of impact, and her heart clenches.

“Ben?” She whispers, laying her palm flat against the door. The movement inside the room stills, and suddenly she swears she can feel the warmth of his hand seeping through the panel. “Ben? Can I-“ the door opens, revealing a large training room. His shirt has been shed, thrown somewhere to the far reaches of room, and she finds herself momentarily distracted by the fact that she can still see marks where her own fingernails dug into his upper arm. “Ben? Are you alright?.”

“No.” He says simply. He turns and goes back to a large dummy, pummeling it with his fists as she watches with wide eyes. 

“Ben.”

“Stop.” He grits out as he lands a blow so fierce the dummy nearly pulls away from where it’s been bolted to the floor. “I know you’re going to try to soothe me and tell me it’s alright, that I’m different now, that it wasn’t my fault- but it was, Rey. I might be different but that will never change who I was once. That will never undo the things that I did, diminish the number of lives on my hands.”

“Maybe not, but you don’t deserve to feel this...this pain, Ben.” 

“Don’t I?” Another blow, and the dummy creaks in protest. “I deserve any pain the universe decides to throw at me, and I’d bear it gladly, Rey, if it means I get to be with you; force knows I’ve done nothing in my kriffing life to deserve you.” 

“You deserve me, Ben. You deserve our family.” She insists. He lands one final blow as the dummy finally gives way, falling to the floor with an echoing thud. “Or maybe you don’t deserve us.” He turns sharply, a look of fear in his eyes. “But you have us, Ben. We’re right here with you. And we love you.” She takes a cautious step forward, hands just barely outstretched. “So please. Please. Don’t lose yourself to the past. To something you can’t change.” Her fingers stretch a little more, reaching and searching for him. “Instead think of how you can change the galaxy now.” His giant hands close around hers, and he kisses her knuckles. “Ben…” he falls to his knees before her, and rests his forehead against her belly. 

“I don’t want himto hate me.” He whispers. 

“Oh Ben…” she raked her fingers through her hair. “He doesn’t hate you, Ben.” Even as she spoke, the baby’s force signature curled around them both, warm and shimmering like starlight. “And He feels us. Feels our force signatures, our souls...Ben. He loves you, very much.” He let out a soft sound like a whimper. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ll be here to talk you down when you feel this way. Just like you’re there for me when I feel like I’m nothing.” She soothes . “I might not have figured out this whole...marriage thing, But I’m absolutely certain about this.” He looks up at her, his lips trembling. “We’re going to put a stop to Hux, to his reign of terror once and for all. I know we are...and then…” her fingers trail across his scar- her scar. “You and I are going to settle into a life that’s so kriffing normal, we’ll be bored out of our minds and thankful for it within a standard year.”

“A life with you could never bore me.” He huffs, and she grins at him. “I’ll do better, controlling my temper. My...outbursts. I’m sorry.”

“You are doing better. Punching out your frustrations on a training dummy? A relatively normal way to vent...though most men lack the physical strength necessary to rip metal bolts out of the ground.” He looks down, his cheeks coloring. “And I could think of something else we could do to relieve tension...something much less destructive.” 

“You say less destructive, but we’ve done our share of damage.” He grins then, his eyes sparkling at her.

“Have we?”

“Sometimes, we lose our grip on the force in the throes of it. We’ve lost a few pieces of furniture. One window.” 

“A window?” She scoffs.

“To be fair, you shattered the window.” His grin morphs into a lopsided smile. She swallows, but her mouth felt suddenly dry. 

“Oh?” He rose from the ground, cupping her face as he leans towards her. 

“You got a little...carried away.” He was so close now she can hardly breathe as he inclines his lips towards hers. 

“Ben…” she half begs. 

“I’ve got you.” He breathes , and his lips finally cover hers. 

*******************  
She very quickly comes to the conclusion that there was nothing more natural, more soothing, more holy to her than the feel of every inch of her skin pressed against her husband’s, his lips pressed gently to her hair as she nuzzles her face against his chest while their heartbeats slowly return to normal, still in perfect synchronization. It was warm, if not a bit sweaty, cozy, comforting- home was not a building at all. Home was Ben’s arms around her body, one of his giant hands resting protectively over the curve of her stomach where their child was wide awake and moving up a storm. Only one thought cut through her blissful haze.

“What are we going to do if we find the person who…” Rey bit her lip as she trails off. 

“The person who tried to murder you? Maybe more than once?” He growls as his arms tense around her. “I...I don’t know if it’s a good idea to let me near them.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to kill them! I want to rip them apart for what they tried to do to you- to our unborn son- and I don’t know if I’d be able to stop myself, Rey.” He admits, his voice a bit disgusted. “I should be better at controlling myself-“

“You aren’t the only one who’s been thinking like that.” She cuts him off as she pushes herself into a seated position. “Ben. I’ve only ever willed someone dead four times in my life. The first time was…” she swallows, and shakes her head, knowing he doesn’t need her to say the words to know that it was him the moment he’d killed his father. “Then Snoke. Then Hux. But this...this faceless person- they’re trying to take everything from me- from us- and as sure as I am that Hux is the one behind it, this...this being has tried to take away my family- my son… Ben I want- I hate that I-“ 

“It’s okay.” He whispers, his arms suddenly around her, his broad chest pressed against her back. She leans heavily into him, breathing with him as she calmed her thoughts. “It’s human to feel angry, Rey. It’s human to want revenge when someone has hurt you. What separates us from the darkside is that we wont do anything lightly. We’ll evaluate the options, and figure out what is right.” She nods as he presses his lips to her hair. 

“If we find them, they’ll need to be questioned. And you and I both know that someone who’s not force sensitive can’t be trusted to do it- not if this person was strong enough in the force to avoid notice by both of us and your mother.” 

“I doubt they’ll be willing to talk much to anyone. It’s possible that the only way to get the information we need would be-“ He shudders behind her.

“To go into their mind.” She finishes for him, caressing his forearm with her finger tips. “You’ve said it was possible, to do it painlessly?”

“It is. Having a force user read thoughts only causes pain if you intentionally inflict it, or if the being is force sensitive and pushes back.”

“Like I did?”

“Right.” He drops a kiss to her shoulder, and keeps his chin there as he sighs. “If a force user pushes back, then its a matter of who is stronger with the force. Sometimes who’s willpower is the greatest.” 

“And if this person was strong enough to hide from you, you’re afraid that, what? They’re stronger in the force than you are?” She asks skeptically. 

“No, not necessarily. Having strong mental shields is not necessarily even a force sensitive skill. Hux has incredibly strong shields, Snoke trained him to, but they were possible for me to break down.” He traces patterns along the swell of her belly, and she can’t help but grin as the baby seems to follow the path of his motion. “Once we’ve found them, digging into their mind would be...so simple for me. I could do it without a thought, Rey. One small gesture, a push, and I could take everything.” 

“But…”

“But I haven’t done that since I killed Snoke. The only mind I invaded at all was Hux, and that had to be done. The very idea of digging into someone else’s mind, no matter how gently- especially someone I have motivation to destroy…” his fingers still against her, Rigid and tense. 

“If you have to do this, Ben, that doesn’t make you him. I trust you, with my heart, with my body, with everything that I am. I trust you with not only my life, but the life of our child, Ben. You are not what Snoke wanted you to be. You are not a monster. You are my husband. The father of my child. The love of my life. And we will do what needs to be done to protect not only our family, but the galaxy from the pain Hux and his followers want to inflict. Maker knows I hope you won’t need to do it- but you have to promise not to hate yourself, not to lose yourself if you do.”

“I promise.” He whispers into the skin of her neck. 

“And if you can’t do it-” 

“No.”

“Ben.” 

“I’m not letting you near them, Rey. We can’t take any chances. Not with our child’s life at stake.” He says firmly. “Please don’t fight me on this. I know you’re strong, but even the strongest people can be pushed too far. Just...Rey, I feel like I’ve only just gotten you back- if you were to leave me again I don’t think I’d be able to take it. So please. Don’t take risks like this. Not right now.” 

“I won’t. I would never put this child at risk.” She turns in his arms to take his face in her hands. “I just want to help you. I’ve only ever...wanted…” Her mind goes fuzzy for a moment as a sort of murky memory plays across her vision, of Ben, illuminated by white panels of light, the subtle feel of being transported upwards by a lift, her own voice saying “I’ll help you.” And the slight upwards turn of Ben’s mouth, the widening of his eyes. She gasps, pulling back from him sharply as her head pounded. 

“Rey?” He reaches for her, smoothing her hair out of her eyes tenderly. 

“Sorry- I just…” She pinches the bridge of her nose and takes several deep breaths. His hands find her back, stroking it lightly as she trembles. “It’s startling, when something comes back to me so suddenly. Overwhelming.” She senses his understanding through the bond without having to look at him, which is ideal, since keeping her eyes shut keeps her vision from being blurry around the edges while her mind races, trying to place the memory in the puzzle of the time line of her scattered memories. 

“Do you know, I think that’s the moment I knew I was yours?” He asks after a few moments of silence. 

“Was it?” She chances a glance at him, looking so sincere and beautiful despite the fuzzy quality she hadnt yet shaken from her eyes. 

“You looked at me like no one had ever looked at me before. Not like I was a legacy of darkness or light. Not like you wanted to use my power for your own gain. And I knew that by helping me, you thought you’d be helping your cause, of course you were thinking that- but you wouldn’t have risked yourself just for the rebellion. You wouldn’t have walked right into Snoke’s lair, and potentially to your death after years of self preservation, of keeping yourself alive if you didn’t believe in me. If you didn’t trust that I wouldn’t hurt you, at the very least.” She closes her eyes as she listenes to his soothing voice, and feels the ache in her head gradually retreating. “I couldn’t remember the last time someone had truly believed in me. Had cared enough to offer me help, instead of making me someone else's problem. But then there you were…This beautiful, radiant, hopeful being. You were looking at me like no one ever had, and I...Maker I knew I’d kriffing die before I hurt you.” 

“Oh Ben…” She sighs softly, blindly reaching for his hand. His fingers twine with hers, and his lips pressed against her skin softly. 

“Of course I’d hoped when we touched hands, when we connected like we did, I’d dared to dream that you and I were...that you might be able to want me the way I wanted you.” His voice was only a murmur now, and when she opens her eyes again his face was clear before her. 

“Maker knows I’ve wanted you from the minute I laid eyes on your face. And when we touched hands, Ben, When I saw the future we could have together it was like nothing in my past mattered. Like I didn’t have to go back to Jakku again. Like I didn’t have to be just a scavenger, abandoned by her family, barely scraping together enough to stay alive. Like I could be my own person. Like I could be worthy of being with someone else if I chose to.” 

“You have always been worthy of love, Rey. Just because your kriffing parents were-”

“I don’t want to waste any more of my life thinking about them. I spent nearly two decades waiting for them, thinking of them, wasting away and hoping that maybe…” She shakes her head. “I don’t want to think about them any more. Not right now, maybe not ever.” 

“Good.” He smiles. She lays back against the pillows, and he joins her, wrapping her up in the thick blankets before her tucks her safely against his chest. “Do you feel alright?” 

“I feel...Ben, this is the best I’ve felt since I woke up in the med unit the first time.” She smiles against his skin while his fingers start to play with her hair. “I don’t know why exactly, but I feel comfortable in my own skin again now, like I’m actually living the life I’m supposed to be living instead of feeling like some kind of intruder on a strangers life.” His lips curl into a smile as she presses a kiss to his chest. “I really love you, Ben.”

“I really love you, Rey.” His slight smile turns into a grin.

“And I love sleeping with you too.” She yawns, apparently undisturbed by the gentle rumble of his laughter. “You’re very good with your hands, you know?”

“Thank you. You’re pretty good yourself.” She smiled sleepily and burrowed down further in the blankets. 

“I feel...so lucky.” She nearly drifts off to sleep before the end of her sentence. 

“You’re not. I am.” He whispers, kissing her hair once more and making sure she was warm enough in the well wrapped in blankets and the circle of his arms. “Force knows how lucky I am.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“So he’s my son when he’s being a pain?” Ben asks, an amused quirk to his smile. 
> 
> “And he’s mine when he’s being remarkable.” She teases gently. “But if I’m being fair, he gets his talents from the both of us.” 
> 
> “You’re the one doing ninety nine percent of the work required to bring him into our lives. I think I can handle you taking credit for his more remarkable aspects.” 
> 
> “Ninety nine percent, huh?”
> 
> “You’ve got to admit I helped a little.” He smirks at her. 
> 
> “But would you really call your part “work”?” She asks, and he laughs. 
> 
> “No, not really.” 
> 
> “There’s your smile. You don’t do that enough, you know?” She stands on her toes, and he quickly bends down to kiss her. “I love your smile.” 
> 
> “It’s crooked.” He points out.
> 
> “It’s charming.” She counters as her fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Come on. We’d better go join the others before someone comes looking for us.” 
> 
> “We’re hardly doing anything scandalous.” Ben huffs. 
> 
> “You sound disappointed.” She grins. 
> 
> “I’m disappointed in any scenario that requires you putting on clothes.”"
> 
> Our Heroes try to make plans to save the galaxy, with a healthy dose of fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! This chapter is actually like five mini chapters that I've strung together- Everything takes place within forty eight hours, and the tiny time jumps are marked with "*****". Anyways, thanks for putting up with my shenanigans! Also, I always intend to respond to your comments, but I just always forget when I actually have time, but know that I read every one of them, and they make my whole entire day! See you again soon!

“Dameron’s got the list, he’s analyzing it personally to be sure no one tampers with it.” Leia announces, glancing up from her holopad at breakfast. “Shouldn’t take him more than a couple of hours. He’s going to send the information with Finn and Rose, on the off chance our communications aren’t secure.” 

“Not a bad idea.” Ben nods. Under the table, Rey twines their fingers together, squeezing his hand gently. He smiles at her before grabbing a plate full of pastries and setting them within her reach. She startles a bit, because she hadn’t even realized how badly she wanted one of the blumfruit muffins before they’d been in front of her face. 

“How did you know?” She laughs as she took a giant bite of her pastry. 

“You asked for it.” His brow furrows. 

“No she didn’t.” Leia says decisively. 

“No, I meant she was thinking about it.” 

“No, I wasn’t.” 

“Yes, you were?” He blinks, his eyes filling with doubt. “I could have sworn you said…You weren’t thinking about it?” She shakes her head, and glances down at her stomach curiously. 

“Do you suppose little starlight had something to do with it?”

“Wouldn’t you have heard that too?”

“Well, I would think that. Unless it’s possible the two of you have some sort of bond I’m not a part of?” Rey huffs, annoyingly miffed at the idea of it. “I mean, I know he responds to your voice more than any other, but I’d have thought some further connection would be needed to establish a bond like this.” 

“They do share DNA, Rey. Sometimes that’s enough to create a connection. Especially when the force sensitives are in constant close proximity. I had a strong connection to Ben when I hit the half way point of my pregnancy, but he communicated emotions more than words. Then again, i’m his mother...I’ve never personally known a force sensitive pair who conceived a child, so I don’t know if it’s out of the question that the baby simply knows it’s father already.” Leia muses while her companions listen with great interest. “If this child has as strong a force connection as the evidence seems to say, and if you know he understands a great deal more than most unborn babies, I don’t see why it shouldn’t be possible.” 

“I told him not to use words and tire himself out too much.” Rey grumbles as she strokes her belly protectively. 

“Maybe it wasn’t words so much as a visualization of sorts? It was more...the characteristics of a blumfruit muffin? Sweet, a little sour, just a hint of warming spices. I thought it was an odd way for you to think of it.” 

“And you couldn’t tell the difference between us?” She asks incredulously.

“Honestly I wasn’t paying that much attention to it. If there’s something important you want to tell me you either would have said it out loud, or you would’ve made it more apparent. I really just caught it and thought maybe you were thinking it and it just floated over the bond. That’s not so unusual for us, Rey.” 

“I know.”

“Can you please explain to me why you’re upset right now?” He asks with a sigh.

“I’m not upset.”

“Rey.”

“Ben.” She says warningly. 

“I can hear-“

“She’s upset with herself because she’s jealous that the baby was communicating with you and not her, even though she’s doing all of the hard work. She knows the anger is irrational, but honestly it’s completely rational because those pregnancy mood swings are the kriffing worst.” Leia explains casually, though her eyes betray her concern. “Correct?”

“Correct.” Rey grits out, the remainder of her muffin turning to crumbs in her hand. Ben looks at her with wide eyes, then glances to his mother who dismisses herself under the guise of finding Chewie. “Before you say anything I’m not really mad. I only feel mad. I want you to be close to our baby. I want you to have a strong connection.”

“I know that.”

“But he shouldn’t be communicating at all! He’ll exhaust himself and then where will we end up? In the Med Unit again?! What would that be, the fourth time during this pregnancy?”

“He’s getting stronger every day, Rey. We don’t even know if he can help connecting to us at this point. No matter how powerful he might be naturally he’s still untrained. It’s possible I just caught one of his thoughts, the same as if it had been yours.” Ben explains. “All babies start interacting with the outside world. All babies have thoughts. Ours is just a little…”

“Different?”

“I was going to say special, but different works too.” He shrugs and she smiles just slightly at him. “Still mad?”

“I was never mad.” She snaps. “Just mildly annoyed.”

“Right.” 

“Keep that up and I will be mad.” She warns.

“Mm, I’m sure I can find a way to make it up to you.” He smirks.

“Sex isn’t the answer to everything, Ben.” 

“No, but it sure as hell doesn’t hurt anything.” He kisse/ her cheek softly and she turns to meet his lips. 

“Tell me, do we ever actually accomplish anything?” She laughs as his lips trailed down her throat. “Or is it just a lot of this?”

“No, there is a lot of this. But we accomplish plenty otherwise.”

“Don’t see how we have the time.”

“Right now we’re making up for lost time.” He nudges the edge of her pale grey tunic aside with his nose and kisses the newly exposed skin of her shoulder. “But I can stop now if you want me to.”

“Or just stop talking.” She suggests in a breathy voice. He hums his agreement against her throat as he scoops her up in his arms and carries her with quickly back to their bedroom.   
**********************************  
As soon as the ramp touches the ground Rose is waddling down it and towards Rey for a hug. She meets her half way there, and they embrace as well as they can with both of their swollen bellies in the way. 

“I’d say you were more giant than the last time I saw you, but then, I am too, and I don’t need you to point it out.” Rose laughs as she holds Rey at arms length to look at her. “You look good. You look happy.” 

“I am happy.” Rey smiles, casting what she hoped was a sly glance at Ben where he stood a few feet away greeting Finn. 

“Wait- hold up. Did you and Ben finally-”

“Yes!” Rey laughs as Rose does an overly dramatic fist pump in the air above them. 

“About damn time too. You’re almost past the really sweet spot for sex and to the stage where you just feel like you’re a whole damn planet all the time.” Rey grimaces at the description and Rose grins. “Something to look forward to.” 

“General Organa.” Finn greets as Leia joins them. 

“It’s just Leia when we’re not in the Capital building, Finn.” Leia waves a dismissive hand at his protests. “What do you have for me?” 

“A security team and a holo filled with information.” Finn sighs as he presents her with said holo tablet. 

“Security team?” Rey asks, her brows knitting together. 

“Just a squadron. Poe was afraid that information about what we were up to may have gotten out.” Rose explains. “Come on out guys!” A half a dozen beings emerge from the transport, each with weapons to the teeth. “And as you can see, he was taking no chances.” 

“Right.” Ben fights the urge to roll his eyes. While a having a guard certainly didn’t hurt anything, it also wasn’t strictly necessary. He wouldn’t be leaving Rey’s side again until the matter had been solved, and he this time, he would be absolutely prepared to take on any one or anything that dared threaten her. He would kill the culprit, who he knew to be Hux, with nothing but his bare hands if he had to. A small part of him even felt, for the first time in years, a sick sort of satisfaction at the thought of it. Of ending the man who had dared to even attempt to hurt his wife and unborn child. 

But an even smaller part almost felt badly for Hux- he had lost his love and lost his purpose. He was untethered and wild to seek revenge, as if he’d rent the galaxy in two to achieve his goal. And that was something Ben could understand well. If he had lost Rey… force, he liked to think he’d be able to control himself, to be the man he was with her, to be Ben Solo. For himself, for his mother, for the children at the academy. He was finally sure of himself, without the voices in his head, without anyone commanding him. 

But if he lost Rey, if he lost their child, would he be able to keep from letting the darkness rule him? 

“Ben?” Rey whispers, squeezing his hand a little tighter. She’s gazing up at him with questioning eyes, and he gives her a tight lipped smile. 

“Well, come along then everyone. We’ve got food waiting inside.” Leia announces, giving Rey a quick but meaningful look. Rey smiles gratefully. Her mother in law was extremely good at reading people, and even better at knowing when her son needed a moment. Rey holds Ben back as everyone followed after Leia, and she cupped his cheek in her tiny hand. 

“Hey. What’s wrong?” She whispers. 

“Nothing is wrong. I’m with you.” He kisses her forehead and she gently nudged him back, shooting him a dubious look. 

“You’re not the only one who catches spare thoughts, Ben. Why does the protective team being here bother you so much?” 

“It’s not so much their presence, as it is the fact that sending them implies that Dameron doesn’t think I’m capable of protecting you on my own. But none of these...accidents, so to speak, have happened while you were with me. If I had been there…” he purses his lips as he thought. “And it isn’t that I don’t think you are capable of protecting yourself, Rey, I know you are. But I’m your husband, you carry my child, our child, and everything in me is ready to protect you. Needs to protect you. Their presence is just… wholly unnecessary.” 

“I’m sure Poe doesn’t think you can’t protect me, Ben. I’m sure he knows you’re capable. He sent Finn and Rose with sensitive information, and neither of them has your skill set. And things haven’t been the most stable in the galaxy right now. I’m sure he’s just being over cautious.” Rey smooths her hand down his arms soothingly. “And even if He didn’t think you could protect me, i know you can, okay? If you need me to stay in your sight for now, and don’t try to deny that you do, I will. I know you can protect us. Me, and our boy. I know you can. And anyone who thinks otherwise can kriff right off.”

“Force, I love you.” He murmurs, pressing his lips to her temple. “You’re right though. I don’t want you out of my sight right now.” 

“Do I look like I’m going anywhere?” She smiles up at him. “Even if I wanted to, it’s not like I can get anywhere fast these days. Someone’s son is rendering me more than a little slow.”

“So he’s my son when he’s being a pain?” Ben asks, an amused quirk to his smile. 

“And he’s mine when he’s being remarkable.” She teases gently. “But if I’m being fair, he gets his talents from the both of us.” 

“You’re the one doing ninety nine percent of the work required to bring him into our lives. I think I can handle you taking credit for his more remarkable aspects.” 

“Ninety nine percent, huh?”

“You’ve got to admit I helped a little.” He smirks at her. 

“But would you really call your part “work”?” She asks, and he laughs. 

“No, not really.” 

“There’s your smile. You don’t do that enough, you know?” She stands on her toes, and he quickly bends down to kiss her. “I love your smile.” 

“It’s crooked.” He points out.

“It’s charming.” She counters as her fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Come on. We’d better go join the others before someone comes looking for us.” 

“We’re hardly doing anything scandalous.” Ben huffs. 

“You sound disappointed.” She grins. 

“I’m disappointed in any scenario that requires you putting on clothes.” He shrugs. A blush creeps up her cheeks and down her neck as me kissed her softly once again. “And as much as I would truly love to take you back to our room and remedy the situation, you haven’t eaten since breakfast, and you’ve been...rather active today, so I suppose we’d better feed you.”

“Now that you’ve pointed it out, I am rather hungry.” As if on cue her stomach rumbles. “Don’t worry, little starlight. Food is on the way.” She twines her husband’s fingers with her own as they start their walk back to the house. 

“I’m sorry. I should’ve remembered that you need to eat more often now.” He frowns. 

“Don’t start that. I’m a grown woman, I’m perfectly capable of getting my own food and making sure I’m fed. I’ve been doing it since I was a little girl.” His frown deepens, and she quickly changes the subject. “But sometimes, even I forget about food. Especially if I’m hungry...um, in a different way.” His thumb traces a Gentle circle on the back of her hand, and she feels her arm break out in goosebumps. Maker, would he ever stop having such an effect on her?

“I hope not.” He whispers in reply to her unuttered thought. 

“I wouldn’t be too worried Solo. I’ve wanted you from the second I first saw you. If brain trauma doesn’t change that, I don’t suppose anything will.” She’d meant to say it teasingly, but even her mouth turns down into a frown. “That...was not as smooth as I intended it to be...too soon, probably.” 

“Maybe we avoid all jokes about you almost dying for the time being.” 

“How serious could it have been, really? I woke up about a week after the incident, right? And there wasn’t a scratch on me.” She freezes as she thinks over what she’d just said. “I woke up just one week after a major explosion without a single scratch on me. How is that possible?” 

“I may have done quite a bit of force healing as soon as I found you.”

“You found me?”

“Of course I did. I had to find you- I had to be sure you were alive.” He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand. “Anyways, I uh, I fixed some broken bones, a punctured lung, some nasty abrasions. But as for the lack of scarring, you have my mother to thank for that. She has force healing down to an artform. By the time she was finished and you’d spent twenty hours in bacta, you were good as new.” 

“You came to find me.” She says again, all but ignoring the second half of his explanation. 

“Immediately.” She throws her arms around his shoulders, burying her face in his neck as a wave of emotion rocks through her. It was love, gratitude, a hint of surprise, but most of all it was joy. When damp spots bloom in his tunic, he doesn’t ask her why she’s crying. The bond was blown wide open, and he could positively feel just why she was crying. “Rey...of course I came to find you. I didn’t think for a second about the danger, because you’re my wife, my partner, my other half. You are my life, Rey. And you have always been worth everything to me. You alone are worth any risk I could ever take. You alone are worth three of me at least. And even if it was only you, I’d be just as protective of you as I am now.” 

“Sometimes I just...I went so long without anyone- and then you...oh Ben!” She can’t bring herself to stop the constant flow of tears that ran down her cheeks. “I knew you felt this way about the baby. Like you’d risk anything for them. But it didn’t quite hit me that...that you’d do the same for me, for only me, if I was separate from them. But of course you would, because I’d risk everything for you!”

“And you have. More than once.” He kisses her hair tenderly. 

“Can you show me?”

“Show you what, sweetheart?”

“When you found me, after the ship went down. Can you show me?”

“It’s not...it isn’t something I like to think about, Rey. But if you need to see it…” she nods against his chest before angling her face up to press her forehead to his. Slowly, the image paints itself in her head, and she gasps. Her body looks so small, so shattered, grotesque even. There’s so much blood, and she’s lying so still, even knowing what will happen can’t quite convince her that this version of her isn’t dead. And looking at the memory now, Knowing that beneath the flat and mostly unscathed skin of her belly their baby had only just started to grow, it’s an absolute miracle that they held on at all. 

Memories of Ben’s emotions start to bleed over, and she’s almost brought to her knees by the sheer intensity of them. The anguish he felt is excruciating, but it only lasts a moment before it’s traded for determination, and a small flicker of hope as he starts to heal her. She wants to shut her eyes and cover her ears as he sets bones in place, but as she sees his memory, it’s almost as if she can feel the gentle phantom touch of his hands against her skin. 

It’s nothing but his pure love for her that drives him, even as his exhaustion tinges even the edges of the memory a deep gray color. When she finally looks at him again, opening her eyes slowly, she’s on her toes and kissing him; not the heated sort of kiss that meant to lead to something more, or a mild peck. It was the sort of kiss that nearly made his chest ache with the tenderness of it, the kind of kiss that made him hyper aware of the fact that she was his home, and he would do absolutely anything to make her happy. And it was the sort of kiss that showed beyond a shadow of a doubt that she felt the same way for him.   
********************  
“It seems frivolous.” Rey laughs at the image she and Rose must make, with Rey’s feet perched up on a pillow atop of Rose’s belly as Rose applies a coat of silvery blue paint to her nails. 

“So? We’re pregnant, we have time to be a little frivolous.” Rose insists. They both glance to where their husbands are sitting with Leia, pouring over holo fumes and real paper documents and arguing over something or other. Rey and Rose had been helping until reading the fine print had given Rey an unbearable headache, and Rose had dragged her to the comfortable sofa. “Besides. I like painting someone else’s nails. Paige and I, we had this one bottle of paint, a truly awful orangey brownish red color, but every year on our birthdays, we’d paint each others toe nails. When we got to the resistance the bottle was lost, probably left behind when we were escaping our home world. And Leia kriffing Organa in the kriffing flesh gave us a little half used bottle of this pale, pale pink color, almost white really. I still don’t know how she knew, but I think Paige must have told her, because she gave it to me on my birthday...anyways, when I really miss Paige, I’ll paint my toenails, but I can’t reach them anymore. So painting yours is almost as good.” Rose smiles at he briefly before she focuses back in on Rey’s toes.

“I...I could try to paint yours if you want. I’ll probably be terrible at it, but I would try, for you.”

“Well, you got pretty good at it before, so I’m sure with a little practice you’ll be great again.” Rose smiles. “And even if they look horrible, it’s not like I can even see my toes anymore.” 

“A good point.” Rey laughs, drawing Ben’s eyes from across the room. He smiles brightly at her for one moment before he turns his focus back to the paper he’d been reading. She smiles a little secret smile to herself, and sighs as she stretches out her back as best she can. “So, any more progress on the name decision?”

“If anything we’ve had the reverse of progress! None of the names we thought we liked have stuck. I’m beginning to think searching for a name at all is a mistake and we’ll just have to see her first.” Rose sighs dramatically. “I thought maybe we’d settle on Brita, but then I thought I hated that we had to “settle” on a name just because it’s the only one we both felt indifferent about, so I took it off the table. I just want her to have a good name- the right name for her. Not just the name we disliked least.” 

“That’s fair.” Rey agrees. 

“What about yours? Have you got a name?”

“No. Honestly, I don’t think we’ve talked about it except in passing. He told me that before, I always talked about using Han, but I don’t know. I almost feel like I don’t want him to have a legacy name, you know? There was so much pressure on Ben from a young age because of his bloodline, because of his name sake- I can’t do anything about the bloodline, but the name...I think I’d like him to have one that’s just his. Nothing to live up to, no specters hanging over him.” She strokes her belly tenderly as she speaks, and she feels a little chill run up her spine. “You’re awake now, huh starlight?” She croons, and then she feels Ben’s energy curling around her like a blanket, and she knows he’d heard her thoughts loud and clear. 

“It’s a beautiful idea sweetheart.” His voice dances through her mind like the sweetest music and she sighs as she shuts her eyes. 

“You know, you guys are in the same room, you could just use your words.” Rose calls over towards the table. Ben’s answering laughter is booming and beautiful. “Kriff, I know you both too well.” Rose grins. 

“Sometimes I forget that the force bond is strange to others.” Rey shrugs. “It seems like such a natural part of me- of my life. It’s funny, because I know that even if I could remember every moment, I haven’t had this connection like this for more than four years but it’s like I can’t remember what it was like to be without it. Not to mention the novelty of actually having friends and a family all my own… it’s unbelievable.”

“Well, you better kriffing believe it, because I’m not going anywhere. None of us are.” Rose squeezes her foot gently. “We carved our own weird little family out of a group of weird, lonely people- and droids. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Okay. You’re done!” Rey moves her feet over to the little glass table in front of them and observes Rose’s handiwork with a smile. 

“Alright, what color do you want?” Rey asks as she rifles through the little bag Rose had brought. 

“Red? Or is that too sexy for someone the size of six banthas?”

“If anything it’s not sexy enough.” Rey deadpans. 

“Purple it is then.” Rose grins as they try to find a way to arrange themselves again. “We must make quite a picture, two tiny but heavily pregnant women rolling around trying to paint each others toenails.”

“You two look terrific!” Ben calls teasingly. 

“Solo is lucky he has the force, because I’m about to throw a potted plant at his head!” Rose warns, the mischievous glint in her eye not quite betraying how serious she was. 

“Well, just don’t use that one- I’m partial to it.” Rey says, nodding towards the Star-mist in the small planter. 

“But it’s the only one within reach!” Rose sighs.

“You’ll have to find something else to throw at him then.” Rey shrugs as she opens the bottle of nail lacquer and focuses in on her task. 

“That sounds like too much work. I’ll take a rain check.” Rose smirks, and raises her voice slightly to be heard by Finn. “Have you guys found anything yet?”

“Not anything of real importance. So far we’ve found three overlaps in the personnel files, but were only about a quarter of the way through them. Poe would’ve just computed them, but someone…” Finn gestures dramatically towards Ben. “Insisted that we do things “without possible electronic error or manipulation” and honestly, with the amount of hacking whoever this is seems to be capable of, Ben is probably right. If they figured out what we were doing they might scramble to change something, or go on the run.”

“Not to mention the poor track record we’ve had with droids lately.” Ben grumbles. “It’s just safer this way.”

“Don’t let B.B.-8 hear you talk about droids that way, you’d crush his little heart.” Rey calls.

“I’d point out he’s a droid and technically doesn’t have a heart, but your sentiment has been noted.” Ben sighs as he sets another file on a growing pile on the floor. “Another negative.” 

“I’ve got one- three for three departments!” Leia puts the file on the minuscule pile in the center of the table. “That’s four.” 

“Well, one hundred files down, three hundred to go.” Finn says with a slight smile. 

“We can come back to help when I’m finished here.” Rey offers as she finishes the first nail. 

“No, I don’t want you giving yourself a migraine, Rey.” Leia insists. “If the print was hurting your eyes before, it’s not going to be any better now.” 

“If it was a holofile I could’ve made the text bigger.”

“If it was a holofile, someone with security clearance could hop on the holonet and change information if they caught wind of this.” Ben replies, not looking up at her as he picks up a new file. 

“Touché.” Rey sighs as she quickly works to correct a smudge. “Sorry about that.” 

“Again, I can’t see it, so I’m sure it’s perfect.” Rose laughs. “Besides, it’s nice, like having a sister again.” 

“We are sisters, aren’t we? In our own weird little way?” Rey asks, and when she looks up she sees tears in her beautiful friends eyes. “What?”

“You...well, we used to call each other sisters, before you lost your memory. I didn’t mention it because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.” Rose waves off her concern. “It was just really nice to hear, and I’d hug you right now if I thought I could actually sit up and reach you.” 

“I’d hug you if I thought it wouldn’t ruin your nails.” Rey smiles softly. 

“Oh, screw the nails!” Rose shifts with remarkable quickness around her bulging belly, and throws her arms around Rey’s shoulders. “Oof!” 

“What? Are you alright?” Rey asks. 

“Yeah, yes, completely fine!” Rose winces. “Just a little practice contraction! They’re loads of fun, by the way, so thats something to look forward to for you!”

“Thanks so much.” Rey chuckles. “Can I get you something? Water or something?”

“No, don’t even think about getting up- you’ve got to finish my nails! How do they look, by the way?” Rey glances at them and stifles a laugh.

“That depends. How much of your toe did you want to be purple?”  
********************************  
“Twenty six over laps.” Leia confirms, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“Now what?” Finn asks as he stretches. 

“I can head back to Chandrillia. I do random work place inspections, interviews about worker satisfaction. It would take me a few days at most to meet with everyone.” Leia muses. 

“But if they’ve been adept enough to hide before…” Ben sighs. “The safest way would be to have a blood test run, check for midichlorians.” 

“It isn’t like we have those devices lying around the Capitol building Ben.” Leia huffs.

“We have two at the academy. But I suppose their function is well known, and with only two devices running the tests, the odds that the guilty party-“

“If their is a guilty party, Ben. This might all just be coincidence.” Finn says gently.

“I know that, but until we know for certain, I’m not taking any chances. Not with Rey’s life, not with our child’s life.” Ben says seriously. He glances over to where Rey and Rose lie almost curled up with their bellies pressed together, their facial expressions remarkably similar in sleep. “What I was saying is that it’s likely they’d figure out what was happening before we could get to them- especially since Rey and I are the only ones who know how to work the devices.” 

“So again, what do we do?” Finns asks. 

“I don’t know.” Ben admits, hanging his head. “I don’t know. I thought I’d feel better when we had the list, but doing a thorough force check on twenty six individuals with out anyone figuring it out…” 

“Well, here. Power of deduction.” Leia takes the list they’d written, and scratches through two of the names. “We know it couldn’t have been Finn or Rose...and Poe is out as well...that takes us down to twenty three.”

“Excellent.” Ben rolls his eyes. “Twenty three potential murderers for my wife, and no way to confirm anything.” 

“How much blood do you need in the machine to run your test?” Finn asks suddenly. 

“Not much? Just a drop.” 

“And how long does it take to create results?”

“Anywhere from five to thirty seconds. Generally, it takes longer for higher midichlorian counts, but if none are present it reports almost immediately.” Ben explains. “Not none, that is, but none above the normal amount in every living being.” 

“And is it possible to teach other people to use them?”

“Potentially. They used to operate only when held by a force user and used in correspondence with a kyber crystal. But Rey figured out how to rig it so it’s power source was B.B.-8 during our last trip to Coruscant. Less conspicuous with a droid, less dangerous than briefly disabling either of our weapons for the kyber.”

“Okay. Okay. Hear me out. We impose mandatory blood testing as part of our security proceedings for morning check in. Just a finger prick-Increased security would only make sense, given the situation lately. We have security officers running the stations, trusted officers, and they could send data back to us.” Finn suggests. 

“It isn’t a terrible idea, but with only two devices and nearly two thousand people arriving each morning at hardly staggered intervals, it would take hours.” Leia frowns. “Though in theory, so long as we get the twenty three we need, there’s no reason to do it more than once, except to prevent any guilty parties from getting jumpy.” 

“The only way we’d know for sure without arousing suspicion would be to do-“

“Ben. No.” Leia says firmly. 

“I wouldn’t have to hurt anyone. It doesn’t hurt if you don’t intend it to.” Ben says weakly. Even after discussing it with Rey, even knowing he wouldn’t have to hurt anyone, he doesn’t truly have any desire to go digging through anyone’s head ever again. It’s different with Rey, her mind like a softer extension of his own, her thoughts readily available to him, freely given. Ripping into a mind…

“Ben, I won’t have it.” Leia insists. He nods and lets out a quiet sigh of relief. 

“Could we come up with a need to update medical files? Mandatory blood work?” Finn asks.

“Not without cause.” Leia sighs.

“Like tracking down someone trying to take down the republic?” Ben huffs. 

“Yes, that would be a good reason. If we could explain that without tipping off the guilty party.” 

“So we’re back where we started.” Finn grumbles as he hangs his head in his hands and then lets out a humorless laugh. “Kriff, why didn’t I find a Friend group with normal issues? Malfunctioning droids, failing business ventures, fear of space travel or something?”

“If it’d make you feel better, Rey’s been trying to fix one of the kitchen droids that can’t tell salt from sugar- I’m sure she’d love some help with that issue too.” Ben deadpans as he lifts a brow. 

“Honestly, Rose would be better than me at helping with that. She’s so mechanically gifted.” Finn smiles as he glances at his sleeping wife curled up with her best friend. “I know we’re busy, and this is all very serious, but can we take a moment to appreciate this? This is...too cute.” 

“I’ve already taken a few holo photos to show them later.” Leia grins. “It’s very sweet, wonderful that they have each other to walk through this experience with.”

“Definitely.” Finn nods. “You know, when they wake up, they’ll probably have ideas and opinions on how to handle...this whole situation.” 

“Probably better than anything I can come up with.” Ben sighs. 

“We’ve been at this for over six hours.” Leia observes. “I think we all deserve a little reprieve. And food. I sent an order to the droids. Dinner should be just about ready.” 

“Then we should probably wake them up.” Ben says.

“Mhm. But like, maybe in five more minutes.” Finn suggests. Ben smiles as he meets Finn’s eyes. 

“Five more minutes.”

*********************************  
“You’re too good to me.” Rey smiles as Ben rubs her aching feet. 

“Impossible.” He shrugs. 

“I don’t know why I’m so sore- it’s not like I did anything today.”

“You’re carrying another human being inside of you, Rey. That’s bound to make you ache.” He soothes her with his voice as much as the little circles he rubs into the arch of her foot with his thumb. 

“At least I’m not having those...practice contractions yet.” Rey shudders. “Poor Rose was miserable. And that’s what I have to look forward to!”

“That and actually getting to hold our child.” He says gently. Her heart warms at the thought. 

“Soon, and almost not soon enough.” She nods, and looks down at him. “I was hoping we’d have this situation resolved by the time the baby got here.” 

“We still might. We have time.” He doesn’t need to add that they might not have enough time. They both know. 

“We need to observe the suspects, Ben. Or you need to.” She reaches out a hand to him, and he twines their fingers together. 

“I won’t be leaving this place without you. And I can’t take you back to Chandrila, Rey. It’s too dangerous- I’ve always known that Hux loathed me, would do anything to hurt me, to end me, but it’s clear to me now that in his mind, to settle the score between us, you have to be taken from me, so that I’ll feel the pain he felt when Phasma died. And I just...I can’t, Rey, I can’t take you back to the place where he’s already managed to hurt you this many times.”

“It’s alright. I’m okay.” She reminds him. She tugs his hand, gently urging him up to her side. When he joins her on the sofa, he wraps her tightly in his arms, her back pressed to his chest. “I know you don’t want to leave us, but Ben, what choice do we have? I know you don’t want to delve into anyone’s mind, and I hope you won’t have to, but if you could only observe them up close, each of the individual subjects, you would be able to find which, if any one of them, is using a shield. You know you could.”

“Of course I could, if I was looking at each one individually- but Rey, I can’t-“

“I’ll stay here. With Chewie, Finn, and Rose, and the security team. Even your mother if she wants to stay, though I imagine she’d want to go with you.” Rey traces soothing patterns along the sleeve of his grey tunic. “It would only take you a week at most to find the information that you need. And then you could come back to me. And we’d keep the bond open the whole time, every second. But we won’t have peace until this theory of ours can be confirmed one way or the other. So you have to go.” 

“How can you ask me to leave you?” He hisses, burying his face in the crook of her neck. The scent of her is soothing to him, a familiar balm for his broken soul. 

“I’m not asking you to leave me, Ben. Never.” She insists. “I don’t like it anymore than you do. I hate the idea of you being gone, even for a few days, but I love the idea of our son being safe. Of not always having to worry, or hide. If we can find Hux’s contact inside the government, I know that we can find Hux himself, and then...Ben, we can finally have peace.” 

“I don’t kriffing like this Rey.” 

“Do you think I do?” She snaps, and lets out a tremulous exhale. “Sorry. I...Ben, we can’t keep living like this. It’s not going to get easier once the baby comes, either. Then we’ll both just have one more thing someone can use to destroy us. That Hux could use to destroy us. And we can’t let that happen- we can’t let our child be used like that. We can’t let him be used by anyone.” 

“I know.” 

“So you’ll go back?” She asks hopefully. 

“You promised you’d stay in my sight, if that was what I needed right now. You promised.” He says, his voice a bit defeated.

“But Ben, for the good of the galaxy- no- for the good of your son, can you do this? Only for a few days?” She’s nearly begging now, but She senses his every deep rooted fear, especially the ones that stem from the thought of losing her, or losing their child, and she knows how difficult it is for him to go. “Ben, even your mother wouldn’t be able to observe them as well as you can. Your skills with the mind are exquisite, and you do know the most about shields. You could locate them twenty times faster than Leia will be able to, and much more discreetly, since you’re better at quiet tracking.” She senses tiny bursts of satisfaction at her praise. “Please?”

“I don’t like this. I really kriffing hate it, Rey. But you’re right. You usually are.” She cranes her neck to look at his face, which is set in a mask of sheer determination. “I’ll go for as long as it takes to observe the people on our list, and not a second longer.” 

“Unless…” She breathes. 

“Unless I find something. Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” He nods. “And you won’t even think about leaving-”

“I promised I’d stay here. I won’t leave unless I have to. And even then I won’t go anywhere without a trusty wookie body guard, and friends armed to the teeth, okay?” She assures him. He nods, and kisses her briefly. “This is the right thing, Ben.” 

“That doesn’t make it easier.” 

“It rarely does.” She smiles sadly. “But when we catch them-”

“If-”

“When. When we catch them, it’ll be worth it.” She insists, squeezing his hand tightly. The baby stirs under their joined hands, and she tips her head back to kiss him again. “Only a few days apart, Ben. Then we can send Poe and his people after Hux. And you and I can finally go home, and finish that room for the baby.” He kisses her shoulder reverently, his response muffled by her skin. 

“Okay. But I still don’t kriffing like any of this.” 

“When will you leave?” Her fingers trace patterns, now half across his arm, half across her belly. With every pass of her finger tips, she feels the child wriggle inside of her, awake, but only just hanging on, on the verge of slumber, and absolutely content to have both of his parents so near. She pushes down the thoughts of how Ben’s absence might affect the child, how the distance might strain the bond between them. Her little starlight would be fine for a few days- if it came to it, she’d delve deeper into the bond to communicate more effectively with him, with words he’d be able to hear more clearly. With promises that papa would be back soon. 

“The sooner I leave, the sooner I come back.” He sighs. 

“That’s true. And we would both like you back as soon as possible.” 

“If I left first thing in the morning, I’d reach the Capital by nightfall. I could start immediately. A few of the subjects on the list work nights in the hangars.” 

“But you will sleep? And generally take care of yourself?” Rey prompts. 

“I can go for days without sleeping or eating if I have to.” He shrugs. 

“But you don’t have to, Ben. You need to be at your best, and that means taking care of yourself!”

“That means finding this person before they kriffing realize that I’m tracking them!” 

“Finding them does us no good if you’re half dead when you do.” She says firmly. “I know you’ve had...extensive training for withstanding terrible conditions. For being able to push your body to the limits. But you can’t keep doing that, Ben. You’re thirty two years old, and-“

“You say that like I’m an ancient being.” He scoffs.

“No, you aren’t. But you aren’t as young as you once were. And I’m terrified of the day you push yourself too far.” She insists. “I can go for days without eating, or resting, scavenging taught me that, but you wouldn’t want me to go back to that sort of mentality just because I knew I could, would you?” 

“Of course not! But it’s different- I know how to use the force to sustain myself, to do the least amount of damage to my system. I can be safe.” Ben insists. 

“I won’t forgive you if you kriffing get yourself hurt or worse because you insist on this ridiculous pushing yourself. I’ll send Jess and Poe and BB-8 after you with with tranquilizers, I swear on the force!” She counters. His chuckle rumbles against her spine. “And they’ll kriffing listen too, because I’m pregnant, and have a brain injury and people are still afraid of upsetting me!”

“Look, I’ll take care of myself, okay? I promise I won’t let myself get sloppy.” 

“Was that so hard to agree to?” She huffs. 

“Impossible.” He murmurs against her shoulder. “Absolutely impossible.” 

“Now who’s being dramatic?” She caresses his cheek softly. “You know, it won’t be so bad. It won’t be so long either.” She kisses him then, his lips soft and gentle against hers. “You know...if you’re going to leave first thing in the morning Ben, you should probably get to bed.” 

“Only if you come with me.” His lips trail across her shoulders, the back of her neck. She shivers. “Hm?”

“Mmm, I meant you should get some sleep, love.” She whispers tremulously as his hand inches up under the tunic she’d stolen from him to sleep in. “Then again…”

“Hm?” He pulls the hem of the shirt up, exposing her belly. “If you’re not in the mood-“

“Bed. Now.” She insists. 

“Yes?” He asks hopefully. 

“Maker, yes.” He gets up and pulls her to her feet. No sooner is she upright than his lips are on hers, and her hands are buried in his hair. His arms wrap under her thighs, scooping her up against him, her belly pressed to his chest. “Mm- careful! I’m not as light as I used to be!” 

“You’re still not exactly heavy, sweetheart.” He laughs as he carries her towards the bed. 

“Kriff you’re so strong.” She smirks.

“Does that do something for you?” He asks, quirking his brow. 

“Most everything about you “does something” for me.” She punctuates this sentiment with a kiss. “Every. Little. Thing.”

“Little?” He scoffs.

“What’s so- oh! Ben! You know that’s not what I meant!” She gasps as he lays her back on the mattress, and starts peeling off her shorts. “You’re not little, Ben. I don’t think there’s a humanoid in the galaxy who could compare to you.” 

“Kriff, Rey.” He groans into the crease of her knee as his lips begin a trail upward. She tangles her fingers in his dark hair, though she can no longer see his head over her bulging belly. But she can feel his every breath, every minuscule quiver of his lips, every lap of his tongue against her, and her back tries to arch beneath the added weight. When she comes, it’s long and drawn out, a pleasant wave that rolls up and down her body in an endless loop, her toes and fingers curling into the sheets below her. He leans back on his knees, gazing at her with a satisfied smirk while she catches her breath. “Good?” He asks, quirking his brow. She sits up slowly, and, with a bit of help from the force and Ben’s cooperation, she knocks him on his back as she crawls over him. 

“Very.” She rocks her hips against him, feeling him bucking up to meet her. She leans down, and he sits up just enough to kiss her. He kisses her and kisses her, and doesn’t stop even as she takes him in hand to guide him inside. He lets out a broken sort of moan as she sets her pace, slow and even, and not nearly enough for either of them, but long lasting and deep- she wants him for as long as possible tonight. Wants to keep him and feel him even while he’s on another planet. 

“I love you.” He breathes as he reaches up to cup her breasts in his hands, the simple gesture almost enough to throw her over the edge again with how sensitive they are. She whimpers as his lips find her neck, his long, broad torso curled around her belly to reach her. When the weight of her belly becomes too much for her to maneuver for much longer, he lays her on her back, keeping to his knees as he works himself into her, hitting the perfect spot with every cant of his hips. She tumbles over the edge with a silent scream of pleasure that she thinks takes the shape of his name. He follows her just a minute later, quickly taking his place by her side and pulling her into his arms to kiss her and hold her close. 

“I love you too.” She tells him after a moment, a far delayed response to his earlier words. “I love you very, very much. And I’m proud of you too. Of the man you are, the husband, the father you will be.” She kisses his chest, and twines their fingers together. “I’m amazed by how good you are with the children at the academy, by how much they love you.” He drops a kiss to her hair. “You’ll find them, Ben. The one who is doing this to us. I know you will. And we’ll make the galaxy safe again. For our son, and Rose and Finns daughter, for every child.”

“Yes.” His voice is thick with emotion, even unshed tears, she thinks, though she doesn’t ask. “I have no idea how I’m going to fly away from you tomorrow.”

“It’ll be okay, Ben. I feel it. I feel it in the force- I feel it in every cell of my body.” She squeezes his hand as she settles her body comfortably against him. He pulls a blanket over their cooling skin, and makes sure it’s tucked securely around her. “And I’m not afraid of you going. I know that you would never abandon me. Not the way I’ve been abandoned before.”

“Never. Only death could take me from you.” He insists. “And even then, I’d never leave you. I’ll be by your side in this life and the next.” 

“In this life and the next.” She repeats his words like a faithful vow, and tips her chin up to kiss him.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“There there, little sunshine. He’ll be home before you know it.” He warbles softly. “And I’ll protect you, and your cub. Nothing will hurt you. Not while I am watching.” 
> 
> “I know Chewie, I know, and thank you.” She manages through her sobs. “I don’t know why I’m crying- this was m- my kriffing id- idea!” 
> 
> “Human cubs are tear makers for their mothers. Princess cried many times when her cub was in her belly.” Chewie says logically. “Come, lets go home, sunshine. Rose had the kitchen droids make your favorite things.” Rey nods and finally releases her grip on him, but he offers her his arm, bending down slightly to make it easier for her, and takes short steps to walk along side of her. 
> 
> “You know, Chewie, I think you’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a father.” She observes, still sniffling. 
> 
> “It would be a great honor to have a girl cub like you.”"
> 
> Ben heads to Chandrila, and Finn, Rose, and Chewie do their best to distract Rey from missing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Again! Another chapter for you! 
> 
> Warning, the next chapter is when (For lack of a better term) the pain train is going to arrive, so real soak up this fluff, because the next couple chapters are going to be a lot of angst!

They’re both in a solemn mood as they dress in the early morning light. He glances at her over his shoulder, coming to help her braid her hair out of her eyes. 

“I won’t be able to have the bond open the whole time.” He says softly as his fingers take in the silky strands of her hair. 

“But why-“

“If I’m trying to discreetly track a force sensitive being, I’ll need to put up enough of a shield to be inconspicuous. And when it comes to the bond, Rey, it’s too powerful. Like a third lifeform between us, if I leave it open, freely, anyone with any amount of training in the force will be able to sense me in their proximity.” 

“O-of course. I hadn’t thought of that.” She frowns as he twines the cord around the end of the braid and placed soothing kisses on her throat. 

“I’ll check in with you every chance I get.” He promises. “And I’ll be thinking of you and our baby every moment.”

“Right.”

“You asked me to do this.” His voice becomes increasingly desperate as she remains quiet. “I can still stay here, I don’t have to leave.”

“No, you do! You’re the best chance!” She turns and takes his face in her hands. “You’re the one who will be able to put this theory about the force to rest once and for all. You have to do this!”

“Okay. Okay.” He sighs, taking her hands in his own and lowering them to his chest. “I’ll close the bond, but if you need me, for anything, you break that kriffing wall down, right?”

“Don’t doubt it.” She smiles up at him. 

“Good.” He kisses her tenderly, and keeps one of her hands in his as they walk out the door towards the unmarked ship Leia had arrived in. 

“Morning kids. You ready son?” Leia asks. He nods stoically and greets his Uncle Chewie.

“Please take care of her while I’m gone. Please.” Ben asks lowly as the Wookie embraces him. 

“Little sunshine hardly needs someone to look after her, she’s strong.” He responds. “But I will guard her with my life.”

“Thank you.” Ben claps him on the shoulder and then turns to where Rey stands, just pulling out of his mothers embrace. He tugs her into his arms and kisses her forehead. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Yeah.” She nods, and tips her face up to kiss him, lingering perhaps too long for a kiss in front of his mother and uncle, but Kriff if she cares. She only pulls back when her chest aches from lack of air, and he kisses her softly twice more, his hand lingering on the curve of her belly. 

“I love you. Both of you.” He assures her, and she grins at him. 

“We love you too. More than anything.” She promises, and he kisses her briefly just one more time before he releases her and heads up the ramp. He doesn’t look back, and she doesn’t blame him. She’s half tempted to follow after him, and she knows he feels the pull to return to her. Leia gives both of them a smile before she follows up the ramp, and Chewie tugs Rey back, out of the blast zone for the ships launch sequence. 

Somehow, she manages not to cry until after he’s broken atmosphere, and she can’t even see the outline of his unmarked ship. She lets out a breath that she’s been holding far too long, and Chewie lays a giant, furry hand on her shoulder. She knows she should be strong for Ben, because the bond is wide open, and it had been so hard for him to leave, but she can’t help the way she bursts into tears and flings herself at her constant Wookie companion. His embrace is warm, fatherly, comforting in an entirely different way than Ben’s arms. 

“There there, little sunshine. He’ll be home before you know it.” He warbles softly. “And I’ll protect you, and your cub. Nothing will hurt you. Not while I am watching.” 

“I know Chewie, I know, and thank you.” She manages through her sobs. “I don’t know why I’m crying- this was m- my kriffing id- idea!” 

“Human cubs are tear makers for their mothers. Princess cried many times when her cub was in her belly.” Chewie says logically. “Come, lets go home, sunshine. Rose had the kitchen droids make your favorite things.” Rey nods and finally releases her grip on him, but he offers her his arm, bending down slightly to make it easier for her, and takes short steps to walk along side of her. 

“You know, Chewie, I think you’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a father.” She observes, still sniffling. 

“It would be a great honor to have a girl cub like you.” He replies, sounding almost choked up. “You and little Ben are in my heart, always. Just like princess, and...and friend.”

“Oh Chewie.” Rey frowns. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Boy and I have made our peace.” Chewie declares with a quiet roar and shake of his furry head. “Friend wouldn’t want me to hold grudge against his cub. Friend would be proud to see his cub now, being all he was meant to be with you. I have no more anger, only sadness sometimes.”

“I know what you mean.” Rey nods as they walk up the shallow steps to the lake house. “Sometimes, I’m very sad too- it still feels very recent to me, Starkiller. I know logically that years have passed, and I love Ben, with all that I am, but sometimes I feel a wave of sorrow when it all comes back to me.”

“You will have the time to heal from it again. Sunshine will have a long, long life if I have any say.” He leans down to press his forehead against hers briefly, and she closes her eyes and nods. “It is okay to feel sadness, little one. War leaves no heart whole.” 

“There you are!” Rose calls as they enter the sitting room. Finn sits at her side, looking at Rey with a worried expression. “Im having a feast made for us! We’ve got poached shuura and cream, hubba bread, nuna legs, honey crust, potato stix-“

“You went all out!” Rey laughs breathily. 

“I’ve only got a few more months to take advantage of this baby as license to eat!” Rose grins as she pats her belly affectionately. “And Leia told me you still aren’t up to the weight the medics want you at. So, we’re going to spoil ourselves. Besides, nothing will go to waste, we have Chewie here!”

“All good points.” Rey nods as she lowers herself into one of the comfortable chairs. She briefly tugs on her end of the bond, and feels a wave of calm and reassurance wash over her in response. She exhales slowly, and sends him her love, her faith in him, her trust. His pride in her emotion is warm like the sun, and it radiates from her soul throughout every inch of her body. 

“Besides, I want this baby to come out really cute and chubby!” Finn teases Rose gently, and she shoves him playfully. 

“Oh please, Paige used to tell me I was the chubbiest baby our village had ever seen. I’m sure she’ll take after me.” 

“I hope she looks just like you.” Finn says seriously, pressing his lips to her ear to whisper something to her. Rose grins and kisses his cheek. 

“Well I hope she has your complexion. Imagine that skin with my silky locks- unstoppable!” Rose declares. “Though really, we should all assume Ben’s kid is going to have the best hair.”

“That’s true. For all of the strife being of the Skywalker blood causes, they do have the good hair.” Rey smiles. “And the prettiest eyes.”

“Did you just call Ben’s eyes pretty?” Finn gapes at her.

“He’s my husband, of course I think he has pretty eyes.” 

“I’m sorry- it’s just funny to think of any part of that...behemoth of a man being described as “pretty”!” Finn laughs. 

“I think your eyes are pretty.” Rose points out. 

“Yeah but I’m not- you know- never mind.” Finn laughs again. “It’s fine. I’m sure Ben has...very pretty eyes.” 

“Okay, weirdo.” Rey rolls her eyes, but cant keep the affectionate smile off of her lips. She’s glad beyond measure that if Ben can’t be here, at least she has Finn and Rose and Chewie to keep her sane. 

“Ben and Leia made it off okay?” Rose asks softly. Rey gives a small nod and looks down at her fingers. “Good. The sooner they’re off, the sooner they’ll be back.” 

“Right. Thats what we were saying.” Rey smiles. “I just…”

“Miss him?” Rose smiles sympathetically. “It’s okay. Soon we can drown our sorrows in ice cream. And hubba bread.” 

“I can’t wait.” Rey grins at her friend’s enthusiasm.

“Man, having a tiny fleet of kitchen droids is so nice! Makes me think we should get some for our house.” Rose nudges Finn with her elbow. “Huh?”

“I thought we both liked cooking for each other.” He points out. 

“We do, but neither of us can make twenty four different dishes for a mid morning feast.” Rose points out with a shrug. 

“Twenty four?!” Rey laughs. 

“I told you, I went all out. It’s not like it’s just breakfast or lunch, we can snack all day!” Rose explains. 

“That does sound nice.” Rey admits with a smile. 

“Doesn’t it?” Rose beams even bigger. “And no, we don’t need kitchen droids Finn, I’m happy with our little cleaning droid. I do like cooking- it’s hard enough to share my kitchen with you when you want to cook!” 

“I knew it.” Finn smiles at her. “You’re stubborn, and predictable.” 

“Hey now, that’s the mother of your child you’re insulting!” Rose gasps with mock hurt as she turns to look at Rey. “Can you believe what I put up with? Why did I agree to marry this dummy in the first place?” 

“Because you love him?” Rey suggests with a knowing smile. 

“Ohhh- that’s right. How stupid of me.” Rose sighs. “I guess I can put up with him then.” 

“Maker, I hope so!” Finn chuckles. Just then, Rose’s holo pings and she gestures for Finn to help her to her feet. “What? What is it?” 

“Nothing! Our food is being laid out! What are you waiting for, help Rey up!” Rose insists as she starts to waddle across the room. Finn offers Rey his hand, and pulls her up out of the chair in one fluid motion. 

“She has a lot of energy.” Rey observes as they follow after her. 

“You have no idea. You should see our house back home, she’s really started nesting. Hard.” Finn says so seriously that Rey can’t help but laugh at his expression. “She’s like a firecracker all the time now, unless she’s sleeping. Then she really crashes.” 

“Hard?” 

“So hard.” Finn smiles. “I’m glad you’re doing so much better Peanut. I was worried there for a while.” 

“I’ll bet.” She frowns suddenly, and punches him in the shoulder, albeit far more gently than she’s capable of. 

“Um, Ow?!” He gapes at her, more surprised than hurt. 

“That’s for sidestepping all of my questions when I first woke up!” 

“What? They told us not to tell you anything! I don’t see you punching Rose or Ben!” 

“Well she probably should! I told you all it was stupid not to tell her from the get go, didn’t I?” Rose calls over her shoulder. “You can punch me after I give birth.” 

“I think giving birth will be physical punishment enough.” Rey calls back, and Rose tips her head back as she laughs. “And as for Ben, I’ll be sure to sock him in the shoulder when he gets back. And Poe and Jess too I guess.” 

“So violent.” Finn shakes his head, his face a mask of disapproval. 

“Sorry?” Rey tries, and his mask slips, revealing a grin. “Nerf herder- I thought you were really mad at me!” 

“I can’t stay mad at you peanut. Besides, you’re kind of right. As your best friend, I probably could’ve been...a little more helpful.”

“Make that A lot more helpful.” 

“Fair enough.” 

“As much as i love you both, I will not wait for you to start eating!” Rose calls from where she’s just entered the dining room. 

“We’re coming!” Rey laughs, giving Finn a quick one arm hug before she heads after Rose.   
*****************************************************  
She’s just pulling on one of Ben’s shirts, a navy colored long sleeve, to sleep in when she feels the tingling. Like tugging on the bond, only it’s stronger than that- it’s all encompassing- it’s… She shuts her eyes and breathes it in and then-

“Rey?” She nearly jumps out of her skin as she turns to face his voice.

“Ben- but how are you- what is...Oh- the bond.” She blinks rapidly, as if it might clear him from her sight. “You did say that sometimes, we’d appear to each other, almost as if in the flesh.” 

“I’m sorry I startled you. Even after all of the times we’ve appeared to each other like this in the past, we still aren’t sure of the exact nature of it. Sometimes we can summon each other, sometimes the force is stubborn.” He explains, his palms up in a gesture of peace. 

“No, it’s alright. I don’t mind.” She steps forward hesitantly, and puts her hands on his chest, gasping as she collides with solid muscle and the warmth of his skin. “Oh Ben!” He wraps her in his arms, and she breathes him in. His scent is a bit muffled like this, as if he’s too far away, muted by scents she can’t possibly place because she isnt there with him, but he still smells like home. Like he’s hers. “Where are you?” 

“About fifty four minutes out from dropping out of lightspeed above Chandrila.” He smooths his hands up and down her spine and drops kisses to her hairline as if he knows exactly what she craves from him. 

Simple comfort, Human contact from the other half of her soul. 

“I was just getting ready for bed.” 

“I thought as much, since you put on one of my shirts.” She hears the smile in his voice and her cheeks heat up just a little. “You should keep it. It looks good on you.” 

“Mm, but then it wouldn’t smell like you, and that’s half of it’s temptation.” She protests. 

“You mention that a lot, since the incident. The way I smell.” He observes. 

“I guess I have?” She prompts as she glances up at him. 

“I read some things, when you first woke up and you couldn’t remember. I read a lot of things about amnesia and head injuries, and some of the things I found said that scent and memory were connected. I wonder if that’s why you find it so appealing, if somewhere in your mind, it triggers memories of us. Of me.” 

“I suppose that’s possible.” She muses. “I do often find myself thinking that you smell like home. The theory has merit.” 

“I thought so.” He kisses her forehead. “You should be in bed. I can see the bags under your eyes.” 

“I probably didn’t get enough sleep last night. Surprise surprise.” She smirks at him. “And I meant to take a nap today, but Rose managed to keep us busy the whole time. Twenty four different dishes of my favorite foods from before- and Ben, they were all so good! I’m so full I don’t think I’ll ever want to eat another bite!” 

“Never?”

“Well, probably tomorrow. You know I never turn down food.” She yawns. 

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He says, his deep voice soft and sweet like a lullabye. When she nods, he scoops her up in his arms. “You’ll have to guide me- we’re in a very cramped galley where I am.” 

“We’re at our closet door- the bed is just this way.” She points to the center of the room, and he takes careful, tiny steps to get her there. “Again, I could’ve walked. It probably would’ve been prudent, since apparently we go disappearing on each other all the time.” 

“Don’t worry, we’re better at controlling it now than we were. I think I can get you to our bed.” He assures her, and he does, after several moments of awkward shuffling steps. “It feels wrong to lay you here.” 

“Why? What’s here where you are?” 

“A table that I’m relatively sure hasn’t been cleaned since the first rebellion. Not to mention it’s tiny.” He grimaces as he lays her down in silky sheets, and kneels by her side. “Did I get you there?” She burrows under the blankets in response, and he smiles as he adjusts them around her. 

“Can you see the blankets?” She asks, propping herself up on her elbow. 

“We usually can see what the other is touching. I can see your blankets, the pillow your elbow is on...I can’t see the bed though, which is making for a very odd picture.” Ben explains with a shrug. “I don’t know why we see what or how we see it. We’ve figured out how to pass things back and forth like this, how to summon it to a degree, or snap it shut, but the rest is still a mystery.” 

“Well, I’m not complaining. This is nice.” She takes his hand in hers and kisses his knuckles tenderly. “I know you’ve been gone less than a day, but I miss you.” He groans softly, his head dropping to rest on the blanket beside her. 

“I didn’t want to go.” 

“I know, I know.” She strokes his hair with her free hand. “I didn’t want it either, but we can’t dwell on that. We have to focus on the good. You’re doing something useful, I’m safe, little starlight has been moving around all day, strong and bright and healthy. This will all be okay, Ben.” 

“He moved a lot today?” 

“So much! He’s only just settled down. I think maybe he’s finally adjusting to my sleep schedule- he seems much more in tune with my needs and emotions than other babies in the womb. Rose’s daughter keeps her up all night with kicking, drives Rose a little crazy. She said it’s because she’s starting her rebellious phase early.” Rey smiles. “But our little man, he’s happy as can be in there- and I really think he listens when we mention things to him.” 

“I wouldn’t be at all surprised. Extraordinary, like his mother.” 

“Like his father.” She yawns again. 

“You should really sleep sweetheart.” 

“I don’t want to shut my eyes.” She pouts. “I don’t want to stop looking at you.” 

“It’s okay. I’ll stay until you’re sleeping- or the bond closes.” He assures her. “I can talk to you, if you want. You used to like that, when you couldn’t sleep. You said it was soothing.” his cheeks and his ears tinge pink. 

“I’d like that very much.” She nods, and settles a little more comfortably into her pillows. She keeps their fingers twined together, and he gently brushes his fingers through her hair as he speaks. He tells her about everything and nothing, his voice soft and low through it all. He shares a few happy memories of his childhood, ones that she’s sure he’d told her before but were lost along with so many other things in her mind. He tells her about days that they’ve spent together, when she discovered natural hot springs on one planet, and rolling in the snow on another, dragging him into her absolute joy wherever they went. She falls asleep sometime in the middle of a story about the younger kids at the academy attempting to jump out to frighten her, not remembering that she could sense them through the force if they didn’t shield themselves.

“Goodnight sweetheart.” He murmurs when he’s certain she’s asleep. He presses his lips to her forehead, and then just stays kneeling at his post by her side, watching the rise and fall of her chest, the subtle movement of her stomach as their son repositions himself in slumber. To him, she was the epitome of beautiful, and he could stare at her forever. Or until the bond flutters closed about five minutes later. He sighs and picks himself up off of the floor, finding the cup of caf he’d been preparing when the bond had opened now more cold than hot. He sips it anyways; cold or hot, he figures it will serve it’s purpose. He’d managed to catch a few hours of sleep earlier, but he needed to be at his most alert when they landed in...twenty seven minutes. He wanders back towards the cockpit, finding his mother looking at the stars. 

“Where have you been?” She asks, not looking over at him. 

“The bond opened. Rey couldn’t sleep.” He explains as he sinks into his seat. 

“I thought I heard you talking.” She nods. “She get to sleep okay?”

“She did.” He sips his still rapidly cooling caf. 

“I still don’t know how she convinced you to do this.” 

“She’s stubborn.” 

“And you’re not?” 

“No, I am.”

“But you’d do anything for that girl because you’re wrapped around her little finger.” HIs mother teases him, her voice more fond than anything. “There are worse things in the galaxy than that though. She’s a good one.” 

“She’s the best one.” Ben scoffs. “And I’d do anything to protect her, especially if she gives me her blessing. I have to keep reminding myself that this isn’t like when I wanted to leave, before we knew about the baby. I’m not running from her, even if it was to protect her. If anything, I’m trying to come running back to her, as quickly as possible.” 

“And with her blessing.” 

“Right.” Ben nods, taking a bigger swig of the caf, hoping to get it all down before it’s truly ice cold. “I’ll have to be quick and precise about this, but it could take hours a person to be really certain. An effective shield can be difficult to decipher, but I know how.” 

“Well, I’ve already uploaded the list here.” She hands him a small holo, perhaps the size of his thumb, with a screen just large enough to display one name. “It’s in the order I think it’ll be most prudent for you to search them out. Organized by shifts and all that. It takes a second, but once you select the name, their projected location will pop up as well- And don’t worry, it’s secure, not hooked to any holosite or other holo devices. It’s essentially a notepad with a self destruct device if needed.” 

“Thank you.” Ben says genuinely as he tucks the device into his vest pocket. “I’ll try to keep you posted as I go.” 

“Just make sure you’re eating and sleeping at regular intervals, Alright?” She lays her hand on his shoulder. 

“Did Rey talk to you?”

“Maybe. But I also just know how you get, son. You focus in on the task at hand until the rest of the world melts away. It’s actually impressive, the amount of focus you’re capable of giving, but that being said, if you aren’t taking care of yourself Rey will have your head, then the rest of ours for good measure.”

“You’re probably right.” He smirks, and downs the rest of his caf in one gulp. “I’ll take breaks and get food when I can. I just need this to be done. I need to get back to her.”

“I know, Son. And you will, soon.” She smiles out at the stars as she folds her hands in her lap. “I don’t know why, but for the first time, I think I have a good feeling about this.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“What you will see is meant to break you. To defeat you. But everything is not what it seems, Ben.” Anakin’s shoulders curl a bit as a weight from his past pushes him down. “Do you remember the true story of what happened to your grandmother?” Ben swallows nervously as he nods. “I was blinded by darkness. By hate. I listened to the voices that told me she betrayed me, when she hadn’t. When I loved her more than my own life. I went out of my mind with jealousy, and I made the biggest mistake of them all.”
> 
> “But you didn’t kill her, not with your own hands.” 
> 
> “No, she might not have died when I strangled her with the force, but it was too much for her to bear. My betrayal of her, of those that we loved, the physical trauma that brought on her labor, the labor itself...it was too much for her gentle heart, and she couldn’t survive it.” Anakin chokes. “Don’t make the same mistakes that I did. No matter how...compelling the evidence.” 
> 
> “Does the force dictate that you have to be this kriffing cryptic?”
> 
> “You have all of the pieces you need to solve the puzzle, Ben. You will figure it out.” Anakin smiles sadly. “Listen to the force. Listen to what it tells you is true.”"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone- I'm very nervous to post this chapter, but it is VERY plot important! Just remember, Like a wise force ghost will tell our hero "Everything is not as it seems", and hold on tight for the next chapter!

In two days, Ben has crossed six people off of their list. Six down, seventeen to go. At this rate, he was going to be gone for at least a week, and the thought of that didn’t sit well with Rey. She hated the way the bond felt when he had his walls up, and it was almost as if she was physically cold from the lack of his presence. 

Since she’d woken up five and a half months ago, the bond had never been closed on his side. On hers, yes, but never on his. His constant presence had been a guarantee, dependable, soothing, and now that she was without it for most of the day, barring a quick check in after he crossed a name off of their list, was disorienting to say the least. 

“Well, at least I’m not alone, hm starlight?” She murmurs affectionately to her bare stomach. In the warm bath she’s drawn for herself, she can see her stomach rolling with the baby’s movements, and it warms away a bit of the chill inside her heart. “You’re so strong, aren’t you little one? Just like your papa, huh?” A warm flutter of joy runs through her, a slight showing of the baby’s emotions. “Mama loves you so much little starlight- never ever doubt that.”

She sinks down until only her nose up hovers above the water, letting herself get lost in the feel of it. It soothes the minor aches and pains that pregnancy has wrought in her joints. Aches that Ben would dutifully rub away if he was here with her now. Though, if he were here, there were...other, more delectable things she’d like to be doing with him.

True, from the first moment she’d laid eyes on his face, cold durasteel to her back and all, something strange had twisted in her stomach. She’d told herself it was fear- it had to be fear of this monster in a mask. But he’d removed it, and she knew he was just a man- a very large, broad, tall, powerful man- and the twisting in her belly seemed to give way to strange warmth like she’d never known before. She’d forced those feelings down, and as she’d boarded the Millennium Falcon to find Luke Skywalker, her fury had done well chasing out any warmth, leaving ice in her veins. 

She wishes she could remember the moment that she stopped trying to push down her desire- the moment that she knew she wanted to be with him. What had his face looked like when she’d agreed to be his wife? Had he smiled that little lopsided grin that made her pulse race? And the real first time they’d made love, just after their wedding in his command shuttle, he’d told her- had it felt nearly as all consuming and beautiful as the moment they’d finally come together here, on Naboo? She feels like she knows the answer to that question. 

Of course it had been beautiful. Had been everything. It was with Ben, the other half of her soul, the man who knew her thoughts before she thought them. Who’s fingers could play her body like a master musician at his instrument. Surely there had been a learning curve, but everything she knew of her husband showed that he was a quick study. 

“Annika Rauleigh, no sign of force sensitivity, no strange absences of the force that indicates shielding. Negative.” Ben’s voice and presence fills her so completely that even the bathwater feels cold compared to the warmth inside of her. She sits up straighter, and breathes a sigh of contentment. 

“Seven down, sixteen to go.” She whispers into the air around her. “I love you.”

“I love you.” His voice is a low purr, and she shivers. “I’m going to catch an hour or so of sleep before the next candidate returns from his break.”

“Good, glad to hear you’re not completely disregarding my orders to care for yourself.” She smiles as she feels the rumble of his laughter roll through her. “I miss you, but I’m proud of you, and I love you.” 

“I miss you too. Is starlight well?”

“He’s perfect. I’m just in the bath- don’t worry, it’s warm, not hot, and Chewie is standing guard outside the main entrance to our rooms.” She assures him. 

“You’re in the bath?” Kriff, even in her mind his voice gets thicker. “Now I really regret leaving.”

“We can take a bath together when you come home.” She promises, and her cheeks are pink from more than just the warmth of the room. “We’ll make a huge mess of water.”

“I can’t wait.” Her shoulders slump forward with the weight of his sigh. “I should go. I can’t keep the bond open this long- someone might figure out I’m here, and I’ve been working very hard to keep to the shadows...I love you both.” 

“We love you.” She presses her love across the invisible thread that binds them. His own love washes over her for a moment before the bond is suddenly cold again, and she gasps from the shock of it. THe bath is no longer appealing after that; she climbs out, dries herself with a fluffy towel, and dresses in her favorite clothing. Stretchy leggings, and one of Ben’s sweaters. Even with the swell of her belly (Which she swears grows more massive by the day) there’s plenty of room in the garment as it hangs off of one of her shoulders, and nearly to her midthigh. She rolls the sleeves up just enough to have access to her hands, and briefly buries her face in the soft fabric, enveloping her senses in everything Ben. “Maker, we miss you.” She says aloud, but this time her words go nowhere. Ben can’t hear them. She’s alone. “Stop that! You’re not alone. Not here, not with Starlight, and Chewie out the door, and Rose and Finn too. He only left because you made him go. He’s coming back. You know he’s coming back.” 

She opens the fresher door, and instantly is struck with an odd feeling. The room seems undisturbed, but she can’t shake the feeling that something is off. That there’s a presence that hadn’t been there before, and the wrongness of it threatens to choke her. 

“Chewie?” She calls, and the bedroom door opens. The wookie pokes his head in, and looks at her curiously. “Did someone come in here?” 

“No one came past me, Sunshine.” He roars. “Why?” 

“Something feels...off.” She frowns, her brows knitting together. She walks to the windows, and finds them all still locked and sealed, not only with ornate golden hooks, but a droid based security line Ben had had installed when they did renovations. He’d explained that to her before he’d gone, to ease her mind. It doesn’t. She walks cautiously over to the door to Ben’s room- the one he never used- and pushes it open with the force, half expecting a figure to be lurking inside. But the room is empty, almost dusty from it’s lack of use. Not a thing disturbed. 

“Are you alright?” Chewie asks softly. 

“I...I must just be on edge, because Ben is gone.” She swallows and shakes her head as if to clear it. “You were at the door, the windows are secure, the room is empty. I- I’m sure it’s fine.” 

“Do you want to sleep before dinner? Clear your head?” The wookie suggests gently. “I’ll stand guard while you sleep.” 

“Oh Chewie, that isn’t fair to you.” She insists.

“I promised little Ben. It is my honor to protect Sunshine and her cub.” 

“I could use a bit of rest, I guess.” She sighs. “But you’ve been guarding the door for nearly an hour-”

“There are worse ways to spend a day.” The wookie chuckles. “Just rest, Little one. For yourself, and for the cub.” She flings her arms around him, and he pats her head gently. 

“Thank you Chewie.” She breathes, and he hums his reply before he exits the room again to take his post outside of her door. She does feel more at ease, knowing that the powerful Wookie Warrior is standing sentry just a few yards away from her bed. That someone would have to get past him to get to her- and well, she almost pitied anyone who tried to get past him. 

Of course she’d feel much more at ease if Ben were here. He’d feel it through the force too, she was certain of that. The slight dischord that echoed around the space. Something wasn’t quite right. But her little Starlight was fine, wriggling happily in her womb, sending the odd tremor of contentment through the little bond they’d forged. And she was fine, feeling better than she had since she’d woken up months ago. No, the feeling was coming from the room around her. She shakes her head, messily braids back her damp hair, though she knows it’ll nowhere near as neat as Ben’s handiwork, and makes her way to the bed to rest. She’s just about to slip beneath the covers when she sees it-

A tiny, silvery disk, no bigger than her palm with a small holo screen in the center and a communicator along the edge. 

It certainly hadn’t been there this morning when she’d gotten up. And she hadn’t seen it when she’d sat on her bed to remove her shoes before her bath. 

So where the kriff did it come from? She reaches out to probe it gently with the force, turning it over, searching for evidence of some sort of explosive device. Hesitantly, she flings it across the room, but it lands on the floor with a clatter, and no sign of any further weaponizing. Slowly, she lifts it up again, drawing it through the air and into her palm. The heat of her hand seems to trigger it, and it begins to hum softly, a tiny blue light flickering on. 

“Rey? Rey, is this you? Are you safe? Rey?!” The voice is distinctly male, and vaguely familiar, though she can’t quite place it. She doesn't respond, just stares at the holo, willing the voice to speak again. “Please, I programmed it to respond to your body chemistry, it has to be you.” 

“Who is this?” She asks as her heart starts to hammer. There’s the sound of a sharp sigh on the other end of the communication. 

“You still don’t remember me, do you?” He asks, his voice weary. 

“Still don’t...No, I’m sorry, I have no idea who you are.” Her lips curl into a frown as she tries to place the voice, but finds her mind coming up empty. 

“You just vanished from Chandrila. I was worried about you.” 

“Well, it seems you’ve found me.” She says warily. 

“I followed General Organa’s flight trajectory. It was simple. Your…Husband...might have been careful to cover his tracks, but then had his mother come for a visit. As if using an old fleet vehicle owned by the Republic would disguise her. The Skywalkers think they’re a lot more clever than they are.” He laughs, and Rey feels hot anger pool in her belly. She noticed the amount of pure disdain in his voice when he’d mentioned Ben, and it didn’t sit well with her. “Getting the holo into your room was easy.” As he speaks, a tiny set of robotic legs pop from the smooth sides of the disk. “As easy as hiding on the tray the kitchen droids brought to your room when you were feeling sick this morning. How do you feel now? Are you alright?” 

“That’s none of your concern.” She snaps. “Look, I don’t know who you are, or how I know you, but I do know that if you were important to me, I would’ve already had a reintroduction. You wouldn’t have to resort to spy or bounty hunter tricks to reach me.” 

“Oh, but we have been reintroduced, Myo Kwee-Kunee.” 

“What? I’m not your- who is this?” Rey sputters. 

“But you are, Kwee-Kunee. My sweet queen.” He chuckles fondly. All too fondly for Rey’s liking. 

“I don’t know who this is, but this isn’t funny. I’m leaving.” 

“Rey, no! You have to remember me! You have to!” He begs. 

“I don’t!” She hisses. 

“Then maybe this will jog your memory.” A holo projection flicker to life, momentarily blinding her in the darkness. As her eyes begin to focus, she wishes she hadn’t looked, because the scene before her is...obscene. The first thing she zeros in on is the man’s face, contorted in what she assumes is pleasure, and again, he’s vaguely familiar, as if she’d seen him around but never asked his name. She’s about to smash the holo to bits while she throws every single colorful huttese expletive she knows at him when the woman sitting astride him tips her head back with a low moan, her hair tumbling out of the way to reveal a scar on her upper arm- 

The device slips out of her fingers and bounces on the carpet at her feet. She wants to destroy it, pretend she’d never laid eyes on it at all. Crumple it with the force as easily as if it were a piece of paper. But she has to look again. She summons it back into her palm, the holofilm wavering with the motion of it’s flight. She looks again, and the figures shift, the woman gets on her hands and knees-

A choked sob escapes her chest. 

“Remember me now, Kwee-Kunee?” The voice asks, almost smug. “I’d be happy to give you a reminder in person.” 

“E chu ta!!” She snarls, but the hot tears keep trailing down her cheeks. 

“Tsk tsk Kwee-Kunee. Is that any way to talk to your lover?” She closes her eyes, unable to watch another second of this phantom her with this...this stranger. 

“You aren’t my lover!” 

“So you still don’t remember. I so hoped you would. I’ve missed you. My bed has been lonely for months.” He purrs. “I was waiting, hoping you’d remember on your own, but I got so impatient, Rey. So impatient.” 

“This isn’t real. This isn’t real.” She repeats to herself, trying to convince herself it’s only a dream. That when she wakes in a cold sweat, none of this will have happened. Ben will probably be there with her, stroking her hair from her forehead and whispering words of love. 

“It’s very, very real precious.” He assures her. “It’s been real for years. Almost since you came back from Luke Skywalker’s island. You’ve played your part well over the years, convincing that monster that you love him, cutting off his hands by getting him to destroy his own fleet, leeching him of his knowledge of the force, and all the while, coming to my bed.” 

“That’s not true. That’s not possible.” She insists. 

“Do your eyes lie, Kwee-Kunee?” He scoffs. “These little...holos we’ve made have been the only thing keeping me sane while you were in his hands all of these months, having your head filled with his poison, forgetting who you are, who you loved.” 

“I know who I love, maya wermo, and it’s not you.” 

“He really has you thinking that, doesn’t he?” He sighs. “And he probably thinks the child in your belly is his.” Her veins turn to ice. “A little force miracle, hm? After all the time he spent blaming you for not being able to have a child, he never once submitted to medical testing himself. But when you and I started trying, it was almost instant, like the force itself willed it.” 

“That’s not possible!” She growls so deeply she feels the rumble of it in her chest. “This child is no one’s but mine and Ben Solo’s!”

“Sweetheart-”

“Don’t you dare!” 

“Kwee-Kunee. Why do you keep lying to yourself when the truth is in front of you?” He croons, but it grates against her mind like scraped metal. “Come back to me, Rey. We can leave all of this together, you and I, just like we always talked about. You’ve done more for the war effort than anyone else, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be free, not a slave and a whore to Kylo Ren’s desires.” 

“If you insult my husband again, I’ll track you down and rip off your tiny-”

“He’s really got you brainwashed, doesn’t he? It’s breaking my heart, Rey! Come on, I need you!” 

“Please just stop. Stop. Stop!” 

“I promised I’d never abandon you. That’s what you’ve always been afraid of, isn’t it? Being left behind, forgotten by the people that love you? I won’t go anywhere, Rey. I’m right here, waiting for you.” 

“Look- Look, even if what you’re saying is true, even if what you showed me is…” She can’t bring herself to finish the thought as she shudders. “I’m not who I was before the accident. I’ve changed. I’m happy. If you love me like you claim to, then leave me alone, please.” 

“Not going to happen.” He growls. “It was no accident, Rey. Don’t you know who did all of this?” 

“I know it wasnt an accident. I’m not a fool.” 

“Convenient that your ship explodes the day you were planning on finally leaving your “Husband” once and for all. Convenient that he was the first one to the scene, to “rescue” you. Like kriffing hell he did- he tore into your mind, Kwee-Kunee. Broke your memories, almost drove you kriffing insane in his quest to keep you for himself! He’s deranged, Rey, and you’re in more danger than you know!”

“Ben would never hurt me.” 

“But didn’t he? I’ve seen the scar on your arm.” 

“He didn’t...He didn’t give me that scar.” 

“Is that what he told you? Maker Rey, I thought you were smarter than this- no, I know you are! I had hoped that while you were with Rose, I could get you to come with me. To remember me, even a little bit. But he got his hooks far too deep into your mind. It’s kriffing stockholm syndrome, Rey, and it’s makes me sick!” 

“Who are you?!” She insists through gritted teeth. She still hasn’t dared reopen her eyes. 

“You know my name. Come on baby, please, You have to remember just this one little thing.” 

“I don’t- I-” Suddenly a dim image comes to mind, the same face she’d seen in the holo, in a dim, crowded room. Jess’s birthday party, her first outing after her recovery- he was... Buying her drinks. Drinks she’d kept refusing, over and over again. The one Ben had punched so violently- “Flint?” 

“I knew it! I knew you’d kriffing remember Kwee-Kunee!”

“Don’t call me that!” 

“Come home to me Rey. I don’t care if we have to run to the farthest corner of the galaxy, we’ll find a place to be safe from him, to raise our child together, just the way we’ve dreamed of.” 

“Please just...Just leave me alone, Flint. I don’t know you. I don’t remember you. I don’t want the things you want!” She begs as her mind races. The way Flint had spoken to her that night, flirting, hinting that he wished she’d come home with him, the little wink when she finally took the drink he bought her. Ben’s fury, the way he’d broken the man’s nose, and after he’d claimed they’d argued about her...could there be any inkling of truth to this? And the holofilm...The vile, disgusting, debasing holofilm...When she was with Ben, she felt whole, beautiful, comfortable and complete in a way that she’d never known. The brief glimpse of the holo had filled her with disgust, and shame, so much shame. 

“I hate to do this Rey, but you’re not leaving me any choices here.” Flint growls. “If you don’t come to me, I’m going to send this delicious little...memory of mine to a few of my contacts in the holo news.” 

“What?” She gasps, her hands trembling. 

“What a story it would make, The handsome resistance pilot and the long suffering wife of Kylo Ren finding solace in each other’s arms...and bodies.” 

“You can’t!”

“I don’t want to Kwee-Kunee. But It’s the only way. One way or another, you’ll come to me. Because after it’s been shared, there’s no way in this kriffing galaxy the Skywalker scum will want to keep you.” Her heart squeezes uncomfortably in her chest. “And two can play at their vile games. If he can plant a bomb in your ship, why shouldn’t I plant one in his? Or his mothers? Maybe I’ll start with their kriffing Wookie guard dog, and work my way down the list so that he can watch everyone he cares about meet their bitter ends. Not that a monster like him is capable of love. He uses people for power, Rey. He’s using you, and you can’t see it!”

“You wouldn’t dare try to touch a hair on Leia Organa’s head!” She spits, but her fire has started to fade. All she can think of is keeping her family safe, they had to be safe, they had to be safe!

“I’d do anything to have you in my arms again baby. It’d be so easy. I have friends in all of the right places in the Capital. Friends who hate your keeper as much as we do.” He purrs. “Hells, I bet as soon as Kylo Ren’s light is snuffed out, whatever hold he has on you will vanish!”

“I’ll turn you in.”

“Ah ah ah Rey. The moment you misbehave, this holo and so many others find their way to the holoweb, and the holo news…”

“Why are you doing this to me?!”

“Because I love you, Kwee-Kunee. You don’t know what you want. You barely know who you are. This is for your own good, baby. I have to treat you like this because you’re kriffing stubborn.” 

“You’d release videos of yourself?” She asks, disgusted. 

“I’m not ashamed of my body. I’m not ashamed for people to know who I give pleasure to. Besides, they’ll hardly notice me when they see you. I guess this will break your little prison keepers heart, huh? He’ll probably welcome death like an old friend once he’s seen it.” 

“If I go with you, will you leave them alone?” 

“If that’s what it takes, then I suppose they can live for now.” He sighs. “But if you could only remember how you suffered at their hands, from their carelessness, you’d be asking me to do it as a gift.”

Her stomach rolls violently, and it takes everything in her to send a wave of calm over her child as he starts to stir. Her heart beats faster and faster as her breathing grows quick. 

Her sweet, beloved Ben. The man she’d loved once. The man she’s fallen in love with all over again. To see this holofilm...it would break him, utterly, completely. If she could just vanish, close the bond, and vanish...It would hurt. It would hurt like every hell in existence, and he might never give up his search for her- but it would hurt less than this betrayal. It would be better than if his heart stopped beating. A galaxy without Ben Solo was...impossible to imagine. A hell she never wanted to witness. 

She had promised she’d do anything within her power to keep him safe.

“What do you want?” She growls. 

“That’s more like it, Baby. I knew you’d see things my way.” She can hear his grin and she swallows back bile. “I need you to steal a ship. Something small, untraceable. The one your little friends Rose and Finn came in should do just fine. Once you’ve broken atmo, set course for Batuu. I’ll meet you there, and together, we can finally start our lives.” 

“And if I come, you wont-”

“Please, do you really think I want the slobs on the holonet seeing my Kwee-Kunee’s beautiful body? That’s all for me.” He murmurs. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Kwee-Kunee. I love you.” The line fizzles, and in an instant she’s crushed the holo with the force, the bits raining down around her as the pop and spark. Her grief wells up inside of her, threatening to crush her completely, and if it weren’t for the baby growing inside of her, she would welcome her end with open arms. 

If she really, truly had done this, she has ruined everything. She was happy for the first time in her entire existence, and one way or another, it was going to end. 

And if she has to choose between Ben hating her, or Ben dying, there is no choice to be made. Though closing the bond off would be painful to them both, it was nothing compared to what would happen if the other half of the bond ceased to exist. A gaping wound that would never heal. 

Kriff, only an hour ago she’d been talking to Ben. And now...she choked on a scream of anguish. The words Flint had spoken all seemed so false to her, so wrong- but she’d seen the holo with her own eyes. So real, and disgraceful. 

But one thing had certainly been a lie. The child inside of her was the child of Ben Solo. The force screamed the truth of it, the child in her womb reached for him so easily, so naturally. The sort of bond that came from A connection with far more weight than simple proximity. This baby, the baby Ben wanted so badly ...if she vanished and took the baby with her…

Tears stream down her cheeks as she scrambles towards Ben’s room, the one he never uses, and finds what she needs. A pad of paper with real ink pens on a small desk in the corner. Her fingers tremble as she composed her letter, tears roll from her face to the page, but she forces herself to write the impossible words. 

My Ben,   
I’m more sorry for this than words on a page could ever express. I don’t want to leave, but I have no choice. I’ve done something unforgivable, or so it seems. I don’t remember it, but I’ve seen evidence and I- Ben I can’t- If you know you’ll hate me more than you already will for leaving you. But please know, even if what I saw is true, I do love you. In the last five months, I have fallen in love with you. With your strength, and your smile- the tender way you hold me and care for me. I love you more than life itself.   
And that’s why when the time comes, I will find a way to send our son back to you. You deserve to raise him more than I do, and he will be better off with you than he would be with me. I hope that when you tell him about his mother, you can manage to say something kind. To tell him I love him with all of my heart, but if I stayed, people I loved would be hurt? Because you would be hurt, Ben. All of you, and I cannot allow it. If apologizing a thousand times would make this any less awful, I would write it out for pages and pages, Ben, but the truth is, this is awful, and my whole heart is dying as I send this. But I don’t deserve you, Ben, Truly, I don’t. Not after what I’ve seen. I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.

She can’t bring herself to sign her name. 

Kriff, she’s never felt like more of a coward. More of a monster. 

She folds the paper, lays it on the perfectly made bed, and makes her way to the windows. The sun is just starting to set, and it’s absolutely beautiful, but she can find no joy in. She never deserves to feel joy again. She quickly taps the proper code into the window security system, and opens them wide. The ground is close enough that with a bit of cushioning from the force, she lands easily on her feet. She doesn’t risk a glance back as she runs to the outline of the ship, boards it at once, and slumps into the captains chair. For one final moment, she allows her mind to linger on the edge of the bond, still closed and cloaked, but warm and smooth against her frayed nerves. 

Then she powers down the communication and tracking units, and takes to the sky.

\--------------------------------------------------

Nothing. There’s absolutely nothing remarkable in this mans head. No great absence of the force, but not nearly enough presence to manipulate it, no solid walls anywhere around his mind to keep someone out, nothing. 

But he observes a few more minutes just to be certain. He’s just crossed the name “Aziz Mooray” off of his list when the holo he’d given to Chewie for emergencies begins to ping. His heart rate increases what feels like ten fold, and instantly he presses against the bond, finding a wall on her side. 

“Uncle? Chewie, what is it?!” He asks, not caring that people might see him, hear him. 

“You need to come back now, little Ben! Sunshine is gone!” His heart drops.

“G-gone?” He stammers. “That’s not possible- how- you promised to watch her!” He’s already sprinting to the government hangar. He’ll steal a kriffing ship if he needs to. “Who took her?!”

“No one, Ben.” The Wookie roars sadly. “You need to come home.”

“I don’t understand!” He skids to a stop in the hangar, sighing in relief when he sees the Falcon just as it’d been left the last time it’d been flown. He runs up the ramp and into the pilots chair. “Preparing for take off now- what the hell is going on Chewie?!”

“Ben?” There’s a shuffling noise as Rose takes the communicator in hand. “She left. She wrote a note. It’s her writing.” His fingers curl around the controls so tightly that in the back of his mind, he’s afraid he might fracture them. “You need to come now.”

“Already on the kriffing way, Rose!” He snaps as he breaks Atmo. “I’ll be there in six hours or less. I’ve got the falcon, her hyperdrives been fixed.”

“Just...hurry up.” Rose says wearily. “And I’ve just gotten done talking to your mother. When she’s finished with her meetings, she’ll come too.” 

“Copy that. Jumping to light speed, dropping communication.” He punches in the controls and leans heavily against his seat as the blue white light of hyperspace passes him by. Closing his eyes, he centers himself, and calls out into the force, searching for her. But the space where his mind should bleed into hers is inaccessible, surrounded by a wall that doesn’t budge even as he pushes against it furiously. He opens his eyes with a roar of frustration, and half wishes he could call Rose again and demand more kriffing details. 

“Ben.” He jumps up, nearly banging his head on the overhead controls. 

“Grandfather- where is she?” Ben asks as he faces the glowing blue figure of his grandfather. 

“I don’t know, Ben. I wasn’t there when she left, I was on the other side, with your father.” Anakin sighs. “He wants me to bring him to see you, if you want that, but now is not the time to discuss it.” 

“If you don’t know where the kriff she is, why come at all?” Ben growls. 

“I’m not all knowing, Ben. And there are things I can’t tell you.” 

“What? Is there a kriffing jedi code for force ghosts now?” 

“Not “Now” Ben, there always has been. If jedi could simply appear and pass on knowledge, the Jedi would never have been wiped out as they were.” A shadow of regret passes across his face. “I can’t tell you what the future holds. But I can tell you that soon, you’ll have all of the information that you need to solve this puzzle.” 

“ “This Puzzle”? This isn’t a puzzle, Grandfather, It’s my entire life!” 

“I know, I know.” The ghost holds up his hands placatingly. “But there is something you’ve been trying to solve. A mystery, of sorts. But you’ve been missing pieces. When you arrive on Naboo, just...keep your head, Ben. No matter what happens, keep your head and remember what I’m telling you.” 

“How am I supposed to keep my head when my wife, the mother of my unborn child has vanished?!” 

“What you will see is meant to break you. To defeat you. But everything is not what it seems, Ben.” Anakin’s shoulders curl a bit as a weight from his past pushes him down. “Do you remember the true story of what happened to your grandmother?” Ben swallows nervously as he nods. “I was blinded by darkness. By hate. I listened to the voices that told me she betrayed me, when she hadn’t. When I loved her more than my own life. I went out of my mind with jealousy, and I made the biggest mistake of them all.”

“But you didn’t kill her, not with your own hands.” 

“No, she might not have died when I strangled her with the force, but it was too much for her to bear. My betrayal of her, of those that we loved, the physical trauma that brought on her labor, the labor itself...it was too much for her gentle heart, and she couldn’t survive it.” Anakin chokes. “Don’t make the same mistakes that I did. No matter how...compelling the evidence.” 

“Does the force dictate that you have to be this kriffing cryptic?”

“You have all of the pieces you need to solve the puzzle, Ben. You will figure it out.” Anakin smiles sadly. “Listen to the force. Listen to what it tells you is true.”  
“Grandfather, Can you truly not tell me what’s happened? Anything at all, please?” Ben begs. 

“I wish that I could, grandson. But it is for you to discover on your own.” 

“Why do I get the feeling it would be a lot less painful if you just told me now?” 

“Probably because it would be.” Anakin shrugs. “But I literally can’t.” 

“Yeah, I...I know. I understand.” His grandfather lays a ghostly hand on his shoulder, and looks him in the eye. 

“Remember everything I’ve told you, Ben. The force will be with you, always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, this chapter was going to end on a cliffhanger after the Rey POV, but I literally COULD NOT leave it there, hence...this...See you all again soon!


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Do you have any idea what she’s talking about?” Finn asks. Ben spares a glance to where he stands comforting Rose, who’s lips are still trembling. “What horrible thing could she possibly have done?” 
> 
> “I don’t know. I don’t have a single idea.” Ben frowns. “But what could it have been, Finn? What the hell could she be hiding from us? From me? Kriff, especially from me. We so rarely shut the bond anymore, or we didn’t before all of this happened. I don’t know how I could have missed something so terrible that she thinks I wouldn’t love her any more.” Ben sinks down onto the edge of the bed, rakes his fingers through his hair and looks at the page again, as if it might change and give him some sort of answer. “She has to know that there is nothing she could do that would make me stop loving her. Nothing that would make me hate her.”"
> 
> The Puzzle Comes together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning on updating again so soon, but after all of your reviews and kudos, I seriously could not just leave it where it was! So here we are...see you folks again next week!

He kept his breathing even through it all. From the moment he’d touched ground and entered the house that seemed cold and empty without Rey’s light, to now as he stood in his unused bedroom, staring at the tear stained paper in his hands. He kept repeating his grandfather’s words over and over again in his mind. Everything was not as it seemed- so what the kriff was it?

“Do you have any idea what she’s talking about?” Finn asks. Ben spares a glance to where he stands comforting Rose, who’s lips are still trembling. “What horrible thing could she possibly have done?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t have a single idea.” Ben frowns. 

“I’m sorry, Little Ben. I was standing guard outside the door, but she went through the windows. I didn’t know until I heard the ship power up.” Chewie says mournfully. Ben can only nod tensely as he reads the paper over again. 

“She must have remembered something from before, because it couldn’t possibly be anything she did these last few months. She’s barely ever been without one of us, or Leia, or Poe or Jess.” Finn muses. 

“But what could it have been, Finn? What the hell could she be hiding from us? From me? Kriff, especially from me. We so rarely shut the bond anymore, or we didn’t before all of this happened. I don’t know how I could have missed something so terrible that she thinks I wouldn’t love her any more.” Ben sinks down onto the edge of the bed, rakes his fingers through his hair and looks at the page again, as if it might change and give him some sort of answer. “She has to know that there is nothing she could do that would make me stop loving her. Nothing that would make me hate her.”

“Clearly she didn’t!” Rose snaps, and then covers her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. I didn’t meant to shout, I only... I’m so worried about her!” 

“We all are Rosie.” Finn rubs her back soothingly, but she shakes her head and retreats from the room. Ben springs up from his seat and begins pacing again, from the door to the still opened window. “Is the bond still closed?” 

“Obviously! I can’t break through, and I’ve been trying since Chewie’s holo!” Ben growls. “And what does she mean, offering me our child like that will make me happy? I want us to raise our child together, not...not like this.” 

“Ben…” Chewie says as he approaches carefully. 

“I have worked so kriffing hard to be someone worthy of her. To be someone worthy of her love, but every damn day, I was so terrified I’d snap, or she’d come to her senses and realize I wasn’t good enough for her. I never stopped doubting myself. But I always assumed that if she did leave, it would be because I did something, because I messed up, not her.” He’s dangerously close to tears now, but he swallows hard and fights against them. “Because there’s nothing she could do that would make me leave her, nothing that would make me wish she was gone.” 

“Little Ben.” Chewie embraces him. For a single moment, Ben lets himself take in the comfort of his wookie uncles affection, and then he gently pushes him away. 

“I don’t have time to wallow, Uncle. Every second she’s away from us is dangerous. She said that if she didn’t go, people would be hurt. I can only assume she was threatened and wanted to sacrifice herself for our sakes.” Ben says after he clears his throat. “But she doesn’t seem to think she’s flying to her demise, since she promises that she’ll deliver our baby to me.”

“BUt where-” Finn cuts off when they hear Rose cry out. INstantly, they all start running towards the sound. As they skid into the sitting room, Rose turns quickly and shouts out a warning. 

“No! Ben! You shouldn’t have to see this!” 

But it’s too late. His eyes are locked on the blue tinged holo projection originating from a tiny holo disk on the center table. 

Rey….

HIs Rey….

His vision goes red as he steps forward, pushing out with the force and shattering a vase against the far wall of the room. A ceramic basin containing flowers Rey had loved is next, sprinkling earth and leaves and shards of colorful pottery as it shatters. He turns on his heel and looks back at his companions. Finn and Chewie have both turned their heads anywhere but the projection, and Rose stands with a smaller scrap of paper clutched in her white hands, her eyes fixed on him. He strides across the room and rips the paper from her hand. Seven words are on the page, each one like a dagger in his chest. 

“She’s mine now. You lose, Kylo Ren.”

He lets out a guttural cry and falls to his knees. He thinks Rose says his name as she carefully lowers herself to his level, but he scrambles away from contact, facing back to the holodisk, ready to destroy it, destroy it and never have to see this image again- but he would see it. In every nightmare, and every black moment of regret. He’d never stop seeing his wife with...with…He growls again as he reaches out to summon the object into his hand when he feels a hand on his forehead. Gentle, nurturing. He turns his eyes up, and gasps as he sees, for the first time, the visage of his grandmother. 

He recognizes her from the paintings, and the old holofilms of the old republic senate. She looks as young and beautiful as she had in life, and she’s smiling sadly at him. In the distance, he can feel his grandfather’s presence, tethering her here. It’s not without great effort, and Ben knows instinctively that she won’t be able to stay long. 

“Sweet boy, how you’ve suffered.” She says softly, kneeling down to look him in the eye. He lets out a sound like a wounded animal, and she cradles his cheeks in her hands. “Everything is not what it seems, Ben.” 

“No. Don’t- please, tell me what that means!” He begs, and she sighs. 

“I’m not allowed. Only don’t be hasty, Ben. You have all of the pieces in your grasp. You’ve always been a clever, sensitive boy. Just think, and keep your head, alright?” 

“I...I can’t.” 

“You can. Look again-” He physically recoils from the thought, and she makes gentle shushing noises. “Everything isn’t what it seems sweet boy. It’s not as it seems.” She fades away slowly, but her presence lingers even after she’s gone. He breathes deeply, his chest heaving, and as he opens his eyes, he sees Rose making to power down the device. 

“Dont!” 

“Ben, you shouldn’t have to see...to see…” She chokes in disgust. He holds up his hand to stop her and forces his eyes back onto the projection. He fights against the bile that rises in his throat, and the rage that simmers in his blood. His grandparents had come from the beyond to tell him to keep his head, and he was going to damn well try. 

It’s unparalelled torture, worse than any pain Snoke had ever inflicted, seeing his bondmate, his soul mate, his reason for living with Flint. Flint who hated him with a passion. Who Ben was sure would kill him if he had the chance. But this was a far worse pain than death. 

“Ben, come on man, lets-” 

“Wait!” He rises higher on his knees, and something akin to relief tentatively blossoms in his chest. “That’s not her.” 

“What- Ben…” Rose says sadly. “Ben, in her own note, she said-”

“I’ve been married to Rey for almost four kriffing years, Rose, I know her body better than I know my own, and that isn’t her!” Ben rises completely now, wanting to weep for joy, wanting to push through this all and figure out what the hell was going on. 

“Ben, I think you need to sit down-”

“Hold on!” He reaches for the device and freezes it. “There, look!” 

“I don’t want to see naked Rey!” Finn objects, and Chewie lets out a howl of agreement. 

“It’s not kriffing her! Look at her back- she’s got the scar on her upper arm, the one between her shoulder blades, but the one on her shoulder that runs across her back, all the way down to her hip-”

“Half of it’s missing!” Rose gasps, having seen the scar before while she and Rey had tried on clothes together. 

“Okay, that’s weird, but it could be poor graphics, Ben, buddy-”

“The deepest part of the scar would be here…” he gestures to her left side. “But there’s not even a shadow of it on this body!” He starts to pace again, watching with a firm emotional detachment as this… this phantom of his Rey moves onto her hands and knees and he freezes the frame again. “At the risk of sounding vulgar, before she was pregnant, Rey’s chest was a bit...on the small side. But these-”

“She has her pregnancy tits but no baby belly!” Rose observes. 

“And the curve of her back is wrong, that’s not how she looks when we-”

“For the love of the maker, please, don’t finish that statement!” Finn groans and covers his eyes. “What does this all mean?”

“I need holo shield stripper.” Ben says, glancing at it the figure again and feeling the way the force seemed to hum. He had to be right. He had to be! 

“We have one in the box of equipment Poe sent us with for research, from the hospital editing tools.” Rose says, dashing across the room with surprising speed for how pregnant she was. She extends the wire to Ben, who quickly plugs it into the device, and Rose powers it up. Instantly, she frowns. “It’s...It’s not detecting any known forms of shielding or cloaking.” 

“But it has to be- it…” His brow furrows as he thinks, and he hears the soft echos of his grandparent’s words. 

“Everything is not as it seems. You have all of the pieces…”

“All of the pieces…” He sets the device down and takes a step back. 

“Is that the same scanner he used for the hospital footage?” Finn asks. 

“I think so, why?” Rose nods. 

“Because it didn’t work on the hospital footage.” Ben says, clapping his hands. “It didn’t work because the holocloaking device was too antiquated for our machines, making it impossible to strip the shielding away!”

“Right?” Rose prompts. “But this isn’t some outdated scan of someone long dead, Ben. This is Rey!” 

“Partially.” He insists as he pulls out his communicator. “Poe?”

“Ben, what can I do for you?” 

“I need all the info you have on the old republic era holo cloaking device.” 

“Oh, uh, sure. One sec.” He clears his throat and there’s a quiet sound of a holo scrolling. “It’s a projection device, a head band or circlet of sorts that someone wears, and then the image cloaks and moves with their body. According to some old bounty hunter notes, the projection is able to interact normally with the people around them, even touching.” 

“And how do they get the projections?” Ben asks. 

“A full body scan? What’s going on, Ben?”

“She’d have received a full body scan when she went in for her appointment, when she was poisoned!” Finn cries excitedly. 

“Which was the last time we encountered Hux’s lackey!” Rose adds jubilantly. “And her stomach- they wouldn’t have had a scan of her flat stomach-“

“So they spliced the projection- it’s only Rey from there up!” Ben agrees, then he rapidly turns to shield her from anyone else’s view. Looking again, he notes the shape of the woman’s legs are wrong- lean and long, yes, but lacking in the muscle that Rey’s legs possessed. And when it came to other parts of her anatomy- well, he knew for certain that, while she kept herself neat and tidy, she refused to go anywhere near her core with any sort of hair removal product, and this woman as as bare as could be.”it’s not her.” He sighs, shutting his eyes and feels a hot tear slide down his cheek. 

“Someone please tell me what’s going on?” Poe asks. 

“It’s Flint.” Is all Ben gives him by way of reply. “He’s Hux’s spy.”

“Flint Ola?” Poe asks. 

“Yes, you need to apprehend him immediately!” 

“Kriffing hell!” Poe cries. 

“What?”

“His leave paper work was approved this morning- he’s off world- he could be kriffing anywhere in the galaxy!” 

“Damn it!” Ben grunts. 

“His paperwork doesn’t state a location?” Rose asks.

“It does, but what are odds he’s actually headed to Canto Bight?” Poe asks.

“It’s a good place to disappear, but I think you’re probably right.” Ben huffs. 

“I’m sending out the alert as we speak. We know what ship he departed in- if it’s spotted by any of our contacts they’ll report it and act immediately. How did you figure this out?”

“That’s a long kriffing story we don’t have time for right now!” Ben growls. 

“I’ll fill you in later, Poe, for now just get a squad out searching for him, employ all emergency procedures.” Finn calls.

“Copy that. Over and out.” The line goes dead. 

“Are you sure it’s Flint?” Finn asks.

“Look at him- that’s Flint!” Rose scoffs. 

“What if it’s another projection thing? His name wasn’t on our list of suspects.”

“We always said that it could lead to nothing-“

“Wait- Flint isn’t his real first name, is it?” 

“What?” Ben turns back to face them. 

“Oh- Kriff, Ben, can we turn that off now?!” Finn protests. “I don’t care if it’s only a third Rey, I don’t need to see my naked best friend!” Ben clicks the button dismissively.

“What were you saying Rose?” Ben asks. 

“Flint, that’s not his real first name, it’s a nickname, his fly name or something like that Jess was telling me. His actual name is something he doesn’t like, so he doesn’t use it- they were teasing him about it the bar on Jess’s birthday.” Rose’s face pinches in thought. “Something with an M- not Marion, but it was...Kriff what was it!” Ben pulls out the holo device his mother had given him and feels his heart drop again. 

“Maeryn?” He asks.

“Yes! That’s it!” Rose confirms. He holds out the tiny screen to Finn who’s eyes widen as it scrolls across.

Maeryn Ola

“Damn it!” Ben growls again, ramming his free hand into the wall. 

“This holo projection must have been what Rey was talking about in the letter- the smashed holo in her room, Flint must have gotten it to her and convinced her that they had…” Rose shudders. 

“And when that wasn’t enough to make her leave, he threatened the people she loves.” Ben nods. “Her greatest strength and weakness.”

“He’s leading her right to Hux!” Rose gasps in horror. 

“I don’t understand, if they already have Rey, why go through the trouble of leaving this here?” Finn asks.

“Because Flint hates me! He’s always hated me. I couldn’t even begrudge him that because I was a monster for so long, but this, this is just his way of trying to destroy me. Clever, it nearly worked too. I don’t think he expected me to be able to see through it. He probably thought I’d see her face and destroy it immediately in a jealous rage.” 

“Why didn’t you?” Rose asks softly. 

“Everything is not as it seems.” He exhales. “My grandfather came to give me that warning. I listened.” 

“I’m proud of you, little Ben.” Chewie says. Ben gives him a quick smile.

“There’s no way to locate Rey?” Ben asks.

“She disabled the ships tracker, took no devices with her...devices….” Finn gasps.

“What does that gasp mean?” Rose asks. 

“I had a present for you, hidden on board the ship!” Finn grins and dashes out of the room. 

“What does that have to do with anything?!” Rose calls after him. 

“One sec!” He calls back, his voice more distant. 

“Woah!” Rose exhales, and Ben reaches out a hand to steady her. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah, uh huh, baby girl is just reacting to all the noise and excitement!” Rose chuckles. “Help a big ol’ pregnant lady sit down, would you?” Ben helps her onto the comfortable sofa, and after a moment she relaxes. “There we go. Settle down sweet one.” Finn comes bursting back into the room with a small bag. “Hey, what’s going on?”

“I bought you a present- it was supposed to be a surprise for after you had the baby. When I figured out we were going to be coming to Naboo to visit them, I commissioned a piece from jeweler in Theed. The other day when I took the speeder there to get a replacement part for the ship, I picked it up, and hid it on the ship so you wouldn’t find it.”

“Okay? But what does this have to do with anything? Are you upset it’s missing? Cause that seems like a stupid thing to be worried about, all things considered-“ he shakes his head to stop her from finishing her thought. 

“Because this gift was a special commissioned bracelet with one ruby to represent each member or our family, biological and chosen, and when you scanned it on a holo, biographical information and pictures of everyone were available.” Finn explains.

“Oh! Finn- that’s so thoughtful and beautiful!” Rose sniffs. “It’s okay, it’s the thought that-“

“It was expensive, Rose. From a reputable jeweler. His pieces are one of a kind, and highly sought after, so to prevent theft, each piece contains a tracking device.” He opens the small bag he brought with him, and dumps a small tracking beacon into his hand. “The odds that Rey would find it, or even think to look for a tracker in it are slim to none.” He taps the activation button, and a tiny projection of the galaxy appears. It’s not the most advanced or exact technology, but it’s so much more than they had a minute ago.

“Finn Tico you son of a bitch I could kiss you!” Ben whoops as he takes the device. 

“I’d rather you didn’t.” Finn laughs 

“How bout me?” Rose asks, and he gives her a quick peck. Chewie reaches out his hand to Ben for the tracker.

“Lets get to the Falcon. You pilot, I’ll navigate.”

“Chewie, you should-“

“Friend would want his son in his seat.” Chewie rumbles with an air of finality. Ben nods as presses the device into his hand. 

“You two coming?” He asks. 

“Obviously!” Rose huffs, holding out her hands for Finn to pull her up. Ben smiles as he pockets the fake holo and the note they’d found, unwilling to leave them to be discovered by someone else, but unwilling to destroy them in case they were needed as evidence. They make their way to the Falcon as quickly as possible, and after a quick call to Leia to inform her of the new developments, they launch into hyper space. Ben watches as the little dot on the nav system that represents Rey’s ship gets closer, even by a minuscule amount, and he presses against the bond which is still entirely too silent. 

“Rey…” he whispers across the bond as if the soothing quiet of his voice would be able to stop through the cracks. “I’m coming to bring you home, sweetheart. I love you, I love you, I love you, and I will never stop loving you. Everything isn’t always exactly as it seems sweetheart. Please, just stay safe.”


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“I don’t know anymore, Luke. I don’t feel like I actually know anything anymore. I have all of these flashes of memories and no way to place them in a time line- I don’t even know who I am.” 
> 
> “You’re Rey Solo.”
> 
> “I think I lost the rights to use the Solo name as my own.” 
> 
> “I think Han would disagree.” She perks up a bit at the mention of Han’s name. “He wants to come see you guys. When Ben is ready. He’s asked me, my father, and even old Ben Kenobi.” 
> 
> “He should go see Ben. Ben will never say that he’s ready, because he will never forgive himself for what he did to Han. But I know that seeing Han again would mean everything to Ben.” She says softly. 
> 
> “Not everything, Rey.” Luke insists. “He needs you, Rey. And you need him too.”"
> 
> A glimpse into the past offers a little more insight to the events of the present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow! Once again, I'm absolutely blown away by your kind reviews! Honestly, I got a little teary eyed reading them! You guys are literally the best! Here's our new chapter, and I hope to have the next one posted in the next couple of days! Much love!

Three years ago   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
She swears she feels different now, even though physically she’s exactly as she was. Her very skin and bones feel different, changed for the better into some new, radiant thing. In the mirror her smile is wider, her eyes brighter. Everything seems brand new. Beautiful. 

“Rey Solo.” Ben’s- her husband’s!- voice smooths through her mind and makes her shiver. It’s been less than a week since that day on Naboo, and maker she misses him. Misses his presence, misses the way his lips feel on her skin, the low timber of his voice as it rumbled in his chest against her cheek. 

“Love of my life.” She sends back silently, blushing. She prays no one in the meeting will spare her a glance. Because his joy at being referred to as such spreads through her and she covers her mouth with her hands to hide the grin blossoming there. 

“I miss you so kriffing much.” His voice affects her in ways she used to hate because it made her feel guilty. Perhaps she should still feel guilt- he was still the supreme leader- but she doesn’t. She feels only a wave of desire and want wash over her, and he releases a little sound of longing across the bond. “I can’t stop thinking about you even for a second. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s real. That you really love me.”

“Ben, I love you so much!” She assures him. She’s glad she had the forethought to sit in the very back of the room. The only person facing her was some newly promoted general giving a brief on the structure and numbers of their newly obtained forces. She notes they’ve grown since she last checked in. By a lot. Part of her thinks to hide the information from Ben, but she knows he’d never use anything he found from the bond against her. He wouldn’t be so cruel. He loves her, and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. Even if that meant stalling the war effort and sending his men on wild nerf chases. She senses his unease and soothes him. “I trust you. I agreed to keep the bond open, didn’t I?”

“I would never hurt you. I...I couldn’t. And I don’t think I could hurt my m-“ he cuts himself off sharply. She wants to push him, have him explore this more deeply, but she doesn’t press when he changes the subject. “When can I see you again?”

“I don’t know. If I leave again, I’ll really have to come back with something. Kyber or at least some first order intel.” She bites her lip. 

“I can get you intel.”

“Ben, I wasn’t asking-“

“I know you weren’t. Would the codes needed to access some lucrative supply outposts suffice? Food, weapons, medical supplies?” 

“It would suffice, but I can’t make you betray your own people like that-“

“I’ll pull a majority of the troops from the outposts for inspection. You’ll have to send out multiple crews, hit three separate locations at the same time. If you move with caution, you should be able to move through with minimal if any casualties.”

“Ben…”

“Is it so wrong that I want to be sure you have enough? You need food and provisions Rey. I vowed before the Maker and the Force that I would love you and care for you. I might have to do it in an untraditional way, but I will take care of you in anyway that I am able.” He says firmly. Her eyes prickle with hot tears as the strength of his devotion washes through her. “And I want to see you again, Rey. I need to see you again.”

“I’ll have to think of something to say. A lead to follow or something. It can’t be too soon, or Lei- ah- leadership will be suspicious.” She says softly. “But I want to see you too. Desperately.”

“I always thought I had a strong will- I’ve been trained not to need anything. I can survive for weeks without food- months even. I can go without sleep for ten days. Without water for a week. But I feel like even one day without you is too much. I never thought love could be like that, could be something that makes you feel so much- feel so strong.” Her agreement is instantaneous. “And I want you. I’ll never stop wanting you. Your skin under my finger tips, under my mouth…”

“B-Ben, Ben.” She stammers even in her own mind. “I’m in a public place and I don’t need you to get me all...wound up!”

“Sorry.”

“You don’t sound sorry.” 

“Probably because I’m not.” The amusement in his voice is warm in her chest. “And I get “wound up” any time I think about you.” 

“Do you?” She asks, biting her lip even harder. 

“I know you don’t see yourself the way that I see you- the way everyone else sees you- but you are so beautiful, Rey.” She doesn’t reply right away as doubt creeps into her mind. She’s never been that good looking, but that had never mattered to her before. She’s too scrawny, her skin and hair too damaged by the harsh weather on Jakku, her breasts too small, her hips too narrow. He growls, and she almost feels her head shaking along with his. “Rey, to me, you are perfect. I don’t look at you and see anything “lacking”. The way you fit in my hands...it’s perfect. Though, I’d prefer if I couldn’t number your bones with my fingers.” 

“I’m getting better fed here than on Jakku. The medics give me boosters and vitamins in addition to my rations. They say they think I’ll be a normal weight in no time.” She assures him. 

“Good. I want you to be healthy. You’ll need to be strong for whatever is coming- not that you aren’t already strong, but imagine how much stronger you could be with proper nutrition?” 

“I know, Ben. I’ll be ready...for whatever comes.” She nods almost to herself, and notes that people have started to disperse. “Meetings finished.”

“What will you do next?”

“Dinner at the mess hall with Rose and Jess. Finn and Poe were supposed to join us, but they went to meet a new group of recruits.” She feels a twinge of jealousy that he quickly tries to stamp down. “Ben, don’t be jealous of Poe, or Finn. First of all, Finn is with Rose, and they’re kriffing adorable together. And Poe, Poe is like an older brother to me. The idea of kissing him is...blah?” 

“I know that. And I trust you completely. You are mine as I am yours. I’m not afraid.” He assures her. “It was just...a knee jerk reaction. I know they’re your friends, but they’re my-“

“I know. You don’t have to say it.” She pushes up from her chair to head to the door, but whips around when she hears her name. 

“Rey?” 

“Oh- hi Flint.” She smiles in greeting. “Did you need something?”

“Nah, I just wanted to talk to you for a minute.” He ruffles his sandy blonde hair with his hand, and she looks at him expectantly. “I, uh...well…”

“He’s trying to ask you out.” Ben grumbles.

“He is not.” She rolls her eyes as she sends her reply across the bond. “Flint? You okay there?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, I’m good.” He nods. “I just was wondering if maybe you’d like to, I don’t know, get a drink with me tonight?” 

“Told you.” She can actually feel the way Ben’s hands curl into fists. She stares at Flint with her eyes wide. 

“I’ve kind of had a thing for you for a while now, and you’re- maker you’re gorgeous and I think that you and I could really hit it off.” He smiles at her, and she supposes it might be a charming look if she didn’t know just how Charming Ben looked with his crooked smile and the way his eyes crinkled as they lit up. 

“Oh- Flint- that’s uh, that’s so kind of you to ask, but I- I’m just not interested in you like that.” She says gently. His face darkens, and she bites her lip. “But if you want you could join me and Rose and Jess for dinner in the mess hall!”

“Are you seeing someone?” He asks sharply. “Cause I’ve never seen you with someone.”

“I’m not seeing someone.” She says firmly, despite the sadness that courses through her with the lie. 

“Then why won’t you give me a chance?” He asks, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Look, Flint, I’m sorry, but I don’t think you and I would be a good match. You’re a great pilot, and you seem like a nice enough guy, but I’m just not interested in you like that.” Rey tries to keep her tone polite. 

“We’d be a great match, Rey. We have more in common than you think.” He huffs. 

“Be that as it may, My answer is still no. I don’t like drinking, and I don’t date, or casually screw around.” She shrugs. He reaches out to grab her arm, his grasp surprisingly strong, and in her shock, she stares at him, mouth agape. 

“So you won’t even give me a kriffing chance because I suggested the base bar? Come on Rey, we could go literally anywhere else.” He insists. Her eyes narrow as she twists out of his hold. 

“I said “no”, Flint. I’m not going to date anyone. This isn’t the time for it. So kindly leave me be.” She orders. 

“You don’t kriffing outrank me just because you’re a Jedi or whatever- you don’t order me around!”

“She doesn’t out rank you, but I sure as hell do.” Leia’s voice from the doorway sends a rush of relief through Rey even as Flint’s spine stiffens. “Maybe a week in sanitation. detail will help remind you of your manners.” 

“But-“

“Two weeks.” Leia pulls out her holopad and types something out, 

“She was-“

“Would you like to make it three weeks?”

“No, General.” He grumbles sullenly. 

“You’re dismissed, captain Ola.” Leia says sharply. 

“If you change your mind-“

“I won’t.” Rey shuts him down firmly. His nostrils flair, and he turns sharply on his heel and heads out the door. 

“You alright?” Leia asks, and Rey nods. “I forgot my jacket, but I’m glad I did. I remember what it was like, being the hot young thing in the rebellion. Gets you a lot of unwanted attention.”

“Oh Marker did my mother just call herself the “hot young thing”?” His shock momentarily drops his defenses against his mother, against acknowledging her, and it makes Rey’s heart skip a beat. 

“I’ve dealt with my fair share of nerfherders in my day; the worst ones are the ones who think they’re the Makers gift to women and refuse to take the word “no” seriously.” Leia pulls on her jacket as she speaks. “And I know you could’ve handled him on your own, but women in this galaxy need to stick together. It’s unfortunate, but some men out there will always think they’re better than us because the maker gifted them with a tiny prick.” Rey can’t help the way she bursts out laughing as Ben reels at his mothers words. 

“I’m glad you did what you did. I tried to be civil, but if he pressed me much more I was going to force shove him through that wall.” Rey laughs. “And having him work sanitation certainly saves the rebellion budget on repairs.” Leia cracks a smile at her, and wraps her in a quick maternal hug, which she returns easily. “Are you coming to the mess hall for dinner?”

“Unfortunately, no. I’ve got a very specific time frame in which I can contact a generous but skittish donor.” Leia sighs. “He’s dramatic, but I’ll take the drama for the amount of credits he’s willing to shell out.”

“I’ll see you in the morning then, General.” 

“Please, Rey, for the thousandth time, it’s just Leia.” 

“I’ll see you in the morning Leia.”

“Now you’ve got it.” Leia smiles at her, giving an approving nod as she hurries off towards her office. After a moment of silence, Ben makes a quiet huffing sound. 

“Is it fair to say that if I ever meet this Flint character, I’m going to deck him for flirting with my wife?” It takes her a second to realize he’s joking...mostly. 

“Well, to give him the benefit of the doubt, he doesn’t exactly know I’m taken.” 

“Yes, but no means no, Rey. Kriff, I’m the galaxies biggest asshole, and even I don’t treat women like that.”

“You are not the galaxies biggest asshole!” She scoffs, choosing to duck into her quarters to wash her face and adjust her hair. “And you’d better not treat women like that- for a whole myriad of reasons, the least of which being that you have a kriffing wife!”

“I would never even look at another woman, let alone make such...unwanted and aggressive advances.” 

“You are a bit of a softie when it comes to love.” She smiles as the cool water touches her skin.

“I resent that!” He snaps without heat. 

“Alright, Alright.” She surrenders. “Maybe you’re just soft when it comes to me.”

“Well, I certainly can’t deny that.” 

“I hope the bond opens tonight. I think I could sleep much better in your arms.” Rey sighs aloud, not bothering with purely mental communication now that she’s alone. “Though if my roommate saw, I’m sure it would look odd, me all cuddled up against the air.”

“If you’d have taken the single room you were offered when you arrived, I could do a lot more than just kriffing holding you.”

“That’s probably for the best; until we have a better understanding of the bond, maybe a bit more control, we probably shouldn’t do anything too intimate through it.” She insists. When he doesn’t respond directly she finds herself rambling. “Not that I don’t want to, of course I want you, I’ve wanted you since before I was allowed to want you, but I can’t imagine how awful it would be to be in the middle of making love, and then the bond just snapping-“

“Hey, hey, It’s okay. I wasn’t upset about it Rey. I had to answer someone’s question and it took more of my attention.” He assures her soothingly. “You’re right. That would be awful. I’d never want to leave my wife so unsatisfied.” 

“I didn’t have any complaints.” She whispers, swallowing nervously as she thinks back only a few days, to his hands on her, all over her. 

“That line of thought is going to make for a very uncomfortable situation for everyone at my command meeting.” He warns. 

“A taste of your own medicine.” She grins. “Alright. I’m off to dinner, and the girls will notice if they don’t have my full attention, so I’ll keep the bond open in the back of my mind. I’ll hear if you call for me.”

“You’re not missing anything exciting. Trade routes.” He sighs. 

“Ooh, fascinating.” She chuckles. “I love you so much, Ben.” 

“I love you too. Today and everyday, sweetheart.” She swears she’s actually walking on air as she makes her way to the mess hall. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~PRESENT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
She doesn’t think that she’s ever cried so much. Certainly, she’d wept after Han had died, when her parents had left her, when she’d had to go live on her own in the Jakku desert, and plenty of times since she’s been pregnant, but never like this. 

She cries until her entire body aches from it, and she physically can’t produce any more tears. She literally cries herself sick, empties the contents of her stomach into the small fresher, and cries again for wasting nutrients the baby still needs. Because if there’s one purpose she still has in life, it’s bringing their baby here safe and sound, and she can’t fail that too. 

On top of the headache that comes from her constant flow of tears, there’s a very real, sometimes almost blinding pain as Ben pushes against the bond, fighting it with all of his. She knows this means she’s been discovered. She’d known that they’d hear the ship launching, but she’d hoped maybe she would have a little more time before they told Ben. 

But at least he didn’t know about her shame. At least he was still alive to try to reach her. Her heart clenches painfully at the thought of him being snuffed out, and she knows she’ll always live in fear of the day the pounding presence of the force bond vanishes. 

The baby is restless inside of her. She does her best to sooth him, but the baby is crying out for it’s father, desperate for the presence that could bring such comfort to mother and child. But she has lost the right to even long for Ben’s comforting presence, his comforting arms around her.

“Shhhh, Starlight, it’s okay. You’ll be with him again soon, I promise. I’ll make sure of it.” She whispers hoarsely. “I don’t know what else to tell you, I can’t...I’m so sorry, Starlight. I...I always knew that I wasn’t cut out to be a mother. I didn’t want children, I never imagined I’d be somewhere that I’d feel safe enough to even dream of having children. But your father did make me think that maybe, maybe I could do it. That the two of us together could…” She inhales sharply to stop another flow of tears. “I may have ruined my own life, but I am going to find a way to give you the best life possible, starlight. You’ll have your papa, who loves you so very much, and gramma Leia, shes- she’s been waiting on you for longer than she lets on. And Chewie- Uncle Chewie, he was your grandpas greatest friend, and he’ll protect you forever. Uncle Finn and Auntie Rose, they, uh, they’re having a baby soon. She’ll be a little older than you, but I know that the two of you will be thick as thieves. Uncle Poe and Aunt Jess...well, if nothing else, I know they’ll spoil you rotten with sugar and teach you all of the words that we- I mean- that your papa will tell you not to say. Your papa will teach you about the balance, the grey of the force, and you’re going to be just surrounded by love and understanding each and every day of your long, long life. So I hope you can forgive me, when you’re older. Maybe I’ll even get a chance to visit you, from the beyond...I hope that no matter what happens, no matter where you go, you know that even though your mama, your mother loves you very much, she had to go, to give you and the rest of your family their best chance at long, happy lives. Can you do that for me, Starlight? Can you remember?” 

The baby’s only response is a hum of love that brings on a new round of tears; silent, slow tears that trickle from her eyes, down her cheeks, and onto her chest. She allows herself thirty breaths before she drags herself to her feet and forces herself to find the supplies and remove a cantine of water and a package of dried bantha meat to gnaw on to replenish her strength. A tiny, cruel voice at the back of her mind reminds her that she has nothing to look forward to. Even at the end of her pregnancy, she would pass the baby on as soon as she was able. She had no reason to replenish her strength, no reason to go on…

“...Everything is not always as it seems…” she jumps, and pinches the bridge of her nose. The voice had come from inside of her mind, like Ben’s had when they spoke through the bond, but it isn’t Ben’s voice- he’s still safely barred from her mind, though she feels his presence just outside of her mental shields. 

“Everything is not as it seems.” She repeats aloud, but the voice doesn’t speak again. “And on top of everything else, I’m hearing voices.” A mad sort of giggle bursts from her chest, and she forces herself to nibble more of the dried Bantha. At the touch of food to her tongue, her stomach grumbles ravenously. “Oh, I’m sorry Starlight. I should’ve fed you before now. I’m sorry.” She grabs a second portion of the meat and a packet of dried berries and wanders back to the captains chair. Still three hours until her projected arrival time. 

She doesn’t allow herself to think of that overmuch. If her future is anything now, it’s bleak. There’s a part of her that wonders if she couldn’t just kill Flint, destroy whatever holos he had of her, and find her way to some remote place near a medical outpost to await the arrival of the child. Then a brief trip to Chandrila- she could leave the child with Jess and Poe- their penthouse was on the other side of the city from the academy and Ben’s home. She could leave the baby there with a note for Ben and be gone before he even had a chance to realize she was on Chandrila at all. Then one last flight, perhaps back to Jakku, to lay herself down and wait for the force to take her. And all she would have to do is end Flint. 

The darkness pulses through her, black and powerful, licking at her fingertips like fire. She forces herself to take a deep breath, and assumes something like a meditation pose as she pictures the gray. The place where the is passion and peace. There is love, and yet there is darkness. There is anger, and yet there is light.

“Rey.” Her eyes snap open. She stifles a scream. “Easy now, easy.”

“What the Kriff are you?!” She cries, scrambling to her feet as she takes in the blue tinged ghostly presence before her. A middle aged man, with shaggy blonde gray hair and a neatly kept beard. He wears robes of the Jedi of old, and he holds up his hands as if in surrender.

“You know who I am.”

“I’m real kriffing tired of people saying that to me today!” She huffs. Her eyes rove over his face, and it is familiar. Calm eyes, a gentle smile, a familiar sort of mischief shining through his expression. If she can’t remember him from her own life, she has at least seen his pictures. “Luke Skywalker?”

“In the flesh. Well. Almost.” He chuckles, and then his face turns grave. “What are you doing kid?”

“What do you mean?” 

“What are you doing running away from the family that loves you?” He prompts. “Id have thought you would be the last person to abandon family, knowing how it feels yourself.”

“I’m doing what needs to be done to protect my family!” She snarls. “And you’re one to talk about running away, Skywalker! Away on some planet while your sister needed you!”

“I didn’t say I was perfect, Rey. And I didn’t come here to pass judgement.”

“Could have fooled me.” 

“Rey, I can’t tell you what to do here. But I can tell you that the people you left behind, they love you. They want you back.” 

“Because they don’t know! I...I don’t remember it, but I think...I think maybe I was a bad person, before all of this.” She turns her back on him and lowers herself into the pilots seat again. “And why not, you know? I was always just a scavenger, fighting for everything I had, always wanting more. Maybe I just got in too deep and couldn’t stop. Maybe I ruined everything because I was greedy, and cold, and- and lonely.” 

“You’re a lot of things, Rey, but a bad person isn’t one of them.” Luke says gently. She sees him from the corner of her eye, moving to settle on the edge of the co-pilot's chair. “You are fiercely loyal, to your causes, to the the people you love.”

“I don’t know anymore, Luke. I don’t feel like I actually know anything anymore. I have all of these flashes of memories and no way to place them in a time line- I don’t even know who I am.” 

“You’re Rey Solo.”

“I think I lost the rights to use the Solo name as my own.” 

“I think Han would disagree.” She perks up a bit at the mention of Han’s name. “He wants to come see you guys. When Ben is ready. He’s asked me, my father, and even old Ben Kenobi.” 

“He should go see Ben. Ben will never say that he’s ready, because he will never forgive himself for what he did to Han. But I know that seeing Han again would mean everything to Ben.” She says softly. 

“Not everything, Rey.” Luke insists. “He needs you, Rey. And you need him too.”

“Do you know what I’ve done?”

“I know what you think you’ve done.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She turns to face him more fully. 

“Search your feelings Rey. Even if your mind is broken, you know your heart. You know the force. Do you honestly believe that you would be capable of doing something like that? Of betraying someone like this?” She closes her eyes and exhales sharply. 

“No.” She whispers. “But I know what I saw, Luke.”

“Everything is not as it seems.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I’m not supposed to interfere overmuch.” He frowns. “But I will say that technology opens pathways for deceit. And people tend to believe what’s in front of them, even things they might have thought impossible.” 

“He threatened to kill them, Luke. Everyone I love. Even if...even if it wasn’t real, I can’t risk losing everyone like that.” 

“Just losing them like this, huh?” 

“At least they’ll still be alive!”

“There’s a big difference between being alive and actually living, Rey. And my nephew won’t be living without you.” Luke crosses his arms. “Don’t get me wrong, he’ll do his best for your child, he’ll love that kid more than anything and he will never leave them. But he also won’t stop searching for you until the day he dies, Rey. And that’s no way to live a life.”

“But it’s better than no life at all.” Rey says firmly. 

“You’re stubborn. I can see why Ben likes you. Loves you, actually.”

“Please, Stop.”

“I’ll go. But Rey, you should go too. Don’t go to Batuu. Turn around.” 

“He’ll kill them!”

“You know, that bastard Flint is a great sabacc player. No one ever can tell when to call his bluff.” 

“What-“

“Don’t go to Batuu, Rey. Go anywhere else, but not there.” Luke pleads. “Anywhere but Batuu, Rey.” He fades and she huffs in frustration. None the less, she calculates her position and when she’s sure she’s safe she drops out of hyperspace. The closest planet is some tiny, backwater world she’s never heard of, but a quick search on the holonet confirms she should be able to get a clean ship there. If Flint knew she was in this ship, he’ll find her too easily. 

And she realizes that regardless of what she had or had not done in the past (a point which was still muddled in her mind) going to Flint now would be an ultimate betrayal of Ben. To cave to the will of someone who hated Ben so entirely would be like a knife in his already broken heart- and Luke had all but told her that Flint didn’t have the means to truly carry out his threats against her loved ones. She couldn’t control what past Rey had done, couldn’t change it if it was actually horrible, couldn’t defend her for such a horrible thing.

But she had to take control of the situation now. She won’t go to Flint again, if she had ever even gone to him in the past. She loves her Ben with every thing she’s got, and she’ll be loyal to him now. She would have to get a holo message out to Leia or Poe to explain the situation a bit more thoroughly, perhaps tell them to look further into Flint’s dealings because she’s certain he’s up to something. After all, it’s been nearly six months since her injury, and he chose this moment to finally crawl out of the wood work instead of coming to her in the hospital when she hadn’t any memory at all? Before Ben had a chance to “Poison her mind”? Honestly, she might have been receptive to the idea at first. It would have made more sense to her than being married to Kylo Ren, because that’s who she saw when she woke. NOw she had a smattering of memories that didn’t quite fit the narrative Flint had set- And yet he claimed to have loved her all of the time? It doesn’t sit well with her, but she doesn’t dare open this ship’s communications lines, because they were connected to the tracking. And if Flint wanted her to take this ship specifically, she’s certain he’s tracking it. 

NOt to mention the fact that Rose or Finn would be able to track it, and she’s still not ready to face Ben. Those Holos...no matter how hard she tries to convince herself they aren’t real, the seed of doubt is already there, rooted in her mind like a weed. If she had ever done that to Ben, cheated on him as if he meant less than nothing to her, then she had made a mockery of the vows they’d made that day on Naboo. Vows she could really remember making to him. In the memory they seemed so real, so honest tumbling past her lips- how easy it had been to pledge herself forever to a man on the opposite side of the war. Because she loved him then. No matter what had happened after. And Maker knows she loves him now. She can’t face him yet- but she would see him again. She would have to- she couldn’t leave him without at least the chance to say his piece. 

And when Flint released those kriffing holos, because of course he would, she was sure Ben would have plenty to say. He could scream and rage at her, call her a whore, a slut, and every horrible name in the books. He could weep, and ask her why she would do this to him. Or maybe, just maybe, he would some how be able to tell her that it wasn’t real. That none of this was real. 

That everything isn’t as it seems.

She lands on the small planet, not quite a desert, but not particularly temperate either. She tucks her credit chip into her tunic, and pulls a blaster from the weapons store to holster at her hip. She wishes she had brought her lightsaber with her, but it was still on Naboo in their sparring room. She grabs a second blaster for her other hip, and scrubs her face with her hands. She’s certain she’ll look like a mess when she steps off the ship, but she doesn’t care. She just needs to keep moving. 

She buys an old shuttle from a rodian man who claims he’s giving her a fair price, though Rey knows he’s asking too much. For a moment she contemplates using force suggestion to bring his price down, but she can’t bring herself to care if he’s overcharging. From the looks of him, he needs the credits, and she’s guessing this planet doesn’t receive many visitors. Besides, she wants everything done quickly. She prepares her new used shuttle for launch, and then climbs back into the republic ship. It’s easy enough to power up the communication and tracking systems, and hopes she’s landed it far enough away from the town and deep enough in the trees to keep people from scraping it. As she dashes from the ship, she locks it, and climbs into her smaller ship. 

She contemplates where she should go for a moment, but only a moment, because as soon as the tracking systems are booted up, she knows someone will be coming for her. When the idea strikes her, she can’t shake it, so she plugs the coordinates into her nav computer, and takes to the sky again. As she breaks atmo, she picks up the ships communication device, and forces herself to remember the contact code she had used a few times before she’d gone with Chewie to find Master Luke. She sighs in relief as it goes through, and a familiar form pops onto the screen. 

“Hello? Sunshine, is that you?” 

“Hi, Maz.” Rey greets with a small wave. 

“Child, where have you been? Your husband’s mad with worry!” Maz huffs. 

“I...I-” She squeaks. 

“I see you are troubled, sweet girl. Afraid. You don’t know where to go.” Maz observes. “You’ll come to Maz, of course.” 

“But will he look for me there?” Rey asks timidly. 

“No child, he’s already asked, and I told him I would contact him if I saw you.” Maz strokes her chin as she thinks. “I didn’t tell him I’d do it immediately though. Your heart is heavy. You need some good, hearty food, a nice bed, and a kind ear. Lucky for you, old Maz has all three.” 

“If you’re sure-”

“I’m sure, Rey. I’d rather have you here safe and keep you a secret than have you hiding on some backwater outer rim planet in your condition. And I know Ben will be mad at me for keeping you from him, but he’ll be glad you’ve been somewhere comfortable and safe.” 

“I’m so confused, Maz.” Rey whispers, tears forming in her eyes again. 

“I know child. It’s alright. You have the coordinates for Takodana, yes?” Maz waits for Rey’s nod. “Then you sign off of this call, you jump to hyperspace, and you get here to me as soon as you can. We’ll sort out whatever troubles you.” 

“Thank you so much, Maz.” 

“It’s been too long since you came for a visit anyways sweet girl. I’ll see you soon.” 

“I’ll see you soon.” Rey smiles as the call drops, and she turns back to the controls to jump to lightspeed. This time, the streaks of blue and silver outside of her window are almost soothing. She traces little circles on her belly, and whispers words of nonsense to the active baby within, giving comfort and affirmations of her love for her Starlight. “We’ll figure this out, Starlight, you’ll see. Mama is going to figure this all out no matter what.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Are you ready little Ben?” Chewie asks. 
> 
> “Let’s get this over with.” Ben nods. He takes another deep breath, checking his force cloak is still in place as Chewie lands the ship a short distance from the Black Spire outpost. “You waiting here?” 
> 
> “No. I’ll have a look around. If I see that bastard’s ship, I’m going to blow it up.” Chewie sniffs. 
> 
> “Keep your comm channels open, and don’t stray far.” Ben instructs. The wookie affectionately ruffles his hair, and slaps him on the shoulder as he heads out. He’s instantly on edge; there are so many life forms here, even in the tiny, crowded outpost, and they weave a bright tapestry of life that blankets his senses. He pulls his cloak up, his hood obscuring his face as he decides to head right into the heart of things. "
> 
> Rose insists Ben go to Batuu to search for whatever was waiting for Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers! Weekly update a little early this week! I've just been so blown away by the reviews and response to this story! See you again soon!

“Batuu. She was headed for Batuu.” Rose says as she observes the interrupted flight trajectory on the nav computer. 

“Yes, but according to the salesman, she’s headed in a completely different direction.” Ben growls. 

“But don’t you see? He’s on Batuu!” Rose declares. “Or, if not him, someone else is there waiting for Rey to arrive. She landed here six hours ago- a little long, but not entirely unrealistic for a refuel in the outer reaches where the resources are rarer.”

“Your point?” Ben asks, still half distracted trying to get the bond to open up again. 

“Finn and I will resume this ships flight on course for Batuu. You and Chewie will go ahead in the Falcon. You should be able to arrive in a little over half the time that this ship would. You find whoever is waiting there, and take them down!” Rose insists. 

“But we know Rey isn’t on Batuu!” Ben protests. 

“She’s not. But the one who made her run probably still is! Ben, you need to find him, and figure out where the Kriff Hux is hiding from us! Rey is confused, but she’s smart, Ben. She’s already decided not to go to him. You have one chance to make your move before he realizes she’s not coming.” Rose explains carefully. “Rey isn’t safe until all of this is over, Ben. And I know you want her safe.” 

“A six hour delay is a long time, Rose, he might’ve-“

“If he’s already moved on, you’ve wasted what? An hour and a half? We’ll find Rey, Ben. But first, you need to take out the asshole who made her think...who made her hate herself.” Rose nearly growls. “So get your sorry hide back on the Falcon, set course for kriffing Batuu, and figure out where the Kriff Hux is hiding so we can have Poe send people after him!”

“...fine.” Ben relents with a huff. “Fine! But just know I can’t guarantee Flint will live long enough to face trial!”

“Don’t kill him before I get a chance to punch him right in his smug kriffing grin!” Rose protests. “And Rey probably deserves to give him a good kick to the nethers!”

“Fair enough.” Ben nods. “Alright, if we’re doing this, let’s kriffing get it over with. Every minute we waste here is another minute Rey is farther away from us.” 

—————

“Rey?” He tries to break into the bond again even though he knows it won’t budge. She has it locked tight, and he can’t help but be reminded of those months after Crait when she’d shut him out. He’d always felt so cold then, as if her absence was the absence of a sun. He does his best not to think like that now, though. He doesn’t have time to succumb to the numbing cold; his wife and his son need him, a husband and a father, not a despondent shell. “Stay safe, sweetheart. I’ll find you again. I promise.” 

He exhales, and focuses in on his own force signature. It’s easy enough for him at this point, the process of cloaking his force signature. He visualizes his energy, a swirling sea of amethyst waves, and then slowly paints it over with a swirl of colors. A dull, beige sand covers most of the sea now, though he almost feels badly for visualizing the normal sentient life form’s mind like that. But he throws in a few swirls of bright white light, and opposite of it, a pool of inky black; They meet just barely in the middle of the sand, a thin stream of gray. He focuses all of his energy on keeping this cloak in place, A simple force signature, not so dull it would draw attention for it’s lack of the force (The biggest mistake he’d seen in force cloaking technique) and not so brilliant that anyone who happened to read him would think he was a threat. A normal life form, with mild, perhaps undiscovered, force abilities. From the cockpit, Chewie signals to tell him they’re coming out of lightspeed. He rises from his meditative pose, and stretches his limbs as he walks to take the co-pilot's seat. Chewie pats him gently on the shoulder, and Ben offers him a tight lipped smile. He checks that his saber is attached to his belt, and focuses in on the landing procedures. 

“Are you ready little Ben?” Chewie asks. 

“Let’s get this over with.” Ben nods. He takes another deep breath, checking his force cloak is still in place as Chewie lands the ship a short distance from the Black Spire outpost. “You waiting here?” 

“No. I’ll have a look around. If I see that bastard’s ship, I’m going to blow it up.” Chewie sniffs. 

“Keep your comm channels open, and don’t stray far.” Ben instructs. The wookie affectionately ruffles his hair, and slaps him on the shoulder as he heads out. He’s instantly on edge; there are so many life forms here, even in the tiny, crowded outpost, and they weave a bright tapestry of life that blankets his senses. He pulls his cloak up, his hood obscuring his face as he decides to head right into the heart of things. 

The market place is loud, buzzing with hundreds of languages spoken in thousands of voices, but he tunes it all out. He weaves through the crowd with an ease that someone of his stature shouldn’t have been able to manage, and he keeps his breathing even as he feels everything.Occasionally, when he notices a brighter light, his eyes will flicker upwards, but he’s always disappointed. He’s made it through the entire outpost, and is nearly ready to give up when he feels a sort of glimmer of a force signature. Someone who is enraged- causing their signature to spike. A shield slipping out of place, and then suddenly, the spot is out, but he’s already locked eyes on the building that it came from. There’s a long line of people outside, waiting to be let in to what he assumes is some sort of cantina or nightclub, but he weaves through them nearly unnoticed, until he reaches the front of the line, and two large thugs stand guard at the door. 

“You will let me pass.” Ben says, giving only the tiniest nudge of the force. The bigger of the two creatures starts to step aside, but the second grabs his arm to keep him in place. 

“Who are you supposed to be, makin’ demands of us?” The thug hisses. “Back of the line.” 

“You will let me pass.” He repeats, and the second thug blinks. 

“I will let…” He shakes his head. “Go to the back of the line, or I’ll have to kick your-”

“You. Will. Let. Me. Pass.” Ben says firmly, each word accompanied by a push of persuasion. 

“I...I will let you pass.” The thug steps aside, and waves him in. He keeps his head down as he passes into the dimly lit open room. He creeps along the edge of the building unnoticed, until he comes across a small stairwell.He goes down the steps, his hand on his saber beneath his cloak. At the bottom of the steps, he’s met with a long hallway, and he uses the force to help keep his footsteps light as he proceeds. He’s made it only a few feet when he hears a familiar voice. 

“You. Did. What?!” 

“I don’t see what the big kriffing deal here is!” The second familiar voice has his heart hammering. He squats, and through the tiniest crack in the door frame, he can just make out a tall figure with sandy blonde hair, and a blue sort of glow that came from holocoms. “You said you wanted to make that kriffing bastard as miserable as possible in the process, and I kriffing did! You’re welcome!” 

“I do want Ren miserable, that much is true, but not at the risk of him discovering our plans!” 

“Oh please, his little slut couldn’t tell the difference with the holos, he won’t either. Trust me, it’s Kylo Kriffing Ren, he’ll take one look at the image and probably destroy the entire room like an angry kid.” Flint laughs, and the sound grates against his ear drums. “Can’t you just picture his face when he saw it?” 

“As amusing as the image may be, his misery means nothing if you don’t get the girl!” 

“Would you relax? She’s still en-route to Batuu. She stopped for a refuel, but my tracker indicates she should arrive within the next hour or so. Then I’ll bring her to you.” 

“You’d better be right, Ola, or I’ll-”

“You’ll what, General? You’re not my kriffing commanding officer. I’m not in this to serve you.” Flint growls. “I’m here to destroy Kylo Ren. Nothing more.” 

“And that is admirable, Ola, truly. Believe me when I say I too look forward to seeing Ren’s fall. I only wish I could see his eyes when his world crumbles.” 

“On that we’re agreed.” Flint scoffs. “So, what are you gonna do when you get the girl?” 

“Kill her, Of course. Slowly. I’ve already got men ready to tap into the holonetwork, and I’ll be broadcasting every single moment live for Ren’s viewing pleasure.” 

“You gonna-”

“Absolutely not. I’ve no interest in Ren’s leavings- especially not since she’s fat with his spawn. Disgusting. But you’re welcome to her if you’d like.” 

“I just might. Could use another one of those Holos- might be nice to send Ren a little reminder every now and then.” 

“By all means.” 

“I’ll see you at the rendevous in approximately twenty seven standard hours.” 

“I look forward to it, Ola.” 

“As do I, Hux.” The blue light flickers, and Ben watches as the man behind the door stretches, and lowers himself into a chair, humming some sort of happy tune. Ben takes one calming breath, and then shoves the wooden door in with the force as he ignites his saber. Flint is on his feet at once, blaster poised and ready, eyes wide as he takes in his would be assailant. “Well, What do we have here?” 

“Flint.” Ben says stiffly. 

“Surprised to see you here, Ren.” Flint says gruffly, blaster still aimed at Ben’s heart. “That’s an excellent force cloak you’ve got there. Not even a flicker of your usual bullshit.” 

“I could say the same to you.” 

“Impressive, isn’t it? I’ve worked right there with you and General Organa all these years, and not once did either of you even suspect it.” Flint grins. “I spent years working on it. Protecting myself, from you.” 

“I know it’s you. I know you’re Hux’s spy, I know you faked that Holo you sent my wife, I know you tried to poison her, and I know that you’re the one who sabotaged her test flight.” Ben growls. 

“And it only took you, what? Six months to figure it out? Or should we count from the first time I made contact with Hux? Because that was two years ago now. All this time, a spy had high level security clearance, and no one suspected a thing.” 

“I should kill you right now, wermo.” 

“Oh, but where would the fun in that be?” For a moment all is deadly still, and then the table is flying at him. He easily breaks through it with his saber, and when he’s face to face with Flint again, he sees the man has a pike, not unlike the ones Snoke’s guard had used- lightsaber resistant, No doubt a gift from Hux from what was left of the First Order armory. His saber clashes with the pike violently, and when Flint speaks again, it’s through gritted teeth. “I was going to be satisfied just to kill your wife, and let you live the rest of your life kriffing knowing that you couldn’t save her. But maybe it’s more fitting that I end you instead!” 

“What’s your kriffing vendetta against me about?” Ben growls as he shoves him back, only to be met with another block. “I’ve worked for years to make up for my sins- I know they’re numerous, but I-”

“You can’t ever make up for your sins, Kylo Ren! A good deed doesn’t dissolve a crime! It doesn’t bring someone back from the dead!” Flint shoves him back with the force, but Ben is prepared for it, and rotates himself smoothly to block the blow Flint attempts to land on his skull. 

“Look, I don’t know what I did to you personally-”

“That’s right, you’ve killed so many people that two kids won’t make much of a difference, will they? Even if they were among the first!” Flint shoves forwards again, but his movements are broad and unpracticed, even if they are strong. 

“What?” Ben asks,reaching out and holding Flint still with the force. He starts fighting the hold instantly, but Ben holds firm. “Who are you talking about?” 

“My older brother and sister were sent to your Uncle’s kriffing academy! I wanted to go so badly, but I wasn’t old enough, or so my mother said. I was her baby, if I wanted to go when I was sixteen She’d let me, that’s what she said.” He breaks an arm free of the hold, but Ben forces him still again, his arm trembling slightly with the effort. “She didn’t have the force- she didn’t understand! My brother and sister, when they made their weekly holo calls, they would tell me what they’d learned- they would teach me everything they knew! They were the two people I loved more than anything in the world, and on that kriffing night that you burned down the temple, you killed them both!” He roars, breaking free of the hold at last, and attacking with a new sense of vigour. Ben blocks the blows, but doesn’t attack. 

“Flint. I’m sorry.” 

“You’re sorry?!” Flint laughs. “After that night, I had to learn to lock the force away, hide it from everyone! We were always on the move, running and running, and running because my mother was afraid that they would find us- that YOU would find us!” 

“I know there’s no way to make up for what you lost-”

“I felt them die! Like someone took all of the air and sucked it from the atmosphere! First Vick- he was trying to protect Bea- he was the oldest. I heard Bea screaming through the force, and there was nothing I could do when the blaster pierced her skull!” 

“Blaster? Flint- I know that I let the first order in, but I didn’t kill your brother or sister with my own hands. I didn’t use a blaster.” Ben says, though he knows it’s poor defense. “In fact, I didn’t kill anyone that night. I tried to get them to come with me, all of them- but so few would listen- and then the stormtroopers came, and they-”

“Stop lying!” Flint roars. “You killed them! You did!” He makes a broad stroke, the pointed end of his pike just piercing Ben’s shoulder. The pain floods through him, but it only serves to give him adrenaline. Swiftly, he swings his saber, and the smell of burnt flesh fills his nostrils as two hands and the pike fall to the ground. Flint absolutely wails and cries out, and for a moment, Ben considers striking him down. This man had tried to take everything from him. His wife, his child, his whole life. 

But he was a suffering man, a man who, had lost so much in his life,whose soul was broken. And a broken soul was something that Ben could understand well. He extends his hand and pulls Flint’s consciousness with a sharp tug, and taps his comm to life. 

“Chewie? I need a pair of binders. I’m transmitting my location.” Ben waits for Chewie’s acknowledgment before he sends his location, and checks to be sure that Flint’s mind is still completely still. He pushes a little deeper, inducing something like a coma, but he senses it’s almost a relief to Flint’s exhausted mind. Satisfied that Flint won’t be stirring soon, he goes to the shattered remains of the table, and finds the holo device Flint had used to contact Hux. It’s smashed, the glass cracked, and the metal dented and scored, but the wiring and the data chip inside are intact. 

He can only hope that when Rose arrives, she’ll be able to analyze it, and discover the origin of the transmission. If they could, then they would have a chance to find Hux and really end this thing once and for all. He opens his comm again and finds Poe. 

“Ben? Are you alright? What’s going on?” 

“I’m fine. I’ve got Flint, alive but unconscious. His mind is fragile, and I’m afraid If I try to find information in it, it may shatter. But I think we have another way to track Hux down. I just need Rose’s brain for tech.” 

“Okay?” 

“She and Finn will be touching down in approximately one standard hour or less, and I’ll have her try to find the location. If that fails...I’ll see what I can pull from Flint’s mind without destroying it.” Ben swallows nervously as he speaks. “Either way, quietly prepare the strike teams. This is going to be a speed operation.” 

“And you don’t have any clue where we’ll be headed?” Poe asks. 

“Afraid not. Sorry.” 

“It’s fine. I’ll put in the order, have everyone suit up and get all of the preflight checks done. We’ll be ready when we get word from one of you there.” Poe assures him. 

“Good. Good. Thanks Poe.” 

“Not a problem. Dameron over and out.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey figures things out. Ben Starts his search.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'll be real with you, I'm not going into much detail on the final battle that goes down, because this is a story about Rey and Ben, and that's what I wanted to focus on.

Landing on Takodana feels like home in away that she doesn’t expect. Perhaps because she has such real and solid memories of this place, even if they hadn’t been good ones. Perhaps it was because she had honestly never expected to land somewhere and see a friendly face waiting for her again. But Maz is waiting for her outside of her reconstructed castle, and when Rey walks down the ramp of her ship, the little woman scurries over to her and puts a gentle hand on her belly. 

“Your little one is strong, and healthy- so vibrant in the force!” Maz grins up at her. “I’d bet my last credits that this is a boy.”

“That’s...that’s what Ben thinks it is.” Rey smiles tremulously, her heart still aching at the mention of Ben’s name. Because Kriff, she shouldn’t have left. She should’ve spoken to him- even if the holos were real, Ben deserved that much from her after everything they’d been through together. Maz looks up at her thoughtfully, nods to herself, and grabs Rey’s hand to direct her inside. 

“Come on then Sunshine, I’ve got hot stew and a cold glass of bantha milk waiting for you. And lots and lots of bread.” Rey follows Maz willingly through a side door that leads into a large kitchen. Older model Chef droids wheel around the space, but no other life forms are present, and it’s a relief. Maz sits her at an old wooden table laden with food, and motions for her to start eating. She does, and she finds its immensely comforting to have a hot meal. For a while, they sit in relative silence, neither one speaking until Rey starts to mop up bits of the leftover liquid with a hunk of bread. “Are you ready to talk about what’s troubling you?”

“No. And yes.” Rey frowns. 

“You can take your time, Child. Old Maz is ready to listen.” Rey nods slowly, and takes a large swig of milk. 

“I thought that I did something bad. An unforgivable betrayal.” She begins, not looking at the woman across from her. 

“But you don’t think so anymore?”

“No- maybe- I don’t...the thing is that I don’t know, not really. There are a lot of things that I don’t know. Everyone has been telling me things, trying to help me remember, but there is so little that I actually know for sure is real. So- what if it is real, the thing I might have done?”

“And what is it you think you might have done?” Maz asks gently. 

“I...Maz, I’m afraid that I may have cheated on Ben.” Rey utters the words with a quiet sob. “I don’t remember doing it, and the more I think about it, the more I want to believe I never would have done it, but there were holos, and they seemed so real and I...Maz I’m so scared that I did do it.” The words come out in a rush, and her head snaps up when she feels a smaller hand folding over hers. “And now that I’m here, I’m afraid that someone really is going to kill them all for revenge- I know Master Luke said it was a bluff, or I think that’s what he was trying to say, but what if he...if anything happens to any one of them, I won’t be able to live with it!”

“It’s alright child. Let it out.” Maz soothes gently. Rey had thought she was completely out of tears, but more of them appear to slide down her cheeks. “I’ve seen a lot of people in my long life, Rey. And many things and places too. But never in all of my days, in all of my travels, in any galaxy have I seen two beings who love each other the way that you and that boy do.” 

“That’s the thing- I know I love him. I remember that I loved him on our wedding day, and I fell in love with him again after my injury. But what about all of the time in between? The moments I can’t remember? Did I fall out of love with him?” Rey asks, though she can feel that the answer is no. 

“You and Ben are one and the same, Rey. A soul bond. A dyad in the force. When you thought that someone might hurt him earlier, what was your first thought?”

“That I had to do anything to make sure he was safe. That he would survive.” She says automatically. 

“Even at the cost of your own life? Your happiness?” Rey nods. “And if you think about being with another man-“ Rey physically jolts, her face screwing up in distaste. “I thought as much. No, sunshine, I don’t believe that you could ever have done something that would hurt your Ben. I don’t think you could even if you wanted to. His pain is your pain, as your pain is his pain. The bond would not allow it.” 

“But I did hurt him- I cut him-“

“And how did that make you feel?”

“Like a monster.” She whispers. “It was like...a musical instrument played out of tune. Something that needed to be righted.” 

“Because the two of you were never meant to harm each other. You are each the others strength. The others balance. Child, you would sooner run yourself through with your saber than harm one hair on that boys head.” Maz insists. “And that includes matters of his heart, Rey. Think of the scavenger in you, with all of your treasures and your collection. You once told me that Ben’s heart was the greatest treasure you owned. Would you ever intentionally smash your greatest treasure?”

“No- never!” Rey insists. “But the holos seemed so-“

“What we see with our eyes can be deceiving, Rey. It is what we see when we close our eyes, and listen to the force around us that truly matters.” Maz says. “And when you do that, when you listen to what the force is telling you, sunshine, what does it say?” Rey shuts her eyes and breathes in deeply. The baby stirs excitedly in her womb, and the force dances around them and through them. She feels it like a tingle in her fingertips, and then like a fire in her veins. 

“Of course I couldn’t have done it- I love Ben. I love him and only him, and there has never, ever been another.” She feels a strange sort of calm envelope her. “It has to be fake. I couldn’t have done that to him.”

“No, I don’t think you could have.” 

“But I did run away- I should have...Maz, I should have told him- tried to figure it out before I...but I was so panicked at the thought of him being hurt, or Leia or Chewie- I couldn’t think straight.” 

“Now it’s happened, Rey, you can’t dwell on it. You can only move forward.”

“I abandoned him, just like my family abandoned me.” She says, a familiar hollow feeling setting in her belly. “I didn’t stay and fight for him- how could he ever forgive that?”

“How could you forgive him all of his wrong doings?” Maz says simply. “Love, child, is powerful. It makes us do things that defy logic. Even things like leaving someone thinking it’s protecting them. Even things like forgiving someone for leaving in the first place.” 

“Ben has been so patient and good to me since I woke up, Maz. And this is how I thanked him for it?” Rey shakes her head. “His parents always left instead of fighting for him. His father would disappear without a word for months, his mother was always in the senate. They always left him alone with their friends, or with droids. He told me once that he fell in love with me the moment he realized I wouldn’t just fight for him, but fight with him. And I just…”

“Then do something to show him that you will fight for him. That you will be by his side.” Maz suggests. Rey bites her lips as she thinks. “Of course, just returning to him would be-“

“No, I think it needs to be something more than that at this point. Something that will truly show him that I love him. That I won’t leave him, not again.” Rey muses. “Something that….oh! Maz- I have an idea!”

“I’m all ears child.” Maz smiles. 

“How quickly can you get everyone to Takodana?”

“Leave that to old Maz.”

——————————-

“It’s not too bad a stab wound.” Ben hisses as he waves off Rose’s concern. “I already force healed it a bit. It’s just superficial now. A bacta patch and Ill be good as new.” 

“Fine, but I’m getting you one right now.” Rose insists. 

“The republic fleet is en route to Mustafar as we speak!” Finn announces as he re enters the sitting area. 

“Of course he’d pick kriffing Mustafar.” Ben mutters not for the first time. “He always did have a flair for the dramatic.” 

“What’s so special about Mustafar?” Finn asks as he helps Rose reach the medkit on the shelf. 

“My grandfather had a castle there. It was the sight of his greatest defeat, his greatest heartbreak, and what he considers his greatest failure. The location itself fed his darkness for years.” Ben recounts. “I would visit occasionally. The locals didn’t like that much, but…” he trails off. “Hux knows that planets significance to me. To my history. He wants to make the sight of my hero’s greatest failure the sight of mine.” 

“That is dramatic.” Rose huffs as she holds out the bacta strip. “So, we’ve got the local, we have Flint. What do we do now?”

“Are we going to Mustafar?” Finn asks. 

“No. It’s too far. They’ve got this battle. In fact, I’m tempted to say my presence would be detrimental. Hux wants to get to me no matter what. It makes him unstable. Unpredictable. Things will be more clean cut if I don’t make an appearance.” Ben sighs as he presses the cool bacta to his shoulder. “And we should return Flint to Chandrila.” 

“What are we going to do with him?” Rose asks softly. He’d filled them all in on the events beneath the cantina, and even Rose had managed to find some pity for the broken man. “We can’t just let him go. What he’s done…”

“Is no worse than what I’ve done in the past.” Ben reminds them.

“Maybe not, but you never resorted to anything like that holo video. And you never tried to kill someone like he did- at least you fought them face to face, let them have a chance to fight back. He used a cowards methods.” Rose growls. “And he hurt Rey.” Ben’s rage flairs for a moment before he forces it back down. 

“I’m not saying he’s without blame, or guilt. I’m only saying that he’s suffered already. For a long time. I’ve seen his mind, and it’s...ive rarely seen a mind so close to breaking.” He scrubs his face with his hands, noting absently that his beard has started to grow in. 

“There are some comfortable institutions where he could be placed. It’ll be a prison of sorts, but they will give him the help he needs.” Finn suggests. 

“But if he has the force, will that be enough to keep him from being a threat?” Rose asks. 

“There are methods of preventing someone from using the force. Things as simple as force dampening cuffs worn on the wrists.” Ben explains. “I don’t like the idea of cutting someone off from the force like that, but if it’s a necessity…”

“We’ll give our observations to the courts and let them decide. It doesn’t fall on us. It doesn’t fall on you.” Rose assures him gently. 

“Thank you.” He clears his throat. “I’m going to tell Chewie to set course for Chandrila.” He walks towards the cock pit, and Rose leans into her husband’s shoulder. 

“I’m worried about Rey.” She whispers. 

“I know. I am too.” Finn nods. “But she’s okay. I know she is. She’s strong and smart, and she could kick anyone’s ass. She’ll be fine.” 

“She’s probably heartbroken, thinking she did something like this.” Rose frowns. “I just wish she had come to- hold on-“ she reaches for her pinging holo pad. “It’s a message from Maz.” 

“Yeah, I just got one too.” He gasps as his eyes scan over the message, and when he looks back at Rose, she seems ready to cry tears of joy. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m trying to calculate how long it will take us to get to Chandrila, take care of this whole Flint situation, grab the things we need, and get to Takodana.” Rose explains. “And trying to imagine exactly what’s going on with the fleet right now, what their plan is. Hoping that Jess and Poe- well, everyone, hoping that everyone will be okay because I can’t stand it if they aren’t.” 

“I know. Me too.” Finn nods. “They’ll be alright. They’re ready for this. They’ll have the element of surprise.” 

“Right. Right. It’s going to be okay.” She assures him and herself, and then she looks back to her holo tablet again. “I’m just so relieved-“

“Relieved about what?” Ben asks as he comes back in. 

“That we figured this whole kriffing thing out.” Rose says without missing a beat. 

“Almost. Just need to figure out where the Kriff Rey went running to.” Ben sighs and runs a hand through his already disheveled hair. 

“We’ll find her, Ben.” Finn says firmly. 

“I’m going to search for her as soon as we take care of business on Chandrila.” Ben says. 

“Of course. And we’re coming with you.” Rose says.

“I can’t ask you guys to do that. Rose, you’re getting really close to your due date-“

“So we’d better find her quick then.” Rose says with an air of finality. “We will find her Ben. Don’t doubt that.”

“I know. I just...I worry.” He exhales. “I know she’s strong and she can protect herself, but she is almost six months pregnant. She didn’t take her saber with her when she left. I’ll just feel better once she’s by my side again. Safe.”

“And if she still thinks the holo was real?”

“Then I’ll tell her it’s not. I know that from looking at it, I’ve heard the words from Flints own mouth. She just has to trust me.” He starts to pace the small space. “And even if they had been real...it would have been terrible, yes. It could have broken me. But I never would have hated her. Kriff, I’d probably have begged her to give me a chance to be better, to make her happier. I meant it when I said she could never do anything that would change the way I feel for her, would change what we are to each other.” 

“Deep down, I really think she knows that.” Finn says. “She just panicked and tried to run. Like she did back when she first found your grandfathers lightsaber, she panicked and ran into the woods. But she will always come back for the people that she loves. Hell, even for the droids she loves.” Ben cracks a small smile. “Why don’t you go take a rest, Ben. I’d bet you’ve been awake at least for the last twenty four standard hours?”

“I took an hour nap.” He scoffs. 

“That barely counts.” Rose points out. “Go sleep. We’ll wake you once we land on Chandrila, okay?”

“I don’t know if I can sleep right now.” He admits. 

“It doesn’t hurt to try.” Rose smiles. “And I know Rey made you promise to take care of yourself while you were apart. I think you’d better keep that promise, huh?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re probably right.” As he hauls himself off to the bunks, he hears Rose huff indignantly.

“I’m definitely right.”  
————————

“Hux is in holding as we speak thanks to you you son of a bitch!” Poe grins as he runs head long to embrace Ben as soon as they disembark the Falcon. 

“What did you just call me?” Leia asks as she approaches. 

“Son of the greatest, most intelligent, beautiful, merciful-“

“Alright Dameron, no need to kiss ass.” Ben smiles as his mother comes to embrace him. “We called in for a transport for Flint. He’ll need medical attention...I cut off his hands. Anyways- I’m going to get some supplies and then head out to find Rey.”

“You’re not going to see Hux?” Poe asks. 

“What’s the point?” Ben asks, crossing his arms. “You’ve captured him. He’s awaiting trial. There’s no need to antagonize him further for the sake of revenge. I’ve spent enough time on this- I have to find my wife.”

“Damn right you do. Bring that girl home to us, son.” Leia nods. 

“I don’t even know where to begin looking. All I know for sure is that she’s not on Batuu.” He sighs. “I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. I’ll see you guys later.”

“You think he’d be a little more excited about this whole thing.” Poe sighs. “Poor guy.” Leia grabs his arm and pulls him after her. “Where exactly are we going?”

“Get Jess and your droid and meet me at my ship. We’re headed to Takodana.” Leia explains. 

“What- why- don’t we have things to do here-“

“Nothing they can’t get started without us.” Leia shrugs. “I missed enough of my sons life for the republic. They’re not going to take me away from this.” 

“Okay? What exactly is “this”?” Poe asks as Leia makes her way up the ramp to her ship. She glances over her shoulder with a smile.

“You’ll see Dameron. Now hurry up! I’m leaving in ten minutes with or without you. And don’t worry, I’ve got clothes for you and Jess already on board.” 

“Clothes? What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” Poe asks, glancing down at his flight suit. 

“Nothing. It’s just a little...informal. Now hurry up!”

—————

“I tried to find my mother before we left, but it was like she disappeared. Wouldn’t answer her comm either. But I suppose she’s busy with the fall out of Mustafar.” Ben sighs. 

“Little Ben, I’m sure she’s doing-“

“Something important. Yeah, I heard that a lot growing up.” He leans forward and rests his head in his hands. “It’s fine, Uncle, I just...I feel out of balance without Rey. I’ve gotten so used to the bond being open, it feels like I’m missing an arm.” 

“At least boy has both of his arms. Skywalker men usually only keep one.” Chewie smiles as he teases Ben. “Cheer up, Little Ben. It will all be okay.” 

“Yeah. Right.” Ben breathes as he slumps back in his chair. He’d managed a few hours of sleep earlier before they’d made it to Chandrila, but his body still aches with exhaustion. He stares into the blue and silver light of hyperspace, and slowly finds his eyelids drooping. He wakes with a start as the ship comes in for a landing, blinking rapidly to adjust his eyes. “Where the Kriff-“

“Takodana. Maz asked us to stop here.” Chewie shrugs. 

“What? Why?” Ben huffs in annoyance. “We have more important things to be doing than-“

“Maz is a funny little life form, but she has her reasons for everything.” Chewie shrugs. “You go ahead, see what she needs. I want to adjust a few things here.”

“Alright. Fine.” Ben stomps through the rest of the ship, hardly noticing that Rose and Finn are both mysteriously absent from the area. He sees Maz waiting at the bottom of the ramp, and he sighs heavily. 

“BEN SOLO! Come here now, let Auntie Maz have a good look at you.” He sighs again as he squats to be at eye level with the diminutive creature. She takes his face in her hands and observes him carefully through her giant spectacles. “Mmm, yes, you’ll do.” 

“I’ll do what?” Ben asks. “Not that I don’t want to see you, Maz, but I’m still looking for...my… Rey?” The bond tingles, opening just a hair. He looks around wildly, because she feels close, so close- “Maz?”

“I did say I would call you if I heard anything.” Maz smiles. “Go on now, boy. She’s waiting.” He doesn’t need to be told twice. He’s practically sprinting as soon as she tells him to go. He bursts through the front door of the castle, and up a spiraling set of stairs in record time, only stopping when he reaches a door that seems to nearly glow with the strength of her presence. He pushes the door open slowly, his heart pounding in his chest- and then he’s stunned- absolutely speechless, because he has never seen anything more beautiful than this. 

Rey, his Rey standing in front of a large window overlooking water and green in the sunlight, dressed in a long, flowing white gown. It looks soft, and he wants to run his fingertips over it to confirm this theory. It leaves her pretty freckled shoulders bare, shows a tantalizing hint of her cleavage, and sweeps like a water fall of shimmer silk over her rounded belly. Her hair has been done is soft waves that dance around her shoulders as she turns to face him, soft makeup highlights her features without distracting from her natural beauty. She is glowing, like a goddess, and he wants to fall to his knees and worship at her altar for the rest of time. 

“Rey?” His voice is a hoarse whisper, as if he can’t believe this is real, as if he doesn’t want to wake himself from this beautiful dream. Her face transforms into the most beautiful smile, her eyes glimmer with unshed tears. 

“Hi Ben.”


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Rey?” His voice is soft, ragged, disbelieving. She finds herself blinking back tears again as her lips curl into a smile. 
> 
> “Hi Ben.” She manages, and he crosses the room in only four massive strides, engulfing her in his arms and breathing her in even as she clutches at his shirt and holds him fast. 
> 
> “Rey, Rey, Rey.” He mutters into her hair, somehow making the simple single syllable name sound like a reverent prayer. He leans back and holds her face in his hands. “You look- you’re so… Rey…” 
> 
> “Ben.” She swallows and lets out a heaving breath as she takes a step back, needing the space to say what she wants to say before she absolutely throws herself at him. 
> 
> “Rey, I was so scared-”
> 
> “I know. I know...and I’m so sorry.”"
> 
> Reunited and it feels so good!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! We're getting towards the end of this fic (But not quite yet, I have more fluff and a few plot points to resolve first!), and I want to say a sincere thank you to everyone who took the time to read, comment, and kudos! I know I'm horrible at replying to comments, but I've read each one, and honestly, they each mean so much to me! Please enjoy this chapter!

She starts trembling when she sees the Falcon break atmosphere. He’s so physically near, she swears that even with the shields she’s put up she can feel him. She’s beyond relieved that Maz had been so keen to help her with all of this, and that she’d gotten it done so quickly. Rey wouldn’t have lasted a second night without talking to Ben. One while they waited for him to finish his business had been difficult enough. When she sees him with Maz, it’s almost impossible not to throw the shields down and beg him to come to her. Instead she lowers her walls just a little- and she can see in his posture the moment that he realizes she’s here. She backs away from the window, and glances in the mirror. 

Leia had helped her prepare; in truth, Leia had done most everything. As soon as Rey had told her mother-in-law everything that had transpired and what she planned to do, Leia had launched herself into action. She’d gotten Rey the white dress- a beautiful white dress, made of the softest shimmer silk and flowing around her like water- and had done her hair and makeup. She’d procured dresses for Rose and Jess, and helped to make sure everything was ready. 

She tears her eyes away from the mirror as she feels his presence on the other side of the door. Their baby stirs inside of her, no doubt sensing his father, and she caresses her stomach soothingly. The door bursts open, and she stares at her Ben, with his wild eyes and unshaven face- he’s absolutely beautiful. And she hopes- no- she knows that he will forgive her. 

“Rey?” His voice is soft, ragged, disbelieving. She finds herself blinking back tears again as her lips curl into a smile. 

“Hi Ben.” She manages, and he crosses the room in only four massive strides, engulfing her in his arms and breathing her in even as she clutches at his shirt and holds him fast. 

“Rey, Rey, Rey.” He mutters into her hair, somehow making the simple single syllable name sound like a reverent prayer. He leans back and holds her face in his hands. “You look- you’re so… Rey…” 

“Ben.” She swallows and lets out a heaving breath as she takes a step back, needing the space to say what she wants to say before she absolutely throws herself at him. 

“Rey, I was so scared-”

“I know. I know...and I’m so sorry.” She begins. 

“It wasn’t real, Rey. No matter what you think you saw, that holo wasn’t real.” Ben insists, his fingers twitching to reach for her again. 

“You saw it?” She gasps. 

“I did.” He nods tersely. “It was very convincing. But it wasn’t real, Rey. We figured it all out. It was Flint who tried to kill you, he was Hux’s spy. This particular tactic though, I think was meant to get at me. And it did. It might have destroyed me- but someone reminded me-”

“Everything isn’t always as it seems?” 

“Yes- how did you know that?”

“I heard something- like an echo across an empty space. A voice I didn’t recognize.” She explains and sighs again. “Ben, I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize. You didn’t do it, Rey. It wasn’t real.” He insists again. 

“That’s not what I was apologizing for. Ben, I’ve actually been rehearsing this kriffing speech in my head for hours, so if you’d just let me get through it-” He holds up his hands in surrender, and gestures for her to continue. “I shouldn’t have run away like I did, no matter what I thought I might have done. I thought I was protecting you, from death, from seeing something that would ruin you. I thought I was keeping you safe. But I should have talked to you- Tried to figure out what was happening with you instead of just running away. I’m so used to doing everything on my own, and I know we’ve had three years of life together, of doing things together, but even with what I can remember, everything feels so new to me!” She takes a steadying breath. “I’m sorry for disappearing on you. I’m sorry for even doubting us and our bond for a single minute. I’m sorry for all of the pain I’ve put you through for the last six months.” 

“It’s okay.” He whispers, and she shakes her head. 

“It really isn’t. But I...I want you to know that when I thought it was real, I hated myself for it. Because no matter who I was before I forgot everything, the woman I am now loves you, loves you so much it actually hurts to even think of hurting you. And I was furious with myself for doing that to you- leaving was as much a punishment to me as anything else.” She looks down at her feet- or rather, she’d be looking at her feet if she didn’t have nearly six months of baby belly blocking the view. “But when I got some clarity, some distance, when I realized that I couldn’t have done it- Ben, I realized something else too.” 

“Oh?” He puffs his lips out, a nervous habit Rey has come to recognize. “What’s that?” 

“That I choose you, Ben.” She breathes, and lets out a little laugh with the relief of saying it out loud. “I chose you once, on that day on Naboo when we were married, and I’d choose you again today, even without all of the memories, even without all of the details, even without the baby, there is no one else I could choose except for you. And I choose you today, tomorrow, and for the rest of eternity, in this life, or the next.” She takes a miniscule step forward and puts her hand on his cheek. “At our wedding, we couldn’t share it with the people we cared about. We had to keep it a secret. I didn’t have a white dress- or even a dress at all, and We never even got kriffing wedding rings- But if you’ll have me, Ben, I want to make all of this right. I want to show you how much I love you, and I want to share this moment with the people that we love. So, Ben Solo, what do you say? Will you marry me again?” He doesn’t reply so much as he crashes his mouth to hers, his hands roaming everywhere they can reach. She kisses him back just as ardently, clings to him and whimpers into his mouth as the kiss deepens. 

“Yes.” He says as they break apart, gasping for air. “Rey- Kriff, Rey, I will always choose you. Even if...Even if it had been real, Rey, I would’ve been able to forgive you.” He lifts a hand and places it over her thundering heart. “Because you are mine-”

“As I am yours.” She nods, and grabs his wrist to drag his hand to the swell of her belly. “He’s missed you. Very much.” He drops to his knees and presses his forehead to the bump, gasping in delight as the force signature of his unborn child twines around him, pure and bright and absolutely jubilant. 

“Mama, papa, me, together, happy, happy, happy!” Echoes out into the force around them, and he looks up at Rey in sheer awe as she stifles a happy sob. Slowly she lets the last barriers in her mind drop, and it’s as if their force signatures run to greet each other, entwining and dancing together through every nerve in their bodies. It’s almost too much, and her knees grow weak. He’s there to catch her though, and he just holds her against his chest, kissing her crown softly. 

“Please, never do something like this to me again.” He whispers. “Please.” 

“I won’t- I never- I was hoping this gesture would show you how serious I was.” She explains, her face turning pink. “Because marriage is a bond that everyone can understand, and I know we’re already married, but I thought-”

“I love it. And my mother must be thrilled.” He tips her face up to look at her. “I’m guessing she’s here- this is where she rushed off to?” 

“It is. She brought me the dress.” Rey explains. 

“I’ll have to thank her. You look...There really aren’t words to describe how you look right now.” her face grows warmer still, but not with embarrassment. 

“I’m glad she could find something to fit on such short notice. Most brides aren’t trying to accommodate a wedding guest in their dress.” She grins as she pats her stomach. “But I knew if anyone could find me a dress, it would be Leia Organa-Solo.” He laughs and she presses her face to his chest, absorbing the rumbling sound. “I’m sorry I made you wait- It would’ve taken you about the same amount of time to get here- are you mad?” 

“Honestly, I feel like I should be- you disappearing put me through a special kind of hell, sweetheart.” He exhales tremulously, and buries his face in her hair almost to remind himself she’s here and she’s safe and she loves him. “But honestly, I’m so force damned grateful that you’re okay, All I can feel is relief.” She squeezes him tighter. “So- we’re getting married?” 

“Technically it’s what your mother called a “vow renewal” since our old marriage license still stands. But “Ben will you marry me” sounded a lot better than “Ben will you renew vows with me” in my head.” She explains with a shrug. “They’re all probably waiting for us- I have something for you to wear here. Your nicest clothes- I figured this time, we should look like a proper bride and groom.” 

 

“I’ll get dressed in a minute.” He sighs. “They can kriffing wait for five minutes. I just want to hold you.” 

“Five more minutes?” 

“Just five more minutes. Will you allow it?” He asks hopefully. 

“I’ll allow it.” She wraps her arms around his shoulders and rests her face in the crook of his neck. “I might even give you six.”   
\------   
They walk outside hand in hand, untraditional for a wedding day, but then, thats not quite what this is. They’re already married and beyond that, bonded in a way that is beyond most beings abilities to comprehend. But judging by the looks on the faces of their friends- their family- this particular celebration is as meaningful to them. 

There’s soft music playing, and she registers it (because Ben does first) as the traditional wedding music from Alderaan. Another of Leia’s little touches. Maz waits for them under a makeshift arch, while Everyone else sits in an assortment of chairs brought out from Maz’s castle. Rey glances at Jess and Rose, dresses in matching purple dresses and looking beautiful, and then at Poe and Finn, who both wear massive grins. She can barely look at Leia or Chewie without feeling like she’ll cry just out of the sheer emotion they’re feeling as they watch their Little Ben get ready to renew his promises to her. 

The vows are simple. If they’d planned this out in advance, they might have written out something more profound to say to eachother, like Rose and Finn did at their wedding. But even without flowery words, these vows are the most meaningful words she’s ever spoken. Well, spoken twice. She goes first, pledging herself to Ben before family, witnesses, and the very force around them. There are no promises of obeying or deferring, but promises to stand together to face all things, the good and the bad. When he speaks the vows, his voice is clear and warm, proud, even. He’s a little surprised when R2 comes up to offer two simple identical (except for the circumference) bands of silver, but he grins widely as she slides his into place, and kisses her palm once he’s placed hers on her finger. She catches a wayward thought of his, about the engagement ring he’d given her on their first anniversary- it’d been removed at the hospital the first time she’d gone in, and with everything that followed, he hadn’t remembered to give it back to her. A simple wave of reassurance is all he needs- no, something so insignificant as that can’t ruin this day for them. 

“Today, as you did on Naboo years ago in the midst of war, during which you fought on opposite sides no less, you have stated your vows before your loved ones. What the force has bound together, no being may sever. May you live a long, happy life side by side until the force calls you home.” Maz announces, and then she grins. “And now, Ben Solo, you may kiss your wife!” And he does- oh he does. Rey is sure, somewhere in the back of her mind, that this kiss is not nearly chaste enough to share in front of their family and friends, but she’s got absolutely no desire to stop it. They whistle and cheer, but for a moment she blocks them all out, and focuses on her Ben. Her husband. When they break apart, they don’t go far, his forehead rests against hers, and his fingers twine in her hair and she cradled his face in her hands. 

“I choose you, Ben Solo. Now and always.” She whispers, and his answering grin is breathtaking. 

“Always.” He kisses her once more, a chaste little peck, and then they’re nearly run over by a mob of their loved ones, all eager to embrace them. Rey knows she’ll have to explain her actions to the rest of them, especially to poor Chewie, who had probably worried the most after Ben. And she will explain everything to them. But not today. Today is just for her and Ben to share with their family, to remember and take more holo pictures where they’re smiling at eachother like idiots that they can show their son someday. Their son and any other children that may follow, because she’s not kriffing scared anymore. 

For the first time in her life, or at least in the time she remembers, she feels nothing but a resounding sense of peace and hope. Finn kisses her forehead, and Poe swings her around in a circle before Ben gives him a cautionary glare and wraps her safely in his arms the second her toes touch the ground. Rose cries and blames it on the baby while Jess throws a few longing looks to Poe. Leia grins despite the tears that manage to leak down her cheeks, and Chewie embraces all three of them for a very long time. 

It’s as close as Rey can imagine to a perfect day.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“You’re going to love it, Starlight. Mama and papa found you the perfect place to sleep. You’ll be comfortable and safe and warm there.” She croons. “Oh! Blankets- we need to get blankets. And sweaters. Socks too- it’s too cold here, I don’t want him to get cold!”
> 
> “Correction, you’re always cold here. I’m my own personal heater. And yours too.” 
> 
> “Well he’s half desert child. Maybe he’ll be cold too.” She sniffs. 
> 
> “We’ll get blankets. And sweaters and socks too.” He promises. “And hats. Unless he gets the Skywalker good hair.”
> 
> “Mmm, how could we ever cover that up?” She giggles. 
> 
> “It’s very warm, trust me, I know.”
> 
> “Mmhm.” She cards her fingers through it as he finishes the order. "
> 
> Together again, Ben and Rey make preparations for the future, and enjoy each other's company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! I have a new chapter here for you all! I hope you like it!

They decide not to take a honeymoon of sorts, opting instead to return to their home on Chandrila to take some much needed family time, arrange the nursery and all of that. While they fly home in the tiny ship she’d acquired for herself, Ben keeps a hand on her skin almost the entire time, a casual brush of their fingers, brushing a lock of hair away from her forehead, a knuckle smoothing over the long line of her neck, a large palm over the small of her back. She leans into his every touch, and finally just twines their fingers together and holds their hands against her heart. She had almost expected him to pounce on her the moment they were alone, but he seems content to wait, so she decides she can wait too. The ship is small enough to land in their open back yard, though it’s a very near thing. As soon as they’re off the ship, he’s got her up and in his arms, and she grins at him. 

“Determined to make this a holofilm ending?” She asks. 

“Well, we did just get married, and this is the threshold of our home. It seemed fitting.” He huffs. 

“Actually we didn’t get married. Just renewed our vows.” She smirks. “But I won’t complain.” She presses her lips to his throat, kissing and nipping and soothing with her tongue. She feels and hears the growl that starts deep in his chest, and his hands clutch at her a bit tighter. He continues through the door, right up the stairs, not bothering to set her on her feet again until they’re in their bedroom, and then he’s on her. His lips catch hers, melding together sweetly, his hands trace over her shoulders, searching out the zipper on the back of her dress. The drapey fabric falls in a pool at her feet, leaving her bare before him, and he mutters a quiet curse under his breath. 

“See something you like?” She asks, still a bit in disbelief that he truly likes this new body. 

“Very, very much.” He nods. She grabs fistfulls of his shirt, and drags it up until she can’t reach, and he takes over to shrug it off. Then his arms are around her, pressing skin against skin, and they both let out a sigh. She leans into him, his skin like fire, igniting her own, but they only share languid, honied kisses that she wants to last forever, and at the same time wants to stop right now so that she can get his pants off. He catches her face in his hands, and she opens her eyes dazedly, looking into his beautiful brown eyes. “I was so afraid I’d lost you forever. Both of you.” 

“Ben, we’re here, with you, forever. I promise. I promise.” She punctuates each sentence with a kiss over his heart. 

“I know.” He exhales, and tips her face back up to claim her lips again. His patience seems to have run out, and he carefully pushes her back to get enough room to remove the rest of his clothes. He sits on the bed, and offers her his hand, which she takes without hesitation. She settles over him, the broad expanse of her belly between them, but they manage to find an angle that works and still allows them access to each other's mouths, because the kissing is far from languid now, it’s almost more like a stimulant that flows through her veins and makes her crave even more. The bond is almost vibrating between them, all through them, and all she can feel is a constant loop of pleasure, his and hers, so that she can’t tell who is feeling what. But they cry out at the same time, screams of ecstasy lost in each other’s mouths. “I love you. Kriff, I love you.” He whispers hoarsely, his lips trailing over her shoulder. 

“Me too.” He helps her get into a more comfortable position, and disappears into the fresher, returning with a wet rag to clean her up. She bites her lip as she watches him, a warm glow blossoming in her chest. He settles on the bed beside her, tucking her against his body, and letting one of his hands cradle her belly. Their baby is silent and still, but the gentle thrum of his force signature is vibrant and content. “We still haven’t figured out what we’re going to call him.” 

“We’ll figure it out. We’ve got some time.” He kisses her forehead tenderly. “We don’t have to make any decisions until we’ve seen him.”

“Maybe that’s for the best. I just feel like nothing I’ve thought of yet fits him, or Seems like him, you know?” Rey twines her fingers with his over her stomach. 

“You’ll think of something.”

“We’ll think of something.” She insists. “Together.” She shivers and he draws the blankets up around them. 

“There will be time for that in the morning.” He nuzzles his nose gently against her hair as she settles in more fully at his side. 

“Mmmmhm.” She yawns. “Ben?”

“Yes?”

“I’m still really sorry.” She tucks her face into his shoulder and closes her eyes. 

“Don’t.” He kisses her forehead. “After everything you’ve forgiven me for, I’m not going to hold a grudge against you for this.”

“Love isn’t about keeping score.” She sighs. “Doesn’t matter who forgives the most. Just that we don’t...give up on each other.” 

“I’ll never give up on you.” He promises. 

“I know you won’t.” She smiles sleepily. “And I won’t give up on you either.” 

“No, I don’t think you will. Go to sleep my love.” He kisses her forehead again, and when she does fall asleep he still can’t take his eyes off of her. She’s so beautiful, her face smooth and untroubled, a slight smile still lingering on her lips. He stays awake for several hours, listening to her breathing, reveling in the warmth of her. The only moment she starts to stir is when their child stirs and shifts inside of her, kicking against his hand. “Hey now Starlight. Easy. Let your mama get some rest. She’s had a long day.” The baby settles, but not before kicking once more against his palm. “There you go. Force, I’m so glad you’re safe.” He feels the glow of his signature under his palm and he breaks out into a sleepy grin. “Yeah. I like our family being together too.” 

——————-

They spend the next day in bed, skin to skin, rising occasionally for food and the fresher. They spend hours scrolling through the holo web, searching for the things their baby is going to need. 

“I had no idea there were so many types of cradles in the galaxy!” She groans in exasperation. “I just want something simple- we don’t need any special modifications or attached nanny droids or- force, a “sound proof shield to keep the cries of your infant from disturbing your sleep; a soothing sedative cloud is administered-“ that’s awful!” 

“We can get something simple. Here, let me see it.” She gladly hands over the tablet, still shaking her head in disapproval.

“I might not know much about mothering, but how could someone just...just ignore and drug their baby when it’s crying?!” 

“It’s alright. We won’t do that.” He promises her. 

“We would never do that to you Starlight.” Rey murmurs down to her stomach, cradling it with both hands. “We’ll come when you cry. Not a droid or a kriffing sedative cloud!” 

“I found something perfect. Or I think it’s perfect. It’s a little expensive, but it’s well made, and it could be an investment, if we saved it for the next one- if you decide you want another one-“ she cuts him off with a tender kiss.

“Show me?” He taps a few options and the image of a beautiful crib pops into the air above them. “Oh- it’s beautiful...what’s it-“

“It’s made of the wood of a Galek tree. Hand crafted by an old craftsman on Mandalore.” Ben explains. 

“A galek tree? Like the one we were married under?” She gasps. 

“Yes. I thought it would be a nice touch.” He smiles softly and she nods. 

“It is. It’s perfect. As long as it’s not too expensive.”

“We could easily afford it, if thats What you’re asking.” 

“And it would be an investment. You know. For our future.” She watches with delight as his smile blossoms into a grin. “I love it. Let’s get this one.” 

“I’ll order it now.” 

“You’re going to love it, Starlight. Mama and papa found you the perfect place to sleep. You’ll be comfortable and safe and warm there.” She croons. “Oh! Blankets- we need to get blankets. And sweaters. Socks too- it’s too cold here, I don’t want him to get cold!”

“Correction, you’re always cold here. I’m my own personal heater. And yours too.” 

“Well he’s half desert child. Maybe he’ll be cold too.” She sniffs. 

“We’ll get blankets. And sweaters and socks too.” He promises. “And hats. Unless he gets the Skywalker good hair.”

“Mmm, how could we ever cover that up?” She giggles. 

“It’s very warm, trust me, I know.”

“Mmhm.” She cards her fingers through it as he finishes the order. 

“There we go. We’ll have it in two weeks. Since it’s hand made it takes a little more time-“

“Two weeks is fine, Ben. He still has to stay in there almost three months. Even if I think he’s going to try to come early. He’s just too excited to come out and see us.” 

“He’s better stay put just a little bit longer.” Ben insists gently as he leans over to kiss the peak of her belly. Then he passes back the tablet, and rises from the bed, stretching as he goes. Rey watches appreciatively, biting her lip. “You’re staring.”

“Well, you’re naked and you look very good.” She grins, and he barks out a laugh. He tugs on a pair of pants and she frowns. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“It’s almost night time, and all you’ve had to eat today are snacks. I’m going to go cook you something more substantial.”

“I feel fine-“

“I don’t want you to feel fine. I want you to feel amazing.” He grins. “I’ll be back before you know it. Start looking for sweaters and everything else. Start an order.”

“What if I pick things you don’t like?”

“Then I’ll pretend to like them because I love you.” He winks at her as he slips through the door. She grins to herself and sets to work, scrolling through countless options and colors and putting the truly wonderful ones into her little digital basket. It truly amazes her that this little being inside of her will want for nothing- not that she wants to spoil him, she doesn’t- but he will never have to worry about where his next meal comes from, or that his clothing no longer fits. All of the simple comforts of life are guaranteed for him. 

And the greater comforts, love, family, and home? He already has those in abundance. It still shocks her sometimes, the depth of love she feels for her little starlight. Sometimes, it causes an ache in her chest when she realizes how little her mother must have felt for her to be able to just give her up- sell her for drinking money. Because Rey knows that she could never, ever leave her child like that. 

“She was sick, Rey.” Ben’s voice sweeps through her mind as the first tear rolls down her cheek. “Your mother was sick. It made her selfish. You were a child. There was nothing you could have done to help her. To help either one of them.” 

“Logically, I know that.” She whispers, longing to be in his arms again. In their kitchen, he picks up the pace, rushing around and turning off appliances, and then he’s rushing up the stairs. 

“It’s okay.” He assures her, slipping the holo from her fingers and tossing it further down the mattress. He wraps her in his arms, combs his fingers through her mussed up hair, and presses kisses against her temple, her ear, her cheek, brushing away the tears that slip from her eyes. “You aren’t your parents. Their mistakes do not define how you will be as a mother.” 

“I know. I think I know that.” She sniffles. “I really do, but sometimes I don’t think my hormones let me be completely logical. Sorry.” 

“Rey, it’s okay.” He assures her. “You’re allowed to cry, and to be upset sometimes, you know?” She nods against his chest. “And you never have to be shy about wanting me to hold you. I’ll always want to hold you. It’s not an inconvenience for me.”

“Promise me you’ll never let me get sick like my mother was sick.” She says suddenly, and Ben stiffens in surprise. “I know you can’t control it, but I need you to-”

“If you ever feel like you’re losing control like that, or like your mind is working against you, just talk to me. There are ways to get help, Sweetheart.” He says evenly. “I promise that if the day ever comes that you do need the help, I will be there to help you, just like you would be there to help me.”

“Right.” She nods. “I love you. I’m sorry I interrupted your cooking- it smells great, really, but I...It’s silly, I was just looking at this little blue outfit, and thinking about how this baby is going to be so well cared for and I just...spiraled out of control a little.” 

“He is going to be well cared for. Because he’s family. And we take care of our family.” He says the words like a vow, and she twists her neck to better reach his lips. The kiss is sweet, and lingering, and Rey swears she can feel her heart beat returning to normal and her breathing slow. “And it’s alright. I was most of the way finished in the kitchen. I’ll bring up a plate for you. Potato rice with nuna.” 

“That sounds amazing.” She smiles and he helps adjust the pillows behind her to make her more comfortable as he gets up. He draws a blanket over her legs, and puts the holo back in her hands. He presses a quick kiss to her forehead, and leaves with a promise to be back in a moment. She sighs, and rubs a hand over her stomach before she puts the little blue outfit into her basket. “I’ll be a better mother than she was. I promise you that, Starlight. I’ll do my best by you. I promise.” 

________

“We don’t have to do this, Rey.” He whispers into her hair. “We don’t have to be here.” 

“I do. I need to see him.” Rey says firmly, clasping his hand tightly in her own. 

“After everything he did to you-”

“I need closure, Ben. I’m not going to get that if I don’t talk to him.”

“Hux is a malicious human being, Rey. And he hates us. He’s not going to speak to you like a reasonable adult.” Ben argues. “And you already know why he did it.”

“I know. But I can’t shake this feeling. Like we have to confront our past, or it will follow us.” She explains. “If you want, you can wait out here-”

“Absolutely not!” He objects at once, and then has the good grace to look at least a little embarrassed. “I mean- I’ll go with you.” 

“Ben, It’s going to be okay. He’s locked in his cell. He can’t get to me.” 

“You never know where one of his spies might still be lurking, Rey.” Ben cautions. 

“Well then, it’s a good thing I have this.” She pats the lightsaber clipped to her belt. “And I have you too, and I know you won’t let anyone hurt me.” 

“Damn right I won’t.” He huffs, and she tips her face up to press her lips to his. 

“Master Solo, Madame Solo? We’re ready for you.” Rey recognizes the guard as one of Poe’s highest ranking officers. “I must warn you, He’s been informed of your intent to visit, and he started to rave and shout profanities. It might be in your best interest to reconsider.” 

“It might be. But we’re going.” Rey says firmly, and the guard nods and waves them through. Past the blast door, it’s easy to hear the raving the guard had been talking about, laced with expletives and hate. Ben subconsciously positions himself just before her, poised to protect her from any invisible threat. She gives his hand a gentle squeeze as they proceed on. Hux looks terrible. His hair, usually slicked back and neat hangs limply around his sunken face, a collection of whiskers forms on his chin and upper lip. She sees a fresher and a sonic shower in the corner of his cell, so he must be choosing to go without. The second he locks eyes on them, his screaming stops, replaced by a deadly sort of calm. 

“Well, isn’t this a pretty sight. The disgraced Supreme leader and his little jedi whore.” Hux sneers. 

“Hux.” Rey says, laying a gentle hand on Ben’s chest to calm him. 

“To what do I owe the honor?” He asks, his voice dripping with disdain. “Here to finish me off yourself? Since you couldn’t be bothered to show up on Mustafar. I had it all planned out, you know. Very rude of you not to come.” 

“Sorry we were otherwise occupied.” Ben hisses. 

“Ah, I told Ola it was a mistake to send you that holofilm. You were many things, Kylo Ren, but you were never an idiot.” Hux sighs. “I’d had it all worked out. She was going to burn, just like my Gwendolyn. And you were going to have to watch it, to listen to her screaming, knowing that you lost everything. It was going to be magnificent.” 

“You’re insane.” Rey gasps. Her free hand comes up to cradle her belly protectively. 

“Quite sane, actually. That’s what the tests they’ve run here say. Too sane to be acquitted for insanity like Ola was. I’ve heard he’ll still spend the rest of his life in lock up, surrounded by force blockers, but me, I’ll be put out of my misery.” Hux laughs. “Is that why you’re here? Is my fate to be doled out by saber?”

“Your fate rests in the hands of the Republic. I want nothing to do with it.” Ben says firmly. 

“Really? Even after I tried to kill your little play thing? You know, I really thought the poison would do the trick. If it wasn’t for that little bastard-”

“Enough!” Ben roars, his hand flying up without thought, the force flying from his fingertips to push Hux against the wall and hold him there. “I do want to kill you, for everything you’ve done to her, for the pain you’ve put her through. I want to rip your mind apart, the way you did hers, I want to tear you apart, limb from limb until you’re begging for death, and even then it wouldn’t be enough to atone for your sins against her!” 

“Ben.” Rey says softly, and instantly his grip on the force drops, and his hand drops to his side as if he’d just touched flame. 

“But it’s not my place to condemn you to death. It’s not my place to be it’s steward.” Ben says, and his chest heaves with every breath. “The republic will decide your fate. No matter how much I might wish I could end you myself- I won’t.” 

“My, how the mighty lord Ren has fallen.” Hux chuckles coldly from the place where he’d collapsed on the floor. “You could kill your father, but not me, your enemy? You’re more pathetic than I thought. A coward.” It’s a low blow, and Ben’s muscles go rigid. Rey steps around him, her eyes piercing through the force field containing Hux. 

“I forgive you, for everything you did to me.” She says, and Hux’s face snaps up. Behind her, she hears Ben’s breath catch in his throat. “I know you did it because you were hurt. It doesn’t justify it, but I do understand that. When someone is hurt...Well, we like to think we’re superior to animals, but when we’re hurt, we lash out just like they do.”

“What trick is this?” Hux spits. 

“No tricks. I simply don’t have any more energy to waste on hating someone like you. Someone so broken and twisted. Someone who isn’t long for this life. Hating you would eat me up inside, and I don’t have the time for that. I have better things to focus on. Better things to occupy my mind.” She looks down at her stomach with a soft smile. “And in the end, what have you accomplished except for strengthening my relationship with my husband? Just the opposite of what you wanted, Isn’t it? So, I forgive you. More for myself and my child than for you. But I forgive you none the less.” 

“I don’t want your forgiveness!” He snaps. 

“But you have it.” Rey shrugs. “And for what it’s worth, I am sorry that you lost your love. The pain of that is...Well, it’s unbearable.” she swears she hears a sob from the inside of the cell. She looks back to Ben, who is staring at her with nothing short of reverence in his eyes. “Are you ready?” He nods, and she starts to lead him away. 

“Gwendolyn Phasma was a good soldier until the very end.” Ben says, not looking back at Hux, but feeling his eyes on him nonetheless. “She never gave up on the cause, and ultimately, she would be proud of you for doing the same.” With that he begins walking again. They sign out of the facility, and walk to their speeder in silence. He helps her into her seat before he takes his own and begins to fly. “I don’t forgive him. I know you did- It was amazing, the way that you did that, but I can’t. I just can’t.” 

“I didn’t take you there so that you could forgive him.” Rey puts a hand on his upper arm. “But I wanted to show you...Well, youve been having dreams, since you fought Ola on Batuu. Dreams about losing control. About your darkness spiraling. And in the dreams, even I can’t stop you. I’ve seen them.” 

“I’m sorry.” He presses his lips into a thin line. “I hope I didn’t wake you.” 

“Don’t be sorry. I just have been having a hard time sleeping lately, with the baby’s new waking and sleeping schedule.” Rey shrugs. “But I’ve felt the way you feared those dreams. That they would become reality. But they didn’t.” 

“I pinned him to the wall, Rey. I acted like-”

“You had a strong reaction because he was goading you. But you stopped yourself, even though I know you could have ended him as easily as a flex of your fingers. You didn’t do that though. You stepped back, you spoke levelly. Ben, you resisted the complete pull to the darkness.” 

“I only stopped when I heard your voice.” 

“Maybe. But I don’t doubt that you would have stopped yourself too.” She smiles. “The darkness will always be a part of you. It’s natural, Ben. Just like it’s a part of me, of everything alive. As long as you don’t let it consume you, it’s nothing to fear. You’re still my Ben when you feel the darkness.” 

“It doesn’t feel that way.” 

“I know. But, Ben, what we are has never been defined by denying natural human reaction. We’re not the Jedi of the old republic.” She insists. “I’m sorry if that wasn’t helpful to you- I just thought that-“

“I didn’t say it wasn’t helpful.” He interjects. “I’m glad that you found some semblance of peace in it at least. And I’m glad I got to say what I did about Phasma. She may have been fighting for a cause I no longer believe in, but she was an incredible fighter, a loyal soldier. The best actually. Is it wrong that I hope he can take small comfort from what I said?”

“No, it’s not wrong.” Rey smiles at him. “He’s suffered and lost enough in his life time without us adding to his punishment… have they reached a decision? About his fate?”

“I don’t know. I asked not to be informed.” Ben frowns. “But if you did want to know, we could ask.”

“No. I’m sure we’ll hear enough about it...after.” She nods. “I think I remembered something this morning.” 

“Oh?” He glances at her briefly. 

“Don’t get too excited, Ben, it wasn’t anything important. Just...Your favorite dessert is corellian air cake, isn’t it?” 

“It is.” He grins at her, ecstatic despite the insignificance of that particular memory. 

“But you don’t actually like sweet things that much. But if you want something sweet, it’s always going to be a corellian air cake.” She continues. 

“Also correct.” He reaches over and puts a hand on her leg, squeezing gently. “What brought that memory up, do you think?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. I was just listing everything I could remember, and I realized I didn’t remember a lot of the little things I’m sure I knew about you. Like your favorite color, or animal, or food or dessert was, but then there was this little tug, like I did know something. Corellian air cake.” She shrugs. 

“My favorite color is hazel. Or green. Depending on what color your eyes are on any given day. I don’t know that I actually have a favorite animal, but I’ve always been fascinated by Varactyl. If I had to choose a favorite food, I’d probably say jerked dewback.” He lists off casually. She grins and traces the veins on the back of the hand that’s curled gently around her thigh. 

“Thank you. I just realized that I asked a lot of big questions, the important ones, but that’s not all the information that was lost, you know? Those little things, the ones that are so silly, but so important to who we are…” She sighs. “I want to remember every little thing I’ve ever learned about you.” 

“I’ll tell you anything, you know that. And I don’t doubt that more things will come back to you.” He maneuvers the speeder into it’s charging bay, and hops out before he helps her out of her seat. “I was thinking we could go to the academy tomorrow, if you wanted to. It’s break, so most of the students wont be there, but I thought we could have dinner with the ones who stay all year. Maybe go over some of their lessons, if they have questions.” 

“I’d like that a lot.” Rey nods. 

“I’ll let Henley know.” He unlocks their front door and ushers her inside, shutting and locking the door behind them before he joins her on their plush sofa. She curls into his side, and his arms circle around her at once. 

“Ow!” She hisses, jolting a little. “Dont panic, Ben, I just got kicked in the ribs a little.” 

“Hey, Starlight, be careful with mama.” He chuckles as he strokes her stomach soothingly. “She might be strong, but she’s still breakable.” 

“I’m fine, Ben, really.” she assures him. “It must be crowded in there. I can only imagine how much more crowded it’s going to get. Rose says she feels like her insides are a punching bag and the baby is a professional fighter. So I have a lot to look forward to.” 

“Well, starlight is pretty good at settling down when you ask him nicely.” Ben points out. “He’s a gentle, clever little guy.” 

“He is.” Rey grins fondly. “Rose asked if I wanted to be there when the baby was born.” 

“Do you?” 

“Yes and No.” Rey bites her lip. “On the one hand, I know almost nothing about this whole process. Pregnancy and birth, it’s all sort of a mystery to me, you know? So it could be good to experience it like that, Before I have to do it myself. But it seems like giving birth is such a personal thing- I cant even imagine having anyone but you there, though I’m sure when the time actually comes, I’m going to be really grateful that Dr. Kalonia is there. I just...I don’t want to intrude on her moment.” 

“From my understanding, everyone handles birth differently. Some people are more comfortable than others with a larger group of people present. Some people even want that support system. You and Rose are as close as two friends can be, So maybe she wants you there to, I don’t know, cheer her on or something of that nature.” Ben muses. 

“I guess that makes sense.” Rey nods. “She asked Jess too, but I think Jess is a little more squeamish than she wants to let on.” 

“Jess the girl who asked you for a thorough description of my-”

“Yes, the very same. When it comes to sex, she considers herself highly enlightened, but I don’t think she’s quite there when it comes to, well, the consequences.” Rey laughs, though the sound turns into a yawn. “Sorry. You’re not boring me, it’s just been a long day.” 

“It’s not even midday yet, sweetheart.” He murmurs into her hair. 

“I can’t help it if growing someone's son makes me tired.” She protests. “I should take a nap.” 

“You should.” He smiles fondly as he rises, ignoring her squeak of protest. “Come on, I’ll carry you to bed.” 

“I can nap here. It’s very comfortable. Or it was before you got up.” She huffs. 

“Your back will be sore if you sleep on the sofa, and you know it.” She frowns but nods with a sigh, and he scoops her up in his arms. 

“But you have to stay with me until I fall asleep.” She insists. 

“Deal.” He kisses her forehead and she relaxes further into his arms. He sets her on the bed, and removes her shoes and then his own, and settles her under her favorite blanket before he lays down beside her. She molds her body around his, and actually moans in contentment. He ignores the way the sound thrills him, and focuses on adjusting the pillow under their heads. 

“Mm. I might have to amend the deal.” 

“Why?” 

“You might have to stay until I wake up too.” She teases, but the slight tremor in her voice makes it clear she’s very serious. 

“I can think of much worse ways to spend the morning.” She hums in agreement, and the warmth of his body and beat of his heart lulls her into a deep, mercifully dreamless sleep.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone's having a baby! (Hint, It's not Rey!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry I'm a little later on this chapter! I hope you like it!

“Forty one kriffing weeks! She should have kriffing been here seven days ago!” Rose growls as she walks on the training device. Rey lounges easily on a plush chair, while Jess runs on the device beside her. 

“Take it easy, Rosie, she’ll come when she’s ready.” Jess insists. 

“Easy for you to say! You don’t have a kriffing hubba gourd pressing on all of your internal organs!” Rose groans. “I’ve been having those practice contractions for months, MONTHS. And nothing. Nothing!” 

“Dont over do it, Rose.” Rey cautions as she sips her jogan fruit juice. 

“Don’t worry, Dr. Kalonia said I can exercise as much as feels comfortable.” Rose says with a wave of her hand. “I have tried literally everything else to get this going. Spicy food. Nothing. Acupuncture. Nothing, and I’m more stressed than before! Sex- I’m pretty sure I’ve had sex with Finn more this week than I had for the last three months! I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, to the exercise, but, here we are. One way or another this baby is coming out today!”

“Fine, that’s fine, just don’t exhaust yourself Rosie.” Jess insists. 

“How are you not even sweating right now?! You’re running and I’m walking!” 

“Because I don’t have an extra hubba gourds worth of weight to keep me down?” Jess laughs. 

“I’m never doing this again.” Rose grumbles. “Or like. Not for a very long time!” Rey smiles at her indulgently. “Just wait until your baby drops, and the bump goes from cute to just cumbersome.”

“Oh I can’t wait.” Rey laughs with a roll of her eyes. 

“You’re what? Seven weeks behind me? You’ll be here soon.” Rose warns. 

“Oh no, you don’t want to make her too excited!” Jess laughs. 

“Alright miss flat belly. Laugh all you want, but I swear I’ll let Poe hold the baby before you do!” 

“You wouldn’t!” 

“Oh I absolutely would!” 

“And here I thought you loved me!” Jess gasps, her mock wounded voice making Rey giggle. 

“I do love you- I love all of you a whole kriffing bunch, but I don’t think I’ve actually slept well for a full month, food has lost its appeal because there’s just not any room for anything except for this baby, and I’m so sore and irritable and miserable, and this baby won’t get the Kriff out of here!” Rose said quickly, deflating as the words rushed out. She stifles a little sob, and Jess powers down her machine. “I’m sorry- I’m really sorry!”

“Hey, it’s okay!” Jess turns off Rose’s machine and helps her over to the sofa where Rey sits. Rey takes one of Rose’s hands while Jess holds the other. 

“I’m just really tired, you know? And I love this baby so much, but I cant get her out and I’m so frustrated! And tired, you guys, I’m so tired, and every time I think I might fall asleep I get a foot in my ribs or my kidneys or something and then I have to pee again! It’s a nightmare!” 

“I could try putting you in a force sleep.” Rey suggests. “It’s really just like falling asleep and you do wake up refreshed.”

“Are you serious?” Rose asks. “How did I not even think of that?! Come on, we’re getting me settled in bed and you’re going to do the kriffing force sleep thing and I’m going to actually be able to sleep for once and then I’m going to finally be well rested enough to get through a birth!”

“Sure. Come on Rosie, let’s go get you into your comfiest pajamas.” Jess says soothingly. 

“I want one of Finn’s t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I’m too kriffing hot.” 

“Then that’s what I’ll get you.” Jess smiles. “We’ll get you all settled in.”

“You two are the best friends I could ask for. Finding me pajamas and agreeing to knock me out. I’m so lucky.” Rose sniffles. 

“Yeah, you sure are.” Jess laughs. 

“And I’m sort of mad you didn’t suggest a force knock out like three days ago.” 

“To be fair, I don’t think force knock outs are generally used as a mild sedative.” Rey points out. 

“But you're going to do it though, right? Because I’m so tired, Rey, I’m so tired and so pregnant!” 

“I’ll do it. There are no negative effects unless you’re intentionally pushing.” Rey promises. 

“Good, I’m so- oh! Ow- ow!” Rose gasps, clutching her stomach. “Ha, ha- you guys, it’s a contraction!” 

“What- seriously? Right now?!” Jess asks, eyes wide.

“Yeah! Okay. Okay. It’s fine. It’s a first contraction.” Rose exhales. “Okay. No force knock out I guess. Jess, you get to help me put on the comfy clothes, Rey, you get Finn home.” 

“Right. On it.” Rey turns and waddles back to the living room where she left her holo. It pings twice before Finn’s image appears. 

“Peanut, what’s going on? Is everything okay? Is Rose okay?” 

“Peanut, peanut, calm down, okay? Everyone is fine. Rose just had a contraction, and she wants you home.” 

“She had a contraction? Like, a real one?”

“She seems to think so.” 

“Okay. Okay. I’ll come home- and she’s okay?”

“Peanut, she’s fine, I promise. She just wants you home.” 

“Be there in ten to twenty depending on traffic.” He turns from the camera at the last moment and shouts to someone on the side. “Hey, guys, Rose is in labor!” 

————-

“Rosie, she’s so perfect!” Jess openly weeps as looks at the crying bundle in Rose’s arms. 

“And she’s only one week and one day late!” Rose laughs, and kisses her daughters head. “And a thousand kriffing pounds- let’s just say I’m so glad for numbing drugs right now.” 

“You did so good, Rose.” Finn kisses her hair and squeezes Rey’s hand. Rey grins at them both. Rose has been in labor for just over twenty four standard hours before the baby had finally come two hours ago. Rey had sat with her off and on throughout, though she had gone home to sleep at some point. Jess had been a trooper, staying by her side nearly the whole time, and running for coffee or food, whatever Finn or Rose needed. 

“Have you got a name yet?” Jess asks. 

“We do. But we’re gonna wait for Ben and Poe to get here.” Rose insists. “Alright. I think I can share now. For a minute. Who wants to go first?”

“Rey Rey can. She needs the practice, right?” Jess smirks. 

“Oh- yeah. Yes. Um, I would love to.” Rey nods. 

“Here, why don’t you sit down.” Finn gestures to the chair, and she eases herself into it as Rose transfers the baby from her arms to Finn’s, and Finn brings the baby girl to her. It’s instinctual, though she can’t remember ever holding a baby before. The tiny bundle curls into her arms, pink faced and cooing, little lips smacking. 

“I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, she’s so beautiful.” Rey grins as she gently rocks the baby. 

“She is the prettiest human I’ve ever seen, no offense to the rest of you.” Rose says with a smile. 

“None taken, it’s true.” Rey agrees. Her baby kicks and jostles her arm. “Woah- hey there little starlight, be careful, mamas holding your future best friend.” She glances up to see Finn taking more holo pics, and she smiles indulgently at him before focusing back in on the newborn in her arms. Her face is still wrinkled and red from the birth, but it looks like her skin tone is somewhere between her father and mothers. She looks a lot like Rose, or Rey thinks she does, though it’s hard to tell so soon after her birth. She definitely has her big, beautiful almond eyes, thought they’re currently a milky sort of blue, which both Rose and Doctor Kalonia had informed her is normal for a new born. Her hair is sparse, textured like Finn’s, and Rey thinks she is the most magnificent creature she’s ever seen. 

“Hey guys!” Poe whispers loudly as he enters the room. 

“She’s awake, you can make noise.” Rose laughs. Poe crosses the room and wraps an arm around Jess’s waist. Ben shuffles in quietly behind him, his eyes instantly on Rey and the baby in her arms. Their eyes meet, and Rey knows he’s thinking of the not so distant day when he’ll see her holding their own baby. There’s something extremely tender in the way he gazes at her just now, and he comes to kneel at her side, one hand resting on her stomach, the other around her shoulders as he looks down at the baby girl. 

“Congratulations, both of you. She is exquisite.” Ben says, his lips tugging into a beautiful half smile. 

“I know.” Rose says a little smugly. “You wanna holder her, big guy?” 

“May I?” Ben asks. 

“Of course you can!” Finn chuckles. He rises to his feet, and they carefully, If a little awkwardly, manage to transfer the baby from her arms to his. The baby, who had felt surprisingly sturdy in her own arms, looks tiny and fragile compared to her husband’s broad frame. His smile is so soft it almost makes her want to cry, though admittedly, almost everything does these days. His whole figure sways slowly as he takes in the features of the little baby. 

“Alright, what’s her name?” Poe asks. Ben passes the baby to Finn, and perches himself on the arm of Rey’s chair. 

“Rosie, you did all of the hard work here, do you want to tell them?” Finn asks as he sits next to her on the bed. Rose lays her palm on her daughters chest, grinning broadly. 

“Everyone, this is Vida Halia Tico.” Rose announces. “Vida means “Beloved friend”. It took us forever to pick it but it just seems like it’s her name.” 

“And Halia means “remembrance of a loved one.”.” Finn adds. 

“To honor without burdening her with a legacy.” Rose glances over at Rey, who gives her a half smile. 

“Well, let Uncle Poe have a turn!”

“Ah- no, not before Aunt Jess! I just spent twenty four standard hours basically being Rose’s servant, I’ve earned this!” As Jess and Poe bicker, Rey twines her fingers with Ben’s, and looks up at him. He smiles at her, and uses his free hand to smooth her hair away from her face.

“You Okay?” He asks silently. 

“I’m great. A little hungry. But I can wait.” She leans her head to rest on his leg, and he busies himself with playing with her hair. She closes her eyes and bites her lip as she continues their silent conversation. “Force, I’m so excited to hold our baby; but I’m not excited to go through all of that- but Rose looks so happy now. Like she was screaming and sobbing and cussing Finn out less than three hours ago.”

“I’ve heard people say that after birth mothers forget the pain. But that seems like it cannot be true.” Ben acknowledges. 

“I don’t think they forget the pain. I think they just realize the pain was worth it.” Rey muses. “Because the look in Rose’s eyes the second she got to look at Vida...It was like she’d just won the biggest battle of a war. Like a turning point you don’t ever want to go back from.” 

“Soon, sweetheart. You’ll have that soon.” 

“We’ll have that. Together.” 

“Together.”


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If ordering the clothes had made her emotional, it was nothing compared to unpacking them and putting them into the wardrobe. The clothes were soft to the touch, and so tiny, especially in Ben’s hands. When she finds the little green sweater that had set her off when she was shopping, she can’t help but smooth it out over her belly, grinning as she looks down at it. 
> 
> “Don’t move.” Ben says softly as he grabs his holo. He photographs the moment, and she’s grateful. Since she’d lost her memory, pictures had been so important for helping her remember. She wanted pictures of everything, just in case."
> 
> Ben and Rey continue to prepare for their new arrival. Rey and Rose enjoy some time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! So, this is basically a fluff/filler chapter. Next time, Baby Solo! What do you guys think? Is it a boy, like they think? Or Is it a girl? What will they name the baby? 
> 
> We are very nearly at the end. 1-2 more chapters and an epilogue. I have started drafting a new fic (A modern Reylo, involving an agreement to have a baby, Metal band (And secretly soft boi) guitarist Kylo Ren, and mechanic/aspiring musician Rey) and if it ends up being any good, I'll be posting it here! 
> 
> Any ways, your response to this story has really just blown me away, and I'm super honored that you all have been enjoying it! See you later this week!
> 
> -ForgetmeNot_Fireweed

If ordering the clothes had made her emotional, it was nothing compared to unpacking them and putting them into the wardrobe. The clothes were soft to the touch, and so tiny, especially in Ben’s hands. When she finds the little green sweater that had set her off when she was shopping, she can’t help but smooth it out over her belly, grinning as she looks down at it. 

“Don’t move.” Ben says softly as he grabs his holo. He photographs the moment, and she’s grateful. Since she’d lost her memory, pictures had been so important for helping her remember. She wanted pictures of everything, just in case. 

“I think this sweater is what we’ll put him in when we bring him home.” Rey smiles at him. “So he can be cozy and warm. What do you say Starlight?” There’s a little nudge against the hand that holds the sweater in place, and her smile becomes a grin.

“I’ll put it in your bag for the hospital.” Ben says as he sets his holo aside and takes the sweater from her hands. While he does that, she turns to the crib and runs her fingers over the smooth wooden surface. Inside is a little mattress with green and cream colored sheets over it, a little fuzzy Ewok toy from Leia, and a soft yellow blanket Jess had given them. Beside the bed rests a little monitor droid with the ability to read infant vitals. It was connected to their holos, and to a special tablet in their bedroom. In a dire situation, it could contact the hospital, and was programmed to go into their own bedroom to wake them with a noise programmed to be heard only by adults. They’d put in security bugs along the large window, just to give themselves a little peace of mind. But over all, everything remained remarkably simple. No nanny droids or high tech cribs. Ben had too many bleak memories of being left in the care of droids- and though he’d always been taken care of, it had left him lonely, exposed to the voices in his head with no one else to talk to. 

“I just want you and the doctor in the room with me.” She finally says, glancing over her shoulder to see him sorting and folding tiny baby socks. It’s one of those rare moments that she really remembers who he was- everything that he’d done- it was almost an absurd concept, Kylo Ren tenderly folding tiny socks with pictures of cartoony banthas on them. But she tucks that thought away deep into the recesses of her mind to keep him from feeling any pain.

“If that’s what you want.” He promises. “But if you change your mind-“

“I don’t think Jess will be ready to witness another birth any time soon. And I know Rose would be there in a heart beat if I asked, but it would be so difficult for her with Vida to take care of. And your mother is already so busy- I know she’d be there if I needed her, but…” She wanders nearer to him, and reaches for his hand, which he gives her without hesitation. “I only really need you. I think maybe it will different for me, for us, than for Rose or other women. Because your very presence in the force with mine is all the comfort I could ever need. When you take my hand, you anchor me.” 

“I know what you mean.” He smiles, his eyes flickering to their twined fingers. 

“And beyond all of that, I don’t like people seeing me being vulnerable. Birth is an incredibly vulnerable moment, and I...I dont want people to see me like that. I know that they wouldn’t judge me, but, I...Ben, you make me feel safe, and comfortable, even when I’m sick or scared, and that’s what I’m going to want. Just the idea of other people being there makes me anxious.” She felt her eyes flood with anxious tears that she tries to blink away before they fall. He’s standing in front of her in an instant, his free hand cupping her cheek and brushing away stray tears with his thumb. 

“It’s okay. If you don’t want anyone else there, then I’ll be the only one who’s there. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll give you comfort.” He promises, and she nods as she leans her face into his hands. “If you really wanted, we could have the baby delivered by a medical droid. No other humans necessary.”

“Part of me likes the idea, but...We haven’t exactly had the best of luck with our medical droids. And the birth of our son isn’t something I’m willing to take any risks on.” Rey says firmly. “I trust Doctor Kalonia. She promised she would deliver the baby, even if she wasn’t the doctor on call.” 

“I just want you to feel safe, Rey. You’re right about this being a vulnerable moment for you- I want to do anything I can to help you feel secure.” 

“Like I told you, Ben. All i need to feel secure is you.” She insists. “I just think about our wedding, on Naboo- I can remember how my stomach felt tangled in knots and I was so nervous and scared until the moment I was with you. That was all it took for me to know everything was going to be alright.” she tips up her face and he instantly leans down to kiss her. “And I know how you actually feel about medical droids at this point. I think it would be a stress, even just in the back of our minds.”

“I would feel better with Doctor Kalonia.” He admits. “But-”

“You don’t have to explain. It’s as good as decided.” She assures him. “And she doesn’t even have to stay in the room with us the whole time- mostly it can just be me and you.” 

“Just me and you.” He repeats, almost like a vow, and she smiles softly as he kisses her again.   
___________________

“Poe is thinking of proposing!” Rose tells her as soon as she’s through the Tico’s front door. Ben had dropped her off on his way to the academy- she wasn’t supposed to drive or fly or really go anywhere on her own until the baby comes. With the tumultuous history of her pregnancy, dr. Kalonia had insisted it was too risky, and Rey couldn’t find it in her heart to argue, not when her sons health was on the line.

“Whoa- wait- what?” Rey blinks as she waddles after Rose who is nearly bouncing through her baby supply strewn living room. 

“Poe told Finn last night that he was thinking that maybe it was time he proposed to Jess!” Rose calls over her shoulder as she scoops Vida up from her little rocker. “And Finn told me almost immediately because we have no secrets.” 

“Well- I guess that’s great!” Rey smiles. 

“It is- you sit down now, you shouldn’t be on your feet so much- I know Jess has been thinking about marriage for at least the last three months- seriously Rey, sit your butt down, Ben told me the Doctor wanted you to stay off your feet- And I think Poe is finally used to the idea of settling down.” 

“Okay, If I sit down can you stick to one subject at a time, please Rose? You’re giving me conversational whiplash here.” Rey sighs as she slowly lowers herself into the chair. 

“Sorry, I’m just excited for Jess and Poe- and excited to have an actual adult here to talk to face to face! I know I get to talk to Finn face to face every day, but half the time we really are just talking about the baby, which I don’t mind of course, Vida is everything to me, but also, I’ve missed having you and Jess around as much but I know you’re busy trying to get everything ready for the baby, and Jess just got that promotion at the flight school- and I’m talking a thousand words per minute again, I’m sorry!” Rose laughs. “Here, do you want to hold Vida for a second while I grab us some snacks?”

“Yeah, sure.” It’s a little bit difficult to hold the baby with her own large baby bump in the way, but she manages to get Vida settled comfortably into her arms. She’s seen her twice since she was born three weeks ago, but nothing could prepare her for the way the little girl changed each time she saw her. Her skin tone had evened out a bit from the blotchy sort of pink it had been at birth, and was now a lovely color- not quite as dark as Finn’s complexion, but certainly darker than Rose’s, Her blue eyes were a little more murky now, on their way to being a dark brown, she was sure, and her features seemed to be more pronounced now. “Well, Vida, what do you think?” 

She gently caresses the baby’s cheek with her finger. Vida responds by simply blinking at her, and after a moment letting out the tiniest little sneeze Rey has ever heard in her life. Rey’s lips curl into a grin as she feels the baby start to settle in sleepily against her chest, her tiny lips opening in a perfect “o” as she yawns. 

“Aw, look at you! Holding two babies at once!” Rose coos as she walks into the room. She sets down a tray laden with blumfruit muffins and potato sticks as well as other snacks Rey doesn’t recognize, and pulls out her holo to capture the moment. “Is she sleeping? Aw, someone loves her Auntie Rey!” 

“You really made a beautiful baby, Rose.” Rey smiles at her. 

“I mean, Finn helped a little bit.” Rose smirks as she picks up the tray and moves to set it on the low table in front of the sofa. “She gets all the beauty from me though, since I’m her mother.” 

“Oh, obviously.” Rey chuckles. 

“I can’t wait to see what your little guy is going to look like. If it is actually a little guy. I can’t believe you two haven’t found out yet- Not knowing literally would have driven me crazy!” Rose sighs. 

“Only four weeks to go, Rose, I think I can wait to find out.” Rey rolls her eyes at her best   
friend’s dramatic antics. “Besides, I’m almost positive Ben’s right. He just feels like a boy.”

“I want to say there’s no way you could possibly know that, But again, you do understand some crazy stuff that goes way over my head. It must be so wild to be force sensitive.” Rose says. “Here, I can take her if you want to eat. She sleeps really well for a newborn- and she loves her little rocker.” 

“Oh- um, okay.” Rey relinquishes the baby only a little reluctantly. As Rose settles Vida into her cradle, She tries to lean forward to grab a muffin, but finds her belly in the way. She extends a hand, and calls the nearest muffin to her using the force. 

“You know, you could’ve just asked for one, I would’ve handed it to you.” Rose laughs as she sits back down. 

“Then I would’ve had to wait.” Rey says around a mouthful of her treat. 

“Fair enough.” 

“So, Poe’s going to propose?” She asks once she’s chewed and swallowed. 

“It looks that way- I mean, I don’t know that he’s going to do it right away. He probably wants to plan something elaborate, you know? He’s got a real flair for the dramatic.” 

“And you don’t?” 

“Sometimes I do.” Rose shrugs. “But my engagement was really simple and private and perfect. No spectacles. Not that there’s anything wrong with a spectacle of course. But you know, between your getting engaged and eloping within like three days, and Finn just asking me over dinner one night, we could use a friend with a really exciting engagement story.”

“What, my war time elopement followed by a case of amnesia isn’t exciting enough for you? Leia told me that holofilm makers have been in contact with her, through official channels, mind you, to ask for our contact information to get film rights to our story.” 

“Woah, seriously?” Rose gasps. “That’s sort of awesome- and kind of annoying, I mean, I can’t imagine you and Ben would want that.” 

“We definitely don’t. Leia lets them all down gently, of course. The one group that did some digging to find our contact information was...well, the first time he contacted, we were cordial but refused the offer, but when he kept trying, Ben may have threatened to part him with a few of his fingers.” 

“He didn’t!” Rose laughs. 

“To be fair, the man did make me cry. Said something about how selfish I was being for trying to keep people from seeing such a beautiful story.” 

“It’s absolutely not selfish to want to keep your private life private. After everything the two of you have done for the galaxy, honestly, no one has any right to your personal business.” Rose says fervently. “For the record, I would have definitely zapped him.” She pats the tiny tazing device she still keeps clipped to her belt. “So a mere threat of dismemberment was nothing.” 

“To give the man the benefit of the doubt, there isn’t much that doesn’t make me cry these days. I’ve cried over baby socks, literal spilled bantha milk…”

“Believe me, I know!” Rose sighs. “I think maybe my hormones are starting to even out a little bit, because I’ve only cried twice today. Which is an absurd statement, but here we are.” They both have to laugh at that, because it’s just so true. “How are you feeling? Any of those “practice contractions”- which, by the way do absolutely nothing to prepare you for the real thing, so just be warned.” 

“I’ve had a few here and there, very scattered, nothing I couldn’t talk through.” Rey shrugs. “And thanks, keep that encouragement coming.” 

“I just don’t want you to be unprepared!” Rose insists as she holds up her hands in surrender. “You were there- it’s not like I can lie and tell you it didn’t hurt! So I’m just going to be absolutely real with you.” 

“I do appreciate your blunt honesty. It’s probably my favorite thing about you.” Rey reaches for a second muffin, and this time Rose grabs one and places it in her open palm. “So, when do you think Poe will actually ask?”

“I’m not sure. I’m not even sure it’ll be any time soon, honestly. But the fact that Poe willingly said the “M” word shows a lot of growth. He used to get nervous just thinking about a wedding.” Rose sighs. “But now I think he sees Jess as his life partner, so he figures he might as well give her his mother’s ring and make it official.” 

“Do you think she suspects it?” 

“Not sure. I mean, I’m sure they’ve talked about the future in the abstract, but I don’t think she realizes that he’s getting to the same place she is. You know, the place where you throw a party with your friends and make promises and sign papers.” Rose grins. “And you know that that wedding is going to be a wild party. I mean, Poe got so wasted at Finn and my wedding that-”

“He ripped off his shirt and tried to swim in the fountain.” Rey gasps, the of surprise morphing into choked laughter as the image dances across her mind. “Is that true?” 

“Yes! Or- well, he took off his shirt because the sleeve caught on fire and he was saying that wearing a shirt was a “Fire hazard”. Then he tried to get Jess to jump in with him and cried when she wouldn’t. And then he bet Ben he could do more lift more than he could, so he kept lifting things and almost broke his back trying to lift BB-8.” Rose laughs with her. “Did you just remember that?”

“I mean, the fountain thing, Yes! Little memories have been resurfacing for me- but that’s beside the point, do we have holofilm of this? Because I’m sort of dying to see it.” Rey insists.

“Do I have holofootage of my own wedding reception and Poe being the most ridiculous I’ve ever seen him?” Rose smirked as she started queuing up the video on her holo projector. “Get comfortable, Rey, You are in for a real treat.”


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“It’s not so bad- I’ve had significantly worse pain.” 
> 
> “You don’t have to say that every time, Rey.” He chuckles nervously. 
> 
> “But you get so stressed every time-”
> 
> “Rey, I’m not stressed. I promise. I just wish there was a way I could take the pain away, but there isn’t. The strength sharing seems to help some, but-”
> 
> “Don’t waste your energy on that now- save it for when I’m fully dilated!” She hisses out a sort of laugh, and he smiles at her. She lets out one last long breath as the wave of pain passes, and she rises on her toes to press her mouth to his. “Don’t feel bad. I knew this was going to hurt and I was still willing to have a baby any ways. If I can survive a three deck fall in the bones of a gutted star destroyer, and healing the broken arm without bacta or a medic, I can handle this, okay?” 
> 
> “I know that you can. You’re incredibly resilient for such a small life form.” He smirks. 
> 
> “I’ll have you know I’m tall for a woman!” 
> 
> “But you’re small compared to me.” He points out, and she shrugs. 
> 
> “Isn’t everyone?” 
> 
> “Good point.”"
> 
> And baby makes...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and Happy Valentines day to all of my Reylo valentines! Here it is- the long awaited arrival of the baby! This chapter is a little longer, and full of soft feels, because well...it's valentines day and I was feeling romantic I guess. And also because new BABY! I'm not exactly sure when I'll have the next chapter up, but It should be within the next week or so! Keep being amazing! <3

She’s in the bath when she feels the first twinge. She grits her teeth and breathes through it- she’s still a full week out from her due date, but these twinges are becoming fairly common place in her daily routine. Sporadic little contractions that come once or twice a day at this point. They hurt, she breathes through it, she goes about her day. The door opens, and Ben slips in, his towel wrapped around his waist, and a large glass of sparkling water in his hands. He sits on the edge of the tub and hands it to her with a smile. She sips it and glances up at him almost guiltily. 

“Sorry I made you get out of the tub for this.” 

“You didn’t make me do anything, Rey. You just mentioned that you wanted sparkling water and I decided to get it for you.” He chuckles. 

“I could’ve gotten it myself.” 

“Yeah, but it would’ve taken you a lot longer for you to get out and then waddle all the way to the kitchen. Plus, you’re supposed to limit your use of the stairs.” Ben points out. 

“I know- I just feel so helpless sometimes- like you’re doing too much for me.” She frowns. 

“That’s not possible, Rey.” He shakes his head. “You deserve everything.” 

“Ben.” 

“Especially right now- I mean, you’re carrying our child, Rey. There’s some primal part of me that wants to do literally everything for you.” She chuckles at this, and sips at the cold water again. 

“You going to get back in? Or did I ruin our weekly ritual?” He smiles crookedly as he drops his towel and steps into the tub, settling in across from her. He reaches through the water and grabs one of her feet, rubbing it gently. She lets out a soft moan, and closes her eyes as she leans her head back against the edge of the tub. They sit in comfortable silence for a while, and when she switches feet she gasps, nearly dropping her almost empty glass into the water. 

“What- are you okay?” Ben is at her side quick as a flash, displacing water which splashes over the edge of the tub. 

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” She insists, still tense with the pain. 

“Are you having-”

“A second one.” She nods. 

“Really?” He asks, his eyes widening. “How long has it been since the first ones- do you think this is the beginning of real labor?” 

“It was while you were getting me my water.” She hands him the glass, and he sets it on the floor outside of the tub. “And I hardly know- I haven’t actually done this before, remember?” He smiles at her sheepishly, and she leans into him as the pain starts to fade. “But it could be. THis could be it.” He wraps her in his arms and presses his lips to her crown. “We should call Doctor Kalonia, just in case. I don’t have to go to the hospital until the contractions are closer together, and I don’t want to go until I have to. And we should timing the space between contractions.” 

“What do you want to wear?” He asks as he climbs out of the tub and grabs his loose training pants. She bites her lip and points to the shirt he’d been wearing before their bath. “Seriously? It probably smells like sweat- I was training in this this morning-”

“I like the way you smell.” She insists. “And it’s not like I’m going to smell so great for long. Rose was drenched in sweat by the time Vida was actually born.”

“Okay, okay. I’m just saying, I have other clothes that smell like me.” He chuckles softly as he brings the shirt over to the edge of the tub and just lifts her from the water as if she weighed no more than she had on the first day they’d met. 

“Yeah, but I want this one.” She looks down at the floor, embarrassed. 

“Well, you do look beautiful in navy.” He smiles as he tips her face back up and presses his lips to hers. He takes his time running a soft towel over her body, and at any other time the gesture would have driven her absolutely mad with desire- but right now all she can think about is the baby. Their baby. She holds up her arms when he gestures for her to do so, and he slips the shirt over her head. Like all of his clothes, it’s drastically too large for her, barely stretching at all to fit over her belly, and still managing to fall nearly mid thigh. “What do you want to do? Do you want to lie down? Sit down? Walk?”

“I think i want to walk a little. Just up stairs. Maybe go check on the nursery again.” Rey says thoughtfully. “Just to make sure everything is ready for him. Oh- actually, there was that box of things from your mom downstairs- could you get it for me?”

“I’ll be right back.” He promises with a quick nod. She smiles as she trails after him slowly until he heads down the stairs and she goes to the nursery. She flicks on the lights and a soft yellow glow envelopes her. The space is comfortable and warm- everything she can imagine a child would want. Everything she wishes she’d had as a child. She goes to the wardrobe, and presses her palm against the door to make it slide open. Everything is in order there- the tiniest outfits in the front, where they’d be able to access them easily. Finding everything in order, she moves on to the changing table, and then the crib, which she wraps in an iron grip when she feels another contraction. 

“Ben?” She calls out tentatively.

“Here- I’m here- sorry, my mother was checking in.” He huffs as he sets the box down.

“This is another one.” She exhales. “You should start timing now.”

“Right.” He taps a button on his tablet, and approaches her slowly.

“Would you just come here?” She laughs in exasperation. The pain has passed, but her body refuses to fully relax, as if it’s searching for the cause of the pain, preparing to fight against it. He gently wraps his arms around her middle, his broad chest warm and firm against her back, and she lets herself let go of the cradle bar she’s been holding like a vice. 

“Better?” He whispers into her hair. 

“A lot.” She nods as she shifts her weight from side to side. He sways with her, periodically pressing his lips to her cheek, her shoulder, her damp hair. The baby wriggles under their joined hands, and Rey physically jolts as she senses a surge of discomfort from her baby, followed by the surge of another pain clenching in her lower back. “Is he okay? Does he feel this?” She asks in a panic, doing her best to send waves of reassurance to the little life inside of her. 

“He’s not in pain, he’s not distressed.” Ben observes. “Maybe he senses the shifting. But he is okay, Rey.”

“Okay. Okay. You’re right. He’s fine.” She sighs in relief as she feels the baby settle down, completely reassured by the love that both of his parents had sent across the bond they already shared. 

“That was twelve standard minutes.” 

“Maybe I should try to nap- while I still might be able to sleep through the pain.” She thinks aloud. “Or maybe I shouldn’t because then we can’t keep track Of-“

“I can tell when you’re having a contraction.” He says. “Now that I’ve felt the change in you while you’re having one. Slightly increased heart rate, tense abdominal muscles, the ache.” 

“Birth is just as glamorous as it sounds.” She snorts, and he lets out a single laugh. “I...I really could use more sleep. But then what if I miss the time I should be using to be up and move around?”

“Everything I’ve read says you’re allowed to move around as much as you want to at any stage. If you want to take a nap, you’re not going to miss out on your opportunity to sleep.” He assures her. She nods and he puts his hand on her lower back as he guides her back to their bedroom. 

“Did I ever tell you that I love how you read?” She asks as he helps her lower herself onto the mattress. He gently nudges her onto her side and begins rubbing her back, which feels so nice it makes her whimper. “And how you have all of those paper books you like to read instead of a holo...it’s very endearing.” 

“I don’t think you ever have mentioned it, actually.” He says, still continuing his gentle ministrations on her back. “But I guess that it makes sense, since I find your collecting habit endearing.” 

“Mmm.” She nods into her pillow. She shifts as she tries to get comfortable Before she lets out a frustrated sigh. “This won’t work. I can’t sleep that well unless you’re next to me.” 

“Here.” He grabs his own pillow, much firmer than hers, and tucks it against her chest. She wraps her arms around it instinctively, and as she settles down with it Finds it is more comfortable this way. And she has Ben’s hands rubbing her aching back- it’s absolutely perfect. 

“I thought I’d feel more scared, when the time came.” She whispers. His fingers still for a moment. “Like I couldn’t do it- like I wouldn’t be ready. Rey of Jakku wasn’t ready for any of this. But Rey Solo is.”

“You’re going to be the best mother to our child. I already know that.” He promises her. 

“I know that I’m going to do my best.” She nods. “And I know that I’m ready for him to be here. I’m ready to hold him. The nursery is ready for him. We are ready for this, Ben.”

“We are.” He agrees. “Rest now, if you can, sweetheart. I’ll be here to watch over you.”   
——————  
“How far apart are the contractions?” Leia’s voice sounds from Ben’s holo across the room.

“Down to eight minutes apart.” Ben replies. He’s holding Rey’s hand, letting her grip it tightly every time a pain stops her ceaseless pacing. “And she’s in more pain now.”

“Poor girl.”

“I can hear you!” Rey calls.

“Hello sweet girl- you let me know right away if there’s anything at all I can get for you, okay?”

“She wants jogan fruit sorbet but she’s too polite to ask you to get some for her.” Ben says, and Rey gently elbows him. 

“Ah, something cold and refreshing. Wise. I remember that feeling. Has she had anything substantial?”

“Soup.” Rey replies simply. 

“Alright, Ill bring the sorbet as soon as I’m off of work. Could I get you anything else? You say she’s been laboring like this for almost five hours?”

“Yes, but it’s nothing I can’t handle!” Rey insists. 

“Of course you can! I’d never dare bet against you, Rey. I’ll get some lighter foodstuffs for you to nibble if you feel up to it. When are you going to be heading to the hospital?”

“Oh...um, I don’t know- we should before too long though, shouldn’t we?” Rey asks, but a feeling of dread pools in her belly. She’s spent far too much time in a med unit in the last nine months and very little of it had been pleasant. And she was so comfortable here in the first place that she’s ever really thought of as her permanent home. Safe. Secure with Ben. 

“No. Doctor Kalonia will come to us.” Ben says softly. 

“What?”

“I asked her if she would be willing to come here to do a home birth. She said that she would, for you.” Ben explains. “She said she would have to bring a medical droid to assist, but she would deliver him here, if that’s what you wanted. I just have to tell her.” Rey blinks back tears, and her throat goes thick as the sheer amount of tender consideration had gone into making this plan for her threatens to overwhelm her.

“Okay. I do want to- I want to have our baby here, at home.” She nods. 

“I’ll have to notify Doctor Kalonia then. Mom, I’m going to have to hang up.”

“No problem son. I’ll head to the market as soon as I leave the capital. You two just comm me again if you think of anything else you need. I love you both.” 

“Love you.” Rey mumbles back, unsure if Leia hears her or not as another pain starts. She takes Ben’s other hand in hers and grips them both tightly as she breathes. “It’s not so bad- I’ve had significantly worse pain.” 

“You don’t have to say that every time, Rey.” He chuckles nervously. 

“But you get so stressed every time-”

“Rey, I’m not stressed. I promise. I just wish there was a way I could take the pain away, but there isn’t. The strength sharing seems to help some, but-”

“Don’t waste your energy on that now- save it for when I’m fully dilated!” She hisses out a sort of laugh, and he smiles at her. She lets out one last long breath as the wave of pain passes, and she rises on her toes to press her mouth to his. “Don’t feel bad. I knew this was going to hurt and I was still willing to have a baby any ways. If I can survive a three deck fall in the bones of a gutted star destroyer, and healing the broken arm without bacta or a medic, I can handle this, okay?” 

“I know that you can. You’re incredibly resilient for such a small life form.” He smirks. 

“I’ll have you know I’m tall for a woman!” 

“But you’re small compared to me.” He points out, and she shrugs. 

“Isn’t everyone?” 

“Good point.” He brushes his hand over her cheek, and kisses her forehead. “I’ll call Doctor Kalonia and let her know what you decided. And give her an update.” 

“I think I want to sit down for a minute anyways.” He walks with her to the edge of the bed keeps hold of one of her hands until she’s seated comfortably. “I’m fine, Ben. Go comm the Doctor.” 

“Right- I’ll just be right over there.” He says, and then he shakes his head at his own ridiculousness. 

“Yeah, and I’ll be right here.” He presses one more kiss to her lips before he walks over to his comm, still on his dresser in the far corner. Rey puts her hands on her belly, and strokes it gently. “Hey Starlight. So you’re on your way, huh? A little early, but nothing we can’t handle, right? I already know you’re strong and resilient, just like your daddy- like me, too. I’m so excited to hold you in my arms- but I think I’ll miss the way this feels too. But I bet you really need more space. Don’t you worry, starlight. We’ve got a nice bed all set up for you- a little cradle for you in here, too, so we can keep you close at first. It’s really nice, it hovers- I can have it follow me if I wear a sensor. But you probably don’t care very much about that. You just want to be fed and changed, and loved. Well, I think your papa and I can manage.” Though the bond between them has been building for months, the warm tremor it sends over her is still so unexpected and sweet. 

“See mama and papa soon. So soon. So, so soon.” The words dance through her head, sparkling and jubilant. She gasps with the feel of another pain, and her fingers curl into the bedsheets at her side. 

“That’s right starlight. So, so soon.” 

______________________________________________

“I don’t know how Rose did this for twenty four hours!” Rey weeps pitifully as she leans over a basin to empty her stomach. 

“Rose had drugs and a pain implant, sweetheart. You told me I wasn’t supposed to let you have any of those.” Ben sooths, the hand that isn’t holding the basin smoothing up and down her back. Sixteen hours in, and the contractions were coming four minutes apart. She was just over half way dilated when Doctor Kalonia had checked twenty minutes ago, and progressing nicely, the doctor told her. “If you’re in too much pain, I could ask her-”

“Mm-mm.” Rey shakes her head and spits, trying to rid her mouth of the taste of bile. “I don’t like not being able to feel- it makes me anxious and I don’t want it!” SHe whines pitifully. 

“Then you don’t have to have it, you don’t.” He assures her. The wave of nausea having passed, he sets the basin aside, and lifts her gently into his arms, settling her on his lap as he kisses the shell of her ear very softly. 

“I’m sorry I’m crying-”

“Seriously, having my baby is what’s making you cry, Rey. You can cry all you need to. I’m not going to judge you for it.” He vows. “I might actually judge you if you didn’t cry at all- I can feel the echo of your pain, and I’m honestly in awe of you right now.” 

“Ben.” She lets out a noise half between a sob and a laugh and buries her face in his neck. THere’s a knock on the door, and Doctor Kalonia steps in. 

“I have a little something for the nausea. I know you don’t want any drugs, but all this does is settle your stomach. No side effects.” She says, approaching them and extending a small strip of something green in her hand. 

“No side effects?” Rey sniffs. 

“Just a settled stomach.” Kalonia says with a slight shake of her head. Rey takes it in her hand cautiously. “Just set it under your tongue and let it dissolve. It starts working almost instantly, and I’m told it even has quite a pleasant taste.” Rey tucks it under her tongue, and a soft, sweet minty flavor fills her mouth. Within seconds the nausea has all but vanished, and while she still doesn’t feel good, she certainly feels better. 

“That’s amazing.” Rey sighs, relaxing slightly against Ben’s chest. 

“I’m glad it helped. Is there anything else you need?” 

“Not unless you can make this go quicker.” Rey grumbles. 

“Unfortunately, these things just take time.” The Doctor smiles sympathetically. “Just try to stay comfortable. You’re doing an excellent job, Rey. Everything is progressing exactly how it should, and really, It won’t be too long now. If you’d like, a warm bath might help ease the pain a bit.” 

“That...that does sound nice.” Rey admits. 

“And that’s safe, for the baby?” Ben asks. 

“Completely.” The doctor nods. “I’ll give the two of you some privacy now. Your mother, Chewie, and I were in the middle of quite a good hand of sabbac. I’ll be back in a little while to check in on you- just call if you need me sooner.” 

“Thank you, Doctor Kalonia.” Rey calls as the woman leaves with a smile. “Let’s run that bath.” He carries her to the bathroom, and she pulls off the t-shirt she’s wearing while he turns the water on. 

“Is it alright with you that mom and Uncle Chewie are downstairs?” Ben asks for at least the tenth time. 

“Yeah, It is. It’s nice that they’re close by, if anything were to happen-”

“Nothing is going to happen.” He insists as he picks her up again to set her in the filling tub. She ignores his outburst and continues. 

“They’re family, and I know Chewie is still worried about me after everything. He blames himself for the Naboo incident, even though...it’s not...his...fault-Ah!” SHe cries out and grips the edge of the tub as the next wave hits her, more powerful than the last. “And he- just wants to protect us- make sure...no one is out to- get us!” 

“If it’s too hard to talk through it, I can wait to hear what you have to say, Rey.” He insists. He lays his hand next to hers and she grips it instead of the tub, finding far more comfort in the gentle give of his warm fingers. 

“Mmhm. I’m fine.” SHe shakes her head. She lets out a trembling breath, and opens her eyes to meet his, finding the concern there. He pulls away slightly to turn the tap off, and, she senses, to hide his worry. “I’m tired of my hair being in the buns- would you braid it for me?” She asks, turning her back slightly to him. 

“Anything.” He replies, and his skilled fingers start working her sweat damp hair from it’s ties one bun at a time. He brushes his fingers through it tenderly, smoothing out any knots that have formed, and then he starts to braid. She’s always startled by the quiet intimacy of moments like this, where his fingers weave her hair into intricate patterns from his mother’s home world. When he’s finished, he kisses the nape of her neck, and as she feels the next pain coming, she turns her face to bury it in his chest, and he holds her close despite the wall of tile separating them. 

__________________  
They’re so close now, she has to keep reminding herself as the pains keep coming quicker and sharper. Ben is positioned behind her, his chest against her back, her legs bracketing her, giving her something to hold while his hands help hold her legs apart. She’s fully dilated now, and she’s been pushing for almost twenty minutes. But she’s so close now. So close. 

“You’re almost there Rey- I can see the head! You’re doing so well!” Kalonia encourages from her place at her feet. “Alright, give me another one on your next contraction!” 

“Right!” She grits out, breathing hard. She inhales and bears down with everything she has again. There will be hand shaped bruises on Ben’s legs where she grips his thighs, but he doesn’t show even a tiny bit of discomfort.

“You can do this, sweetheart.” He whispers in her ear, and she nods. She feels his strength flood her, and she bears down harder- something she’d thought impossible- and there’s a tremendous feeling of pain followed by relief and then a cry- a beautiful, angry little noise that makes her eyes fill with new tears that have nothing at all to do with the pain. 

“You did it! You’ve got a boy, Rey, a strapping little thing!” Kalonia announces, and Rey finally leans back limply against Ben’s chest. 

“It’s a boy? It’s our boy?” She asks, blinking to clear the tears so that she can see the messy little thing in the doctor’s arms. The medi droid quickly cuts the cord, and the doctor lays the crying little baby on Rey’s naked chest. 

“Rey- oh, Rey, he’s perfect.” Ben’s chin rests on her shoulder, and she feels a tear drip onto the skin there. “Thank you, thank you so much for this- I can never repay you for this- thank you.” His large hand comes up to rest on their son’s chest, reveling in the rise and fall of it. She’s only vaguely aware that the Doctor is giving her instructions, helping her deliver the after birth- it feels like nothing after what she’s been through. And it’s nothing compared to the beautiful boy in her arms. 

“I need to give him a vital scan, and clean him up a little bit, alright?” Kalonia asks, and Rey very reluctantly parts with the baby, keeping her eyes on him as they cross the room to the little sanitation station the medidroid had set up during the birth. She squeezes Ben’s hand, and twists a little to get a good look at him. He’s crying, but so is she- and he has the biggest smile shes ever seen on his face. She takes his face in both of her hands, and kisses him soundly. He responds with just as much enthusiasm, pouring devotion and gratitude and love into every gentle movement of his lips. 

“I love you so much.” She finally says, though she turns her eyes back to her baby- her son!- to be sure he’s alright. 

“I love you more than all of the stars in the galaxy.” He replies, kissing her cheek. “I’m going to get you something to wear, so that mom and Uncle Chewie can come in when you’re ready.” 

“Hurry back.” She insists. He kisses her again, unable to help himself as he crosses over to their closet, lingering for moment as he watches the med droid scan their son. She wishes she had her holo on her to take a picture of his face- the absolute reverence with which he looks at the baby. But then, she feels in her heart that she will never be able to forget this moment. 

___________

A little while later, when everyone is cleaned up and comfortably settled into the freshly made bed, Ben opens the door to let his mother and Uncle into the room. Leia rushes to Rey’s side, and kisses her daughter-in-law on the forehead before she looks down at the bundled baby in her arms. 

“Oh- Rey- Sweet girl- he’s absolutely perfect!” Leia cries, and Rey just smiles. He is. She’s spent the better part of two hours looking at his face already, and she knows she’ll never be tired of it. He has a full mop of dark black hair that’s sticking up wildly around his head, and his father’s plush lips, and a little beauty mark on the side of his face. His nose is like hers, and his eyes wide and a dark sort of milky blue that she fiercely hopes will turn chocolate brown like Ben’s. Leia embraces her son and whispers something in his ear. He holds her just as fiercely as she holds him, and bends down so that she can kiss him on the cheek. 

“Do you want to hold your grandson, mom?” Ben asks, and Leia nods wordlessly. Ben motions for her to sit on the edge of the bed, which she does, and Rey willingly passes him the baby. He takes a moment to look at their son, a massive smile on his lips again, and then he carefully passes the baby to his mother. A single tear trails down her face as she gently rocks him, and this time, Rey does have her holo handy. THey’ve already taken what seems like a thousand holos of him, but again, when it comes to her son, she doesn’t think there will ever be too many. ANd this is the first moment he’s ever spent with his grandmother. 

“Just look at you, my little man.” Leia finally whispers. The baby just blinks at her sleepily, but with the way Leia chuckles and grins, you’d think he’d just made the galaxy’s best joke. “I love you very much, sweet boy. And I’m so proud of your mom and dad.” 

“Chewie? Come have a look.” Rey says, and the massive wookie lumbers over and kneels slowly before Leia, eagerly taking in the face of the baby in her arms.

“Looks a lot like his dad. Only better.” Chewie teases, and Rey laughs as she keeps taking pictures. 

“You can hold him when Leia is done.” Rey offers. 

“You’ll be waiting a while then, Chewie. I’ve been waiting a long time for this.” Leia grins. Ben perched on the edge of the bed next to Rey, and wraps his arm around her waist. “You going to tell us his name, or am I going to keep calling him sweet boy?” Rey reaches over and squeezes Ben’s knee. 

“Tell them. I can tell the others.” She whispers, tilting her face so he can press his lips to hers again. He couldn’t seem to stop himself today- he just loved her so much, and was so, so thankful, both that she’d had their baby in the first place, and that she and their son were both healthy. When he pulls back he leans forward a bit to rest his hand on his son’s head. 

“We’ve decided to call him Kit.” Ben says, and Leia chokes on a breath while Chewie lets out a little sound of surprise. “What is it? What’s wrong?” 

“Did you know?” Leia asks, looking up at him with glassy eyes. 

“Know what?” Rey asks, brow furrowing. Leia bites her lip and looks to Chewie a bit helplessly. 

“What’s going on?” Ben asks. 

“When princess carried you in her belly, Friend wanted to call cub Kit.” Chewie says, the timber of his warbled speech deep and emotional. 

“You didn’t know?” Rey gasps, looking at Ben. 

“I had no idea- I just read it in a book- I just knew it meant “Hope”.” He says breathlessly. “Mom, if it’s too painful we could try to think of-”

“No! No. It’s perfect.” Leia insists. She bends to press her lips to her grandson’s forehead. “I was stubborn about naming you Ben for sentimental reasons. Your father argued for Kit the whole way through until after he saw me give birth to you and nearly fainted. He said I earned naming rights. But the fact that you came up with the name without me mentioning it at all…” Leia grins as she attempts in vain to smooth out the baby’s wild hair. “It’s like everything has come full circle. Like it was meant to be this way.” 

“Alright, My turn.” Chewie growls gently, and Leia passes the baby into his furry arms. One of Kit’s tiny hands breaks free of his soft yellow blanket and clasps aimlessly at the expanse of hair on Chewie’s chest, and Chewie chuckles. “Hello little cub.” 

“Rey?” Ben’s voice comes across the bond and her eyes snap to him. “I think I’m ready.” 

“For?” She asks silently, cocking her head to the side. 

“To face-” He stops himself and exhales, looking at the picture his mother, Uncle, and son make together. “To see him. To see my father.” Her breath hitches as she wraps her arms around his shoulders and presses her face into his neck. No words are needed- only simple comfort. He’s trembling, but he feels calm. 

“If you’re sure-”

“Well- maybe not quite yet. But…” 

“I know. Soon. It’s okay.”


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“This, a family, us, this is everything I wanted when I was younger- what I still wanted when the voices in my mind stopped. I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who could forgive me- who could understand. And then I didn’t know if you’d ever come around to the idea of a kid, but here we are. Here he is. And I’ve never felt so force damned lucky, Rey.”
> 
> “I’m so glad I changed my mind.” She tells him honestly. She wraps her arms around him, and he lowers them so that they’re laying down, but still able to see the rise and fall of Kit’s chest. “I don’t know exactly what it was that made me change my mind- I don’t remember so many little details. But I do know how happy I am here and now, with our family.” "
> 
> Kit meets the rest of the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Here we are, so close to the end, but I still have a thing or two left to write for these guys! I did post my first chapter of my next work (Yes, the AU I mentioned in my notes a few chapters back) it's called "Found Family". But I'll be finishing up here before I continue work on that story and make a more regular update schedule. Your response to this story is, as always, amazing! A new comment never fails to make my day! 
> 
> <3 ForgetmeNot_Fireweed

“I still can’t believe hes here.” Rey whispers. They sit on the edge of their bed, just staring at Kit who sleeps peacefully in his little cradle. She knows I’m just a few hours she’ll have to wake up to feed him again, but she doesn’t mind. Though physically a little uncomfortable, feeding her son makes her truly feel like a mother. 

“Me either.” Ben admits softly. She glances at his relaxed face, taking in the hint of the smile he’s worn for the better part of the last twelve hours since their son had made his appearance. Even when the baby was crying and screaming, Ben had managed to keep himself level headed as he changed and soothed him. Rey hadn’t yet been able to handle the crying without a bit of a panic or emotional tears, but Doctor Kalonia did say her emotions would be running especially high right now. “This, a family, us, this is everything I wanted when I was younger- what I still wanted when the voices in my mind stopped. I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who could forgive me- who could understand. And then I didn’t know if you’d ever come around to the idea of a kid, but here we are. Here he is. And I’ve never felt so force damned lucky, Rey.”

“I’m so glad I changed my mind.” She tells him honestly. She wraps her arms around him, and he lowers them so that they’re laying down, but still able to see the rise and fall of Kit’s chest. “I don’t know exactly what it was that made me change my mind- I don’t remember so many little details. But I do know how happy I am here and now, with our family.” This time she’s the one who kisses him. 

“You should sleep if you can. You’ve been through a lot.” He says as they break apart. 

“I don’t want to take my eyes off of him.” She protests weakly. She had slept for a few hours after Leia and Chewie had gone, unable to keep her eyes open after the ordeal her body had undergone. But that had been hours ago now, and she still felt a bone deep exhaustion that she wasn’t sure was going to go away until Kit was old enough to sleep through the night. 

“He’s fine, Rey.” He’s right, of course. Kit’s force signature is still a vibrant, beautiful, glowing thing. He’s fallen asleep, milk drunk and then rocked in his fathers arms. He was more content now than he’d ever seemed in her belly, now that he had both of his parents to hold him and dote on him. “You should get some rest before he needs fed again.” She nods, but her eyes still fight to stay open. 

“He’s so perfect.” 

“He’ll still be perfect when you wake up.” 

“I know.” She nods. “But what if I miss something- what if he changes?”

“Well we can’t very well stay awake for the next eighteen years to keep from missing something Rey.” Ben chuckles. “The vital monitoring system is on, Rey. It’ll wake us up if something goes wrong.”

“You know, you keep saying I should sleep, but I took a nap earlier today, and you definitely didn’t.” 

“Yes, but I also didn’t expel a nine pound human from my body today.” He points out. 

“He is sturdy.” She shudders a little at the memory of the pain and silently thanks the maker for force healing because getting stitches down there had not sounded fun. “Next time we do this, you better make a smaller baby.”

“I’ll do my best.” He chortles And she giggles a little. “You still think there might be a next time?”

“Maybe. But not for a long time. Let’s just enjoy this one first, huh big guy?”

“Believe me, I’m more than happy to take our time and just enjoy raising Kit.” He kisses the top of her head. “If he’s as force sensitive as he seems, we’re going to have our hands full once his powers start manifesting.” 

“Good thing we have so much experience with force sensitive toddlers from the academy, huh?” She points out. “Or you have a lot of experience- I only really remember the last nine months and between breaks and having to be away so much, I don’t remember a lot.” 

“That’s okay sweetheart. We have plenty of time for you to relearn.”she hums happily against his chest as her eyes finally start to droop. “All the time in the universe.”

—————-

“He. Is. So. Handsome!” Rose squeals as she holds Kit for the first time the day after his birth. “Well done you two. Really. Your genetics made a tiny model baby!”

“Look at those lips! And all of that hair!” Jess croons. “Oh, just wait until he’s grown up, he’s going to have all the ladies running after him!”

“Alright Alright, let's not talk about him and ladies yet- he’s all of a day old and I don’t need to think about that!” Rey insists cheerfully. “But he does have “the Skywalker good hair” doesn’t he?”

“So much more hair than Vida- and she was a week late too.” Rose nods. “Oh I cannot wait until we can have them meet- they can have cute little baby conversations! And we can get such cute pictures!”

“Okay Rosie, share the baby.” Finn says as he crosses the living room.

“Hey, I’m next!” Jess insists.

“Um, excuse you, I am Rey’s first and best friend, by all accounts I should have gone first.” Finn scoffs.

“You should have but you relinquished first hold to your wife because she has you whipped, so now it’s my turn!” Jess protests.

“Hey Poe, do you want to hold him?” Ben asks, and Poe grins as he claps a hand on Ben’s shoulder while Jess and Finn make sounds of protest. 

“I sure do buddy!” Poe grins. Rose dutifully hands the baby over to Poe, who almost instantly squats down to show the baby to a waiting B.B.-8 who chirps his approval. “I know. He is a handsome little life form, isn’t he?”

“I’m telling you, watch out baby girls. Kit Solo is going to be a little heartbreaker!” Jess laughs. 

“I don’t think so.” Rey shakes her head and glances over at her husband, who, despite trusting Poe implicitly, hovers protectively near with his eyes trained on their son. “I think he’s going to be a little sweet heart. Probably pretty shy, sensitive.”

“That’ll just make the girls want him more!” Jess teases. “But that’s clearly many, many years off and you don’t even have to think about it right now because he’s just an adorable baby.” 

“Thank you for the added observations.” Rey says with a roll of her eyes. Eventually Finn and Jess come to some sort of accord, and Finn holds Kit next, though he owes Jess a drink of her choice next time they go out to dinner, which she vows will not be cheap. Periodically she pulls up her holo cam, and takes pictures of everyone, but her eyes start to feel heavy, and she eventually falls asleep leaning on the edge of the sofa. She wakes with a start when she hears Kit letting out the cry she’s come to identify as his hungry cry. It’s dark, she’s alone, and there’s a blanket draped over her. Before she even starts to get up, Ben walks into the room, Kit in his arms, and he smiles at her as she starts to unbutton the simple yellow nursing tunic. “Everyone left?”

“You passed out pretty hard there. They stayed for probably twenty minutes after that, but I wanted to let you rest.” He shrugs. She motions for him to pass over the baby, and almost as soon as she has him in her arms he latches onto her breast. Ben sits on the sofa beside her, hauling her feet into his lap and rubbing them over the blanket. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are to me right now?” She feels heat flood her cheeks as she looks down at her son. “Seriously. You are so beautiful, Rey.”

“I’m so ridiculously happy, you know that?” She asks, finally looking back up at him. “I was afraid that maybe after all of the adventure and excitement we’d been through, we’d find simple domestic life a little boring, but this is...Ben, I’ve never felt so…alive!” 

“I know.” He grins. “I feel it too.” He’s silent for a moment, his thumb circling her ankle bone. “I thought that maybe, after he was fed, we might reach out and ask my grandfather...ask if he could help my father…”

“If you’re ready.” Rey says, keeping her voice neutral. 

“I want him to see his grandson.” Ben nods. “It’s the least I can offer him. There aren’t enough words in any language for me to apologize to him- but I can…I can-“

“You can show him that he didn’t sacrifice himself for nothing, Ben. He wanted you to come home. He wanted you to be free. Happy.” Rey carefully reaches for him with one hand, keeping the baby balanced on the bunched up blanket and her arm. He takes her hand, and kisses the back of it. “I know it’s hard to accept- and I can’t and won’t absolve you of your responsibility for what happened- but he did for you exactly what I know you’d do for Kit if you had to. Wouldn’t you?”

“Yes.” He replies instantly, the love in his voice pure and unconditional. “I’d do anything for him.” Rey smiles as she adjusts the baby over her shoulder, gently rubbing and patting his back. It’s a little while later, after a diaper change and a full and necessary outfit change that they find themselves sitting knee to knee in mediation pose, Kit cradled in his mother’s arms as His father reaches through the force. The connection is faint at first, but it strengthens, and when Rey opens her eyes, she gasps at the sight of Han- he doesn’t look quite like the other force ghosts she’d encountered- he’s almost a more solid being, though his presence is clearly more of a strain on the force user who has bridged the gap between their worlds. Han’s back is to her, facing is son. Her eyes flicker to Ben’s face, twisted with emotion as a tear escapes his eyes. “Dad.”

“Son.” Han says, and so quickly she barely can process it, Ben is on his feet and the men are embracing tightly. 

“I’m sorry- dad- I’m so sorry- I can’t-“

“Ben. It’s okay. I’m not angry. Hells, Son, I’m kriffing proud of you.” Han says, his voice gruff with emotion. “You changed your life for the better. You found everything I could have ever wanted for you. You broke free of that bastards hold on you. You did it Son. You did it.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you, dad. I’m sorry-“

“No more of that now. I understand I’m a grandfather.” Ben steps around his father to help Rey to her feet, and they step forward together. Han smiles at her broadly. “Hey kid. Nice to see you again.”

“Same.” Rey smiles. She carefully adjusts the blankets around Kit’s face, and angles the baby towards his grandfather, who stares at him with his mouth agape. 

“Dad, this is your grandson. My son, Kit Organa Solo.” Ben says proudly, and Han’s eyes snap to his sons face. 

“Kit?” He asks breathlessly. 

“We didn’t know until after we’d chosen it.” Rey says. Han nods, and takes a step closer. “I don’t know if you can hold him- but you seem like you can interact with the world around you- would you like to? Can you?”

“I don’t know how long I can stay. There are still too many things about the Kriffing force that I don’t understand. But I would like to hold him.” Han says, and with a nod from Ben, she steps forward and lays the baby in his shockingly solid arms. “Well look at you. Kids a real looker. Gets that from me, you know.”

“Yeah, dad, we know.” Ben laughs. Han leans forward and kisses his grandson’s downy black hair before he passes him back to his mother. She steps back to Ben, and his arm curls around her waist.

“Just look at that.” Han grins and puts a hand over his mouth. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen something more perfect than this.”

“Dad, I-“

“I know, son.” Han nods. “I’ll visit again, if you let me.”

“We would love that.” Rey says. 

“I knew I liked you.” Han laughs and then his face grows serious as he meets his grown sons gaze. “You’ve done good, kid. You’ve done good.” He vanishes before Ben can reply, And he deflates a little, his breath all escaping him at once. 

“Hey- are you alright?” She asks. He nods, and when he meets her eyes there’s a little smile on his face. 

“I’m better than fine, Rey. Everything is… everything is perfect.”


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the last "normal chapter" even though it's almost more of a pre epilogue than anything. After this, all that's left is my actual epilogue, and while I'm sad to be ending the story, I do feel very happy with how it's turned out, and I'm absolutely thrilled by how many people have responded positively to it! If you've enjoyed this work, and if you like AU's, make sure you check out my new story "Found Family", (First chapter already up!), which will begin posting regularly once I've posted the epilogue of this story! 
> 
> <3 ForgetmeNot_Fireweed

Time seemed to fly for them. Between parenting their son, and running the academy, it was like they always had their hands full. They were always busy. 

But maker, they were happy too. 

Ben watches from the door of Kit’s nursery- the crib had been taken apart and put in storage to make room for his “big boy bed” where their little almost three year old was curled up under blankets while Rey sat beside him reading to him from one of his tiny books- real paper, just like daddy’s, that’s what he told everyone who would listen. He was one day shy of his third birthday, but their boy was as smart as they came, picking up language and motor skills quickly. He could count to ten in basic, huttese, and shyriiwook. He was a serious little child sometimes, and could be very focused on his own little self assigned tasks for long stretches of time, and then turn around, ready to laugh and play and goof around with his parents. 

“Papa?” Ben snaps out of his reminiscing when he hears his son asking for him. He crosses the room, and sits at the foot of his sons bed. 

“I’m right here buddy.” He assures his son, reaching to ruffle the boy’s curly dark hair. 

“I think Kit just wanted to make sure he got his good night kisses from both of us.” Rey tells him with a smile as she sets the closed book aside. “Is that right Kit?” The little boy nods eagerly, and she takes his face between her hands and kisses his forehead three times. “Goodnight sweet boy. Mama loves you so, so much, okay?”

“Kay. Love you mama!” He kisses her sloppily on the chin, and Rey grins at him. Ben leans across the bed and kisses his son’s cheek.

“Goodnight Kit. I love you very, very much.” Ben says as he tucks the boy in securely. 

“Love you, papa!” Kit yawns. Rey smiles fondly as she flicks on the Star projecting nightlight and the monitoring droid. 

“We’ll see you in the morning sweetheart.” She whispers, and he nods sleepily, his eyes trained on the swirling stars on his ceiling. They quietly step out of the room, and Ben shuts the door behind them. She leans into his arms, and he kisses her forehead. “Do you think he’s going to be okay in his new bed? Should we have stayed with him tonight? Maybe I should-“

“He loves his new bed, Rey. It was all he would talk about all day!” Ben says gently as he casually maneuvers them towards their room. “And if he gets upset, we can be with him within seconds.”

“Right. You’re right. He’s fine. He’s a big boy.” Rey says with a watery grin. 

“Not too big yet.” Ben soothes her. She nods a little absently as she starts undressing. “What are you thinking?”

“Huh?”

“I can’t tell if you’re hiding something from me, or if you’re just preoccupied, but your thoughts are muddled.” Ben frowns. “Is everything okay? Is your head bothering you?'' Though it was nearly four years since her injury, her memory hadn’t been fully recovered, and oftentimes when a memory did come back, her head would ache something awful. 

“No, my head is fine. No new memories to confirm or anything like that.” She shakes her head and runs her fingers over several of his t-shirts- still her favorite things to sleep in. “I’m not hiding something. I'm just thinking. And there is something I should probably tell you.”

“Alright?” Ben prompts. 

“I was supposed to get my new implant today.” She says, and he gets a sort of sense of dejavu. “You know. When I had Rose take me to the doctor for my check in. The implant would’ve been good another six weeks, but Doctor Kalonia said I could swap it out early so I wouldn’t have to come in again so soon.”

“Supposed to?” He repeats. He tries to keep from getting excited or emotional- she might have just forgotten. She could still be forgetful sometimes. She nods once, her back turned to him, making a pretty picture standing half naked with her hair curling around her shoulders and his grey T-shirt hanging from her hands. “Are you going back in six weeks?”

“I...I had them remove it.” She says and she shrugs on the t shirt before she turns back to him. “We haven’t discussed this in a long time- basically since Kit was born. We agreed to just enjoy him and focus on our son, but he’s going to be three tomorrow, and I’ve been thinking maybe this would be a good time to give him a sibling.”

“Yeah?” He asks hopefully. 

“Yeah. I don’t want too big of a gap because I want them to be able to be friends- and Kits such a good boy, I know he’ll be a great older brother. And he’s so smart, he’s already toilet training and weaned and I- I want to have another baby.” She explains. “And things are going so well for us. I think we can handle it. So… what do you think?”

“What do I think?” He breathes. She nods, and nibbles on her lower lip. “I think it’s a great idea, sweetheart!”

“Yeah?”

“Yes!” He closes the space between them and crashes his lips against hers. “I would love to have another baby with you.”

“Right now?” She asks excitedly. 

“Abso-“ the chirping of the monitor cuts him off, and then he hears a plaintive little whimper from their son, followed by a “papa?” And Ben sighs but smiles. “Hold that thought.” He kisses her briefly before he heads back to the nursery. 

“Papa!” Kit exclaims, reaching for him with his little arms. 

“Hey, Kit, it’s okay, I’m here.” Ben says. He has to curl awkwardly to fit beside his son on the tiny bed, but he doesn’t mind. Kit curls up against him, his little tear streaked face against his chest. “What’s wrong buddy?”

“Scared.” He sniffs. Ben rubs his back soothingly.

“Is it because of your new bed?” Ben asks, and the little boy nods. “I see. Changes and new things can be really scary, can’t they?”

“Yeah!”

“But this new bed...it’s pretty cool!” It really is a neat little bed, designed to look like a ship with lights and everything, even a steering wheel at the base. Perfect for their little boy who loved to fly among the stars. “And it’s the fastest Star ship around- did you know that?”

“No!” Kit gasps.

“Well it is! It flies so fast not even bad dreams can catch up.” Ben murmurs while his son looks at him in awe. “But it loves to take you on adventures while you’re sleeping. You just have to fall asleep…” Kit nods sleepily against his father's chest as Ben continues to soothingly rub his back. 

“Papa?”

“Hm?”

“Jus’ love you.” Kit yawns, and Ben feels his heart soar. 

“I love you too bud.” He waits a good five minutes after Kit’s breathing evens out before he carefully climbs out of the bed. He makes sure the blankets are tucked securely around his little body, and then heads back to his own bedroom, where he finds Rey waiting, the monitor droid’s tablet in her hands and a little smile on her lips. “Eavesdropping, Mrs. Solo?”

“You’re such a good dad, Ben.” She says simply. “And our boy adores you so much.”

“He adores you just as much.” Ben shrugs off his shirt and makes his way to their bed. She sets aside the tablet, and squeals as he catches her in his arms and pins her gently to the mattress. “Now. Where were we?”

“I think someone was going to try to put another baby in me?” She suggests, and he grins down at her. “Oh- right! I think it was you!”

“Maker it better be me!” He growls playfully, nipping at her throat. She moans softly as he sucks on the skin just above her collar bone. 

“Of course it’s you. It’s only ever been you.” She whispers. He brings his face back to hers and kisses her tenderly. 

“You’re really sure about this?” He asks even as his fingers start to toy with the hem of the gray T-shirt she wore. “You’re sure you’re ready to do this again?”

“I’m absolutely sure, Ben.” Her breath hitches as he tugs the shirt up and off of her in a fluid motion, ripping the fabric easily. “Ben!”

“What? It was technically my shirt. I’ve got five more just like it.” He protests as his hands begin to trace her body. She was softer now than she had been before she’d had their son, a little curve on her belly that didn’t want to go away, fuller breasts and hips. Gone were the days where he could count her bones with his finger tips. She was still lean and strong, of course, just softer. A mother. And Kriff if he doesn't love the way she looks. 

“I don’t know if it will be able to take right away.” She warns as his mouth travels the valley between her breasts. “Kalonia said it might take a cycle or two for my hormones to even out. So I don’t know that we’ll really be making a baby right now. ”

“Either way. Practice makes perfect, right?” He asks with a smirk and she grins as she nods. “I’m glad you agree- this is one of my favorite things in life you know.”

“Agreed!” She gasps as he makes quick work of her underwear. “Oh- kriff! Ben- I love you so much!” His response comes drifting across the bond, his mouth otherwise occupied.

“Yeah. I know.”

————————

She throws up three weeks later while Ben is busy play sparring with Kit and a few of the other younger kids at the academy. She manages to duck out of the room and into the garden before they see her, but even as she finishes heaving up her breakfast, she smiles a little tremulous smile and lays a hand over her belly. She’s almost sure of it now, almost sure it’s taken, and there’s a new life inside of her. Faint and new and hard to sense, but beautiful and wriggling and there. 

“Where did you go?” Ben’s voice fills her mind, and she composes herself quickly. 

“Just stepped outside for a second. I’ll be right back.” She assures him. She wipes her mouth on her tunic sleeve and comes back into the training room. 

“Mommy!” Kit calls at once, racing across the room and springing into her arms. She catches him with ease and snuggles him to her chest, pressing several kisses on the crown of his head. “I beated daddy!”

“Oh, I bet you did, my big, strong boy!” She laughs, and kisses his cheek. He wriggles to be set down and darts over to Frazier, a young twi’lek boy, and his best friend to talk to him animatedly. Across the room, Ben is giving pointers to a bigger group of kids who hang on his every word. She absolutely loves mornings like this, when they have time to focus on the little ones, and Kit gets to run and learn with them. His force skills were developing as nicely as anyone’s, and he could easily stack blocks without touching them, or send a stuffed toy flying high into the air. Vida particularly liked it when He did that- she giggled in her sweet baby voice and clapped her hands. Kit would do it for hours to entertain her, and they had to be careful what they left sitting too near to the pair when they were playing, because most anything that could be would be sent flying. “Ben?” She calls, and his eyes find her at once. “I’m going to go check in with the older kids.”

“I’ll be here.” He nods with a cheeky grin. She rolls her eyes fondly as she heads out the door. But instead of going to the meditation area, she heads to their small medical suite, and powers up the little droid they keep there. The droid manages to analyze her blood in less than ten minutes, and he recites the results to her in a cheery sort of monotone. She leaves the suite with a spring in her step and a smile on her lips.  
———————  
She runs a nice warm bath for them while he gets Kit settled in for bed. Their once weekly ritual of bathing together got lost more often than not, since they had so much going on in their lives. But it was still one of her favorite things. She adds a small amount of scented oil, and lets the tub fill, shutting off the tap just as she hears their bedroom door open. 

“Rey?” He calls out, knocking on the fresher door. 

“Come in!” She calls over her shoulder. She lets her fingers skim through the water, testing its temperature before she turns to face him. 

“Did you run us a bath?” He asks with a small smile. 

“I did. It’s been too long since we had a chance to do this.” She shrugs and unties her comfy flannel robe, letting it pool at her feet before she steps into the water. “Are you going to join me, or just watch?” 

“Both are very good options.” He points out. She delights in the way the knob in his throat rises and falls as he swallows thickly, his eyes trailing her up and down as she sinks down into the water. 

“Is Kit asleep?” She asks, pretending not to notice his eyes on her. 

“He was practically out before his head hit the pillow. He did a lot of running around today.” Ben says as he pulls off his tunic. She watches new inches of his skin appear with great interest. Her husband was, for lack of a better word, beautiful. In the three full years that she could remember their lives together, he’d not changed at all, except the very rare strand of silver in his hair, and maybe the tiniest of lines at the corners of his eyes when he really grinned. But his body was still like something carved out of marble- immaculate. “I was thinking, Rey. What would you think of going back to Naboo?” 

“Naboo?” She blinks, forcing herself to focus in on his face. 

“Yes. We haven’t been in a long time, and Kit’s really old enough to be learning how to swim now. I’d...I’d like to teach him where my parents taught me.” Ben explains as he joins her in the tub. Rey bites her lip as she thinks it over. They haven’t returned to Naboo since that time before Kit was born- even though most of her memories of the planet were good ones, just thinking of what had happened at the end of their stay left a sour taste in her mouth. But it was a different time now. Hux had been found dead in his cell the morning he was supposed to face his trial. He couldn’t threaten their happiness ever again. Flint was absolutely mad in the medical institution he’d been sent to, and apparently couldn’t remember anything after his sixth birthday. She felt more sorry for him than angry. And Naboo had been such a beautiful place…

“Okay.” She nods, and Ben grins at her. 

“Good- I think you’ll enjoy it a lot more this time.” 

“I enjoyed it pretty well the first time.” She wiggles her brow at him suggestively, and he laughs. 

“I meant the actual planet, Rey.” 

“Should’ve specified.” She shrugs. 

“I think you’ll find that we can do a lot more exploring the waterfalls and mountains when there aren’t active threats against us, and you’re not heavily pregnant.” He teases. She feels her heart beat accelerate, and she knows he notices. “Are you alright? I’m sorry, I was just joking about the active threats- I didn’t mean to be insensitive-”

“When do you want to go?” 

“Oh- I don’t know. If we wait until the summer season the water will be warmer, but spring has the most beautiful plant life, and I know you appreciate that.”

“We’ll have to go soon, if…” She trails off and bites her lip. 

“If what?” 

“If we want to go before I’m heavily pregnant.” She says casually. She watches his face carefully, and it takes him all of fifteen seconds to process what she’s saying. 

“What?” He jolts towards her, his hands catching her face, searching it. “Are you?” 

“It’s still very early-”

“It cant be more than-”

“Three weeks.” She confirms. “Or more specifically three weeks and three days.” 

“You’re sure?” He asks breathlessly. She feels his force signature running through her, searching. 

“I had the med droid at the academy run a blood test. And I can feel...something.” She explains. “I don’t know if this is what it was like at the beginning last time, because between being unconscious and not knowing it was even a possibility, I didn’t notice, or I wrote off any strange feelings as a side effect of a concussion, but, I feel it in my bones- the change. Do you?” 

“Yes. Yes, I do.” He’s really grinning now, his dimples prominent, as are the little crinkles at the corners of his eyes that she loves so much. His hand under the water is cupping her stomach now, and she puts her hand over his. “I can’t believe- after how hard it was the first time- How long we had to wait-”

“We’re having a baby.” She says simply, and he kisses her full on the mouth. “I don’t want to tell anyone yet. It’s too early.” 

“We can wait as long as you want.” He promises. 

“But you’re happy?” She asks, feeling suddenly very vulnerable, though she’s almost certain she knows his answer. 

“Beyond happy, sweetheart.” He laughs, and she brushes away a stray tear that’s begun to trail down his cheek. “Thank you, so much for this.” 

“You don’t have to thank me, Ben. I wanted this too.” She laughs softly. She rests her forehead against his, and just holds him. They stay like that for a long time, wrapped around each other with a hand each on her stomach, just looking into each other's eyes, only occasionally trading words of devotion. They stay like that until the water turns cold, and even then they only get out of the water when Ben feels her shiver. He wraps her in a soft towel, and they crawl into bed together, damp skin against damp skin. “Do you think Kit will be excited?” 

“I think so. He loves other children- I think if we just explain that it’s going to be a new friend for him…” Ben trails off as he tugs their blanket up around them. “You asked if I was happy- but are you?” 

“Of course I am!” She grins. “Once I got used to the idea of actually having a baby, I think I knew I’d want to have at least one more, just so they wouldn’t be lonely. Not that Kit is left to himself much, not like you or I were, but, just the security of having a sibling, a friend you grow up with...I want that for Kit. I want that for this one.” 

“What do you think it is? Boy or girl?” He asks, his voice tender and low. 

“I don’t know. You’re the one who accurately predicted Kit was a boy. What do you think?” She asks. 

“With Kit I wasn’t sure right away- only after his force signature became more familiar to me.” Ben explains. “Maybe in time, the more this one grows, I’ll be able to tell.” 

“I suppose if we wanted to, we could find out at appointments.” Rey points out. “Not that I minded waiting. That being said, we would have looked pretty foolish if Kit had been a girl. You know, after we kept calling him a him.” 

“Rose never would have let us live it down.” He agrees with a grin. “We don’t have to decide anything yet. If the time comes and we want to know at the scans, we can. If we want to wait and take our best guess, then that’s fine too.” 

“So, when are you taking us to Naboo?” Rey asks excitedly, and he blinks at her. 

“Right- kriff, I almost forgot.” He chuckles.

“Why, did something distract you?” She asks playfully. 

“Maybe a little.” He smirks. “Well, it’ll take a few weeks to tie up loose ends at the academy, and to get my mother to agree to teach some force healing- we can arrange with some of the older kids to do mentoring sessions with the little ones. They always seem to enjoy that. Then I think we can probably take two weeks or so to ourselves. A little family time away from everything.” 

“I’d like that a lot.” Rey smiles. “I think Kit will like learning to swim. And if nothing else, he’ll love getting to fly to Naboo. Our son loves space travel more than any other life form I’ve ever encountered.” 

“Won’t be too long before he’s begging for flying lessons.” Ben points out. 

“Probably not- you were what? Four the first time Han let you steer the Falcon?” 

“Yes. But that was on his lap, While he was also holding the wheel. I didn’t get to steer it solo until I was ten.” Ben points out. 

“Well, Kit would probably love to “fly” the Falcon while sitting on your lap. Since you’re his hero and all.” She beams at him, and he swears he can see her smile gleaming even in the darkness. 

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to let him pretend to fly.” Ben agrees. “But you could teach him just as easily as I could.” 

“No. I think you should teach him, same as Han taught you. On that old hunk of junk freighter that just refuses to quit.” They laugh together, and she raises a hand to cup his cheek. “I think I might have remembered something today.” 

“Yeah?” He asks, his voice a little tired sounding. 

“Did Finn accidentally catch us in the middle of a- um- tryst back when we lived on the resistance base? In a supply closet?” She asks, cheeks flaming and Ben snorts. “Is that a yes?” 

“He did. And it was before they’d come around to trusting me- it was pretty bad timing all around.” Ben chuckles. “But he didn’t see anything. You had your-”

“Yeah, my back was against the wall and we were fully clothed except my leggings- you blocked everything because your back is pretty broad.” She recounts. “It just came back to me while I was grabbing something from the supply closet at the academy today, but it slipped my mind until now. I had other things to think about. More important things, clearly.” 

“Clearly.” Ben stifles his laughter, but doesn’t stop grinning. “Finn would probably prefer that that memory was lost forever, for all of us.” 

“I mean, I’m not exactly thrilled that I can remember- that’s pretty embarrassing.” 

“Finn couldn’t look you in the eye for a full week afterwards.” 

“I’m sort of surprised our friendship remained in tact.” she jokes. “It’s funny- sometimes I think, or I’d like to think- that I’ve remembered everything there is to remember by now. That I’m back to normal, and then one of these little memories hits me and just throws everything off kilter a little bit. I have to wonder what else I’m missing.”

“Do you remember how much I love you?” 

“Of course-”

“Do you remember how much you love me?” 

“So much.” 

“And you remember how important you are to all of us- to my mother and Chewie, and Rose and Finn, Jess and Poe?” She just nods. “And you remember how much you loved our son from the minute you figured out he existed?”

“To be fair, that was after the brain injury.”

“That doesn’t matter, Rey.” He says firmly. “What I’m trying to say is that you remember everything that actually means something. Everything that’s actually an important building block of who you are as a person. Of what’s important to you. All the little details, the little memories, the ones I’m a part of and the ones that you’re missing with the others, I’m not saying they’re not special and meaningful, or that it’s not wonderful when you do get one of those memories back, because it really is. But missing those little memories hasn’t ever affected who you are, Rey. Maybe you can’t remember everything, But you know enough.” 

“I know that I’m happier with you than I ever was before.” She manages, though she feels a bit choked up. “And I’m so happy that we have our friends, and your mom and Chewie, and Kit- Maker, I’m so happy that we have Kit- and this new life that we made together too...And you’re right. I know the things that matter to me. And we’re making new memories every day with our little family, and that’s so beautiful, Ben.” 

“It is.” he agrees, pressing his lips to her temple. “I’m happier with you, too. Before you, I hadn’t been happy in a very, very long time.” 

“Then good thing we have a whole life time to make these memories together, huh?” 

“This life into eternity.” 

“Always.” 

____________________________________________________________________________

She’s born on a lazy day during the harvest season; Kit is with Leia and Chewie exploring the garden and picking fruit from branches while he sits high in the air on Chewie’s shoulders while Ben stays by Rey’s side the entire time, save for a very brief venture to explain to Kit that mommy was okay, and that it just hurt when babies were born. He’d done his best after that to shield Kit from his mother’s pain, which he sensed through their bond.

“She’s beautiful.” Ben tells Rey, kissing her tenderly from his place beside her on the bed. 

“I told you it was a girl.” Rey grins triumphantly even as she gazes at the sweet little baby girl in her arms. “Daddy wasn’t so sure, but I was, wasn’t I?”

“You were right.” Ben admits. “And I’m glad you were- she is...Rey, she’s perfect.” 

“Can you go get Kit?” She asks. “I think it’s time for him to meet his new sister.” 

“I’ll be right back. You’ll be okay on your own?” He asks, and she rolls her eyes at him. 

“Yes, Ben, I think we’ll manage.” He kisses her forehead, and the inky black curls on their daughter’s head before he heads out of their bedroom and out to the garden. 

“Daddy!” Kit calls, and he barrels straight into his father’s arms. Ben swings him up, holding him in his arms and returning his son’s tight embrace. “Is Mommy okay?” 

“Is she?” Leia asks, though there’s no real concern in her voice. She knows Ben well enough to realize that he’s far too calm for anything to be wrong. 

“Mommy is just fine, Kit.” He promises, and his son grins at him. “And so is your new sister.” 

“Sister?” Kit asks even as Leia and Chewie let out a celebratory cheer. “I has a sister?” 

“Yes, Kit, you’ve got a new baby sister.” Ben can’t fight his grin. “And she’s very excited to meet her big brother. What do you think, Kit? Should we go see her?” 

“Yes!” Kit nods vigorously.

“We’ll call you guys up in a few minutes.” Ben promises his mother and uncle. 

“Of course, take your time! I can wait a few extra minutes for my new granddaughter!” Leia is beaming with pride as Ben carries Kit inside and up the stairs. 

“Now, Kit, do you remember what mama and papa taught you about babies?” 

“Got to be so, so gentle.” Kit nods. 

“That’s right, because your new sister is very, very little. So we need to be careful to make sure she stays safe and healthy, right?” Ben reiterates. 

“Yep!” Kit agrees seriously. Satisfied, Ben opens the door to their bedroom, and as soon as Kit sees his mama holding the bundle of pink and white blanket, he wiggles to be set down. “Mama!” 

“Hey there little man.” Rey grins at her first born, and she nods to Ben. He sets their son down on the edge of the bed with one more reminder that he’s to be very gentle. To his credit, Kit does move with a very cautious sort of slowness as he scoots up beside his mom to look at what she holds. 

“My sister?” Kit asks, slowly reaching out a hand to touch her blanket. 

“That’s right Kit.” Rey coos. “This is Mae.” 

“Mae?” Kit repeats. “No- that’s sister.” 

“Right, buddy. Your sister named Mae.” Ben chuckles. “Just like your name is Kit, and Grandma’s name is Leia. She has her own name too.” 

“Oh.” Kit frowns as he thinks over the new information, and Rey is struck again by how similar he looks to his father. Finally, he nods, and the frown is replaced by a smile. “My Mae.” 

“Tell you what, Kit, why don’t you go wash your hands with Daddy, and then when you come back, you and daddy can hold her together, okay?” Rey suggests, and Kit eagerly nods his head. Ben picks him up again and brings him to the fresher where he thoroughly washes his hands, and splashes water all over himself and his father in the process. Rey laughs softly when they return, and Ben rolls his eyes at her. He sits beside her, and settles their son on his lap, carefully arranging his arms into a sort of cradle supported by his own arms, and Rey gently transfers the half asleep baby into their arms. 

“Woah.” Kit gasps as he stares intently at her. She blinks up at him, and Kit absolutely grins at her. “Hi Mae. I’m Kit. Gonna be your best big brother.” 

“You sure are kiddo.” Ben agrees. He looks at Rey, who lays a hand on his shoulder, and her other on Kit’s. Ben closes his eyes and just feels his family in the force around him- Rey burns the brightest, perhaps because of their bond, a deep, intoxicatingly beautiful amethyst in his mind’s eye. Kit is a shimmering ball of yellow energy, sparking at the edges, jubilant and eager. And Mae, his sweet baby daughter, she’s a calm rosy orange sunset, smooth and peaceful and warm. His own force signature, always a deep inky violet, threads around all of them, a beautiful tapestry of life and love. 

“Are you happy?” Rey asks him across the bond, and he opens his eyes to meet hers. She lifts her hand from his shoulder to brush a tear from his cheek and he leans into her touch. 

“Unbelievably.”


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ""Happy anniversary, My Ben. All of my love, your wife, Rey Solo.” "
> 
> Ten years since the day that they married each other in secret on Naboo, Rey recounts the good times that she can remember sharing with her beloved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. So here we are, the end of this journey! It feels a little surreal honestly- I started writing this just for me, for fun, and in the end knowing that I had people who genuinely loved it and looked forward to the chapters being posted? Honestly that means so much to me. I am honored by each and every kind word and kudos I've received. Thanks for reading!
> 
> (If you want more from me, check out my new AU Reylo Fic "Found Family" which will begin regular updates next week!)

She’d started writing in the little leather bound book the day after Kit was born. It had been a gift from Leia, originally, to help her chronicle her new memories, and write when she remembered old ones. It was a thick book, with hundreds of empty pages waiting to be filled. She’d tried to write something in it every single day, even if it was only the briefest sentence recapping her day. She smiles as she skims through notes spanning years-

“Kit tried solid food for the first time today, and promptly threw it back up all over Ben’s shirt.” 

“Today I remembered that Ben hates anything made with Bestian Tang root. I’m glad I’ve never tried to serve it to him!” 

“Whenever I see Ben holding our baby girl, it does something funny to my chest. Almost like I can’t breathe, but in a good way. She looks so fragile and small in his giant hands, but she’s so happy and warm. I know how she feels- when Ben holds me, I’m safe and warm, and loved. He’s everything I didn’t know I wanted when I was growing up. I love him.” 

“Jess and Poe finally got engaged- BB8 snuck up on her while she was doing maintenance and produced the ring from one of his compartments- apparently he got tired of waiting for Poe to plan something. It was simple, but lovely. Went out to celebrate while Leia and Chewie watched the kids- when we got home they were fast asleep. Ben and I finally had a good chance to make love. It was perfect.”

“Rose and I caught Vida kissing Kit on the cheek today- My little four year old was so red in the face. He told Ben at Bedtime that he was going to marry Vida because she was the prettiest girl except for his mommy- He’s the sweetest little boy, and I love him very much.” 

“Mae’s first word was “Kit”! And Kit was so proud, he helped her toddle around all day, never once complaining she was too slow or too little for him. He’s a wonderful big brother, and even though she’s still so small, I can tell how much she looks up to him. Ben and I have been so blessed…” 

“Jess and Poe got married today on Yavin 4- Jess looked so pretty in her ivory dress and bare feet, and Poe was a nervous wreck. It was a quiet ceremony, or so I’m told. Apparently one hundred beings is considered a small party- I don’t know that I agree, but It was lovely. While Ben and I were dancing, I remembered the first time he and I ever danced, on his ship on Naboo after we’d made love the first time. It’s an old tradition, for a husband and wife to dance after they get married. I think it’s sort of beautiful.”

“Rose and Finn welcomed baby Devak today. He’s the biggest baby any of us have ever seen! He weighs nearly twelve pounds. Rose swears that she won’t ever do this again, and I can’t blame her!” 

“Leia is recovering well from her illness and we’re all relieved. We know that one day, she will go to join Han and Luke and her parents in the force, but none of us are ready to lose her just yet. Ben wouldn’t leave her side when things started to look bleak- he must have told her how sorry he was and how much he loves her at least two hundred times. Things are better between them now than they’ve ever been and I’m glad.” 

“Today I found out I’m pregnant! This time, we didn’t plan a thing- apparently the implant malfunctioned. It happens to about one in two thousand implants, they tell us. But we are happy! We both cried a little when we realized- they were happy tears, of course! We look forward to welcoming a new life into our family.” 

“Kit had the flu today- though he’s six and calls himself a big boy, all he wanted to do was snuggle into Ben’s side while Ben read aloud to him. It was so precious- I took a few holos. We sent Mae to stay at Leia’s so she wouldn’t catch it. I’ve already been told they went shopping- We may have to expand Mae’s closet.” 

“Jess and Poe’s adoption went through today- Letita is three years old, and she and Mae have become fast friends. BB-8 follows them around like a dutiful guardian while they play- He might love Letita more than he loves Poe- when Ben suggested it, Poe took great offense, but he was still smiling at his new daughter. Jess and Poe will be amazing parents.” 

“Today I remembered that at the base when Rose and Finn wanted to have our shared bedroom to themselves, Rose would disable the scanner for my handprint and I’d have to go spar or something for a while. She got a kick out of the memory.” 

“Kit broke his foot today- he was trying to force jump, but didnt remember to cushion his landing. Luckily Ben was able to set it mostly right with force healing, but it’ll be sore and bruised for a while. When I heard Kit scream, I felt my heart stop- I was across the training yard and I ran- But Ben got there first. Ben kept his calm a bit better than I did- but then, I’m nine months pregnant, and find it difficult to be calm about anything. We finally got our boy comfortable in his bed and I finally cried after keeping it together all day. Ben held me and kissed my hair. Years later and he’s still the center of my galaxy, the one who keeps me grounded. 

“Doron was born today! He was smaller than Mae or Kit, but healthy and lovely- he looks so much like Ben- so much like Han, too. Ben’s a bit sad Doron seems to have been stuck with his nose and ears, but I think they’re as lovely on our littlest son as they are on him. Kit is beyond happy to have a baby brother, and has promised to teach him everything he needs to know about, well, everything. Mae is a bit put off by no longer being the baby, but she thinks Doron a real life doll, and is very happy to look at him and hold him (With help!) so long as he’s not crying and has been freshly changed. Everyone’s asleep except me now, and as I watch Doron’s chest rise and fall, and hear Ben’s breathing beside me, I feel so lucky to be exactly where I am right now.” 

“My head hurt quite a lot today- this still happens when I think to hard about the things I can’t remember. Ben took all three of the children to the academy and let me sleep- Maker, what did I do to deserve such a man?”

“Today we explored Tatooine. It was hot and sandy, and a lot like Jakku- Ben told me this is where his family history really began, with a slave woman named Shmi. How far her blood line has come from slavery- a princess, jedi knights, generals, politicians. I took Mae and Kit sand sledding- They loved it! Ben and Doran stayed in the ship, nursing twin sun burns with bacta and force healing. It seems Doran is the only one who shares his father’s complexion, because Kit and Mae both seem to turn gold and freckled like I do.”

“I can’t believe Doran is already one year old- where does the time go?” 

She finds the last blank page, and grabs her pen, eager to fill it. She’d decided nearly a year ago exactly what the purpose of this book would be, and today was the day for it. She stretches her fingers before she starts to write in her careful handwriting. 

“Dear Ben, Today, we have been Married for ten years- even if it only seems like seven to me. These last ten years have been the most wonderful years of my life, and it is because of you. Ben, you have to know that you are everything to me. My joy, my children, my family, my home- You gave me all of those gifts, and I love you more for it each and every day. If you don’t believe how much I love you, just read through this book. I’ve gone through and underlined each mention of your name- I tried to count, but gave up after I’d reached five hundred. 

While I’m writing this last page for you, I can see you out the window, splashing in the lake with the children- Kit really has become a good swimmer, just like you, and Mae certainly is coming along- Doran seems content to just splash his little toes in the water, but he looks so sweet. I’m glad you talked me into a family trip to Naboo to celebrate everything that ten years have brought us. (And I’m glad your mother and Uncle came along to watch the children so that we could spend some time alone!) 

I can just picture your face as you read this- I’ll bet your ears turn pink and you blush. You’ll have that beautiful little smile on your lips...and when you get just about here, I will finally drop my force cloak that I’ve been keeping up so carefully for the last two weeks, and you’ll get that little furrow between your brows as you try to figure out what or who exactly you’re feeling, and then I imagine you’ll drop this book when you realize that the presence is coming from me- or from someone inside of me. Two someones. Twins, Ben. I know we wanted to try for one more- and it’s been a few months since I had the implant removed, but I just found out two weeks ago myself- two babies at once will be a lot, especially since they’ll come before Doran’s third birthday- But They’re a better gift than this journal, and you gave them to me.” 

She brushes away a few tears that have started to drip down her cheeks, and then rubs a hand over her belly. She can’t wait to finally tell him the truth- keeping secrets from him was draining, especially when it involved shielding two tiny presences from him. 

“I love you and our little family more and more every day. For the last ten years, and I know that my love for all of you will never stop growing. In this life or the next. But for now, I can’t wait for the next steps in our journey, wherever they lead, as long as I’m with you.

Happy anniversary, My Ben. All of my love, your wife, Rey Solo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (In case you were wondering about a few things post epilogue...)
> 
> Ben totally reacts exactly like Rey predicted when he read her letter. He also cried a little. 
> 
> Ben and Rey have twin girls, Salome and Adira. 
> 
> Vida and Kit totally get married many years down the line. 
> 
> Rey never regains her full memory, but she does regain quite a lot. 
> 
> They have a very full and happy life together with their family and it's beautiful!


End file.
